Chapter Six
Charli
Charli remained silent, and luckily, Roark didn’t push her to acknowledge his statement. She wanted to. Wanted to scream her love for the man but held back, still wondering if it was happening too fast. If it was all too good to be true.
Roark seemed to understand her feelings as he gave her another tender kiss before pulling his body off hers.
“Let’s wash up, then we’re going to eat.”
She accepted his hand as he helped her off the bed and took them to the bathroom. The shower was definitely too small for both of them together, so Roark told her to go first while he used a washcloth to wipe himself. Then he said he’d go rummage through her cupboards and fridge.
Once she was done, she slipped into a cotton shirt and short set, not bothering with a bra or panties. Because, why? She was comfortable and didn’t need to hide herself from Roark. She went to the kitchen to find him in only his jeans, items for sandwiches spread out on the counter.
“Hope this is okay.”
“Of course.”
She noticed his heated gaze roam her form, and of course, her nipples pebbled against the shirt with renewed desire. Charli then saw his cocky smile, and she chuckled.
“Feed me before we go another round.”
“Oh, I intend to,” he said, spreading mustard across slices of bread. “And I might have to call Harvey and tell him you’ll be late in the morning.”
“Don’t you dare. I’m not starting that precedent.”
He winked at her and finished crafting the sandwiches, sliding a plate her way that already had chips and a pickle spear on it.
“Thanks.” He only nodded, and they dug in.
While eating, Charli couldn’t help but ogle the man with his broad, sculpted chest, filled with ink that journeyed down his muscular arms. The Sons of Sin emblem was proudly displayed all on its own over his left pec.
His warm brown eyes watched her as she watched him, but he said nothing, simply smirking as he ate.
She playfully stuck out her tongue at him, causing a nice laugh to escape.
They were nearly finished when she thought she should broach the subject of her past. Maybe she needed the purge. She definitely wanted to put some things into perspective.
“I was hurting real bad, Roark.” His gaze snapped to hers, a mix of confusion and anger on his face. “I was angry and scared and weak. I lost myself. I was an idiot who—”
“No,” he barked, startling her. “You were a child who lost her father and extended family you loved. Not to say you didn’t love your mother, but it was clear to everyone where you wanted to be.
Who you wanted to be with. But I can’t imagine being in your mother’s head, wanting you with her, going through the pain as well even if she hardly spent any time with Liam anymore. ”
Charli cleared her throat. “She was hurting too, just kept it bottled up. We hardly spoke to one another initially when she took me back north outside Coeur d’Alene.
She suggested I see a counselor, but I couldn’t open up to a stranger no matter their qualifications.
I didn’t go. I wouldn’t go to school. I hardly ate.
” She glanced down at herself and chuckled. “No problem with that now.”
“You’re perfect. Don’t ever want to hear you say otherwise.”
She smiled and continued. “I went numb and nothing Mom said or did got through to me.
So, she stopped trying. I think even though I ignored her, it hurt more when she stopped trying.
And you know the other crazy thing? Her parents, the family she was so desperate to be near for their support, not once did they come around after our return. Not once.
“Mom wanted me to come with her for a visit to her parents, but I refused. I said why bother, they didn’t care about me.
About us. She said nothing and went without me, and I vegged in my room like I always did.
She never said a word when she got home.
Nothing about them being concerned about me, about wanting to see me. ”
Roark rounded the counter and drew her into his arms. “Oh, baby, I’m so damned sorry. For as mature as you were, you were still just a kid. And seems you didn’t have a damn person there to comfort you and get you through that shit.”
She shook her head against his shoulder then drew back to look at him.
“Was it Owen who knew and told you? About the past? The scars? Was he keeping tabs on me?”
“He tried. He knew people in the area who were watching you. Hell, there were many times when he wanted to intervene but knew he had no legal right. And he wasn’t about to get into a battle with your mom, thinking she needed you too.”
“Ha.” Charli backed up and sat on one of the stools.
Roark did the same. “For months, she just wouldn’t talk to me, Roark.
She kept her thoughts, any anger or sadness, to herself.
Anyway, when I refused to go to school, I got a job and started earning money.
I wanted to buy a bus ticket to get back to Hunt.
Mom somehow found out and took my money.
Gah, I was so angry. We argued, and I stormed out.
But not before yelling that I’d hitchhike if I had to.
She came after me and wrestled me back in the house.
Locked me in my room. The house was so old, and the windows were painted shut.
I couldn’t even open mine. I was truly trapped! ”
“Hey, hey, enough.” Roark held her shoulders and made her look at him. “You don’t need to relive that shit.”
“But I need you to understand what I went through and why I still chose to stay.”
He dropped his hands and folded them in his lap, nodding at her. Charli pushed her hair away from her face, twisted it behind her, and took a deep breath.
“Locked in that room, I had no idea how long she’d leave me in there.
I screamed and cried until I passed out.
When a day went by, I thought surely she’d come check on me.
But she didn’t. I had no food, nothing to drink, and no bathroom access.
It wasn’t pretty. After another day, I got angry again and banged on the door until I wore myself out.
Damn thing was solid. Then I ripped apart my room and even broke the window.
But the metal framework didn’t allow me to slip out. I was so sure she’d left me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Roark swore as he pulled her to him. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Charli took his comfort, soaked it in, knowing the worst was yet to come. She pulled away and faced him.
“I was scared, Roark. So damned scared. There was nothing I could do. Or thought I could do. I sat there, staring at the broken shards of glass, wondering...” She watched his face harden, and his mouth flatten into a thin line.
“I thought, if I was going to die in that room, why not just do it myself.” Charli took another deep breath.
“I picked up a large piece and traced it along my wrist. Then I pressed it into my skin, cutting it. I did it over and over, knowing I wouldn’t kill myself that way, but ...
somehow, that pain was preferrable to the heartache I felt over thinking my mom abandoned me. ”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, fucked up was more like it.”
“Charli...”
“I was a confused, frightened kid. I didn’t know what I was doing or why I thought it helped at the time.
So, yeah, I was fucked up. And I thought I was going to die anyway, so what the hell.
When I’d marked up my left arm, I started on my left leg.
It was significant enough, and without food or water, I passed out.
Next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with my arm and leg bandaged, and Mom crying at my bedside. ”
Charli watched Roark close his eyes and inhale deeply. When he opened them and stared at her, his features had softened. He took her hands in his. “Go on,” he said softly.
“I remember having a dream that Owen was there, over my bed, reassuring me everything would be okay. But it wasn’t a dream, was it?”
“No. He told me and Bradley how he found out about what happened. He was so fucking pissed. He went up there, confronted your mother, and figured out something wasn’t right with her either.”
“It was true. Turned out, Mom had severe mental disorders that went undiagnosed. Bi-polar disorder and dissociative amnesia. She’d go through periods of withdrawal and depression, even losing her memory and having blackouts.
Other times, she’d be as coherent as you and I are right now.
And turns out, my grandparents had no idea I was even back.
She never told them. When she came home and unlocked my room, she freaked out and called 9-1-1. She didn’t remember leaving me there.”
“Fuck,” he swore again.
“Apparently Owen made sure to leave information about doctors and a counselor. I was upset he didn’t stay to see me or even leave his number, but maybe that was for the best at the time.
I may have begged him again to take us, both of us, with him.
But that drastic change for Mom probably would’ve been the worst thing for her. Maybe for me too. Who the hell can say.
“Anyway, we both started seeing a counselor, and Mom got a new physician and started a regimen of medications. But she needed reminders and supervision. I couldn’t leave her.
But I needed to work also. Or so I thought.
When I started doing the financials, I noticed monthly deposits going into her account but didn’t know the source.
And I didn’t remember Dad’s will. All the bank could tell me was the money came from a financial broker.
Nothing else. So, I didn’t question it. Who’s going to dispute free money? ” She chuckled.
Roark managed a small grin.
“Although Mom didn’t need to work, the routine was good for her and part-time work was perfect.
I eventually returned to school while also taking care of Mom.
After I graduated, I learned about the account Dad set up for me that I gained access to.
I used some of the money to go to tech school for automotive, plus, I had an interest in art, so I became a tattoo apprentice.
” She looked down at her arm a moment before looking at Roark.
“I’m a damn fine artist.” She grinned. “Within a year, I had my own client list and was making good money I started to sock away. I had one of the other female artists do all the work on me. Cover up the ugly with something beautiful and meaningful.”
“That it is.”
Charli swept her gaze over Roark’s chest and arms, inspecting his ink. “Yours are impressive as well. And damn sexy.” She wiggled her brows, making him laugh.
“Some represent my time in service. I was a sniper. Others represent the Club, as you can see.” He pointed to the SoS emblem. “Others are just shit I like as well as family heritage.”
“Shit you like,” she laughed. “Why not go all the way and retire from the Army?”
“I was needed here more,” he stated, leaving it at that.
She gave him a playfully stern look. “Don’t think I won’t circle back around to that, mister. But, back to me and Mom. We were doing well. She was in a good place, and life seemed on track for both of us. Besides working at the tattoo studio, I also worked at a garage, enjoying both jobs.”
“And why didn’t you eventually get back in touch with us? Reach out to let us know how life was?”
Charli felt her heart ache. “No excuse, and for that, I’m sorry.
Whenever I would talk about Dad, about the Club, Mom would get upset and wouldn’t want to hear it.
I tried again a few times but was met with resistance, so, I dropped it.
Which sucked. It really sucked not sharing memories or getting back in touch and making new ones.
I’m sorry, Roark. I should have done it and not told her. ”
“Hey, you did the best you could at the time. No need to be sorry for that. You and your mom were in a good place, and you didn’t want to jeopardize that. I’m just damn glad you’re here now. I’m sorry about Sherri and all you two went through. But I’m not sorry it brought you back.”
Charli nodded. “We finally visited my grandparents. They were shocked but pleased to see me. And even being older, they had an idea that Mom was having concerns but couldn’t make her see it.
They were happy to know she was getting help and doing better.
No way did I burden them with my problems.” Roark frowned.
“I was in a good place, and it was insignificant that they know. But along those lines, as they got further up in years, they started having health problems and needed help. They were set up well financially, so they gave me control of their affairs, and they moved into a nice assisted-care facility of their choosing. They spent six happy years there before passing within months of each other.”
“So much you went through. Took care of. And then...”
“And then Mom’s cancer diagnosis.” Charli blew out a breath.
“It was a blow. She started having excruciating headaches, then more frequent blackouts. We thought her meds needed adjusting again, but her levels all checked out fine. Got her scheduled for a scan which revealed a mass in her brain. It was too dangerous to operate, and she didn’t want to go through any type of chemo or radiation.
She figured it was her time. And four months later, she was gone. ”
The final words came out on a sob, and Roark stood, pulling her to her feet and into his arms.
“Oh, baby. I wish I could take away the pain. Every damn second of it.”
She held him tighter as he smoothed his hands across her back and over her hair.
“Being in your arms helps.”
“Then you can stay in them all night.”
She chuckled. “I was actually hoping for that.”
Roark pulled back enough to look her in the eye. “Good, because I planned on it.”
She nodded and smiled. “Did you want to shower before bed?”
“Hell, no. Not when I plan on getting sweaty again.”
“Oh, is that a fact?”
“You’re fed. Time for another round. Time to replace the bad memories with better ones.”
He scooped her up in his arms, causing her to yelp with delight.
Once they reached the bedroom, he dropped her onto the bed and pounced, covering her body and ravaging her mouth.
Charli squirmed beneath him, loving the feel of his body atop hers.
She wrapped a leg around his legs while spearing her fingers into his hair tugging on the strands.
Roark hissed, growled, and kissed her harder. Then proceeded to make sweet love to her before they fell into a deep sleep.