Chapter 18
Natalie struggled to focus on her work, her feelings and concerns for Trent plaguing her all day.
Waking in his arms this morning had brought up memories of her first marriage.
Those early days with Jackson had been perfect—by design, of course—until the facade began to crack and her dreamy life turned into something brittle and awful.
She went between the beach and the house in an effort to get something done or find some inspiration, to no avail. She sketched in the sand near the tide, letting the ocean erase the designs almost instantly. And still she felt choked. Smothered.
She considered calling Celeste or Roni, but resisted. They’d been so wonderful last night. It wasn’t their fault that the encouragement and support they’d given hadn’t lasted a full day.
No, this was on her. It was her heart on the line. Only she could do the work and find the courage to tell Trent how she felt. Only she could be brave enough to accept the situation at face value and dare to love him.
A little desperate, she called Jess and got permission to go down to Miles’s sailing school on the waterfront for a change of scenery. Maybe she’d be able to focus on the sailing knot project. But once she’d arrived and said hello to Miles, she chose instead to walk through the grassy park area.
On any given day, someone would be tossing a frisbee, having a picnic, or reading a book.
At least three days a week, someone from the sailing school held classes out here.
When the music festival rolled around, the area would be packed with locals and tourists alike wandering through vendor tables and tents.
She walked the length of the park and back again, unsettled in the extreme. All because she was in love. And way too uncertain about what to do about it.
She was in love with Trent and she hadn’t told him.
Sharing every random thought and feeling in the moment was her love language.
People called her on it all the time, the way she hugged folks and tossed out compliments like confetti at a parade.
Why couldn’t she give the man who mattered the words that mattered most?
Trent was not her ex. He wasn’t scheming or conniving. He wouldn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t trash her reputation or treat her poorly in public and even worse in private.
That didn’t mean he came with an iron-clad guarantee. No one did.
Long ago she’d vowed to save any loving thoughts and feelings for someone who was going to stick. For someone who wanted to be with her, to build something lasting with her. A relationship founded on love and rooted in a place where she felt at home.
Trent hadn’t once shown any inclination to make Brookwell more than a current operational location.
And yet…
Selfishness clawed at her. Love wasn’t meant to stay locked down until there was a sign. Love itself was the sign. She knew better than to deny her intuition and her current restless lack of focus was proof enough.
This morning, the words had been cued up and ready to go. With her hand over his heart, she’d been ready to confess that she’d fallen in love with him.
And she’d pulled back. Run away. Used shower sex as a diversion.
She couldn’t remember feeling this insecure about a man in ages. Or possibly, it was more accurate that she hadn’t felt so sure about a man since her divorce.
She shivered. That was it.
Deep down she knew Trent was special. Special to her on a soul deep level. It was like the potential for joy simmered in her veins, challenging her and rewarding her in equal measure.
And scaring the crap out of her.
She laughed at herself.
“Hey! Ms. Natalie! What’s so funny?”
She turned toward the familiar sound of Bryce’s young voice and waved to the little guy. He was about six years old, Miles’s stepson, and enamored with boats of all shapes and sizes. Sharon, his mother’s aunt, was right behind him.
“Hey Bryce. Did you just get out of school?”
He shook his head, looking a little bummed out. “Library day. Aunt Sharon said I could get my wiggles out before we go make dinner.”
Natalie grinned. “She’s super smart. Why don’t you come tell me all about your day,” she suggested. “If your aunt doesn’t mind.”
Bryce shot his aunt a pleading look no one with a heart could refuse. “Fine by me. Can I stay or do you want me to go for a walk by myself?”
Natalie admired her patience while Bryce considered the options. “Stay,” he decided.
“Thanks.” Sharon sent a grateful smile toward Natalie.
Eyeing a patch of clover, she sat down in the thick grass, planning on making a flower chain. “I was about to make a bracelet. You want to help?”
“Sure.”
The little guy was so curious. “Awesome.” She plucked a few stems of clover and showed him how to link them together into a chain.
“My mom used to let us run around like crazy hooligans right after school or library days,” Natalie told him. “We had a playground close to our house, though, instead of this park or the beach.”
Bryce frowned. “What’s a hooligan?”
“Someone who only knows how to have a good time and never worries about schoolwork or anything else. Hooligans are super fun at parties, but not responsible enough to do the work for good grades.”
He giggled, watching closely as she tied the first chain of clover around her ankle. “You’re going so fast,” she observed.
“It’s too big.” He looked from his chain to hers, clearly worried.
“Not if it’s a necklace.”
The worry disappeared and he kept going. “How come you’re not working?” he asked.
“I tried,” she replied. “It just didn’t go well and I needed a change.”
“Oh.” He held up his chain and decided it was long enough. After she showed him how to close the chain, he dropped it over his head and started on a new chain. “I got in trouble today,” he admitted.
“Want to talk about it?”
He sighed. “That’s what got me in trouble. I was helping a friend and the teacher said I was too loud for the library.”
“Oh that’s tough,” Natalie sympathized.
He popped to his feet, planting his hands on his hips. “I was helping my friend read. We were taking turns, but the library teacher thought we were just talking. I told her but she didn’t care.”
“It’s frustrating when people don’t understand.”
“Yes.” He stomped his foot. Then sheepishly looked at Sharon. “I don’t like feeling mad.”
“It’s not a comfortable feeling,” Natalie volunteered. “I always feel prickly.”
Bryce considered that information. “I wanted to say mean things.”
“But did you?”
“Not to her face. Only to Aunt Sharon when I got in the car.” Another glance for his aunt. “She didn’t get mad at me, but I didn’t feel better. I didn’t even feel better after a snack. And even though I didn’t get a smiley face for good behavior today, she brought me out here.”
“Well I’m glad. It’s always nice to see you.”
“Even though I’m grumpy?”
“Even though,” she assured him. “Everybody gets grumpy sometimes.”
He frowned again. “You always look happy.”
This kid was too adorable. “Thank you, Bryce. You want to know a secret? I was kind of grumpy when I came out here today.”
“About what?”
“Silly grown-up stuff.”
“I thought grown up stuff was serious.”
She leaned close. “Want to know another secret?”
He bobbed his chin up and down. “Sometimes as grown-ups we take ourselves too seriously. Now, you can’t go around telling people that.
It’s just something to keep in here.” She tapped a finger to her temple.
“Be super happy that you’re a kid and you don’t have to think about serious stuff right now. ”
“Okay.” He took his necklace off and gave it to Sharon, then hugged her so hard he nearly crushed the clover flowers. “Can I make another one?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
They kept plucking clover and making an inventory of fragile jewelry. “What did you do when you were done being hooligans after school?”
“After?” She pretended to think hard. “We had to buckle down. I always tried to get my homework done before dinner so I could have more gaming time after. It used to drive my sisters crazy. But I was the youngest and my homework was way easier than theirs.”
“That’s not fair!” he accused.
“Maybe not,” she allowed. “But I didn’t think it was fair that they got to stay up later than me. We get more privileges as we prove we can handle them.”
Bryce seemed to ponder this for quite some time. “I still want to help my friend read. Mom lets me read out loud to her, but my friend doesn’t have a mom around to listen to him.”
“Oh, wow. That’s really tough.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Can I see if this fits you?” she asked, holding up her latest clover chain.
He scrambled closer and that sweet smell of little boy mingling with the sunshine, green grass, and ocean breezes made her heart yearn.
Having married so young, she’d expected to be a mother by now a few times over. She liked kids. At every age. That was a big reason she enjoyed her guest classes so much.
“There you go,” she said.
He tucked his chin trying to look at what she’d made. “What is it?”
“A clover bolo tie.” She showed him how to gently adjust the loops.
“Cool!” He threw his arms around her. “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.”
Sharon stood, suggesting it was time to get going.
“I’ve gotta show Dad!” Bryce made a dash for the workshop, hollering the whole way.
“Thank you for this,” Sharon said. “He rarely stays unhappy for long.”
“He’s such a good kid,” Nat murmured. “If he really wants to read to other kids, you know there are places he can do that. The librarian might even have some suggestions for you.”
“That’s a good thought,” Sharon said.
Nat pulled out her phone. “Let me just get a couple pictures before you go.” They struck a couple goofy poses with their bracelets and necklaces and she texted the collection to Sharon.
“His parents are going to love this.” Her gaze turned thoughtful. “These pictures have sparked some fun ideas.”
“I’m glad for you,” Nat murmured.
“Oh, that’s what brought you here?” Sharon’s voice was loaded with sympathy. “I’ve had plenty of those days myself. Would you mind if I used these photos as inspiration for a couple of paintings?”
Natalie beamed and gave her a hug. “Not at all. I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
When she was alone again, her creativity started stirring.
Bubbling just under the surface, but enough to have her feeling more like herself.
Instead of rushing back to the Hideaway, she wandered down the dock toward the water.
All of the sailing school boats were secured in a neat line and she paused to enjoy the view from the bench Miles had built just for Sharon.
Brookwell Island really was a unique and lovely place.
She let her mind wander, listening to the rhythm of the bumpers and rigging as the nearby boats rocked in their slips.
The soft symphony of sound always soothed her.
Her favorite background music for life. Even when she wasn’t searching for anything in particular, the atmosphere always inspired her.
Lost in thought, trying not to slide back into pitiful feelings, she reached the end of the dock, her gaze falling on a red kayak tied to the last post. It wasn’t labeled with the sailing school logo and Miles didn’t leave his kayaks here.
She told herself it was a coincidence. It didn’t mean anything. Red kayaks were common enough. Her nerves jangling, she reached for her phone.
“Can I help you?”
She spun around and came face to face with Royer. Forcing a smile and a laugh, she asked, “Is this yours? I’ve been shopping around for my husband. He’s been wanting a kayak for himself.”
“That so?”
Royer studied her too intently. He knew who she was.
“Um. Yes.” Fear coursed through her veins and her stomach churned as she tried to figure out how to simultaneously keep him here and notify someone of his presence. He was bigger than she expected and she doubted she’d have much luck if she tried to shove him into the water.
“Well, I’m not quite ready to part with it.”
“Okay. That’s probably for the best.” Lifting her chin, she braced for him to grab her. “If you’ll excuse me, my husband’s waiting.”
To her shock, Royer stepped aside to let her pass.
She was torn. She couldn’t stay, but she didn’t want to turn her back on him either. Her knees were rubbery as she inched by, resisting the urge to bolt from his mocking gaze and threatening intent.
Just as she was sure she was free, she spotted Corey coming down the dock.
The big man did more than block her path, he blocked her view of anyone in the park.
She froze a beat too long and Royer caught her.
One heavy arm around her midsection, the other around her mouth as his momentum carried them both into the water.