Chapter 15
“What is this?” Niall thundered. The door closed behind him and his words reverberated around the room. “I was actually beginning tae feel guilty about the way we spoke earlier, only tae find that my suspicions were right!
Ye would dare send a letter tae Marcas? I thought I knew ye, Moira.
” He shook his head and paced around the room like a wolf.
“I really thought we had begun tae make strides, and I thought that I could trust ye. As we got tae know each other, I was able tae forget that ye were a Monroe. I cannae believe that ye would dae this!” He took the letter and tore it in half, flinging the shredded paper away.
The two halves drifted down to the floor.
Moira pursed her lips and tried to remember that he was worried about her siblings.
She had to try to keep a calm head in these matters else she was liable to lose all her poise, and she might say something she regretted.
But that didn’t stop his words from hurting. It didn’t stop her heart from aching.
“What are ye even daeing with the letter?” Moira asked.
“I saw my servant riding away and I wondered what he was daeing sae late at night. When I questioned him, he told me that he was on an urgent matter for ye, because my servants dinnae lie tae me like my wife does,” Niall said spitefully.
“I hae nae lied tae ye!”
“Of course ye hae nae. Sae is that why ye run off tae yer brother when I start tae get close tae the truth? It’s all a wee bit convenient, is it nae, that this should start soon after we were married?
I thought that Marcas was being tae generous in our negotiations.
I suppose he was willing tae give everything up because he knew he would just take it back soon after we were married.
And that was a nice ploy, by the way, trying tae pretend that ye listened tae Grizel, trying tae suggest that spirits could actually be responsible. It was wise of ye, I cannae deny that. Marcas and ye make a good team.”
Moira stared at him coldly. She bit her tongue for a moment and paused so as to not let herself drown in her anger. “It’s nice tae know ye hae made up yer mind about me without nary a second thought. Did ye even read the letter?”
“I dinnae need tae read it. The fact that ye were willing tae send one is proof enough that something is amiss.”
Moira pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She dragged herself off the bed and walked towards him, bending down to pick up the two halves of the letter he had torn apart.
She handed them both to him and suggested that he read it before he leaped to wild judgments.
Gruffly, he held the two halves of the paper together while Moira moved away, putting distance between them.
She watched as Niall’s tired eyes danced across the words.
His demeanor started to change, and when he ended, he looked surly.
“Well, it doesnae change anything,” he muttered.
“It changes everything!” Moira cried, flinging her hand out in front of her. “How can ye stand there and accuse me of betraying ye when ye are the one who haes done the betraying?”
“Me?” Niall reared back.
“Aye, ye hae betrayed the vows we made. We promised tae stand by each other and tae support each other. We promised tae always be honest with each other and tae trust each other. Well, I hae never lied tae ye, but ye clearly dinnae trust me!” Now it was Moira’s turn to pace around the room.
Her body bristled with a burst of crackling energy.
She tingled and trembled, but not in the exciting way she usually did when she was around her husband. “Niall, dae ye really believe that I would be capable of something like this? Why are ye sae determined tae point a finger in my direction? Does the time we spent taegether mean nothing tae ye?”
Niall was clearly struggling with something, but he didn’t seem ready to let go of his suspicions yet.
“Of course it means something. That’s why this hurts sae much.
Surely ye can see why I’m suspicious. Look at the timing of everything.
Can ye honestly look intae yer heart and tell me that there is no way yer brother would dae this? ”
Niall’s gaze was penetrating, but if he thought that Moira was going to forsake her brother, then he clearly didn’t know her well at all. There was not any trace of doubt in her heart. She spoke in a low tone and as clearly as she could in the hope that Niall would actually understand her.
“There’s no way,” Moira said.
Niall opened his mouth to argue with her again, but this time Moira wasn’t going to let him.
“Ye can try and tell me whatever ye want, but there is nothing ye can say tae make me mistrust Marcas. He haes always been there for me and he haes always protected me. In fact, the only time he haes done something I hae nae agreed with is send me here! Sae ye tell me if I can trust him or nae.
It is ye I dinnae know, and as much as I hae enjoyed spending time with ye, it is becoming abundantly clear that there is much I still hae tae learn.
Perhaps this is all yer scheme because ye never wanted peace in the first place.
Maybe this is all just an illusion and ye are trying tae frame Marcas and me tae be the villains in the hope that others will join ye against us.
Ye see how easy it is tae come up with wild conspiracies?” she said in a high-pitched voice as Niall’s mouth was open.
“I would never dae anything like that!” he protested.
“And I would never dae anything like this!” Moira yelled, shaking her head in frustration.
She opened her palms and tried to speak calmly.
“I know that ye are struggling at the moment. I know what it’s like tae hae family members fall ill when there’s nothing ye can dae.
But that doesnae mean ye get tae throw around wild accusations at me. ”
“I’m just trying tae get tae the truth,” Niall said through gritted teeth.
Moira glared at him and narrowed her eyes, wondering if there was ever going to be a way back for them after this.
“Ye are trying tae get tae the truth ye want. Ye are nae open tae any other ideas.”
“Like Grizel’s?” Niall barked a derisive laugh. “Ye need tae get those stories out of yer mind, Moira. There are no spirits.”
“And ye know that for sure? Well then, why dinnae ye gae out intae the forests now if there’s nothing tae be scared of.” She planted her hands on her hips and challenged him. Niall didn’t move, which was what she thought would happen. She nodded and sneered.
“That doesnae matter. All that matters is...” Niall was trying to sound reasonable, but the time for reason was over. Moira had been hurt by the way he acted. It wasn’t anything she had ever expected from her husband, and it made all her worst fears come true.
“All that matters is what ye think of me, Niall. If ye truly believe that I would dae this tae harm ye, then what is the point in any of this? Why spend sae long negotiating a treaty with my brother if ye are ready tae blame him for the first thing that goes wrong? I was brought here tae seal an alliance between our clans, tae put an end tae the hostilities that hae existed between the Monroes and the Calbraiths for generations. I want tae be that person. I want tae dae my duty and bring the clans taegether. I dinnae want there tae be any more wars or battles. I hae seen tae much sorrow and lost tae much for that. Sae haes Marcas. He doesnae blame ye for what happened tae Da, and he doesnae want anything but peace. He’s happy with his wife and his family. Why can’t ye be happy tae?”
“Because my family is sick,” Niall said darkly.
“And I’m sorry for that. I truly am. I want tae help. We should be working taegether tae find a way tae cure them, nae pointing fingers and arguing. What use is this daeing? What good is this daeing anyone?”
Niall mumbled something unintelligible and folded his arms, resting his chin against his fingers. Moira ran her hand over her face, wiping away some of the angry and frustrated tears that had simmered out of her eyes.
“I dinnae know what tae dae now,” she said hopelessly.
“I hae tried tae tell ye the truth, but ye just wilnae listen. This marriage was supposed tae strengthen the alliance, but if ye wilnae believe what I say, then what’s the point of it?
The alliance needs both of us for it tae work, Niall.
I came here. I left my home, my family, everything I hae ever known and loved tae be yer wife.
I hae tried tae dae right by ye. I hae tried tae be what our clans need us tae be, and I was actually starting tae believe that we could hae a good life taegether.
But I know that when ye look at me, ye cannae see anything other than a Monroe, can ye? ”
Niall’s silence spoke volumes. Anger vanished and was replaced by sorrow.
It sat like a stone in her heart. Moira choked back a sob and pressed her fist to her mouth.
Niall began to look apologetic, but the damage had been done.
When he spoke again, it was in a quiet voice, subdued and lost, like a child who was unsure of their place in the world.
“I dinnae know what tae believe anymore. I wanted peace more than anything, more than the chaos that came before. When I looked at my father, all I saw was a man twisted and bitter, ready tae strike out at the world no matter what was against him. He wanted war more than anything, and all I could think about was what it cost. I knew there haed tae be another way, but this…I dinnae know what tae dae. I feel sae lost.”
“All I want is peace tae, Niall. That’s all any of us haes ever wanted.
We all want the same things, but ye are the one making it impossible.
I thought I haed a home here, but ye hae shown me that I’m never gaeing tae be anything more than a stranger.
I’m gaeing tae sleep somewhere else. I hoped that we might be able tae solve this, but clearly ye cannae see anything other than a Monroe.
I thought our marriage meant something more.
I thought we were gaeing tae change things for the better, but I see now that it’s nae possible.
When ye decide what tae dae, ye can come tae me, but if ye cannae find it in yer heart tae trust me, then perhaps it’s better that I should gae back home. ”
Moira pushed herself away from the bed and past Niall, flinging the door open.
He reached out to try and grab her, but she was just out of his reach.
She ignored him calling after her and didn’t look back as she made her way to another room and slammed the door, locking it behind her.
She flung herself onto the bed and immediately began sobbing into the pillow.
All the sorrow flowed out of her in a torrent, and it didn’t seem as though there was any way to stop it.
Everything she hoped for had crumbled around her, and she knew there was no way to get it back.
Niall had become everything she feared. It was pointless being his wife if he was always going to mistrust and suspect her.
All she wanted to do was help, but nobody there appreciated it.
How she longed for home and the comforting familiarity of her old room.
In her mind, she traveled back and thought about what it was like to wake up to share breakfast with her brother and sister-in-law, and then to play with her niece and nephew.
A warm glow filled her heart, but even that was tainted now.
Before, she had always been content with playing the role of the fun aunt, but after experiencing a glimmer of happiness with Niall, she had begun to think about having a family of her own.
Now it didn’t seem enough to just be an aunt.
She wanted more. She wanted everything, and after all she had been through, she felt that she deserved it.
But who would want her if this marriage failed?
Moira buried her head in the pillow. She kept one ear pricked in case Niall came to her door, knocking and seeking forgiveness. How she hoped he would so that there was still a glimpse of hope to cling to.
How she wished that he would come in and be the warm, charming man who had first welcomed her into her new home, who had embraced her with love and passion and had shown her what it was like to be a woman.
But there was no knock at the door.