24 – You’re Not Ready.
Jessie
“You’re right, you’re not in the red, but the projection also isn’t good. Without an increase in cash flow soon, a relatively large increase at that, in order to still make a profit, you’d have to look at selling in at least the next three to six months. Maybe eight, if you’re lucky.” Ethan’s grim delivery about the shop’s finances floats through the phone and makes my skin prickle.
“And if I don’t?”
“Well, if you don’t sell, you’ll end up being forced to close in twelve months, at most. Because without that injection of funds, the business will begin to lose money, and it won’t be worth enough to cover your losses and make a profit in selling. Look, I hate to be the one to give you that information. I just hate to see you go down with the ship.”
I grunt in response, and he keeps going.
“Looking at it, the sales are good. You just need more, mostly with the books. Have you thought about an online store, more traffic that way? Maybe a new building so you could expand the selection?”
“I can’t afford a new building. Otherwise, I would have done that already.” Hadn’t thought of the online store, though, that isn’t half bad.
“Say you do accept the developer’s offer. Maybe you can have them sweeten it and allow a settlement to link with you finding another building?” Another idea I hadn’t thought of.
I grunt some sort of response, feeling the early seeds of failure take root. I’ve been running this business for five years, I should have thought about these options already.
“Think it all over, anyway. If you have any questions, I’m happy to help you out. You wouldn’t need to make any decisions for at least another month. Unless the developer’s offer has a deadline,” he gives, and before I can answer, there is a light knock on my apartment door.
“Someone’s at the door. Speak to you later. Thanks, Ethan.” I mumble the end, and a light chuckle hits me from his side before he responds.
“Anytime, JJ.” And the call ends.
Shutting the laptop and storing the papers back in the cabinet by the reading chair, I head for the door and swing it open.
“Casey, wha—”
Before I can finish that sentence and ask what she’s doing here earlier than I had expected, her small body wraps around me tightly and she shudders in my embrace. Sobs leaving her lips as she cries into my chest.
I wrap my arms around her and kick the front door closed.
“What happened? What is going on, Ace?” Panic grips my chest and her knees almost buckle as I feel her weight drop. I reach an arm below her knees, bridal carrying her through my apartment. I sit on the couch with her in my lap and hold her. No responses leave her, instead she just cries and hiccups through her breath.
I try not to push, but uneasiness sits heavy in my stomach as I wait out the sobs. Eventually, they begin to slow, and I lean back, bringing a finger below her chin to look into her deep ocean blue eyes. Filled with only joy and mischief not two hours ago, they suddenly are filled with a deep aching sadness that makes the rage in me wake and rumble, wanting to ruin whatever or whoever did this to my sunshine.
“Talk to me,” I beg her in a whisper.
“Grace. She… I just… it hurts, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
Casey is a people-pleaser. Probably to a chronic level, and I know this sense of helplessness in her stems from watching someone she cares for break and only being pushed away instead of being allowed to help. I just don’t quite know how to tell her that this isn’t hers to fix. To stop trying and she maybe won’t hurt so much.
I just want her to stop hurting, and fuck do I want to storm over there and tear shreds off that witch for making Casey cry.
My Casey. My sunshine.
“Maybe you just let this one go. Don’t force it and don’t fix it.” Instantly, I regret the sentence as she pulls back from my grip on her chin, her brows furrowing.
“She’s my sister, Jessie. I’m not going to abandon her.” The pinkness returns to her cheeks as she swipes angrily at her tears.
“I didn’t say abandon her, but you can’t change her, either. Give her some space. Or ask her how to help. But you can’t keep turning up and doing the same dance and expecting a different outcome.” I try to say it as gently as possible, but by the look on her face, I’m failing. She pulls herself out of my lap and stands like she is going to leave, except I’m instantly there.
“She is my sis—”
“Your sister, I know. But she isn’t your problem.” I step into her space, her stance strong as she stares angrily up at me, and as I raise a finger to swipe away one of her tears, her face softens. The contact of her skin is warm and inviting, and I want it all over me. To feel her everywhere.
“She isn’t your problem, Casey. You deserve as much happiness, respect, and love as she does. Don’t reduce your wants and needs just to fit hers. If she can’t see how special and amazing you are, then that is her loss. She’ll come around. Maybe just give her some space.” She blinks up at me, but doesn’t lose her frown. Instead, I trace the frown lines with my fingers until they soften and she leans forward, resting her head on my chest.
“I’m so tired, Jay,” she breathes, and my body relaxes as she fists my shirt and holds me close to her.
“I know,” I whisper back, rubbing circles on her back.
A brief pause. The comfortable silence between us always settles my mind, bringing me a peace I can’t seem to find anywhere else.
She takes a large breath and just as she lets it go, she whispers, “Why haven’t you kissed me again?”
This time I’m caught off guard by her words. Pulling away slightly, I look down as she looks up. Those same sad eyes hit me.
“Do you want me to kiss you?” I ask back, but she gives away nothing. Steel determination in those big blue eyes, it almost makes me chuckle. So, instead, I ask her, “Why haven’t you kissed me?”
“Because you’re not ready for me.” Again, she whispers, and where I’d expect shyness is only confidence. Because Casey Baker knows exactly who she is and never apologizes for it. Still, her response once again catches me off guard. While I have no idea what we’re doing or what is going on in my head, I couldn’t care less how complicated this gets. I’ve got a feeling she’s all I’m ever going to want. Ready or not.
“And what if I kissed you now?” I grip her lower back and push my body into hers, running a hand across her cheek to push a hair behind her ear and holding her in place, my lips dusting hers gently as I speak the words. Her eyes hood and her chest rises with her breath.
“I’d let you, anyway.”