Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Keri
“Tell us about him,” my friend April insists.
“Yeah. Give us all the deets,” Candace chimes in. She rests her chin in her hands and humorously wiggles her eyebrows.
We’re sitting around the kitchen table in Candace’s home in the Atlanta suburbs. I figured if Adam could take off, then so could I. Childish behavior for sure, but I didn’t know what else to do or who to turn to.
After Adam’s phone call, I left my office and went by the farmhouse to pick up some clothes for the week to keep at my empty apartment.
When I entered, the still silence creeped me out.
But what really got me was the lack of evidence that Adam ever lived there.
His clothes and toiletries were gone. Even my favorite flannel shirt I stole from him, vanished.
The shelves of the little bookcase in the corner, vacant.
And then I saw Molly’s doggy dishes missing.
The empty space near the back door caused a violent knot to twist in my stomach.
I decided right then and there to get out of town and head to my besties in Atlanta.
“Well?” April says, staring right at me.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?” I notice my two friends glance at each other.
“You were about to tell us about Adam,” Candace reminds me.
“Oh, yes. Adam. He’s…”
Gorgeous, my brain responds. And broken.
I don’t even know exactly where he is right now.
Maybe near Little Rock? He’s a nature photographer now, after years of shooting celebrities.
Two years on the road, still grieving his wife and daughter lost in a wildfire.
Homeless, living in his van. He says he loves me. I’m not sure I believe him.
“He’s sweet,” is how I respond to my two friends who are eyeing me worriedly. I take a long sip of wine, feeling the crisp coldness slide down my hot throat.
“Sweet? After not hearing from you for months, that’s all we get? Sweet? Come on.”
“Okay, okay. He’s really…” I remember how he held me at Feather Falls. The flex of his arms when he surfed. His messy hair and those caramel-colored eyes.
“Sweet,” I repeat after a long pause. April and Candace exchange another worried glance. “What?” I ask.
“Sweet.” April snickers, her voice lilting in a higher pitch. “He’s really sweet.”
I hold out my empty wine glass. “Okay, okay. He’s more than sweet. He’s… complicated, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“All right. Now we’re getting somewhere.” She nods. “Let’s keep the dialogue going. Tell us another positive attribute about this guy.”
“Yeah,” Candace adds. “Like, what are his hobbies? What’s he like in bed?”
“Candy!” I laugh, thankful for a bit of levity in our conversation.
“Shhh! You’ll wake up Grant and the boys. Keep it down. But seriously. Have you slept with him?”
I draw a heart on the condensation of the wine bottle and don’t answer.
April giggles. “You’re in deep, aren’t you?”
“I love him,” I say simply. I’m not sure what I want. But I know how I feel.
“Wait. What?”
“You love him?”
Candace and April comment at the same time, their words overlapping.
“You heard me. I love him. And now he’s gone.”
The legs of the kitchen chair make a scraping sound as Candace abruptly gets up. “Hold on. We’re gonna need another bottle for this.”
***
Leaving my friends behind in the living room, I sigh as I trudge up the steps to the second-floor guest bedroom of Candy’s two-story home.
I’m sluggish and tipsy from the wine. Talking about my feelings with my friends wasn’t something I wanted to do, but maybe it’s what I needed.
Maybe I needed their perspective. And maybe they’re right, and it’s time for something new to keep my mind occupied while Adam’s away. Whatever that is, I have no clue.
Once alone, I plop onto the bed fully clothed and drape my arm over my eyes.
Images of Adam fill my mind—a warm smile, the way he makes me feel like I’m the only one who matters.
But I know that can’t be true. He’ll never get over loving his wife and child, nor should he. I’m awful for wishing otherwise.
But I can’t help it. I hate this feeling of being in second place.
If you truly love someone, you should make them feel like they’re number one.
I want to feel secure and deeply valued.
I want to be included in his life. All of it.
The good, the bad, and the tragic. I don’t think it’s too much to ask the man that I love to turn toward me during a crisis rather than running away with his dog.
“You’re needy and pathetic,” I whisper. “Give him space.”
A sudden light knock at the door snaps me out of my self-imposed misery. “Come in.”
Candace steps into the bedroom and smiles. She’s holding a bottle of water and a container of ibuprofen. “Hey. I figured you might need these for later.”
I struggle to sit up. “You’re such a good mom.”
She laughs. “Thanks.”
“Did April’s Uber pick her up yet?”
“Yes. She’s gone.” She sits on the edge of the bed and sets the items on the nightstand. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
I nod and twinge from the motion, my head starting to pound from the copious amounts of white wine I consumed. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”
Candace places her hand over mine. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re an amazing friend, and an even more amazing woman.”
I make a silly face at her. “Oh, stop.”
“No. Hear me out, okay? There’s a reason you and Adam met. There’s a reason you fell in love with him. I wouldn’t give up so easily, girl.”
“I didn’t say I was giving up.”
“What you’ve done for him after everything that’s happened… He’s a lucky guy to be loved by you.”
“Thanks, Candace,” I whisper, looking at our hands.
“As a mom, I can’t even imagine losing one of my kids, let alone my husband. I would never in a million years be able to keep going. I’d shrivel up and die.”
I jerk my head to look right at her, the force of the motion causing pain to shoot through my skull again. Stupid wine.
“Signing over his property to a new owner has to be hard for him. And even though his home isn’t there anymore, the land is the last tangible piece of the life he shared with his wife and daughter.
He’s going through something personal he needs to process.
And it may take months, years, or even his entire lifetime. ”
“Believe me, I know this,” I moan.
“I know you do.” She offers me a slight smile and tucks my hair over my ear.
“Don’t forget, you’re still grieving too.
Not only over the loss of your dad and grandmother, but also the life you thought you’d have after graduation.
I’ve never understood why you stayed in Heartsboro.
And I know you have this amazing allegiance to your father.
But sweetie, this is your life, not his.
It’s not too late to go after whatever it is you want.
You don’t have to stay in Heartsboro forever in a dead-end job you don’t even like. ”
I frown, my words coming out a little slurred. “How do you know I don’t like my job? I’m very good at it.”
“I know you are. And you’re very good at being alone when you don’t have to be.
” She stands and looks down at me. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like.
It might do you some good to take a break.
You know, maybe even check out some opportunities here in Atlanta, near April and me.
We’d love to have you for an extended stay. It’d be just like old times.”
I plop backward on the mattress, my head spinning. “Old times…” I close my eyes and drift. The last thing I see is Candy’s motherly smile before I pass out.