Her
When I first met him outside the temple that morning, I wish I had a clue of the things that will follow. Things that weren’t meant to enter my life...things that will annihilate everything I own eventually.
But foolishness lies in the fact that my senses were completely blocked out by his heavy presence that got the better of me. Blocked me from seeing the obvious. Inhibit me from looking at the larger picture around him.
These days I find myself accepting that it was me who led myself to the path of my own doom.
When you paint yourself in reckless imbecility, you’re about bound to fall prey to one predator or the other. It could have been anyone if not him.
But there are days when I wonder how different everything would have gone around, had his evil eyes not fallen on me. How bad I want to go back in time to change the events of that unfortunate morning. I could have stayed home...or missed the bus. Or sat on the aisle side instead of the window seat. And maybe...just maybe I wouldn’t have lost my dignity, my pride time and again by members of the same freaking bloodline.
I wish to have argued with mom... I wish I hadn’t left my hair open. I wish to have not turned to look into those dark pits of hell. The hell that I was going to be dragged into because of that one look.
And still I wish I had fallen for him sooner and gotten out sooner. Perhaps I wouldn’t have fallen in the soul sucking swamp his crazed obsession was about to push me into.
Now when I look at him while he orders to shoot me, right on my face, all I see is a reflection of the one who has scraped whatever was left of me. The monster – King and his Knight – two sides of the same coin.
Now all I see when I see these two men...or most men in general is fucking red.
All my mind needs, is the slightest of malice laced touch to turn off every sense of moral judgement into a mush before the goddess of destruction roars inside my head to pass the final judgement for them.
Its fucking insane and totally thrilling at the same time.
The hand yanking me towards it drives my attention towards one of his two gang men. Rayan drags me by the wrist as I try to unrestraint myself.
“You know for a moment I believed you both were here to get me out. But I was so wrong. So so wrong... People who are best friends with an abuser...” I eye down at Divit and he definitely notices it, “I should have known better.”
Rayan tugs harshly on my hand, “If you don’t stop fighting, it won’t end well for you Rose.” His lips curling in an amused grin at the last word.
“The fuck did you call me? Leave my fucking hand...”
“Or what?” Rayan growls at me; his features screaming pretentiously at the security cameras.
I am not giving anybody a show today. No ways. Not with them.
In a moment of haste, I sink my teeth on his hand and bite as hard as possible; the bite frantic and deep enough for him to release his grip when I turn to run back.
There’s no way they’re making it out of here alive. And neither am I dying with them, nor am I going to risk my family for them.
A sharp pang of sting and pain follows soon after, when of Divit’s cold palm crashes against my cheek, which must have left a mark for sure.
“Don’t you fucking dare to get away.” His glare more intense, and frightening than I would have imagined. “Now shut the fuck up and give up the fight, okay...”
Both of them exchange some kind of undecipherable look before walking me out as I keep struggling and screaming continuously. Am I going to get robbed of the last remains of my sanity today? or do I lose my loved ones by the night? One of them will turn into reality...or both. But in any case, it’s pretty obvious they are enough to push me out of the bubble of fake peace I had created once the other half of me conceded defeat before the master.
Maybe the defeat was temporary, but whatever I lose tonight will be permanent.
“Don’t do this, please... Please – have some respect. We were friends.”
Both of them seem to be preoccupied by something, like focusing on something.
Wait! Are they listening to someone?
Both lost in thoughts before signaling each other in their sign language which I happen to know – about something out of my understanding.
Just another moment, Rayan releases his painful grip from my wrist, before turning towards me with intent eyes, “Missed you so much D. Welcome back!” And then I am being embraced in a warm hug.
I gulp hard on the touch. Deep wrinkles of confusion furrow achingly on my forehead. What the fuck is going on?
Divit approaches closer to inspect the mark his slap left on my cheek.
“Sorry, it was needed for the sake of the show. I did not mean to hurt you for real. I’ll get you some aloe vera gel on the flight back, okay?” His voice lacking the usual humor but it still has a kind of sweetness I’ve almost forgotten.
“Wait! What do you mean back?”
“Yes, we are here to take you back. What did you think were we doing here in the first place?” Divit says, concern deep set in his features. But just as he’s about to speak again, someone interrupts him... someone on the other end of the line he’s been speaking on.
Just as he finishes, a series of noises follow from every side of the huge passageway.
Explosions! Loud and gory sounds from every corner of the estate.
“What’s going on here?” My eyes wide with fear with a cold gooseflesh running all over my body... chilling everything inside.
Rayan shelters my body while Divit listens to someone again on his earpiece. I don’t know how the fuck did they manage to go past the metal detector without putting it off.
“It’s Mira. She’s telling him to go get Nakul out of here. The place might soon be a dead ground.”
Moments later Divit is rushing back with a bloodied Nakul and a sick stupid part of me is wanting to spring out and look for possible injuries.
Do I want to kick myself right now? Yes, most definitely a bruising one for still being the idiot I’ve always been for this guy.
He’s unforgivable...
But when our eyes meet, he just stares at me; studying me for few seconds before sighing in relief.
Why is it so difficult to look at him now?
His eyes shut briefly, “Are you for real?” A hand brushing so delicately on my cheek, and yet so frightening.
I fight back a pained moan rising from the sharp sting where the slap bruised it.
He turns to his friends; disbelief still lingering on him, “Is she for real?”
I struggle to comprehend the tear slowly ushing in Rayan’s eyes when he turns to face away, while Divit wraps his hands around him, patting his back.
I stare at them in silence trying to ascertain exactly what the hell have they been up to. And why is Nakul bloodied?
Because something has to be false. Either it will be this version of them or the other one they were putting out in front of King.
One moment he’s is looking at me like he’s not sure if he’s only dreaming about it, the next his fist is flying in Divit’s direction landing a punch on his jaw. And Divit can be such an asshole because all he does in return is flash a toothy grin.
“Nice punch...but I already apologized.” He smiles, making the scowl on Nakul’s face grow tense. “I even promised to take care of it later, didn’t I Disha?” That was about to earn him another blow before my hand grabs Nakul’s arm just in time.
He turns towards me and the tension on his face instantly eases. Something sad rises in his eyes, almost making me wonder if it’s the same guy who was intent on getting me shot just minutes ago.
His eyes... why is it getting me weak... like I’m still under threat...
Time stops as I release my grip and he catches my hand midair before taking it in his, while his other hand cups my face again. “You really are here?” His breathing shallows and he sucks in sharply before pulling me into him.
The way it makes me feel is indescribable. His hold so fragile like it would break me if he held me even a little bit tighter. The ghost of those dead butterflies in my chest, flutter their wings just before I shut their voices out. It is the same man because of which I am here in the first place.
But something about him is so odd... I don’t feel safe with him looking at me like that anymore.
I feel the need to run!
I slip a hand between our bodies before slowly pushing myself away from him, while his brows furrow in confusion at my response.
“I don’t want to leave. He’ll kill my family if I do.” My words setting the consequence straight.
His face eases, “I knew that was coming. Don’t worry he’ll never be able to follow you.”
“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I killed him.” His smile is assuring, “Technically, almost. He’ll be dead before he knows.”
“I want to see it for myself.” If it’s one thing that I’ve learnt from all this is never to trust this man completely ever again.
In fact, never trust anyone based on just words ever again.
“You don’t trust me?” The look on his face...like he knows it is actually a rhetorical question.
“No.” I deadpan.
Hurt and something else rises on his face as it grows red by the second, before he nods in agreement. “Okay? I’ll work hard to win it back, muffin.”
I need to run... his presence is threatening.
“But you still can’t go inside. The virus is contagious, and even the mist is paralyzing. So, you’ll have to trust me just this once.”
I don’t trust anything that this man has to say. He’s the monster’s blood after all.
“I’ll second that.” Divit suggests, “I mean you can trust me.” He shrugs.
And the fact that he’s finally off the face of mother earth should be enough, but the promise that I made to myself while losing every piece of me... I would have wanted to torture the monster slowly and painfully. He would have had a slow death... Just like I did.
It’s absurd, considering the moral sense of judgement but morals disappear as soon as you enter fucking hell, and this place was no less.
“What have you done?” That’s all that leaves my disappointed tongue.
“Nothing he didn’t beg for.”
I put on the mask of courage for what I am about to speak next, “I am still not leaving... I definitely don’t want to be anywhere close to... anywhere close to – you. You are after all – his son.”
“What?” He takes a few steps towards me, almost towering his presence over mine. “I am here for you and you only Disha. I love you!”
His eyes tainted with echoes of the vile tapes he must have watched several times by now. Soreness saturates his words, like he is close...very close to losing his mind, “Do you know how many nights I have spent thinking about every sick detail of losing you? And how many nights I’ve spent thinking how bad I’ve failed you? How I destroyed the one woman, the only person who was capable of making me believe in pure things?”
He”s lying... he’s the monster’s blood. He’s a monster. Look at his face. He looks just like – him.
“It does not matter anymore, Mr. Nakshatra Arora, or should it be Ivanov?” Unspeakable pain rush into his eyes with something else...disgust probably. “You and I cannot deny that... he’s your biological father. And he’ll be the man who’ll haunt my nightmares forever now. I cannot stand seeing your face. Your eyes... you are a mirror image of him. I can’t stand even the sight of you.”
“But I don’t believe that to be true. I am still my father’s son, Anand Arora’s son. I don’t care about the DNA. We may look similar. But you know we’re nothing alike. I’ll wear the lens if that makes it easier for you sweetheart. I’ll change my eye color permanently. I’ll change everything. Just please... come with me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong...” I stare at him, as he does the same making it hard for me to swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Everything about you is a stark reminder that you’re indeed his son. Your appearance, your tastes, the way you both liked brutalizing other people. There’s hardly anything that would let me live without thinking about the horrors that were inflicted upon me for no fucking reason at all.”
His teary eyes are staring at me in astonishment.
God! I can’t even look at him.
“I mean I was nowhere...it was always you and him only. Everything that happened with me was just collateral damage.”
My courage is to be blamed as I question the monster’s child, “Do you know how it must feel to not even be amidst the war and still be the only one absolutely obliterated? You must not. Because it was always you against him...”
My voice breaks, “You know what broke with my body? My soul – it shattered... My normality, my sanity, my ability to trust anyone ever again. The stability I had even when you tried to devastate the control over my life is long gone. My ability to love anyone even myself... that part of me is permanently maimed.”
Disgust lingering in my words, “I can’t think about going back to my old life, let alone getting anywhere close to my abuser’s son... No. We are done. I am done I’d better be dead here than face anybody who knew the old me, so I request you to leave. And don’t turn back.”
I avoid the wounded look on his face, even though I can see at the periphery, a series of tears following one after another.
Apprehension takes over soon after as he clears his throat, drinking back the rest of it. “I’ve spent every single moment living and breathing only to get you back into safety. I don’t care if you want to be with me or you don’t, I won’t let you get excruciated because of me any more than I already have.”
His eyes darken with conviction, “You’re coming back, whether you like it or you don’t.” And then he is grabbing me by the wrist.
And when I struggle, I’m met with a sharp tug before he reaches around picks me in his arms, carrying me all the way out as death surrounds every corner of the magnificent mansion.
White walls painted in patterns and shades of crimson. Just like the man carrying me to security.
Bloodied... but not broken.