20. JACKSON
TWENTY
JACKSON
That’s an interesting thought. For more than one reason.
It’s been almost a week of this with Frankie: the sleeping over, kissing, being cozy on the couch together—in front of everyone.
It was tough to let go like that, but it was what I needed.
Everyone here, even a reluctant Nebs, has let me gain my bearings with nothing but support.
It almost felt like each day I was able to remove one more layer of armor I’d built around myself.
Jerking off together was hot as all hell. It was the perfect way to ease me into this, and Frankie’s perceptiveness just adds to the trust I have in him. Which means…
I’m ready for more.
But…after what Frankie just admitted, the competitive athlete in me is rising to the surface.
I want to make sure whatever we do together is good for him.
What he described sounded horrible. I know he’d speak up now, so there’s that, but with my inexperience I’m sure to fumble.
Or just be completely unaware of something I could be doing.
I think I need to bring in some back up. Go to the veterans.
I check my phone. It’s 9:30 a.m., and it’s Saturday. Urgh. We have an evening game, so the rest of the guys are probably still sleeping. Hopefully, they don’t hate me too much for this.
I plant a quick kiss on Frankie’s lips. “I’ll be right back.”
I hop out of bed and head for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Just need to do something really quick.”
I turn down the hall and press the call button on my phone. It rings and rings…and rings. Fuck, he’s not going to answer.
“The fuck you want,” comes Michaels’s slurred voice.
“Can you meet me in Winters’s room?”
“Am I dreaming? None of this is making sense.”
“I need help. Advice.” I lower my voice. “With Frankie.”
“You got it, bro.” His voice is clear and chipper now. “Just gotta piss, and I’ll be up.”
I hang up and stop in front of Winters’s door. I’m a little afraid of Maddox’s reaction. I learned quickly he’s not a morning person. Hopefully, this doesn’t end in murder. I knock a few times.
And wait.
I lean in. Shuffling and faint thumps drift through the door. I straighten just as a bright-eyed, pink-cheeked Maddox throws it open. He’s only in boxers and clearly came from bed, but I was expecting him to have just woken up, so it’s throwing me.
He sweeps his gaze over me. “Something wrong?”
“I… You’re very awake.” I shake myself from my stupor. “Um. Do you and Winters have a minute? Michaels is on his way too.”
He cocks his head. “Sure.” He waves me in.
I step inside and stumble. Winters is lying boneless in bed, toffee hair dark and slicked with sweat, cheeks bright red, his chest heaving.
“Uh. Sh-should I come back another time?” My face is on fire. Literal flames are burning up my cheeks.
“Party’s here!” Michaels bursts into the room. “Damn, looks like the party already started. Or finished.” He hops onto the bed next to Winters. “Maddy really did a number on you, Cowboy.” He turns to Maddox. “You’d think by now he’d be able to handle a ride on Bucking Bronco Barnes.”
Maddox snorts. He just walks up and ruffles Michaels’s blond waves. “I know how to wring out my man. That won’t ever change.”
I clear my throat. “Uh. That is actually kind of a good segue.”
Maddox sits next to Michaels, and Winters shuffles up to lean against the headboard. Anddd just like that, all eyes are on me.
My stomach tightens, and I have that feeling I get just before a game starts. Jittery. A little like I’m at the peak of a rollercoaster, just waiting for the drop.
“I was hoping for sex advice,” I blurt.
Michaels bounces up and down. “Fun! What are we talking here? Handies? Blowies? Tips on fingering? Ooooh. On getting dicked down?” He peers at me. “You’re a big guy. Jed’s a big guy, if you know what I mean. I can definitely give you tips there. Though I would think Frankie knows those tricks.”
He keeps going, but Maddox covers Micheals’s mouth with his hand so just muffled sounds filter out from behind it. “Easy boy. Your Golden Retriever is showing.”
Michaels grins. Well, I can’t see his actual grin behind Maddox’s hand, but I can tell by the way his eyes light up.
“Why don’t you pull up a chair,” Maddox says. “And then we can dive into this.” He turns to Michaels. “Calm down, or I’ll make you sit in the corner.”
I drag over the armchair by the closet that’s covered in clothes.
“Don’t worry, they’re clean,” Winters says. “I’m just horrible at putting my clothes away. Even with this guy”—he throws a thumb Maddox’s way—“bitching and moaning.”
An evil look crosses Maddox’s face. “You’ll pay for that later, babe.”
“Counting on it.”
They grin at each other.
My heart points to them and screams, That. I want that. Hopefully, someday.
Maddox claps his hands once. “All right. Why are you coming to us about sex advice when Frankie is the one you’re hooking up with? He’s our go-to for advice.”
I squeeze the back of my neck. “Well, we’re not hooking up. And I could go to him, but—”
“What do you mean you’re not hooking up?” Michaels interrupts. “What are you two doing on all the nights you crash here? Playing Backgammon?”
“Who the fuck plays Backgammon?” Winters asks.
“Frankie and Olander. Clearly.”
I open and close my mouth. I’ve completely lost control of the conversation here. It’s something I’ve started to learn about this group. They’re kind of…chaos. But it’s a nice chaos. They’re all just unapologetically themselves. It’s so foreign to the way I’ve lived up until this point.
“I’m with Shane and East,” Maddox says. “I’m confused. I thought that’s what you and Frankie were doing. Aren’t you guys in some sort of situationship?”
I drop my gaze to my lap and chew on my cheek. That probably is what it looks like, and that’s the aim. I suppose if I were normal, we would already be hooking up by now.
“So, um. I don’t have much experience. So, we’re taking it slow.”
The room is silent, and I grip the tops of my thighs.
“Frankie can take things slow?” Michaels asks in disbelief.
And that’s all it takes for the bubble of awkward tension to pop. A laugh bursts from me. “Yeah. We…uh…haven’t done anything more than kiss and, um, we jerked off together in the shower. Like separately.” And there goes the heat in my cheeks again.
“Well, well, fucking well. My, how the tables have turned, Mr. I bet they’re jerking each other off in the shower.” Michaels’s grin is I-95 wide. He leans forward and plants his chin in his palm and bounces his eyebrows.
I wince, but he waves me off. “Chirpin’ bro. No hate. Anymore.” He winks.
“So…” Maddox says, eyeing me. “When you say you don’t have much experience…?”
“I’ve had sex—with a girl—once. When I was fifteen. That is the extent of it…of anything. Well, besides making out with chicks, um, as my cover.”
“Shit,” someone whispers. I’m not sure who.
“Damn bro. Your dick deserves a warm hug,” Michaels says.
“And we’re just going to pass right over that. So, this thing with Frankie…” Maddox prods.
“He offered to teach me things.”
Michaels cackles and flops backward. “He so would. I remember when he offered to do the same for me when I first came out.”
My chin jerks in, and something uncomfortable snakes around my stomach. Frankie offered the same thing to Michaels?
Winters smacks Michaels hard in the gut. “Dude. Not cool.” He turns to me, studies me. “Is this not just physical for you? Well, I guess it’s not physical at all right now. But is that all you’re going for—to learn?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just…” My gaze darts to the side. “I just didn’t want it to mean nothing. Wanted someone I was comfortable with. Frankie made it clear he doesn’t do relationships, and that’s not something I’m looking for either. Baseball is my priority.”
Michaels dissolves into amusement again. “Who-Who wants to tell the poor sucker?” Small snorts and choked back laughs fall from him as he sits up and looks between Winters and Maddox who stay silent. He looks at me and grins. “You are so fucked.”
My mouth pops open.
“All right. So, you need tips to blow Frankie-not-your-boyfriend-never-gonna-be-your-boyfriend’s mind?”
I glare at him, and he just smiles wider.
“I give the best head out of this group, so I’ll cover that subject,” he says.
“Um, fuck you very much,” Maddox says. “One. You have no way of knowing that. And two. I’ve been giving head way longer than everyone in this room. So, I fucking take that title.”
Winters raises his hand. “Have to agree. Crown goes to Maddy.”
Michaels flips them off while tapping away on his phone. A second later, Stone’s voice fills the room. “Hey, Sunshine.”
Michaels’s smile melts into the sappiest expression. “Hey, Storm Cloud. I’m with the boys. We’re having a debate, and I was hoping you could weigh in.”
“Sure thing. What’s going on?”
“So, we’re trying to determine who gives the best head.”
“What the fuck! Shane, you cannot blow another guy, even if it’s only for competitive purposes.”
Maddox doubles over and dies laughing.
“JJ, no. I’m not blowing anyone. I just wanted you to tell them that I’m obviously the best.”
Silence falls over the room.
“Tell them,” Michaels prods.
“Sunshine, baby. You will always get top marks in enthusiasm.”
Michaels frowns. “What are you saying?”
“I mean, there’s not really any way of knowing for sure, and, ah…you’re still pretty new at this.”
Michaels’s mouth pops open. He turns away and drops his voice. “Are you saying you think I give bad head?”
Winters snorts and buries his head in his pillow to stifle his laugh.
“You give great head, babe. The most wonderful head. Loveliest blowjobs.”
“You’re being patronizing,” Michaels grumbles.
“I think that answers that question,” Maddox says, a smug smile curving his lips. “I win.”
“Absolutely not,” Michaels says. His blue eyes are on fire with indignation. “It’s not a fair comparison. JJ is packing a monster down there. I guarantee I could deep throat everyone in this room, no contest.”
“Sure you can, Sunshine.”