Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Keri
I sit in the swanky restaurant, sipping on ice water while trying to hold it together.
I’m waiting for Candace and April to meet me for happy hour.
I’ve been experimenting with a city-girl persona for the day while they worked, and failed miserably.
I feel out of sorts, like I don’t really belong here.
And I’m not ready to talk to Adam yet, that’s why I don’t answer his call.
I stare at my phone on the table and decide he’s going to have to wait.
Just like him, I need time to sort out my life.
Why have I been so miserable since he left?
Why can’t I figure out what I should be doing now?
I know my friends mean well. They suggested I stay another day in Atlanta and explore job prospects.
Maybe even tour a midtown apartment or a suburban townhome for fun.
But it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like me.
I miss Adam.
I try not to, but I can’t help it. Missing him is like missing a piece of me that I’ll never get back.
It’s that certain kind of love that lives in the center of my heart.
The one that only he can bring out. The stitch in my side when he successfully gets me to release a hideous goose-honk laugh out of nowhere, lungs gasping for air.
The times when I would look to my left, and he was there.
A steady comfort. A reminder that I’m never fully alone in this world when he’s around.
I miss him.
It doesn’t help that I see Adam in nature.
And every time I spot a big dog walking in front of its owner on a leash.
And in every single gorgeous southern sunset since he left.
As the sun slips away each night, I plead to the heavens for him to come back.
There’s something in the burning colors that reminds me that after each day comes to an end, he’s getting further and further away.
What if I actually never see him again? What if on the day he left, he offered me his crooked smile for the very last time?
I don’t want to spend forever in the dark, wishing I had told him how much I loved him.
The man has rocked my world, and I will never be the same without him.
Just as I start sinking deeper into my thoughts, April’s voice brings me back to the present. “Hey, lady,” she teases, snapping me out of my melancholy.
Candace brings up the rear. “Sorry we’re late. Grant was struggling to get the boys to soccer practice.”
“And then I was late picking up Candy because rush hour traffic is a nightmare.”
“No worries,” I say, offering a forced smile at the pair.
They exchange a worried glance. “How’d it go today with the headhunter? Any interesting bites in the world of Atlanta real estate?”
I don’t have the heart to tell April I cancelled the meeting, especially after she did me a favor and coordinated a meetup through her friend in the biz. I just wasn’t feeling it, and I bailed.
Instead, I wandered Buckhead’s ritzy mall, stunned by the price tags on beautiful gowns.
I compared them to what my grandmother made for me.
Of course, her designs were way better. I even laid eyes on an authentic Oscar de la Renta gown for $14,000.
Fourteen thousand! Are you kidding me? Of course, I had to touch it.
And then the nice sales lady suggested I try it on.
Why not? I didn’t have anything else going on.
It was all downhill from there. As I stood before a trio of full-length mirrors in the boutique where Atlanta’s wealthy women shop, a sudden wave of emotion hit me thinking about the pageant gown project that probably wasn’t meant to be. I began to cry, unable to hold back the tears.
“You didn’t go, did you?” Candy comments.
I look at my friend and shake my head. “No. I didn’t.”
April’s chest lifts in a heavy sigh. “Girl, you need to pull yourself up and get back out there. You’re a beautiful woman with amazing talents. You need a fresh start. Any company would be lucky to have you.”
I cross my arms in front of my chest. “And what if I don’t want to work for a company? Suppose I want to keep working for myself?”
“Like that’s been going well for you,” she says under her breath.
“Stop it, April,” Candy warns with a glaring look. “Keri is going through something that neither of us can relate to. The best thing we can do is support her and lift her up while she’s feeling down.”
“Yeah,” I mock with a little attitude, thankful she’s on my side.
“Okay, okay.” She backs off. “I’m only trying to give you a little tough love, Keri. I’m sorry.”
My mouth tenses into a slight smile. I love these girls. I really do. “It’s just a bad day, okay? Not a bad life. I’ll figure it out.”
“You’re right. You will,” April agrees.
“And maybe your life is with Adam,” Candy says.
“I hope so. He’s amazing. He’s always showing me new ways to see the world around me.”
“Hmmm. You want to know what I think?” April continues.
“Lay it on me.” I laugh, thankful for our honest conversation.
“I think the purest form of love is someone wanting to notice life with you. I think it’s that simple.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, when the man you love says, ‘Taste this, look at that, hear this song.’ It’s simple, and it’s sweet. It’s how you’ve described Adam to us.”
“Exactly,” Candy adds with an eager nod.
“When a guy says those things again and again until you can’t imagine noticing anything around you without him, that’s when you know you’ve found someone special, who’s in it for the long haul.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Candy chimes in again. “I mean, sure, love can be grand, and it can be amazing with chocolates and flowers and all the beautiful fluff. But I also think love can be someone pointing at the world and saying, ‘Come see it with me.’”
“I’d much rather have that,” I say. “At least you two have found that kind of love.”
“But here’s the bigger question: do you feel like you’ve found it?” April asks.
“I hope so.”
My mind drifts to snapshots of Adam showing me around California.
How he pointed out the magnificent sights of the ocean, the mountains, and the wind turbines along the way.
How he cranked up his favorite country song in the car as we took the scenic route to Feather Falls, our voices loud and out of tune as we sang and laughed along at the top of our lungs.
When he forked a bite of calamari and held it up to my mouth at Roxy’s wedding and said, “Try this.” He was showing me his world, sharing it with me in a way that only he could.
And I feel like I did the same when we were back in Heartsboro.
I welcomed him into my life, offering myself and all that I have to give.
“All right, then,” April exclaims, clapping her hands. “Let’s not talk about business or lovers anymore. Let’s flag down a waiter and order something decadent and delicious. I’m in desperate need of a strong cocktail and a little nibble.”
I look right at Candy, and we say in unison, “Truffle fries.” All three of us erupt in a bout of giggles, just like old times. Gosh, I’ve missed these girls.
But I’ve missed someone else even more.
***
I might not know many of the details about Adam and his former life as a high-end photographer, husband, and father, but I do know a little bit.
The parts that shine the brightest through the veil of heartache he’s wrapped himself in.
Despite his protests to the contrary, the word “sweet” is exactly the word I would use to describe him.
He’s also drop-dead gorgeous, kind and thoughtful, and gets me goose-honking with his dry sense of humor.
He’s honest and emotional, but I know he cares.
He cares deeply. He just needs to get through this next detour in his journey before he heads back South.
I plan to stay one more night at Candy’s, then return to Heartsboro—for good.
My trip to Atlanta to visit my best friends has worked wonders, shifting my lovesick focus away from Adam.
I realize now that Heartsboro is where I belong.
It’s my home. I need to let go of negativity and fear and live on my own terms. Being with my girlfriends and seeing their chaotic lives has shown me that the simple things in my life are truly wonderful and enough.
I can keep my little real estate business running for now.
And I’ve decided I’m going to keep my grandma’s house and renovate it to my liking.
Adam already started, and maybe he’ll come back one day and finish.
I hope and pray that he will. Until then, I have plenty to keep me occupied with work, home improvements, and great hometown friends to cheer me on.
But my heart aches not knowing how he’s doing. I should’ve called him earlier, but I was busy with friends. Maybe he’s on his way back from California? Or maybe he’s staying for good?
But he said he loved me.
“Ugh,” I sigh into my pillow. Candy’s home is relatively quiet, the drone of the air conditioner a sort of white noise in the night, lulling me to sleep.
I had planned to wait until morning to call Adam, after my drive home.
But then his text arrived a few minutes ago, making me wonder if I can wait any longer.
Please call me, Angel Face.
I fist my hands by my side, knowing I won’t be able to sleep at all if I don’t call him back. I cave and grab my phone from its charger on the nightstand.
“Keri?” The sound of his voice instigates an immediate welling of tears in my eyes.
“Adam? Are you okay? Is everything all right?” I can hear a relieved sigh on the other end.
“Not yet, but I hope it will be soon.”
I sit up in bed and click on the bedside lamp, keeping my voice low so I don’t wake up Candy’s boys in the bedroom next door. “What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry, Keri. I’m sorry I didn’t let you come with me. You should be here.” His words are rushed, and my heart happily flits in my chest with newfound hope.
Adam misses me.
“I know this is coming out of left field, but do you think you can fly out here tomorrow? I’ll buy your plane ticket and pick you up at the San Francisco Airport. Whatever it takes.”
I frown and wonder what’s changed and why he wants me there so badly. “What happened? Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. There’s a lot to unpack, and I’ll tell you all about it when I pick you up. The bottom line is, I’ve realized I’ve been homesick for a time that doesn’t exist anymore.”
I immediately understand. “Adam, to have a past worth missing is a beautiful thing.”
“I know. That’s the amazing thing about nostalgia.
Of course, I’m sad that I can’t go back.
I can’t have a do-over, and I can’t have it again like it was.
The more you lose in life, the more nostalgic you get, missing everything that’s lost. That’s why today is so important.
I need to start living in the present. Keri, I don’t want to lose you. ”
I press my eyes shut, causing silent tears to sluice down my cheeks. “I’m here for you, Adam. I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m sorry for putting you through this. I put my past on hold so I wouldn’t have to face it. I admit, I wanted to give up. But hear me when I say this. Because of you, I’ve let hope in. You’ve opened up my heart, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel free.”
“Oh, Adam.”
“I want to kiss you on mountaintops, and drive across the yellow prairies at sunset. I want to sing and dance to country music, eat pink cake, and sleep under the stars along the way. I want you to take this road trip with me, Keri. Fly out to California, and let’s drive home together. I belong in Heartsboro, with you.”
I’m openly crying and giggling at the same time, using my pajama sleeve to wipe the salty tears from my wet, smiling face. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. “You had me at ‘pink cake.’”
He chuckles, his voice full of warmth and longing. “So I can book you a morning flight out of Atlanta tomorrow? You’ll join me on this highway to happy across America and bring me home?”
“Yes!”
“I’ll show you all of my favorite spots. It will be an adventure.”
I’m reminded of April’s words, which she said at dinner, reminding me of how genuine Adam’s request is.
“I think the purest form of love is someone wanting to notice life with you. I think it’s that simple.”
“I can’t wait to see the world through your eyes, Adam. Of course, I’ll accompany you home.”