Chapter 84 Summer
EIGHTY-FOUR
SUMMER
When I get back to the studio, Crumpet is sitting on the doorstep. I scoop her under one arm and carry her inside my little pink safe space. I’m buzzing with energy as I take in my racks of clothes.
They really could be made into collections with a bit of tweaking. I start rearranging them, grouping them together. As I do, I call Lulu.
“I want to do it,” I say without preamble when she picks up.
“Start your own label?”
“Yes.” I’m determined. “There’s so much I need to get sorted.
I need to meet with manufacturers. Everything will have to be ethically sourced, and I need to find a good accountant.
I don’t think my current one would be right for this, would he?
He focuses on sole traders, and I need— Oh shit, I’ll need to register with Companies House.
What should I do for packaging? I’d really want something biodegradable, and I guess it’ll be more expensive, and I’ll have to get it customised so it won’t be ugly— Ooh, I need a logo—”
Lulu snorts. “God, I love when your brain explodes on me. It’s been ages since you did this. Hang on. Get out of bed, please, babe.”
I hear a rough groan down the line and pause. “Lulu…are you with someone?”
“Yes? I told you, Andrew, he of the bin-lid hands.”
I check the clock. She should have just gotten to the resort a few minutes ago. “How did you even have time to do that? Did you just immediately toss him into bed?”
“How do you do it? Andrew, I need to work now, so…do up your trousers and go, okay? I’ll see you later.
” There’s a muffled man’s voice. “You have hands, don’t you?
” Lulu says dispassionately. “Giant ones, last I checked. I’m sure you can figure it out.
” There’s more talking, and then a door slams. “Christ, men can get so whiny, can’t they?
Do you have to put up with that three times over? You’re a saint.”
I’m horrified. “Lulu, I didn’t mean to interrupt—”
“Are you kidding? This is way more interesting. You’re starting a fashion line! Okay, I’m at a laptop. Explode your brain on me, babe, and I will turn all of your random thoughts into a colour-coded business plan.”
I flop down in my desk chair and pull out my sketchbook.
Time blurs as we talk. The sun dips in the sky. Eventually, hours later, we’re wrapping up most of the preliminary stuff. Lulu is making a list of contacts I can use, and I’m doodling logo ideas in my sketchbook.
“I need a name,” I realise.
“Summer the Label? House of Faye? Or—here’s an idea—procrastinate about it and pick a name five minutes before you have to hand in the paperwork.”
“That is my favourite method of doing anything,” I agree. My pencil swirls across the page mindlessly. I draw a bow. A heart. I add some lace and pull a face, writing a note next to it. Too Much?
I blink at the words. I’ve heard them all of my life. From my mum. From my tutors at uni. I flip a page and rewrite them in the dead centre, this time in swooping calligraphy.
Too Much?
I draw a little lipstick kiss underneath it and smile.
That’s cheeky. I like it.
“I think I have it,” I tell Lulu.
Suddenly, Crumpet bleats. I can hear voices outside the studio. It sounds like they’re arguing.
I pick out Alec’s deep tones. “She’s working,” he says. “I didn’t build her this spot so you could just disturb her.”
“Aye, well, what if she’s in there crying?” Cameron growls. “It’s been hours.”
Oh no. I only meant to be in here for a few minutes. I got caught up. “Lulu, I’m sorry, but I think I should go. “
“Are your men hanging around the door like giant puppies?” she says. “Okay, I’m going to set up meetings with some manufacturers. I’ll call you tomorrow, since I assume you’re being fed a four-course meal and then getting aggressively railed tonight.”
“That is my usual evening routine,” I admit.
“Ugh. I love when women get what they deserve. Ciao.” The line drops off.
I run to open the door. The three men pause mid argument, looking guilty. “Hi, sorry, I didn’t mean to be holed up in here for hours. I totally lost track of time.”
“Oh, it’s nae problem—” Fraser starts.
Cameron physically shoves him aside and grabs at me. “You’re okay,” he says gruffly, cupping my cheeks. “Not upset.”
I let him pull me into his chest. “No, I promise I wasn’t, like, curled up in here sobbing. I didn’t mean to worry you. I was working.”
“Aye?”
I nod, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to do it. I’m starting my own label.”
He pulls back to assess me, then nods once. “Good,” he mutters. “Tell me when you pick a name. I’ll carve a sign for your door.”
“God, is that all you have to say?” Fraser gripes. “Here, let me at her.” He shoves Cameron off me, picks me up, and twirls me. “I am so proud of you! My girlfriend, the fashion designer! You’re going to be amazing.”
“I hope so,” I mumble into his shirt.
He sets me back down, fixing my hair. “You will.” His face is fierce. He believes in me so much it makes me want to cry. No one has ever believed in me this much.
“Are you still working?” Alec asks, looking over my messy desk. “Would you like us to stop disturbing you?”
“No, I’m done for today.”
“Aye?” Fraser says, flopping down onto my sofa with me still in his arms. “What do you want to do then, sunshine? Want to watch a movie?”
“All four of us?” I look up at Alec. “Are you done working?”
Alec has been learning how to delegate these past few weeks. It’s hard for him. He still believes that things will go terribly wrong if he doesn’t control everything. But he’s hired more help and now takes evenings off, unless there’s an emergency.
“I’m all yours, sweetheart.”
I smile. “Then…I think I want to go for a swim.”
When we get to the boys’ swimming spot, the sun has dropped down over the hills.
The sunset washes over everything, illuminating the loch like a pool of amber.
I shiver on the bank as Alec carefully strips me down, his calloused fingers gentle.
When I’m completely bare, he kneels at my feet, pressing his mouth in a series of soft kisses up the inside of my thigh.
He’s taken this position a lot in the last month. He likes to kneel for me. I sigh, curling my fingers in his hair.
“All right. That’s enough of that,” Fraser announces, tossing me over his shoulder. That’s all the warning I get before he sprints us both into the loch.
The Scottish water slams into my body like a bomb. My shriek echoes off the hills, and my fingers scrabble against Fraser’s muscular back as I try to climb him. He just laughs, swimming me farther out.
“Thank you,” he says when we’re in the deep water.
“For what? Why do you never just let me walk in like a normal person?”
“I like it when you cling to me,” he admits.
“And I’m saying thank you for them.” He nods to the shore.
I follow his gaze. Alec and Cameron are wading towards us through the waves.
It looks like they’re bickering. As I watch, Cameron loses his footing, almost tripping on the loch bed.
Alec grabs him by the arm, obviously concerned.
Cameron rolls his eyes and sweeps up a wave of water, tossing it at Alec’s face.
“Thought I’d lost ’em,” Fraser says in my ear.
“Th-they were the ones who made up,” I get out through chattering teeth. “N-not me.”
“It was because of you,” he says fondly. “You’re magic, London. You’ve made everything better.”
I pull him into a numb kiss. He tugs me closer to his body heat.
“Are you really okay?” he murmurs into my hair. “Your mum is a piece of work. I’m so sorry.”
I nod, wrapping my arms tighter round his neck.
“Yeah. I think I’ve needed to have that conversation for a very long time.
I think…” I tip my head back to watch as four starlings play in the yellow sky, swooping over the water.
I take a deep breath. “I think it’s time to stop hiding.
I need to stop trying to please everyone, online and offline. Mum included.”
It’ll be something new for me, being myself. I don’t even know what it looks like. But I’m pretty sure the men will be willing to help.
Fraser beams, stroking wet hair off my face. “You don’t need to try at all for us, London,” he promises. “You just be. We couldn’t love you more.”
I pull him into another kiss.
As we make out, Alec and Cameron finally catch up to us both.
Alec presses up behind me, hot lips touching my throat.
Cameron slides in on my left, nuzzling my cheek.
I gasp as three mouths touch me all over—my jaw, my cheek, my neck.
Even though the water is cold, wedged between my men, I am so, so warm.
“I love you,” Alec breathes against my skin.
“Love you,” Fraser echoes.
“Aye,” is all Cameron says.
Tears glimmer on my eyelids, blurring the green and gold of the evening. I let them fall, mingling with my makeup and the loch water on my cheeks. I probably look a mess, but I don’t bother to hide it.
I don’t think I have to hide anything anymore.