12. Declan
12
DECLAN
I stare out into the distance, my eyes unfocused and my vision blurry. My mind jumps from one memory to the next like a rapid-fire machine gun. The noises around me turn into a dull roar and I can’t make out individual sounds. Everything just sort of melts together as I fight not to lose myself within my own mind.
“Dude!” Hayden’s voice cuts through the blurry void and pulls me back into focus. He smacks my knee with his open palm and then waves his hand in front of my face. “Where the fuck did you go? I’ve been talking for the past ten minutes. Did you even hear a word I said?”
I blink over at him and shake my head, trying to dislodge the melancholy feeling still gripping my mind. “I was just thinking,” I mutter and sink my teeth into the inside of my lower lip.
“You’ve been doing that a lot lately,” he notes and leans back on his heels. He’s crouching down beside his motorcycle, messing with the mechanics and making some adjustments that he told me about but I didn’t care to listen.
“It’s literally my job,” I retort and run my fingers down my face. My eyes stray to the wood-burning stove in the corner of the garage. It’s a chilly day outside, so Hayden got the flames going to keep the garage warm while he works on his bike.
“It is, but not like this. You’ve been getting lost in there. What’s bothering you?” He wipes his hands with a dirty rag and looks at me expectantly.
“We need to tell her,” I say after a few moments of silence.
“Tell her what?” he asks slowly.
“About the fire. That was our job Hayden,” I whisper harshly, and feel my stomach do an uncomfortable dip. “We’re the reason her parents are dead.”
Hayden scowls and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You don’t know that,” he responds, but his tone sounds defeated. He knows it’s true.
“I looked into it, Hay. It was the same hotel.” My voice trails off as I stare into the flames dancing within the metal of the stove.
“Yeah, but we didn’t start the fire, Declan. We didn’t even know there were people living in it. It’s not our fault.” His voice is soft as he leans forward and squeezes my knee between his fingers.
“We took the job. We were involved. That’s all she’s going to care about. We were there, and we were with the people who literally burned her entire world to the ground.” My chest tightens and it feels extremely hard to breathe as I think about sitting Emelia down and telling her we had a hand in murdering her entire family in one night.
I can’t even think about the way she’ll look at us. How she’ll stand and storm off without a single word and then we’ll never see her again. How many times can my heart break before I die of cardiac arrest? Because right now it feels like I’m about to have a fucking heart attack.
“Declan, are you worried that she’s going to leave us?” Hayden asks gently and moves until he’s kneeling directly in front of me.
“I’m terrified,” I whisper as I finally admit it to myself. My chest feels like someone just cracked open my sternum and everything I’ve been pushing away comes rushing in. My eyes sting as I blink back tears and turn my head so Hayden can’t see me fall apart.
He squeezes my knees again before leaning forward and wrapping me in a tight hug. “I love her too,” he admits quietly, like a whisper in the wind. “You’re right. We have to tell her.”
I wrap my arms around him and give him a tight squeeze. I know Hayden loves Emelia with all his soul. He’s loved her from the start of this crazy adventure. But do I love her? I release Hayden and swallow thickly, not trusting myself to speak. Just the thought of her not being around anymore sends my nervous system into fight or flight. My heart stutters against my ribcage and my lungs feel like they turn to stone in my chest.
“She’ll be here in a few minutes for dinner,” Hayden says and starts working on his bike again, twisting the loose bolts off with his fingers one at a time. “We can tell her over dinner. I don’t want any of this miscommunication shit. No secrets. No lies. Just the truth.”
“Agreed,” I respond immediately, and push to my feet, wincing as the bruises across my torso stretch until pain radiates through my core.
“You should go put some ice… everywhere,” Hayden says with a chuckle, and gestures to his face and body. “Your face looks like shit.”
“You should see the other guy,” I quip and head into the kitchen to grab a bag of frozen vegetables. My whole body protests as I sink down onto the sofa and let out a long groan.
“Do I need to come back later after you’ve taken care of yourself?” Her voice causes me to nearly jump out of my skin. How the fuck does she sneak around so quietly? My heart beats against my ribcage as I turn and take her in. She’s stunning, as usual, in a pair of tight dark washed jeans and an emerald green hoodie with a serpent emblem on the left breast. Her hair is braided into two low pigtails that drape over the front of her shoulders.
“Of course not, but you could always help me,” I suggest and hold open my arms for her to come around the sofa.
“My God, you look like shit. What happened to your face?” she exclaims and stops just in front of me to look me over. My right eye is black, my lip is busted in two places, and there’s a gnarly deep purple bruise on my left cheekbone. But my nose is still straight and perfect. At least I’ve still got that going for me. “No Man’s Land?” she asks as she takes my hand and presses the frozen bag back to my eye.
“How do you know about No Man’s Land?” I ask and eye her curiously. So many secrets for such a tiny person.
She shrugs and drops down onto the cushion beside me. “Hector goes there a lot. Well, not a lot, but he’s been there enough times for it to be noticed.” She picks at a loose string on the cushion and avoids my curious stare.
Hector goes there, huh? I lean back and sort through the hazy memory of my last fight, but I can’t place his face among the crowd. “What do you want to eat, Princess?” I ask instead of unleashing the barrage of questions burning my tongue.
Emelia finally looks up at me with a glint in her eyes. “I want breakfast.”
“What kind of psychopath eats breakfast for dinner?” I ask in mock horror.
“What kind of psychopath doesn’t like breakfast for dinner?” Hayden’s voice comes from the kitchen. I roll my eyes as he starts pulling out pans and utensils. “Come on, Angel, let me take care of you since this uncultured swine doesn’t like waffles.”
“I didn’t say I don’t like waffles!” I protest as we both stand and I follow Emelia into the kitchen. “I love waffles,” I mutter under my breath and lean back against the counter.
The three of us work together to make a breakfast spread that would make any southern woman proud. There are waffles, fried eggs, bacon, fresh fruit, sausage and sausage gravy, and fluffy biscuits. Everything is spread out on the counter.
“How many people are we feeding tonight?” Emelia asks with a giggle, and pops a piece of bacon into her mouth.
Hayden and I exchange a brief glance before grabbing plates from the cabinet. We want this dinner to be near perfect so that we can enjoy a few more moments of sweet bliss before we rip our own hearts out and watch her walk away with them. “I’m just really hungry and I couldn’t decide,” Hayden jokes as he loads his plate full of food.
Emelia and I follow suit and fill up our plates before sitting down at the table. She drizzles syrup over her waffle and bacon before tossing a piece of egg into her mouth. “I love breakfast foods. I think breakfast as a whole is one of my favorite types of food.”
I nod around my own bite of waffles and tuck that detail away for a rainy day. Hayden looks at me and nods once. Fuck, I’m not ready for this. My anxiety causes my heart to go full-on sprint mode in my chest as I clear my throat.
“You guys are acting weird,” Emelia says and chews another piece of bacon. “Did someone else die?”
I blink at her in shock. “What?”
She waves her hand between the three of us. “Hayden hasn’t even tried to fuck me yet and you look like someone hit your dog with a car.”
I scrunch up my nose and shake my head slowly.
“We have something we need to talk to you about,” Hayden cuts me off before I can even begin to speak.
Emelia sits back in her chair and crosses her arms across her chest, already on the defense. “Okay. I’m listening.” She picks up another strip of bacon and chews slowly, her eyes sliding from Hayden’s face to mine.
“I’m not sure how much you know about us,” I begin slowly and my shoulders tense when she holds up her hand. Damn it, I haven’t even started yet. Cold dread settles into the pit of my stomach like a brick.
“I know enough. I don’t need a history lesson,” she says calmly and continues to chew on her bacon.
“Fair enough,” I concede with a nod, and take a deep breath. “About ten years ago we took a heist job. We were supposed to go in, secure the intel and money, and get out. At least, that’s what we were told by whoever hired us.” My eyes meet Hayden’s and he nods once for me to continue. “The three of us spent a few days just canvassing and gathering intel on the security detail before the other men arrived to execute the actual heist.”
My voice trails off and I’m lost in the memory for a moment. I can almost feel the heat of the flames as they dance in the darkness. Hayden leans forward and continues for me. “They came in and destroyed everything. Silas managed to hack into the safe but as we were leaving with our spoils, the other men set off explosions. We had no idea that was part of the plan and when we threatened to abandon the job… Well, let’s just say that whoever hired us has big friends in high places.”
Emelia narrows her eyes and purses her lips as she stares silently at her empty plate. “Who hired you?” she asks after a few moments of silence.
“We never figured it out,” Hayden says and his voice betrays the emotion he’s trying so desperately to hide.
She nods slowly, still digesting this new information. I watch her face closely, trying to figure out the moment that everything clicks into place for her, but her expression remains impassive. Her eyes meet mine and it feels like she’s staring straight into my soul. I shift in my seat, but don’t break eye contact. “Who hired you?” she repeats and clenches her jaw.
Fuck.
She knows.
Hayden shakes his head and braces his palms on the table. “We don’t know who hired us, Emelia. It was all digital transactions and untraceable wires.”
I sigh and close my eyes, and then I just shake my head. I never told Silas and Hayden who hired us because I knew they would throw a fit. It was a huge payout and we needed the money, and I wasn’t above cashing an enemy’s check.
“What do you mean?” Hayden hisses. “You knew?” The betrayal in his voice makes me sick to my stomach. “The whole time?”
I open my eyes and Emelia is still staring me down with cold eyes. “I did,” I whisper to Hayden.
He shoots to his feet and slams his palms onto the table. “Who?”
I lift my chin and steel my nerves for not only his wrath, but from the impending heartache looming just on the other side of my confessions. “The Cabrera Cartel.”
Hayden visibly pales and Emelia clenches her fists on top of the table. Neither of them say anything for a long time. Then Emelia stands slowly and makes her way to the door. Hayden inhales sharply and steps after her, but she jerks a Glock from the back of her waistband and points it directly at his chest. “Don’t,” she says and I’ve never heard her voice so cold and deadly.
With his hands up, Hayden backs away and cuts his eyes to me. I just shake my head. There’s no stopping her. We can’t offer any further explanations. She’s made her choice and we have to let her go.
Emelia opens the door, but pauses before stepping into the cool night air. “The name,” she says quietly. “What was the name of the place you razed to the ground?”
My shoulders sag and I twist the knife deeper into my chest with my next three words. “The Lotus Blossom.”
She nods once before slamming the door behind her, and then she’s gone. I stand and brush past Hayden, unable to even look him in the eye. I need to find something to punch, and if he gets in my way, it very well may be his face. Emelia is gone and she’s taken every piece of me with her.