Chapter Five
Ages later—or maybe only a few minutes had passed—Logan pulled out of her and slumped beside her.
Shame consumed him. Not only had he lost all control and taken her like a heathen, he’d come inside her, risking his seed taking root in her belly.
He’d never done that with a woman before. He’d never been so thoughtless.
He ground his teeth and stared up at the rafters. “I’m sorry.”
She shifted in the bed, turning to face him. “Why?”
He dragged his gaze to focus on her. There was no reason to beat about the bush. They both knew what he’d done. “I hurt you. I spilled my seed inside you.”
She went very still, a frown frozen on her face. She was silent for a long moment. Finally she said, in a lethally quiet voice, “I really want to hit you right now, Logan Douglas.”
He stared at her in shock, and then he understood. “Of course you do.”
He forced his languid muscles to rise to a seated position at the edge of the bed. He found his shirt on the floor and picked it up. “If there is a child . . .” He sucked in a breath. “I will do whatever you wish, Maggie.” Angrily, he brushed the back of his hand over his brow. “Forgive me.”
“Stop it!” Rising onto her knees behind him, she slid her arms around him, and it was his turn to freeze. “You silly, foolish man. Stop apologizing.”
She slid around his torso to settle on his lap, wrapping her legs around him, and he couldn’t avert the surge of arousal her touch elicited. She framed his face in her hands and pulled it down to hers. She kissed him on the lips. “That was exactly what I wanted. What I needed.”
“I hurt you,” he said stubbornly.
She kissed his nose. “No, Logan.” She brushed her lips over his eyebrows. “No. You gave me pleasure.” She pressed her mouth against his forehead. “So much pleasure.”
“I came inside you,” he said, unable to keep the self-condemnation from his voice.
She touched her forehead to his. “I know,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for that.”
“It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s mine. I pushed you. If I am with child, it is my own doing. It’s not your fault.”
“I will stay with you until we know.”
“That’s not necessary. I know you are in a hurry to get home. If there is a child, I can care for it. My clan will help. No one would turn me or the babe away.”
“Nevertheless, I will remain until we know. And if there is a child, I will take you north with me.”
She pressed her lips to his jaw. “Let’s not think about it anymore. There’s no point agonizing over a remote possibility.”
He pushed his fingers against his temples.
Her words hit him like slaps in the chest. Of course she didn’t want to discuss leaving her clan to come home with him.
The truth shouldn’t surprise him. She was a MacDonald, and these mountains were her home, not the flat wildlands of the northernmost part of Scotland.
It was ludicrous to expect her to leave everything she’d ever known for a mere stranger she’d been trapped with in an abandoned cottage.
Further, she was the MacDonald laird’s cousin, and he doubted that MacDonald would sacrifice his kinswoman to a man from so far who possessed comparatively little. A match between Logan and Maggie would do nothing for her clan.
Groaning to himself, he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her against him, burying his face in her hair. “I’m a brute.”
“Aye.” She pressed her cheek against his chest. “And that’s just how I want you to be.
If you were any other way, I wouldn’t—” She broke off abruptly, and he cocked his head in question.
Glancing up at him, she gave him a half smile.
“I wouldn’t like you nearly as much as I do. I feel utterly secure with you.”
Confused as hell, he frowned. She made no sense. “How could you say you feel secure with me when I treated you no better than that Munroe bastard?”
She went stiff in his arms, and fire flared in her blue eyes. “You’re nothing like Innes Munroe. Nothing!”
“I was rough with you, as he was. And worse, I took it further.”
“No, Logan!” She pounded a little fist against his chest, and he looked down at it in surprise.
“You were rough, but it was . . . it was . . . exquisite roughness. It was perfect.” She made a grating noise of aggravation.
Her hands flew upward, and she took hold of his shoulders and tried to shake him. “Listen to me.”
He stared at her, perplexed. She was so . . . He didn’t know. He just knew he’d never met a woman like her. Never met a woman who made him feel.
“I have never really desired roughness . . . but just now, with you, I wanted it. And I was right. . . . It felt . . . well, I’ve never felt anything like it.
I’ve never gone . . . felt . . . that explosion .
. . that peak . . .” Her voice dwindled, and she looked away, frustrated, her lips so taut they turned pale.
He widened his eyes in amazement. She’d never experienced an orgasm before. He couldn’t prevent the male satisfaction that flooded through him at that admission. He gathered her tight against him, fighting the prideful grin doing its best to split his face.
“It’s never felt so . . . good,” she finally said on a sigh. She reached up to touch his face. “Now do you understand?”
“Aye.” He pressed his lips into her hair. “But it still doesn’t change the fact that I might have given you a child.”
She leaned against him, her cheek against his chest, and they sat in comfortable silence for a while. Logan ran his hands up and down her spine, allowing the odd feeling of contentment to flow through him.
Finally, she took a deep breath. “When I was married to Duneghall, I prayed for a babe.”
“Did you?” he murmured.
“In our fifth month of marriage, I discovered I was with child.”
Logan fought the stiffening of his muscles as some emotion he couldn’t decipher clawed at his chest.
“But,” she continued, “I lost the babe a few weeks later. And then, before the midwife said I was healthy enough to try again, Duneghall was killed.”
A sudden, hot burst of possessiveness nearly overwhelmed him. He wished she’d never been married. He hated that another man had her first. If he’d known her then, he never would have allowed it.
He slammed the lid on those roiling emotions as quickly as they’d flared within him.
Those were thoughts he shouldn’t be having.
He and Maggie were from different clans from different regions.
They led separate lives. He couldn’t let his feelings for her stand in the way of the responsibility that had been his sole focus since he watched his brother die.
He wasn’t even certain she felt anything but a temporary carnal attraction toward him.
He laid her on the bed and tucked the covers around her. Vulnerability softened her oval face and his heart tightened. Leaning over her slight form, he stroked her cheek with the back of his finger. “I’m sorry you lost a child.”
She gazed up at him with shining eyes. “I still feel sad sometimes, but it was long ago.”
He glanced back at the hearth, remembering it was Christmas Eve. “I should stoke the fire.”
“Aye.” She smiled. “We must keep the elves away.”
As he stacked another block of peat on the dwindling flames, she asked, “Why haven’t you married?”
He shrugged. “I never felt compelled to. My brother was the heir, and he married young.”
“Does he have sons?”
“No. Three daughters.”
“So you were his heir, and his holdings are now yours.”
He nodded. Logan had always coveted his independence. He’d never wished for his brother’s many responsibilities, but now that they were his, he wouldn’t shirk them.
He turned back to Maggie. There was a chance that she could be carrying his heir. Yet another newfound responsibility, but not one he wished away, he realized with no small measure of surprise.
He wanted her beside him. He never felt so right as he did with Maggie MacDonald.
He hesitated, staring at her flushed cheeks, the contrast of her black hair against her pale skin. She roused him in every way. He wanted to lie beside her, and yet . . .
“Come to bed,” she said quietly.
“You don’t wish me to sleep on the floor tonight?”
“No.”
He moved onto the bed and turned on his back, staring at the ceiling with his hands clasped behind his head.
“You were so cold that first night after you awoke,” he murmured.
“Aye, I was.”
“After you fell asleep . . .”
She lay very still, waiting for him to continue.
“I lay beside you for a while. I couldn’t let you suffer,” he said. “Not even in sleep.” He turned to her, and when he saw the understanding in her expression, relief washed through him.
“I needed your warmth, but I was too proud and too afraid to admit to it.”
He turned back to face the ceiling beams, staring up at the wisps of smoke gathering in the thatch.
“I dreamed about it, you know,” she murmured.
“Did you?”
“Aye. I dreamed that someone was near, keeping me safe and warm. It felt so right, in my dreams. In life, though . . . well, I spurn such closeness, even from people I know. I’m accustomed to being on my own, you see.”
“As am I.”
“Nevertheless . . .” Her voice dwindled and she tried again. “I find I like the feeling of you lying beside me. It’s . . . comfortable.”
“Aye,” he agreed.
“It feels safe.” She made a small noise of confusion. “It’s an odd feeling.”
He gazed up at the ceiling in complete understanding. “Aye.” They lapsed into a companionable silence, comfortable and warm, the lengths of their bodies touching lightly as they lay side by side.
“Did you love your husband?”
Logan frowned, wondering where the hell that question had come from, and why he’d asked it. He didn’t even want to know the damned answer. He gave himself a mental smack on the forehead and spoke in a tight voice. “Forgive me. You don’t have to respond.”
“It’s all right,” she said. “I did love him, but I was very young. I think of love differently now.”
“How old were you?”
“Nineteen when he died. Eighteen when we married.”
“Ah.” That made her about twenty-f our. Five years younger than he was.