Chapter 4
ASH
There was a buzzing in Ash’s ears. It was a persistent, low drone, like a swarm of bees had taken residence inside his brain.
It had begun after the words “late presentation” and “omega” and “irregular heats,” and then the campus health doctor’s voice had just kind of … blended in with the buzzing.
She was still talking, and Ryder was nodding along, but Ash had no idea what she was saying. Probably something important. Ryder would tell him later.
The health team had tried to suggest Ryder leave before they broke the big news, but Ash hadn’t been having it, so here Ryder was, listening to all the nonsense Ash couldn’t stomach.
It hadn’t taken long to diagnose Ash, in the end. A quick physical, some vitals, a bit of speedy blood work, and there it was.
He was an omega.
Why hadn’t he considered that? Why hadn’t it crossed Ash’s mind for even, like, a second? He’d been having a mini heat for practically an entire week and he hadn’t realized. How fucking ignorant did a person have to be for that to happen?
It was just … in the back of his mind, Ash had always thought alpha. Or maybe even beta. But omega?
Ash wasn’t soft or sweet or … paternal. He was …
Well, he was a prejudiced asshole, with the way his thoughts were going.
Omegas weren’t just one thing—he knew that.
His parents would be so disappointed right now if they could hear him.
Noah would be so disappointed. Noah’s boyfriend might have been soft and sweet, but he was also a driven academic powerhouse who’d had the courage to leave his dickish alpha first husband in the dust.
“Mr. Teller? Asher?”
Ash turned his focus from the bare spot on the wall he’d been staring at to find the doctor looking at him expectantly.
He’d already forgotten her name. He kept referring to her as Doctor Doom in his head, but maybe that wasn’t fair.
She was a beta, with no pheromones for Ash to scent, since apparently he could do that now.
Ash guessed he couldn’t have an alpha doctor in this situation—Ash might try to mount them or something.
Beg for their stupid fucking alpha knot.
Oh shit. She was still looking at him. And Ryder was looking very carefully away. Was there something wrong with Ash, something other than the slick he’d had to wipe away in the clinic bathroom? Maybe his late presentation was a sign that his organs were all dying.
Ash cleared his throat. “Yeah?”
“Did you hear my question?”
Ash shook his head. The doctor’s expression softened. Sympathy. That was nice. There was no reason it should make Ash want to kick the desk in front of him with all his strength.
“I know this is a lot, and I’m sorry it’s happening so quickly, but you probably only have an hour or two until you hit your peak. Do you want me to sign you up for heat services?”
“No,” Ash said immediately. “Fuck no.”
He almost apologized for swearing, but he bit it back. Because why the hell would he want some random alpha fucking him through his heat? Ash didn’t give a shit how compatible the pheromones might be—he wasn’t getting knotted by virtue of a fucking sign-up sheet.
The doctor shifted in her seat. It didn’t seem to be the answer she’d wanted from him. “I understand it’s daunting.”
She didn’t. She couldn’t. She had no idea.
“But your heats are going to be irregular. Unpredictable. Short but frequent.” She said it all … not quite impatiently, but in a way that suggested she’d already gone over everything and was doing him a favor by saying it all again. “It might be a lot to ask of one alpha.”
She gave Ryder a pointed glance. And Ryder, as always, stood between Ash and the world right when Ash needed him to.
“We’ll manage,” Ryder told her. He didn’t even hesitate.
Ash could have kissed him. He really could have, judgmental doctor or no.
Fuck yes. They’d manage. Of course they would. Ash wouldn’t feel like he was in free fall forever. People presented all the time. People much younger and more clueless than him. Ash could deal. He could.
A horrendous, rippling cramp ran through Ash’s lower belly.
He hunched over with a pained groan. Fuck. That hurt. Although, he did vaguely remember the doctor saying his cramping would be worse the first few heats, as his insides fucking rearranged or something.
The doctor straightened. “Your cramping has started?” She shook her head.
“An hour might be generous. You need to get back to your home. I’ll email you some paperwork for you to turn in should you miss any more classes.
You can fill out your designated heat partner. Or partners, if the need arises.”
Ash nodded because that seemed to be the easiest way to get her to stop talking, but he’d meant what he said. Fuck no was he letting any random heat services alphas rut him through a heat.
The doctor leaned down, fishing in her drawer.
She removed a fistful of foil packets. “As I said, you can’t start suppressants or birth control until your heats and pheromones have stabilized.
So please, please remember to use condoms. Knot-approved brands.
We don’t know when your fertility will take effect. ”
With that, the buzzing started up again, even as Ash held out his hand obediently for the condoms.
Fertility. Pregnancy.
No, that was enough for his brain to process today. The doctor was right. It was time to get the fuck home.
The drive home was a blur.
Ryder had left to get the car while Ash had completed his discharge paperwork.
The devastation Ash had felt at his absence was pretty damn unsettling.
Ryder had claimed Ash was needy when he was sick, but Ash had never felt like this.
Like if he didn’t have Ryder right here at his side, the whole world was going to fall to pieces.
And now they were home, waiting for Ash to explode slick everywhere or whatever, and everything felt … wrong. Off.
Yes, there was the usual reassurance of Ryder’s presence. That would never not be a comfort, whether Ash was in heat or no. But Ash was still jittery as all hell, an itch under his skin telling him something was missing. Telling him they weren’t prepared. Weren’t ready.
Ash’s failed attempt at a nest sure as shit hadn’t helped. Neither had the delivery driver who’d come to drop off the groceries Ryder insisted they needed. He’d been an alpha who’d smelled like burned rubber, and he’d stuck his head in the door when Ryder had opened it for the handoff.
One whiff of him and Ash had screamed at him to “fuck off to hell before I rip your rotten dick off!”
The guy had barely managed to drop his bags in Ryder’s hands before he’d fled down the hallway.
Not Ash’s best moment, but whatever. His omega status didn’t seem to be doing anything for his temper.
He was just too fucking hot. Too achy. His clothes had come off seconds after the driver had fled. They were too harsh on Ash’s skin, his jeans like sandpaper against his thighs. And the cramping. Fucking fuck, the cramping.
Ryder had undressed down to his boxers, and he smelled like heaven—he looked like it, too, his big alpha cock tenting his underwear—but he was being an absolute dick.
Ash scowled at him, hands on his hips, not caring if he looked like a buffoon with his half-hard dick swinging in front of him. “I still say you should just knot me now. Get it fucking over with.”
Ryder rubbed a hand over his face. He was sitting on the couch, but he was so tense his ass was barely resting on the cushion. “It doesn’t work that way. You haven’t even hit your peak.”
Ash scoffed. “How do you know it doesn’t work that way? You help someone through their heat before?”
Ryder clenched his jaw. He knew Ash already knew the answer. So he also knew Ash was being an argumentative asshole for no reason other than he felt like shit. “No. I haven’t. But I can smell you, and you haven’t released any more slick. You’re. Not. Ready.”
It was true. Ash hadn’t shot out any more slick since that moment in the classroom. He’d cramped, and he’d sweated, and his hole kept clenching around nothing—which was a fucking disconcerting feeling—but he was dry down there.
And it just … pissed him off. Ash sneered at his best friend. “I’m an omega, aren’t I? Just jam it in.”
Ryder’s brows went all the way to his hairline, although his expression remained neutral otherwise. “Do you hear yourself right now?”
He did, actually. Shame instantly made Ash’s overheated body burn even hotter. He swallowed down something that felt suspiciously like a sob. “I’m sorry. I just—I don’t feel good.”
“I know, bright eyes.”
And they both knew Ash would probably feel better if he was in Ryder’s lap, like Ryder had suggested as soon as they got in the door. But Ash couldn’t make himself sit down. Sit still. Couldn’t make himself do anything but pace and bitch and whine.
His eyes burned. His throat went tight. Fuck. Was he going to cry?
His voice was thicker than it should have been when he spoke. “I know it’s going to be okay. I know you’ll take care of me. I know it’ll even feel, like, really good probably. But—”
“You’re scared,” Ryder finished for him after he broke off.
Ash scowled. “Nervous,” he corrected.
Ryder leaned forward, clasping his hands between his muscled thighs. “I am too.”
Ash let out a stuttered breath. That helped a little, actually. Hearing Ryder say it out loud. There was nothing worse than someone pretending to be competent when they were anything but.
So they were both bumbling through? That sucked, yeah. But they loved each other, and they trusted each other, and they were going to do their best.
And if it still felt like they were missing something—something big—then that was probably only Ash’s crazy hormones talking nonsense.
There was a knock on their apartment door, and Ash jumped about a foot in the air. If it was that goddamn burned rubber bastard driver again—
He and Ryder exchanged a glance. They both stayed quiet. Whoever it was, they would leave if no one answered.
There was another knock. And then a familiar voice. “Aaaash! Ryyyyder!” it singsonged. “I’ve come to collect Noah’s keeeeeys.”
Spencer. Spencer fucking Phillips was at the door. Now. During Ash’s first heat.
Ash’s belly cramped again, and he hunched over as quietly as he could, although he couldn’t completely stop the groan from escaping. Fuck. They couldn’t open the door, right? Right. Because Ash was naked. And an omega. And … other reasons.
“Yo, I know you’re in there! Whatever shady shit you’re up to, I won’t tell. Just gimme the keys. And check your phones every couple years. Goddamn.”
Ash didn’t even know where his fucking phone was.
And then Ryder was at his side, a strong hand on Ash’s shoulder. “I’ll handle it,” he rumbled, too quietly to be heard through the door.
Ash nodded, resisting the overwhelming urge to immediately snuggle into Ryder’s chest and huff his scent like a drug. Ash had already had his snuggle opportunity, and he’d wasted it pacing like a lunatic.
Ryder went to the door, opening it only the barest of cracks. Ash should probably flee to the bedroom or something, but he was rooted to the spot.
“Ryder!”
Ash couldn’t see Spencer from this angle, but the alpha sounded pleased as punch.
“Fancy seeing you—”
“Listen, asshole,” Ryder growled, still not opening the door any wider than a hair. “You can’t be here right now.”
Spencer laughed. “Why, you got a—” He paused. Ash wondered what he was doing. And then a new note entered Spencer’s voice. Whatever it was, he didn’t sound pleased as punch anymore. “Holy shit, you do have an omega in there. Does Ash know?”
“I’m telling you—”
Ash didn’t bother listening to the rest. He crept closer to the door, ignoring their bickering.
Because holy shit, something smelled amazing.
Like chai tea, or one of those lattes they made out of it, where it was all spicy but also sweet.
The scent was mixing with Ryder’s pheromones to make Ash feel like he was on the porch of some woodsy mountain cabin, sipping a hot cup of something delicious on a cool morning. All peaceful and shit.
But also like he kind of wanted to fuck the porch. And the tea.
That part was confusing.
Ash was speaking before he knew it. “Ryder.”
He spoke quietly, but Ryder immediately stopped bitching at Spencer and turned to face him. He was guarding the door like his life depended on it, all dark scowls and big muscles, and Ash loved him so, so much.
Ash breathed in again. Swallowed. Another cramp hit him, but he hardly felt the ache because things were finally clicking into place.
And for the first time since he’d felt slick dripping down his thighs in the campus classroom, Ash was grateful. Grateful he wasn’t too far gone to say what he needed to say.
“Ryder, he smells really good.”