Chapter 6 #3
“Ahhh…” Terry nodded at the revelation. “That makes sense. I swear the trauma that parents put on gay kids ought to be a hanging offense. I was lucky, my parents didn’t care about my orientation.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, but if it’s still driving you at this age, maybe it’s something you ought to talk to someone about?
It’s not about them anymore, right? Your life is about you, and that’s where you might want to focus now.
” He gave Mark’s arm a squeeze. “And I know that’s easy for me to say, but it’s true.
The amount of generational trauma you witness in my line of work is pretty sad. ”
Mark had lost count of the number of times Ryan had suggested therapy, but he’d always refused, afraid of looking weak or looking like he needed help. His pride had gotten in the way, and it had cost him.
“My ex left because he thought I was a workaholic, and he got tired of coming in second place to my job,” he said at last. Thinking about Ryan didn’t hurt anymore, but he did feel regret over ignoring their problems instead of trying to fix them.
“I told myself that I wasn’t the relationship type.
I thought I was better off alone than with someone who didn’t realize how important my company is to me. ”
Terry was quiet for a few moments, resting his chin on his bent knees.
“I don’t know that there are many people who are better off alone, honestly,” he said softly.
“I mean, being human, being a person rather than a cog in a money machine is more important, at least to me. My work is important to me, too, but it’s not my entire world.
” He turned to look at Mark. “I guess you have to figure out if career fulfillment is the only thing you want out of your life. Like, when you can’t do it anymore, what do you have left if you haven’t built connections with people and done things you can look back on with joy, rather than just satisfaction? ”
“Ryan tried to tell me that,” Mark admitted. “So has Felicia. I guess I needed to understand it for myself, though, and I didn’t until today.”
He remembered the thrill of being pulled along by the dolphin as he held on to its fin.
There were other people and dolphins sluicing through the water, but their laughter and talking was a distant background noise.
For once, he’d been fully in the moment, and there was nothing else in the world but him and the dolphin and their moment of playful connection.
“I was so fucking happy,” he said. Tears welled in his eyes, and he scrubbed them away impatiently. “I don’t think I’ve felt that kind of pure joy since I was a kid.”
Terry smiled. “I’m so glad that I could witness that moment.
I got the pictures on my camera…” He stopped, a flash of concern crossing his face.
“I hope my camera is still on the boat. I don’t want you to lose those memories.
And if the camera is gone… well… maybe you’ll have to come back and do it again?
” There was a question in his tone, and his expression was earnest.
“I want to,” Mark blurted out the words before he realized how much he meant them.
“You’d think capsizing and being dragged to a possibly deserted island by dolphins would put me off cruises, but weirdly enough, I think this is exactly what I needed.
A detox and a reset.” He gave a watery laugh and swiped at his eyes again. “I guess I owe Felicia a huge bonus.”
“I guess you do,” Terry said, chuckling.
“Seriously, I’m glad you’re looking at it in such a positive light.
Something like this can be overwhelming to some people, and they’d be falling apart or screaming at the universe how unfair it all is.
I’m pretty positive and adventurous, so I can take it in stride.
I think you’re a lot more resilient than you ever thought, huh? ”
Mark hadn’t thought of it that way, but perhaps Terry was right. “I suppose I am.”
The rain seemed to be easing up, and Terry sighed. “We should get some rest. Tomorrow we need to finish the walkabout and find some fresh water.”
Mark stretched out his legs and leaned back on his hands, and then he shivered as a cool evening breeze wafted by. “Too bad we can’t light a fire,” he said. “I don’t suppose palm fronds make good blankets?”
“Considering they’re poky and sharp, not really,” Terry replied, beckoning Mark closer. “If it doesn’t seem too weird, we can huddle together. I don’t want you to be cold.”
“I mean, yeah, it’s pretty weird considering we just met,” Mark said with a teasing smile. “But hypothermia is a thing, and I don’t know about you, but my clothes are still damp.”
It felt a little awkward scooting closer to Terry and snuggling up to someone who was practically a stranger, but he thought they both might sleep better if they weren’t shivering.
“Big spoon or little spoon?” he asked as he stretched out on the ground.
“I’ll be big spoon, so that you can have your back warm. I’m used to sleeping being a bit waterlogged.”
Terry didn’t seem to feel odd about the situation, so he lay down next to Mark and curled against his back.
Despite the dampness of their clothes, Terry was warm, and Mark released a quiet sigh and closed his eyes, feeling oddly at peace.
This wasn’t how he expected the day to go, and part of him was still worried about their situation, but mostly, he was exhausted in every possible way.
He let go of his concerns and relaxed, letting himself drift into a deep, restful sleep.