Chapter 78 Summer
SEVENTY-EIGHT
SUMMER
When I step outside, the cold night air bites my cheeks. Alec is sitting on the step, looking out over the fields. He has his phone in his hands.
“Hey.” I sit next to him, and the cold of the stone immediately leaches through my skirt.
He doesn’t answer, just turns his phone over and over between his fingers. I wait, listening to the distant sound of sheep baaing across the hills.
“They’re talking about you,” he says eventually. His voice is rough with anger.
“People online?”
He shows me his phone. I wince at the video on the screen.
It’s from the club last night. The lighting is awful, but you can still clearly see me sandwiched between all three men.
Alec is cupping my face, and Fraser and Cameron are both crowding behind me.
The video caption reads: “SUMMER FAYE IN A FOUR-WAY???”
The comments are exactly what you’d expect.
This girl’s life is bananas
Wait so is she dating three guys? How does that work? Do you just rotate…?
Can’t wait for the OnlyFans content to drop *tongue emoji*
She has young female fans. She should be ashamed of herself.
THE ONE WITH THE GLASSES IS MY BIAS <3
And on and on. Some commenters are scandalised. Some think it’s funny. A lot of them just seem confused.
I hand his phone back. “Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you do your grand gesture at an influencer event. Everyone films it.”
Alec pales. “I’m so sorry,” he says hoarsely. “I wasn’t thinking. I just saw you getting crowded by all of these people, and I had to get to you.”
“It’s okay.” I look up into the deep black of the sky. No stars tonight. “It’s getting Lochview’s account a ton of traffic, so…worth it.”
“I don’t care about the farm,” he bites out.
I blink. “Okay then.” I only spent all day trying to save it, but cool.
He shakes his head. “I mean, of course I care. Thank you for your help. But it’s not worth people being rude about you. The things some of them are saying…” He looks blackly at his phone.
“Don’t matter,” I finish for him. “Seriously. I don’t care.”
I really don’t. I’m not ashamed. I’m not embarrassed. Why should I be? I didn’t do anything wrong.
Wow. Is this personal growth?
Alec puts his phone in his pocket, and I realise his hands are shaking. “Are you okay?” I ask him. “You seem…not very well.”
He finally turns to look at me, and the emotion in his eyes is…indescribable. No one has ever looked at me with such raw, desperate want before. I feel myself blushing.
“Summer,” he says hoarsely. “I am so, so sorry for telling you to leave. It wasn’t— I was just so scared you’d get hurt here. That’s all I was thinking.”
“I know,” I say honestly. I know he’s sorry. That much is very clear. But I’m scared. I look out over the hills. They rise in the distance, black shapes topped with clouds.
All of my life, I’ve twisted myself up so people would like me. I’ve softened my edges. I’ve kept quiet when I’m upset. I’ve smiled and sparkled and been my best, bubbliest, most loveable self.
And it never really worked. No matter how hard I tried, I ended up discarded. Right now feels like a turning point. If I give in and just forgive Alec, he still might get sick of me eventually. And where would that leave me?
I do believe that he’s sorry. I just don’t trust him.
“I’m going back inside,” I say, getting to my feet. Alec nods, not moving as I open the door and head back into the warmth.
When I get into the lounge, I pause. Fraser has left the reading lamp on for me.
In the glassy amber light, I can see Crumpet curled up in Scout’s bed with him.
His head is laying protectively over her back as he watches me, tail flicking.
I look around the room, taking in the mismatched furniture and woollen rugs. My eyes prickle.
For a few short hours, I really thought this place could be my home. It’s odd to be homesick for a place you’re standing in.
The guest room door swings open, and Fraser appears in the hallway.
He’s changed into a T-shirt and joggers, and his auburn hair is loose.
“Okay, I did your sheets and put your favourite pillow in your bed. I hope—” He goes still and groans.
“God. Baby. No. Please, please don’t make me stand here and not hug you when you have actual tears in your eyes. ”
I step forwards into his chest. He lets out a wounded noise and wraps me up in his arms.
Maybe I’m being weak, but why shouldn’t I hug him?
Fraser never hurt me. Fraser was never anything but perfect.
He dips to press his lips to my hair. “Oh, you poor thing. You did so well today. You must be so tired,” he murmurs.
I don’t answer. Tears leak out of my eyes and melt into his soft T-shirt.
I am so, so sad. I thought I belonged here, and I don’t. I miss this place so much it hurts.
He rubs a hand up and down my back soothingly. “Aye, that’s it, sweetheart,” he murmurs. “Cry if you need to. God, look at you, expressing an emotion instead of bottling it up. I’m very impressed. Have you been practising?”
I snort against his shirt, and he smiles down at me sadly, wiping my cheeks dry with his thumbs. “I like you like this,” he says, like he’s telling me a secret. “I love you like this.”
I heave in a shuddering breath, my eyes falling to his lips.
There’s a footstep in the hallway. We both look up. Cameron is staring at us both. I can’t tell if he’s more jealous or horrified.
“Why’s she crying?” he demands. “Is she okay?”
It would be so easy to smile and tell him I’m fine. Instead, I just shrug.
Fraser groans. “She’s sad. ’Course she is. I’m sad. You’re sad. This is a sad situation. We love her, and we don’t know if she can stay.”
Cameron’s mouth clamps shut. He looks absolutely miserable.
My last string of self-control snaps. I hold my hands out. “Take me to bed?” I ask them both.
Fraser and Cameron lead me back to the guest bedroom.
Fraser drops onto the bed and tugs me into his arms. Cameron slides under the covers behind me and starts slowly smoothing a hand up and down the curve of my hip.
I close my eyes, overwhelmed by how good it feels to be pressed between them both again. For a moment, we’re all just quiet.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into the dark. “I still don’t know if I’m going to stay.”
Fraser sighs. “Aye. We know. You can’t really stay here if you don’t make up with Alec.” He tucks my head under his chin. “We’d go with you,” he murmurs. “Me and Cam. Back to London. Or anywhere else you want to go. It could be us three. But I guess that’s not what you want, is it?”
I shake my head, tears springing up again. The idea is tempting, but I’d feel awful separating the men, and I’d miss Alec terribly. Even now, it feels like there’s a gaping void where he’s meant to be.
“I’m not trying to be difficult,” I mumble into Fraser’s neck. “I’m just scared. Sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry,” Cameron speaks up, sounding annoyed. “When you’re afraid, it’s not your job to stop being scared. It’s our job to convince you you’re safe.” He presses closer, warm breath huffing against my cheek. “Love you,” he says simply.
“I love you,” Fraser repeats. I shiver, overwhelmed. “God. This is all I’ve wanted in the last week, London. Just this.” He squeezes me gently in his arms. “Missed it so goddamn bad.”
I nod. So did I. We all lapse into silence, breathing together.
Fraser lifts his head. “Almost as much as I missed our fingertips romantically touching whenever we cuddled her in bed, mate,” he whispers to Cameron. Cameron just grunts, pulling me in closer to his chest. I close my eyes.
When I sleep, I don’t dream at all.