Chapter 8
Elspeth went to dinner with a feeling of dread in her stomach.
The table was laden with food, a far more sumptuous feast than anything she had been used to before, except when she had attended Laird Gallach’s party.
She thought about the broth she had in the tavern and how simple it had been compared to this.
No doubt Angus would have been annoyed that Finlay was feasting on such fine food when he had to make do with gristle.
She wore a pale green dress but did not wear her hair in a ponytail as she remembered that Finlay said he didn’t like it.
She wanted to please him and hoped that it would go some way to soothing his anger.
He had bathed since his training, so he smelled fresh.
His hair shone, and his tunic stretched tightly over his taut muscles.
He ate greedily, for he had worked up quite an appetite.
But they ate in silence. Elspeth was waiting for him to apologize or at least bring up the matters they had discussed earlier, but he seemed content to focus on the meal.
Elspeth certainly wasn’t going to bring anything up with him as she could not predict his mood.
She did not want to be shouted at again, and she certainly wasn’t going to bring up the prospect of his clansmen talking about a rebellion as she was afraid of being called a spy.
Elspeth occasionally sighed, trying to goad him into a conversation.
There were times when he glanced at her, but otherwise he seemed intent on enjoying his meal in peace.
It seemed as though he was used to eating alone, and he hadn’t gotten used to the change in circumstances yet.
Candles flickered in the middle of the table.
There was more food than either of them could eat.
The vegetables were crunchy. The meat was tender and chewy.
Elspeth had a little more wine that she had on her wedding night.
It had a rich flavor and was heavy as it slid down her throat.
Her thoughts turned to the wedding night.
Would he expect to make love again? It was her wifely duty, but after seeing how cruel he had been, it was difficult for her to feel affection for him.
He ate savagely, attacking the food rather than eating it, and she turned her eyes away for she feared that she had married a brute.
Once he was finished, Finlay stretched his arms out wide and patted his stomach.
“That will give me enough energy tae make it through the night.” His gaze turned towards Elspeth.
“Now then, my lady, it’s time we were getting tae bed.
Our heir is nae gaeing tae make himself.
” He rose from the table and looked at her expectantly.
Elspeth dabbed the corners of her mouth with a cloth.
“Actually, I was thinking about taking an evening walk before the hour draws too late. I have always found comfort in the night.”
Finlay frowned. “Then I shall come with ye.”
Elspeth shook her head. “I am nae a child. Ye dinnae hae tae worry about me. The moon and the stars shall watch over me.”
“Aye, they might watch, but they will nae defend ye from the dangers that lurk in the night. I’m nae haeing ye gae out there alone.”
Part of Elspeth was dismayed as she wanted to spend some time to herself gazing up at the stars and thinking of her family, but the fact that he wanted to protect her was touching.
Although she couldn’t be sure that those were his true intentions, or if he was just making sure that she wasn’t going to run away.
They left the castle grounds and slipped into the night.
The air was chilled, and their breath swirled as they breathed.
Shadows slanted across the high mountains, and the moon was a crescent in the sky.
Wispy clouds drifted across the starlit sky, and it seemed as though a million jewels were twinkling.
They strolled along a path that led into the forest, among the spindly trees that looked like spider webs.
The trunks and the branches were pale white.
Occasionally there was a flutter of wings and a hoot, and then some scurrying movement among the bracken.
It was quiet and still, calm. Finlay walked beside her, strong and powerful.
Now that she was out in the woods, she was grateful for his insistence to come as she knew she would have been frightened otherwise.
At one point, she was so distracted by peering into the veil of darkness that she did not see a rise in the ground from an old fallen branch.
It was cast in darkness, and she caught her foot on it.
Elspeth went tumbling forward and braced herself for the shock of crashing against the ground when two strong arms wrapped around her and caught her in mid-air.
Elspeth’s chest rose and fell frantically as she gazed up at her husband.
The moonlight caught his face in such a way as to cast it in ethereal light.
He looked beautiful, as though he was from another world.
Her body melted into his; she felt so safe with him.
Once Finlay was sure that she was unharmed, he released her, and she stood up properly, examining herself.
She scowled as she looked down and saw that one side of her dress had been caught on some thorns as she had fallen and torn a great gash up the side.
She would have to go into town to get some fabric to fix it.
“Thank ye for catching me,” she said as they continued.
“Ye are my wife. I wilnae let any harm come tae ye.” From another man those words would have been sweet, but he showed so little emotion it was impossible to tell whether they came from his heart or his sense of duty.
They continued on for a while longer. The trail wound around and flowed down a slope.
The trees thinned and eventually opened up on a vast lake.
It stretched out for what seemed like miles, and it looked like black glass.
The moon and the stars were reflected upon the surface, and Elspeth found it utterly beautiful.
She swept her dress under her legs as she sat down and gazed out at the lake.
Finlay joined her. The silence between them this time was not as tense as it had been during dinner.
Rather it was comfortable, as though they were both enjoying what nature had to offer.
“This is a beautiful spot,” she said quietly, almost to herself.
“It is. Ma used tae bring me out here,” Finlay said with a deep breath. “I hae nae been out here for a while.”
“Because it reminds you of her?” she asked. Finlay nodded. “What happened to her? I hae heard mention of her a few times, but naebody haes told me much about her. All I know is that the wedding dress I wore was hers and that she used tae tend the gardens.”
Finlay nodded again. “Aye, she did. They were her pride and joy.”
“I thought that I might try tae make them beautiful again. I know something about flowers, and I think it’s a shame tae let all of that space gae tae waste with weeds and vines.”
“She would like that. I was nae able tae take care of them like she was.”
“What happened tae her, Finlay?” Elspeth asked. As she looked at him, he gazed out to the lake, his face set in stony silence. His jaw clenched, and his eyes were as dark as night.
“It happened when I was young. Bandits came and attacked the clan. Ma was trying tae help people, tae get them intae the castle where they would be safe. But what she didnae realize was that one of our own men haed betrayed us tae the bandits. She trusted them, but they lured her away and killed her. My da fought them off eventually, but the damage haed already been done.”
Elspeth’s heart broke at the story. She reached out and squeezed his arm. It was thick and hard, and since he didn’t move or make any noise at all, she had no idea if he appreciated the gesture or not. “Is that why ye were worried I was a spy?” Elspeth asked.
“I apologize for that. That was wrong of me. Ye caught me at a bad time. When I’m training, my mind is in a daze. I cannae control my temper. I know ye are nae a spy Elspeth, but why would ye be saying something like that?”
“I heard men talking in the tavern,” she admitted, hoping that Finlay wouldn’t lose his temper again. Instead, he scoffed and waved his hand dismissively in the air.
“People will always talk and grumble. It’s what keeps them happy. I wouldnae pay much attention tae it. I hae heard the same thing all my life.”
“I just dinnae want anything tae happen tae ye, Finlay. This place is sae different from Kilin. Yer uncle?—”
“I’m nae my uncle. I’m nae my father either.
I’m making sure that my clan is nae gaeing tae be attacked again.
I’m making sure they’re safe from bandits and anyone else who might threaten us.
I dinnae care for balls and feasts.” There was an edge to his voice, and Elspeth was afraid of continuing down this path of conversation lest it anger him again, and all the progress she had made was lost. Instead, she decided to reveal a truth about herself.
“I lost my ma when I was very young tae.”
Finlay arched an eyebrow and turned his gaze towards her. “Bandits?”
“My brother,” Elspeth said. Finlay looked confused for a moment before Elspeth explained.
“She died in childbirth. It was supposed tae be a happy occasion.” Elspeth’s voice was ladened with emotion.
She thought by now she would have been over all of this, but it still hurt just as much as when it had happened.
“I’m sorry tae hear that. I know how much ye must miss her. It’s as though some of the light went out of the world when mine died.”
Elspeth looked up at him with compassion, for that was exactly how she felt.
She slipped her hand down his arm and nestled her palm against his.
He squeezed hers, and there was a moment of genuine tenderness between them.
When she looked up at him now, she didn’t just see the callous giant, but a vulnerable man who had suffered great tragedy, just as she had.
It made her feel as though they were not too dissimilar at all, and it gave her hope that they might find a way forward together in the future.
“And yer da died tae. Sae did mine, of disease, six years ago.”
“That’s when Ma died. How did yer da die?”
“Disease. It was horrible tae watch him waste away. He was in sae much pain that it was a relief when he was finally taken from me.”
“Ye hae been alone for a long time,” Elspeth said.
Finlay nodded and looked down at their hands entwined together.
He wasn’t alone any longer. They stayed by the lake for a while, sitting in silence as they mourned the families they had lost. Now that she knew what had happened to Finlay’s parents, it helped to explain his behavior.
He had been alone for a long time, so he was used to doing things his own way without having to take other people into account.
And he was naturally suspicious because of the betrayal his mother had suffered.
It was no wonder that he pushed everyone away because then nobody could betray him.
Eventually, Elspeth suggested they head back to the castle as the temperature was dropping, and she was beginning to shiver.
She was more careful when walking back this time and did not stumble or trip.
They returned to the bedchamber. The bed yawned before her like a chasm, promising fear and uncertainty.
Elspeth’s stomach twisted in a knot while Finlay undressed and slipped into bed.
“Are ye joining me, or are ye gaeing tae stand there all night?” he asked, opening the blanket to offer her space underneath.
Elspeth nodded and slipped in beside him, pressing her body close to his, burning with warmth.
She melted into his muscles as the blanket came over them like a shroud.
Finlay leaned down and kissed her cheek, his lips trailing towards her mouth.
She let him steal a kiss, but as his hand rolled around her hip, she pulled her head back.
“Finlay, I’m sorry, but dae ye mind if we…if we dinnae taenight? It’s still all sae new tae me, and I know it is my wifely duty but?—”
Finlay smiled and reassured her by caressing her cheek.
“Ye dinnae hae tae say anything more, lass. It’s fine.
” He kissed her on the forehead and then held her in his arms. Elspeth breathed with relief.
It felt as though she had broken down a barrier and found a bond between them.
She felt safe in his arms and was confident in knowing that he really was tender deep down; there was just a lot of trauma and pain above it.
Now that she knew more about him, she hoped that it would lead to a better future and that she might be happy.
He had been alone for so long that all he needed was someone to show him the way to live again.
She closed her eyes, and in her mind, she thought about the castle changing over time, becoming a welcoming place filled with color and laughter, a place where everyone felt at home.
Finlay needed to learn that he wasn’t surrounded by enemies and that he didn’t need to be vigilant all the time.