Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
A bonfire crackles. Music pulses around me.
None of it is enough to pull me into party spirits.
Maybe a drink will help, maybe, but I stay seated on the driftwood, fire-lit and frozen. Since the centre, I’ve been walking a thin line. What felt like resolve now wanes, and the only thing anchoring me is Hailey’s words. My boy will never push.
There’s a reason I’ve avoided the alcohol. If I drink even a sip, that last thread of determination? Gone. Because that’s what intoxicants do for me. They smother, not soothe.
A month ago I would’ve welcomed it. Open arms, ready to drown in anything that kept me from remembering.
But something’s different now. Somewhere between that first night here, the haircut that felt like a goodbye of sorts, and the times I’ve shattered in Carson’s arms… I’ve shifted.
Not back. Forward.
Not only that, with Carson’s revelations echoing and those bulletin-board scribbles still flashing, indulgence feels less like relief, more like betrayal.
Before I can locate the man himself through the throng, someone sinks onto the log beside me.
Aspen’s question slides in between bass thumps. “What’s wrong?”
Flamelight dances over her face, catching in wind-swept hair until it glows copper-bright. She looks untouchable, as if the night itself has claimed her.
“Nothing. I’m having fun.”
It’s a lie but I hand it over anyway. She wanted this night, and I refuse to spoil it. Still, I know why she pushed for it. She’s noticed the new quiet pressing between Carson and me since the center.
Her gaze drops to my leg, tapping out an erratic rhythm.
I freeze.
Too late.
“Is it Carson?”
I’m instantly on the defence. “What do you mean?”
“Brielle, I’m not blind. Something’s obviously up between you two.”
A denial sits on my tongue, but she keeps going.
“He’s a good guy, Bri. Probably the most down-to-earth man I know.
You know, I didn’t have a safe place to stay this summer.
” She tips her cup, liquid circling slow.
“And Carson? He offered me a room without a second thought. Maybe Reese and Dylan got invites just to make it easier on me, maybe not. Either way, that’s who he is. He’s never not had pure intentions.”
My reaction must give me away, because she shakes her head.
“I’m not saying this for pity. I just want you to know that Carson isn’t someone you need to fear. If you ever gave him your heart…” her tone softens, “you could trust it would be safe in his hands.”
Heart. Safe in his hands.
I turn to the fire, blinking as embers scatter like fleeting thoughts.
Maybe it’s her honesty. Maybe it’s the weight of everything. Whichever it is, the truth slips out before I can second-guess it. “We were… together last night.”
She doesn’t even flinch. “Last night?” I nod. “Does that mean you’re a thing now?”
“No.” My fingers bunch in my skirt. “We’re friends. Just friends.”
“I don’t get it. Do you like him?”
The flames seem to lick higher, burn brighter. Like. That doesn’t even skim the surface of what I feel for Carson.
How can I explain that before Grove I didn’t even feel real—just some hollowed-out shell stumbling through the motions—and that now, with him, I’m awake again. In my skin. In the world.
I can’t spill all that. I can only nod.
“Why aren’t you together then?”
“I’m not the only one in this two-way, Aspen.”
I feel, more than see, the roll of her eyes. “Don’t give me that spiel. You know he’s crazy about you.” She huffs a laugh. “He was crazy about you even when you thought he hated you.”
I—what?
It jams inside, confusion tangling with something dangerously close to joy. “How?”
Even as I ask, the memories rise. Harsh looks, biting words. None of it felt false. Not then, and especially not now that I know the reason for it.
“Trust me.” Aspen’s gaze never wavers. “I saw how he watched you. How he acted when you were around. Carson’s a quiet person, but sometimes he was too quiet. Like he didn’t know how to be around you. Reese used to tease him about it. Called him shy.”
My pulse stutters. Carson Eli—steady, sure, with a helping hand that could be more grit than grace—shy? No. I refuse to believe it.
“Remember the night Reese got jumped?”
How can I not?
“Carson brought him to the beach house. And Reese is one of his best friends, there’s not much he wouldn’t do for him, but the second he dropped him off, he was right back out.” She gives a deliberate tilt of her head, as if saying, listen to this part.
“A while later, I get this call. It’s Carson. Full-on panicking, saying he can’t find you, begging me to ring you.” She pauses, her pitch dropping into something weightier. “We’d already talked, so I told him you were home. But Bri… I’ve never heard him sound like that. About anyone.”
Wait. My brain stutters, trying to slot the pieces together. When it lands, my hearts plummets straight into the sand.
Carson went back out that night.
To Janson’s.
The dread rises so violently I can hardly breathe. I start to scan the beach, but my vision blurs when another memory snaps into place, his murmur to Camden.
I’ve seen him twice.
Now I know. Both times… because of me.
“Woah. Brielle.” Aspen shoots out a hand, ducking into view. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” It comes out too fast, too high. “Nothing. Have you seen—”
“Inside,” Aspen offers. “I think.”
I’m upright before I’ve even decided to be. My body knows I have to go. Knows it’s time—for him to have the truth. He deserves clarity for all the mess I’ve put him through. But something tugs me back at the last second.
Aspen’s eyes catch mine, worry pressing down like a load, but beneath it, I feel something pure. Love. Love for her.
“Aspen… I know I’m not the best of friends, but you can come to me for anything, you know that right?” I pray she hears the sincerity. “I promise I’m a good listener.”
“I know, Bri. I know.” Her fingers brush my arm. “I’m okay though, I promise.” Then, with a little grin, “Go find your man.”
My man. I should deny it. I should.
But the way it sparks through my blood makes it impossible. It just sounds right.