Chapter Nine #3
Leaving Kinloch was, to be sure, the very last thing I wanted to do.
This place had been nothing but a magical sanctuary for me, as though a figment of a wondrous dream.
I didn’t want to be its downfall. I couldn’t bear the thought of this peaceful, beautiful place being overrun and sullied by Ogilvie and his men.
I envisioned Ogilvie warriors on horseback, storming into the keep, cutting down workers, trampling the gardens, bloodying this family.
I couldn’t abide the thought of the people of this clan—Christie, Ailie, Effie, even Kade and the gruffly protective laird himself—being put in harm’s way because of my own willful desertion.
That my own warrior might be placed in danger was a thought I simply could not tolerate.
Not when there was something I could do to prevent it from happening.
Triggering an attack by Ogilvie forces would be far more catastrophic than simply removing myself, for a time.
I could return to the cave, to remain hidden.
Maybe, after some time had passed, Ogilvie’s ire would fizzle out; maybe he’d forget about me as he concentrated on the Ossian Lochs rebellion and the conquest of other, newer potential mistresses.
And maybe then, I might be allowed to return to the Mackenzies.
To remove myself from Wilkie: the thought sent actual shards of pain through my heart. But a temporary separation would be better than death. To lose him through battle—a battle caused by me—would be unbearable, especially when I could so easily defuse the situation by simply disappearing.
“I must go,” I said, pulling away from Wilkie’s grip. “I’ll not have Ogilvie attacking you, when it’s me he wants. ’Tis not right for me to put you in danger as I’ve done.”
Wilkie grabbed my arm. He looked at me warily. Kade, too, looked thoughtful, as though I’d surprised him.
“What’s your meaning, lass?” Wilkie asked, almost impatiently.
“I mean I must go! Away from here! If they come looking for me and storm your keep, you might be hurt. Any of you. Ogilvie has a strong army. I know, I’ve watched them and walked among them.
Ogilvie can be a cruel and devious man. If I go, then they’ll leave you in peace.
” I tried to pry his fingers from my arm, and I was ashamed to feel the hot prick of tears welling in my eyes.
“I must go, warrior. Give me back my weapons. Release your grip on me.”
Wilkie’s clasp on my arm did not release; instead, it grew tighter, so tight that it pained the injury he had inflicted on me with his sword only weeks ago.
“Please, Wilkie,” I said, and the tears were streaming freely now.
I felt frantic with fear and despair at the thought of leaving him, of putting behind the beauty of him and all that surrounded him, to resume my exile, alone, and through the long days and cold nights across the windswept Highlands.
But it was the only thing I could do to keep them safe.
“Don’t be daft, lass,” Wilkie said, pulling me back to him. It riled me that he seemed to be entirely dismissive of my resolve. In fact, he appeared almost annoyed.
I struggled against his hold, but he held me with both hands now, and I couldn’t dislodge his grip.
“If I go now,” I said, “and if Ogilvie’s troops arrive, you can tell them that I was here, but that I’ve fled you.
That you didn’t know which direction I’d taken.
They’ll come after me, and they’ll not bother you over this again.
” My tears still flowed, and they shamed me.
I should be stronger than this. I turned to Wilkie’s stormy-eyed brother, who contemplated me with an expression I hadn’t seen in him before.
He looked almost...sympathetic. But my own voice sounded soulless, distant. “Kade, can you retrieve my weapons?”
Kade eyed me, then he looked at Wilkie. I couldn’t see the expression in Wilkie’s eyes as he returned his brother’s gaze. “Nay, lass,” Kade said.
The thought of making the trek alone, pursued, and without my sword was unthinkable. But then it occurred to me that I’d left my knife at the cave. And my blanket and bowl. The fruit. And my mother’s pin. I would start there, camp the night, then make my way toward Macduff’s at first light.
“You make things more difficult for me,” I informed him, “but if that’s to be the way of it, then so be it.” I tried again to pry Wilkie’s fingers loose from my arms.
“Warrior,” I said, with as much authority as I could summon. “Unhand me.”
“Nay, Roses,” he said, his voice low and calming, as though he was speaking to a spooked horse that was threatening to bolt.
“You are not leaving this keep. Ogilvie’s men are of little threat to us.
Our army is far superior to his, and our walls are sound.
We have guards in place and our weapons are at the ready.
Our keep is well protected. And so are you. ”
It was then that I lost myself. I put my hands over my face, and Wilkie allowed this, loosening his embrace slightly.
I sobbed with the shame of bringing this upon them, with the fear I felt for them, and for myself, for all that was lost to me: my family—twice—my sense of worth, my distance from ever feeling a real sense of belonging, my constant, tiring vigilance against a predator who had watched me for many years.
I lost myself then because Wilkie, my warrior, had managed to unfurl all of those feelings of injustice and inadequacy.
With his grip and his words, with his touch and his promises, he’d given me everything I’d long craved and everything I’d ever wanted, if I had ever been so bold as to imagine such things.
Now, my whole heart and my whole soul desired nothing else but to stay with him and to believe him.
Wilkie held me against his chest and let me cry. My tears wet his tunic. He wrapped his strong arms around me. And Christie and Ailie were there, too, comforting me.
“Roses,” said Ailie, her eyes wide. “We’ll not let you wander alone. You’ll stay with us. We’ll hide you and take care of you.”
“You’d be killed for certain, Roses,” added Christie. “And who knows what else might happen if Ogilvie’s men caught you? It doesn’t bear thinking about.”
Even Kade said, “We would not be honorable men if we cast you out, lass, knowing full well you were in grave danger. Let us do what we are trained to do—defend our keep and all who reside within it.”
“You’re mine now, Roses,” said Wilkie. “My clan and my family will protect what’s mine. ’Tis their honor and their duty.”
I thought of Wilkie’s own duty, to his brother and laird. “Laird Mackenzie wishes me to go. He sees the trouble I bring, the disruption and the danger.”
It was Kade, surprisingly, who reassured me.
“Our brother’s thoughts are embroiled in military alliances and the continued fortification of our army, at all times.
’Tis true he is somewhat more reluctant to recognize what we all can clearly see—that Wilkie has become not only smitten but thoroughly obsessed with you.
We should all be so fortunate to find such a powerful connection.
” Kade sounded almost wistful at the thought.
Upon first meeting him, I would not have picked him for a romantic, but he was decidedly less threatening as these unexpected layers of his personality revealed themselves.
I wiped my eyes, having some difficulty absorbing the kindness of them.
It was potent and life-affirming. And it had been a very long time since I’d felt real affection of this kind.
My parents had given it, whole-heartedly.
Ismay, as well. And now the Mackenzies, even those I had never expected it from.
“I’m sorry I’ve brought this upon you,” I said.
“What you’ve brought upon us,” said Kade, “is a brother who is crazed by you to such an extent that he could very well cut down Ogilvie’s entire army single-handedly. I’d not worry overmuch about the caliber of our forces if I were you.”
Wilkie continued, choosing not to acknowledge Kade’s remark.
“Ogilvie knows he has little chance of overpowering our men and storming our keep. My guess is that they’re bluffing.
Knox is of a mind to invite Ogilvie, alone, and discuss it in a civilized manner.
’Tis likely that we can offer him a trade of some description.
Bribes have a way of smoothing grievances. ”
I hoped he was right.
Wilkie wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “All right, then? No more daft talk of running off?” He gave me a look of gentle sternness. “You know I’d come after you, so it’s safer for all of us if you stay right where you are.”
“Are you certain? I couldn’t bear it if anyone here was harmed because of me.”
“And I,” Kade retorted, “couldn’t bear if Ogilvie, the lout, were to better a single man of ours. I’d consider our leadership decidedly faulty.”
“’Tis settled, then, lass,” said Wilkie, as though impatient to be done with the entire discussion. “Agreed?”
I nodded. And I admit, I felt a euphoric sense of relief, that I wouldn’t have to leave him and wander alone across the hills, with men on my trail and but a single knife in my possession.
And that my sleeping quarters tonight would not be in a lonely cave but in the plush and occupied bed of Wilkie Mackenzie.
“Good. Let’s eat,” said Wilkie. “I’m half starved.”
* * *
“WE WANT TO TAKE ROSES on a stroll through the orchards,” Christie informed her brother. “She’s been cooped up for days and the fresh air would help restore her to full health.”