Chapter 22
“Jean? I am sorry. I should never have sent ye with Alistair.”
“‘Tis not yer fault,” she said absently and glanced down at her hands. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it.
They’d stopped at a creek a few hours ago so they could wash the blood away.
It had stained her clothes, but he’d wiped her hands before they even left.
It was the least she could do, but she couldn’t stop staring at them.
An ugly bruise had formed on her jaw, and while he was thankful that it wasn’t broken, his blood boiled whenever he looked at it.
All the things that had happened to her while she was under his protection, and now this.
“I will make this right, Jean. I swear it.”
“Make what right?” For the first time since they’d washed, she looked over at him.
“Ye did as yer father ordered. Ye didnae know that men would be waiting in the woods.
My father always warned that it would happen, but ‘tis not on ye. ‘Tis not on Alistair either. We were outnumbered. That man’s death? That is also not for ye to make right. I thought I could be a warrior. That I could fight. He deserved the punishment that ye had meted out for him, but I couldnae let him suffer like that. And now I am sick to my stomach. I close my eyes and see his blood on me. What kind of warrior does that make me?”
“A human one.” All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her until she stopped trembling, but he couldn’t risk it until they were back on Armstrong lands.
She’d be strong until then. He knew it, but he hated that she had to be strong at all.
“A good warrior isn’t one who needs to kill. ‘Tis one who protects. I wanted vengeance. I wanted him to suffer. Ye protected him from that.”
With a nod, she stared straight ahead. “Will we make it to the keep by nightfall?”
She didn’t know where they were. That was not a good sign. “Nay, but we will make it to Armstrong lands. I know a place we can stay and be safe. Tomorrow, we will be at the keep by noon.”
“That’s good,” she whispered. “I dinnae think that I can face my mother and father right now.”
Grimly, Liam looked ahead. They still had a few hard hours to ride, and he needed to be alert to their surroundings. Still, he couldn’t help but keep one eye on her and worry.
The sun had just dipped below the horizon when they reached their destination. His bones ached from the hard ride, and he knew Jean must have felt ten times worse, but she hadn’t complained at all.
“Where are we?” She asked as she stared at the large building.
“‘Tis meant to be a guardhouse,” he said with a note of pride in his voice. “My idea. We began building it last summer, but we had to stop when hard rains made the area too unstable. We should start building again in the next month.”
“Why here?” She dismounted and held onto her mare as she stumbled for a bit. Liam jumped and reached for her, and she leaned against him. “Ye knew the territory needed more protection, didn’t ye?”
“Aye. I have been telling my father for the last few years. I wanted to add a guard station along the river, but he pushed back. He said that some people wanted their isolation. This was my compromise, and he agreed to it. It can house three dozen warriors, which means if we need to send men to Sinclair or MacKay lands, these men will be that much closer.”
She was practically boneless against him, and while he enjoyed her closeness, the fact that she was letting him help her bothered him.
“Go inside. ‘Tis not furnished, but it will provide cover and shelter for the night. I will take the horses around the back and water them. There’s a well, so I’ll bring in water as well. ”
“I can help,” she whispered but made no move toward the guardhouse. “What can I do?”
“Find us a place to sleep and put a dinner together with what’s left in my pack.” A thought occurred to him. “No, strike that. Come with me. I want us to go in together and make certain that it is empty.”
“I can do that.”
“Together, Jean. We will do it together. Neither of us is at our best fighting strength.”
At that, she straightened and grabbed her mare’s reins.
Liam took her hand and squeezed it as they walked around to the back.
He didn’t expect any trouble, but he scanned the area.
The barn had been built first, so there was an area for the horses to drink and rest. There was no feed, so he let them wander and graze first. They wouldn’t go far.
After they walked the covered area of the stone structure, he was satisfied that no one was waiting for them.
She carried the packs inside to spread out some food, and he went back to the well for more water.
By the time he returned, she had a blanket spread.
“Wash up. I’m going to get the other bucket and get some more water. I’ll fill our canteens as well.”
He returned, and she’d found some candles. “There’s a hearth that looks like it might hold a fire, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to light one.”
“Aye, we should light one. There’s still a stack of wood in the back.”
Darkness had well and truly blanketed the sky by the time the fire was lit. He washed as best as he could and joined her on the blanket. When she looked at him, he drew her close. “Have ye eaten anything?”
“Aye. I didnae think I would have an appetite, but apparently I was wrong.” Once again, she relaxed against him. “Do ye remember the first person ye killed?”
A memory surfaced, and he stroked his fingers up and down her arms. “I do.”
“Ye dinnae have to tell me.”
“I dinnae mind. It was in circumstances verra different from yers. Circumstances that I’d been trained and prepared for.
I was fifteen. Nico was three years older than me.
He’d been accused of beating his wife. My father takes charges like that verra seriously.
There were enough witnesses to exile him, except that he trespassed back onto the lands.
He went after his wife. I was there, helping her pack.
She was only a year older than me. Too young to marry, in my father’s opinion, but she’d come from a different clan, and Nico had married her there.
She wanted to go home. Didnae understand why.
Her laird was the one who’d married her off.
There was no one to protect her. I wanted to keep her there. ”
“Ye wanted to protect her.”
Liam smiled briefly. “Aye. I suppose I did. Nico came in. We fought. We’d fought together before, and I knew his weaknesses. He assumed that since I was younger, he would best me. He was wrong. He was my first kill.”
Silence followed his story, and for a moment he thought Jean had fallen asleep. Then, she stirred and faced him. “What happened to the woman?”
“She is still an Armstrong and protected by those who surround her. My father hopes that she will marry again, but he has promised not to encourage it too much. My mother pokes him whenever he brings it up.”
“And how did ye feel afterward?”
“My father woke me up about two days later. My things were already packed. We rode out at dawn, and we were gone for a week. There was no destination in mind. One day we went North. The next we went West. We camped and spent a good amount of time in silence. When we headed back, he reminded me that life is precious. Avoiding a kill is ideal, but that is not always possible when your own life or someone else’s is threatened. ”
“The guard would have killed Alistair.”
“Aye.” Liam closed his eyes. “I made a choice out of anger. Ye made one of mercy.”
Since there were no words he knew that could comfort her, he held her and willed her to fall asleep. Tomorrow, he would get her back to the keep, to safety. If she were smart, she would go home and back to her life as a princess who dreamt of being a warrior.
But she wouldn’t.
He knew Jean well, and he knew that she would not hide. Not even from this. Once she got her bearings, she would push onward. She was a warrior, whether she believed it or not at the moment.
He wasn’t getting any sleep either. Instead, he was distracted by the curve of her body leaning against his, and images of his dreams kept popping up in his head, as well as that kiss.
This was not the time to be thinking about that, though. She was hurting. She was scared. He needed to comfort her and nothing more.
“Liam,” she whispered. “I need ye.”
So lost in his thoughts and his guilt, he hadn’t even realized she’d shifted.
Her face looked up at him, and her mouth parted.
Thoughts in his mind instantly tangled, and he said nothing as he reached up and curved her hand around his head.
He didn’t resist when she pulled his head down and pushed herself up higher on her knees.
And when their lips touched, he wrapped his arms around her and surrendered to his own needs.