Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
YURI
My bed is littered with the clothes I’ve spent the last half hour trying on and taking back off while trying to decide whether Cooper spending ten thousand freaking dollars to keep me from going on a date with someone else means I don’t need to be stressed because he’s obviously in love with me and I can’t fuck this up, or that I need to be ten thousand dollars’ worth of sexy and interesting tonight.
And I really wish he’d given me a specific time instead of saying “sunset” because I just keep looking out the window and getting more and more anxious wondering exactly how long I have to get my shit together.
I pull a pair of khaki shorts back on and turn around to stare into my closet at the two shirts that are left hanging instead of crumpled on my bed.
I’m hit with a sense of déjà vu that makes me forget to be nervous for a few seconds.
The scenery was different, but everything else felt the same right before our very first date all those years ago.
I tried on everything in my closet, took two showers because I couldn’t get my anxiety sweating under control, and almost pretended I wasn’t home when he knocked on my door to pick me up.
I knew why he asked me out—I was hot, and in short bursts I could be pretty funny and charming.
But I also knew that most people didn’t stick around to get to know me once they got past the surface level, and even by twenty years old, I was kind of tired of getting my hopes up only to be let down over and over again.
But Cooper was different. I knew that by the end of our first date, which we ended up spending in my apartment.
He brought over fairy lights, blankets, and a projector.
We built a fort in the middle of my living room and watched Sixteen Candles because I’d mentioned that it was my favorite movie.
The fact that he remembered a comment I’d made in passing like that only felt more special the more I got to know him.
He hardly even knew me yet, but he’d made an effort to remember my favorite movie.
My stomach flutters and some of the tension eases out of my shoulders.
I know Cooper, and the last thing he’s going to care about is what I’m wearing.
I randomly grab one of the two shirts and pull it on, then I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put some styling pomade in my hair.
By the time I’m done, the sky outside the window is starting to turn a dusky shade of pink.
Right on cue, there’s a knock on my door.
I take a deep breath and shake out my hands, then open it.
He’s dressed exactly the way I would expect, in a pair of board shorts and a tank top, with his guitar strapped to his back and a joint tucked behind his ear.
He has a big, dopey smile on his face and a watch I don’t recognize on his wrist, beeping with a quiet but irritatingly repetitive alarm.
“I bought this stupid watch from Lux’s shop this morning and he helped me set the alarm so I could make sure to be here on time, but now I can’t get the damn thing to turn off.” He glares at it and mashes his finger against the screen.
“Let me see?”
He takes it off and hands it to me, and I manage to navigate through the tiny menu to find the option to turn the alarm off. I laugh and hand it back to him. Instead of putting it back on, he stuffs the watch into his pocket and pulls something else out, a small packet of something.
“I thought about getting you a bouquet of flowers since it’s kind of our first date and everything, but I figured you might like this better.” He hands me the packet and I look at it.
It’s mixed perennial wildflower seeds.
My heart stutters and I fling my arms around his neck, bringing my lips an inch from his and smiling.
“I love them. Thank you.” I peck his lips and he returns the kiss, gently and sweetly.
“Come on, I’ve got our date all set up.”
I kiss him one more time, then slip the flower seeds into my pocket, close my door, and follow him off my porch. Cooper reaches for my hand and twines his fingers between mine as we walk.
“I can’t believe you haven’t asked yet where we’re going or what I have planned,” he says with a laugh.
“Hey, I’ve changed. I came to Palm Island without a plan and that worked out pretty well for me.”
I glance over at him with a grin and he returns it.
“I guess you have. You didn’t need to change though. I never minded you being a little uptight and obsessed with having a plan.”
“I know you didn’t.” I squeeze his hand. “And I’m glad to hear that, because not knowing what I’m doing with my life is starting to make me itchy as fuck. I think I’m getting past the burnout and I’m going to need to start a new five-year spreadsheet soon.”
Without consciously thinking about it, I brace for the mood to shift, for Cooper to pull away or tense up, but he doesn’t. I look at him again and he looks just as relaxed and happy as he did five seconds ago, and something inside me loosens a little.
“I’m sorry for being a dick at your place the other night and for saying that shit. I was scared, I think,” he confesses.
“Scared of what?” I know he’s only human, but he has this superhuman way of staying so unruffled that I forgot anything could bother him.
“Same thing I’ve been scared of since the night I worked up the guts to ask you on a date, sweetness.
” He drops my hand and puts his arm around my shoulders instead, tugging me closer as we walk and kissing the top of my head.
“You’ve always been too good for me, and you had a bigger future than I was ever going to be able to keep up with.
It always felt like a matter of time before I was going to lose you. ”
Years’ worth of unresolved guilt and regret churn in my stomach, along with some of that same frustration and muted anger I felt the other night in my kitchen.
“When I got that offer from Switzerland, I asked you what I should do, and you told me to go,” I remind him. “You didn’t even hesitate. You didn’t have to think about it for a second.”
I breathe a little faster, and my voice gets a little louder, and Cooper’s arm tightens around me, unwavering.
“I loved you enough to let you go,” he says calmly. “And then after eight years I loved you too much to let you back in.”
“I didn’t even want to say yes to that stupid bachelor thing, but Boston asked and I looked at you and it was like you didn’t even care.
I think I was testing you or something,” I mutter, just as annoyed at myself that it took us this long to be honest about the breakup and our feelings as I am with him.
“Well, I’ve never been very good at taking tests,” he says with a chuckle.
“Eh, you choked in the first half, but I think you aced it in the end. We’re here, after all, finally talking about this shit, going on a proper date.
Coop, you’ve gotta know that I’ve spent every day of the last eight years wondering if I made the wrong choice.
The minute I stepped off the ferry and saw you, I felt like I was getting a second chance. ”
“Me too.” He kisses my head again.
I relax into him, not bothering to pay much attention to where we’re going, trusting him to lead the way. Everything we’ve just said to each other slowly filters through my brain, and one thing stands out.
I loved you too much to let you back in.
“Hey, Coop?” I say softly. “I still love you too.”
LYRIC
I lead Yuri up the slope of the small hill, switching back to holding his hand so I can help him past the spots where it’s a little bit steep.
I still love you.
I still love you.
I still love you.
Fuck, I can’t stop repeating those words in my head over and over again.
It almost feels too good to be true. I really have Yuri back, and I’m not going to fuck it up and let him go again.
His breath catches when we reach the top of the hill and he sees the date I set up for us.
It took me all afternoon to get the fairy lights just right and secure the hammock we broke last time we were up here.
I used a white sheet and a couple of wood posts I got from Devil for a makeshift screen.
It took me ages to work out the best way to set it up, but I think I nailed it.
The projector is in place and the movie downloaded and ready to play.
“Coop, this is amazing. It’s just like our first date.”
“Except better, because this time we have a view of the ocean and a million stars overhead.” I point up at the darkening sky and all the stars slowly starting to emerge.
“Plus, I’ve got snacks this time.” I grab the picnic basket I tucked behind the hammock so I can show him the array of movie snacks I packed.
Popcorn, nachos, and half a dozen different types of candy.
“I love it, but I can’t believe you would diss our first first date like that.” He laughs.
“Never,” I assure him. “Just pointing out the upgrades.”
“Upgrades like the fact that we know each other this time and there’s nothing to be nervous about anymore?”
“Yeah, that’s a big one. We already know the sex is fucking amazing.”
Yuri chuckles again and wraps his arms around my neck, bumping his nose against mine and smiling. “True, that’s a pretty good upgrade.”
We fall into another slow kiss, deeper than the one we shared on his porch, full of a sturdy kind of confidence instead of the nervous excitement from before.
“Just to make sure that I’m reading everything right, we’re officially back together now, which means no more hiding, no bachelor auctions, and you won’t make any decisions about leaving Palm Island without looping me in, right?”
“Right,” he says. “Now, come on, I want to see what movie you picked.”
“Sixteen Candles, obviously.” I let him go so he can settle into the hammock and then I take my guitar off my back and join him, easing in carefully instead of diving in like the last time so we don’t end up on our asses on the ground again.
“This is fucking genius,” Yuri declares when I hit the button on the projector and the movie flickers to life right above us on the white sheet, so we can lie in the hammock to watch it without craning our necks. “Spark that joint and then let’s break out the snacks.”
“You’re demanding tonight,” I tease.
He grabs the joint from behind my ear without waiting for me, while I reach into my pocket for my lighter.
“You’ve pretty much told me I can’t chase you away now, so I can finally get comfortable.” He chuckles.
A warm feeling spreads through my chest. I hope that’s true. I hope I can keep him long enough to see all the sides of him this time, even the parts he usually hides.
I light the joint for him, and he takes a deep inhale, holding it for a few seconds before letting a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke billow out of his nose and mouth and hang in the air above us as he passes it over to me.
“This is an upgrade too.” His voice sounds just a little hoarse from the smoke.
“Yeah, I had trash weed back then.” I take a toke and pass it back again.
The movie starts to play, but there’s something not quite right.
“Uh, hey, Coop, you didn’t set up any speakers, did you?” Yuri asks.
“Ah, fuck,” I mutter.
He sputters a laugh, expelling more smoke. “That’s okay, I think I remember most of the lines. We’ll just each do different parts.”
“Alright, but I think we should both skip being that Long Duck guy.”
We both start laughing all over again. The hammock sways with our movements and we sink in closer to each other, my arm behind his head and his leg slung over mine.
“This really is the perfect second first date,” Yuri says, tilting his head up a little so our mouths are close together again.
“It’s not over yet; I could still mess it up.”
He grins and shakes his head. “You won’t.
Not just this date, but all of it. I always thought of our breakup as a ‘good breakup’ because neither of us were angry or bitter.
It wasn’t messy, you know? All the stuff that makes most breakups so tragic in the end.
But maybe if we’d both been more honest back then, we wouldn’t have wasted eight years missing each other.
I was mad you didn’t want me to stay, and I think that’s why I said yes to the bachelor auction.
I wanted you to tell me to stay this time instead of just watching me go. ”
“I thought I was doing the right thing by not tying you down, back then and when you got to Palm Island. I’ll try to stop being a dumbass.” I cup his face and drag my thumb slowly back and forth across the soft skin of his cheek.
“I love everything about your dumb ass,” he says, muffling the laugh I let out with his lips on mine.
“I love you too, sweetness. Always have, always will.”