Chapter Eleven #3
He had a beautiful smile. Anaxandra’s heart began to race a little faster and, instinctively, she smiled in return. It was the first time she’d ever smiled at him. It came as something of a shock when she realized she’d done it, but that didn’t stop her from continuing. The smile remained.
It felt rather natural.
“They always do a fine job,” she agreed. “This will be our late summer harvest, and everyone is very excited because our cook will prepare honeyed carrots and everyone loves them.”
Estevan peered into the wagon full of vegetables that seemed surprisingly organized. “Me too,” he said. “So ye keep bees?”
Anaxandra nodded. “We do,” she said. “In the forest to the east.”
“And no one steals yer honey?”
“Dogs guard the hives,” she said. “Moreover, who is going to steal from the Lady Templars?”
He snorted. “Only fools.”
“Only fools, indeed,” she said, dumping in the last basket of carrots and handing it back to the brown-haired child. She seemed to sober, eyeing him as if considering what to say next. “Did your friend enjoy his drink? The one you got in Dumfries?”
Estevan nodded. “It has soothed his throat,” he said. “But I think he’ll be down for a couple of days at least. Whatever illness infects Leonore is infecting him all the same.”
“Leonore. That is the woman you brought to us.”
“Aye.”
The conversation lagged, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Still, Anaxandra knew she should say something about Dumfries and the way they had left it. He didn’t seem angry now, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t harboring ill feelings toward her.
She really didn’t want that.
“If… if I was offensive to you in Dumfries, I did not mean it,” she said quietly. “I know you were only trying to be kind. But I must return the necklace to you because we are not permitted to keep personal possessions like that.”
He regarded her a moment, his pale eyes drifting over her. “I overstepped myself,” he said simply. “I dinna mean tae. Ye must remember I’m not used tae having interaction with nuns. Or with ladies who live in a convent. I forgot myself and I apologize.”
That was easier than she had expected, given the man’s bold nature. Anaxandra found herself staring at him in return, noting the square jaw, the straight nose, and the way his cropped hair seemed to go in all directions, like an unruly child’s. But she didn’t mind.
She rather liked it.
“It was not your fault,” she said. “I think we were both in a situation we have never been in before. It was… overwhelming for me.”
“Ye dunna think ye’d like tae return tae Dumfries someday?”
She nodded quickly. “I would,” she said. “I did not mean I wanted to stay away forever. I simply meant that I’d never been there before. There were a lot of people. A lot of things to see.”
“And a pushy Highlander forcing ye tae accept gifts and eat in a tavern,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “Ye’re not tae blame, lass. I should have been more thoughtful.”
She looked at him for a moment. “The fact that you would say such a thing is generous,” she said.
“And you tried to be kind about educating me on the Outworld. About courting and such. The truth is that I would like to know. I have lived in a world of only women, only knowing things about women, and only knowing men as living beings to be avoided and nothing more. You are a great mystery to me.”
He snorted softly. “Not much of a mystery, I promise,” he said. “And I’ll tell ye anything ye wish tae know.”
She smiled, her cheeks flushing red. “That is kind, but you probably will not be here long enough to tell me anything I should know,” she said. “You asked me what I planned to do if I did not become a nun. I became angry with you because the truth is embarrassing.”
“Will ye tell me?”
She took a deep breath, throwing caution to the wind. “I want to marry and have children,” she said. “But a dream like that in a place like this is forbidden. Please do not tell Mother Michael I have told you.”
He grew serious. “I would never betray what ye told me in confidence,” he said, moving closer to the cart. “But I do have a question.”
“What is that?”
“How do ye plan tae find a man tae marry if ye never leave the abbey?”
Her cheeks flushed further as she lowered her gaze.
“That is the question, isn’t it?” she said.
“The answer is that I do not know. I am not bound here, you know. I have taken no vows. But they did raise me from infancy, so I owe them my very life. I should like to find a wealthy husband who would donate a goodly sum of money to St. Margaret’s in payment for what they’ve done for me.
I would like to see St. Margaret’s thrive and become more of a charity order. ”
His brow furrowed. “What kind of charity?”
She shrugged, looking at the children who were carefully navigating the garden.
“We need a patron,” she said softly. “There are many children in need. Many women in need. St. Margaret’s was originally founded by a widow who wanted to provide a place for safety for widows and orphans.
But when the church became involved, as a patron, that is when it became religious.
But it is also a military place to protect the women and children, with violence if necessary.
This is not a pleasant place sometimes.”
He leaned against the side of the wagon. “It looks calm enough tae me.”
She shook her head. “What you see is a coexistence,” she said. “There are groups of us who live and work together. One group does not mingle with another group. I am part of the Bow Pack. There are other packs, like the Animal Pack, the Flame Pack, and the Moon Pack.”
He thought that was a curious thing. “Packs?” he repeated. “Like dogs?”
She nodded. “Like dogs.”
“But what do these packs do?”
She thought on the question. “The Bow Pack are the women who are trained in the crossbow, like me,” she said. “The Animal Pack tends the stables and yard, the Moon Pack is the night watch, and the Flame Pack tends the armories and weapons.”
“Interesting,” he said. “Ye function as several groups in one place.”
“We do.”
“What happens when ye’re required tae fight a battle?”
“That’s a simple thing,” she said. “It is the only time we come together as a whole, but even then, each group fights together in spite of the fact that we are under one command.”
“Mother Michael?”
She nodded. “Mother Michael was trained for her position since she was old enough to walk,” she said. “That is how this order picks their leaders—from birth.”
“I see,” he said, interested. “Who will succeed Mother Michael?”
Anaxandra shrugged. “That is another question right now,” she said. “No one has been selected yet. I’ve heard whispers that Mother Michael wishes me to succeed her, but that is not what I want.”
“Ye want marriage and children.”
Anaxandra nodded firmly on a subject she was passionate about. “Aye,” she said. “But I am worried.”
“What about?”
“That a husband would find my ability with the crossbow off-putting,” she said. “One time, an old widow came to lodge here and she said that men like women to wear fine things and be docile, not warriors. Is this true?”
He fought off a grin. “Some men, mayhap,” he said. “Not all. Some men might actually be proud of yer skill.”
That came as a surprise. “Truly?” she said. “Where could I find such a man? In London, mayhap? I hear that weaker men live in London and would be willing to accept a wife’s flaws.”
He rubbed at his chin, trying to rub away the smile he couldn’t seem to keep off his lips.
“I dunna think that is entirely true,” he said.
“A man who would be proud of yer skills could be anywhere. In London. In Nottingham. In Berwick. In Edinburgh. Even in the Highlands. It’s the heart of the man that defines his character and what he will accept, not where he lives. ”
That was new information to her. “I understand,” she said, mulling over what he’d said. “Then I suppose in order to meet such a man, I would have to leave the abbey and search for him.”
She clearly didn’t understand how it all worked, courtship and marriage, which was incredibly sad, in Estevan’s view.
The fact that Mother Michael didn’t see fit to explain even the most basic things about society, or men in general, was truly criminal.
But maybe she didn’t even know herself, trained in the abbey since birth as she was.
Estevan had never seen anything like it in his life.
But thinking on Mother Michael reminded him that he needed to find the woman.
But he was certain this conversation with Anaxandra wasn’t over. Not in the least.
He had ideas.
“There’s a little more tae it than that,” he said. “I’d be happy tae speak with ye about it later, but the truth is that I came here for a reason. I am looking for Mother Michael. Do ye know where I might find her?”
Anaxandra nodded, pointing to the far side of the garden where the oriel window in the wall was located. “There,” she said. “That is her chapel. Shall I tell her?”
“Would ye, please?”
Anaxandra nodded, stepping out from behind the cart and wiping her hands on her apron.
She smiled at Estevan nervously as she went, and he watched her walk over to the old stone wall with the doorway and the windows built into it.
He made his way back over to Titan as Anaxandra disappeared into the door in the wall.
“What was that all about?” Titan said.
Estevan kept his eye on the door. “I’ll tell ye later,” he said. “This place… it’s strange, Titan. These women know nothing about the world. They call anything outside of these walls the Outworld. Did ye know that?”
Titan shook his head. “I’d not heard that,” he said. “Where did that woman go?”
“To tell Mother Michael we wish tae speak with her.”
Titan turned to look at the door as well. “What did she say to you that makes you think this place is so strange?”