10. Noree Marcell
Iput the car in park and just sat there for a second, my hands resting on the steering wheel.
I looked in the rearview mirror to see Oaklynn was knocked out cold in the back seat, head tilted to the side, mouth wide open.
“Girl.” Nourah’s voice was soft. “It’s gonna be okay.”
I wiped underneath my eyes real quick, trying to catch it before it fell.
I sighed. “Like, the thought of being a nanny, getting us on our feet, that sounds good in my head. It sounds smart. But actually, dropping my baby off right now? Physically doing it?” My voice cracked. “It’s hurting me, Nou Nou.”
She leaned over the console and wrapped both arms around me, rubbing my back slowly. “Listen. We already knew this wasn’t gonna be easy. From the jump, we knew that. But you got this. Trust me.” She was crying a little too, mainly because she knew how bad this was hurting me.
I was a wreck, the worst kind.
We sat in that hug a second longer than we needed to, and then we pulled apart and both wiped our faces.
“Girl, now you got me crying! And you know I don’t even do that! I’m a pretty Gangsta. So really, I’m a Prangsta.”
I cut my eyes at her and said, “No, you’re really a Wanksta. Now get out.”
We burst out laughing.
I grabbed the two bags I’d packed—diapers, clothes, her favorite blanket, a few toys she couldn’t sleep without—and Nourah came around and tried to take one off my hands.
“I got it, sis. Just let me grab her, and you grab her car seat, please.”
I opened the back door easily and lifted Oaklynn out, careful not to wake her, and she just melted right into my shoulder, still asleep.
After Nourah grabbed my baby’s car seat, we walked up to the door, and I rang the bell.
I could hear feet shuffling on the other side, then the locks turning, and then the door swung open.
My mama stood there in a housedress with an apron tied over it, her hair pulled back, a little more gray at the roots than the last time I saw her.
But her face was still smooth, still pretty, and she still had that youthful glow that made people not believe her age when she told them.
Slim waist, and yeah, I got my ass from somewhere, and it wasn’t a mystery where. Carolyn-Ann was stacked!
A rare beauty, and honestly, her house was like a time capsule because she was low-key a hoarder.
She held onto anything and everything you could possibly think of over the last couple of decades.
I honestly think the ’80s were her favorite era because if you walked into her house, you’d know exactly what I meant.
“Oh my God, my babies!” She reached for Nourah first, pulling her in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey, Mama.” Nourah smiled.
“Hey, suga.” Then she turned to me and gave me the same, a hug and a kiss, before her eyes landed on my sleeping baby against my chest and her whole face lit up differently. “Oh, my wittle grandbaby.”
She reached out and took her right out of my arms before I could even brace myself, and Oaklynn twisted a little, fussed for a second, and then settled right down against her grandmother’s chest.
“Come on in, come on in.” She waved us through the door.
“Wow, it smells so good in here, Mama. What you cooking?”
“Smothered pork chops and rice. Got some greens on the stove too.”
She led us into the living room, and we sat down together on the couch, setting the bags and car seat at our feet, while she lowered herself into the chair across from us with my baby still sleeping against her.
“So,” she said, looking at me. “Congratulations on the job. I know from our last conversation you were stressed about money, so this is a real blessing.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It is.”
She was quiet for a second, looking between me and Nourah, and then she leaned forward a little.
“I wanna say something to you, Noree. I know I wasn’t the best mama growing up.
I was gone a lot, working, and y’all had to get bounced around to different people watching you while I was trying to keep the lights on.
It was just me. I did what I could do with what I had.
And I do apologize that I wasn’t around more, that you girls basically had to raise each other. ”
My chest got tight.
“But I say all that to say, I know these first couple nights ain’t gonna be easy for you.”
“Actually, I’m not off on the weekends,” I said. “Once I officially got hired, they let me choose two days during the week to be off. I picked Wednesday and Friday. Saturdays, King only has soccer. Sundays should be pretty light too.”
Mama nodded. “Okay, well, that still works. You can come get her whenever you’re free, or I can bring her to you. We’ll figure it out. Either way, I got your back a hundred percent.”
“See.” Nourah nudged my shoulder and pulled me into a side hug, squeezing tight. “I told you it was gonna be okay.”
Something in my chest loosened up a little hearing my mama say all that. It wasn’t like I doubted my baby would be safe, but hearing her actually say the words, hearing her own up to the stuff from when we were kids without me having to bring it up, that did something for me.
“I really appreciate this, Mama,” I said. “I didn’t know who else to turn to for this kind of help, so truly, thank you. And yeah, you weren’t around as much as we needed growing up, but like you said, you did what you had to do. I’m just glad we’re trying to fix things between us.”
Her eyes got a little glossy, and she nodded, not saying anything else for a second.
“I agree,” Mama said. She cleared her throat, then stood up. “Now come on, let me show you where the baby will be sleeping. I decorated her little room. It’s so cute.”
“Ooh, wait.” Nourah hopped up. “Can we eat first, though? ’Cause a sista is hungry.”
“Girl, you are so greedy.” I laughed and shoved her shoulder, grabbing the bags off the floor. “Come on.”
We followed Mama down the hall to what used to be her sewing room, and when she opened that door, my mouth just about hit the floor.
She’d gone and gotten Oaklynn a whole little bedroom set up.
A cute little toddler bed with a canopy over it, soft and pink, a small flat-screen mounted on the wall low enough for a baby to see, already set to some cartoon channel.
There was a little iPad charging on the dresser, and the dresser had cubbies built out for her clothes and shoes.
Stuffed animals lined a shelf on the wall, and there was a little rug in the shape of a flower right in the middle of the floor.
I turned around and wrapped my mama up in a hug so tight she laughed and patted my back.
“Mama, this is beautiful. I really appreciate you.”
My eyes started stinging again, and this time I couldn’t stop it.
“Oh, you don’t have to cry, baby.”
“I know. It’s just hard.” I sniffled, ugly crying.
“You’ll get used to it.” She rubbed my arm. “Now come on, let me feed my girls.”
She laid Oaklynn down gently in that little bed, and me and Nourah left the bags and car seat in the corner before we all headed back to the kitchen.
Me and Nourah climbed up on the stools at the island while Mama went and washed her hands, dried them off on her apron, and started fixing our plates.
“So, what’s new with you two?” she asked, spooning rice onto a plate. “Nourah, I know you told me a while back you was dating somebody. Y’all still together?”
“Yes, ma’am, for now…”
I wasn’t sure what the hell Carl had going on or what actually had taken place on that call, but I knew it had my sister upset the whole ride over here. She had been pouting, waiting for him to call or text her back to explain himself, but he still hadn’t. I hoped he wasn’t on bullshit for real.
Mama looked over at Nourah, raising one eyebrow.
“What’s wrong?”
Nourah shrugged. “Honestly, Ma, things were good until this morning. I was really trying to move forward with him. I was really hearing wedding bells, but I got this weird butt dial from him, and I swear I heard a woman’s voice in the background.”
Nourah picked her phone up off the counter and waved it. “Then I’ve called that man like six times since this morning and still no call back. So, I really don’t know what to call us right now,” she said. “Because if he’s playing me, I’m about to play IN his ass.”
We all cracked up, and Mama shook her head, setting a plate down in front of Nourah first.
“Now, let’s not jump the gun,” she said. “I’m not on his side. I don’t know the boy from a can of paint. But maybe you misheard something on that butt dial, suga. Let’s hope for the best.”
“Yeah, I hope so. I was in the middle of listening to music, so it’s possible I misheard something. I’m just… I’m not in the best mood about it right now.”
“Well, hopefully this food will help get you in a better one.” Mama set a plate down in front of me next.
“I’m sure it will!” Nourah shouted, and I laughed and bowed my head real quick for a fast prayer before I dug in. And Lord, that first bite of pork chop had me closing my eyes.
Mama went back over to the stove, stirring the greens, but she wasn’t done.
“Now, Noree, don’t think you’re skipping out on a question about your love life too.
What’s really going on? You always avoid my questions about who Oaklynn’s father is, but now that you’re here in person…
” She paused and looked over her shoulder at me.
“Why isn’t her daddy around? Who is he? Why can’t he help you? ”
I looked over at Nourah, who was already smirking into her plate.
“You’re not gonna believe me if I tell you, Ma,” I said.
“Try me.”
I took a breath. “Okay, well… you know that R&B singer, Ozy Love?”
Mama tilted her head, thinking on it. “I think I’ve heard a few of his songs. But you know I’m not really into all that young people music. I’m still on my oldies. This new generation don’t talk about nothing but drugs, sex, and more drugs.”
“Excuse me?” Nourah pointed her fork at her. “That’s the same thing y’all’s generation was singing about, Mama.”
Mama paused, then laughed. “Okay. You’re right about that.” She poured herself a small glass of wine. “Go ahead, finish.”
“There was a contest,” I said. “Nourah signed me up for it without telling me at first. I got picked, along with five other people, and we spent a whole weekend with him.” I nervously played with my fingers. “And… I ended up sleeping with him.”
Mama put her hand on her hip, and her mouth dropped open. “So, you telling me you had a baby by this singer guy?”
I nodded, chewing the inside of my lip. “Yeah. But he’s a big-time, super-famous singer, so I never got his number after that weekend. Couldn’t reach him. And now, out of nowhere, I ended up getting hired for this nanny job, and he’s the client I’ll be working for.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Mama set her glass down.
“The man you slept with and had a baby by doesn’t know he has a baby because you couldn’t get ahold of him after this contest you never even told me about, and now you got hired to be the nanny to his child while also being the mama to his daughter? ”
I shook my head. “His sister passed,” I said.
“He took in his nephew after that. He doesn’t have any other kids.
And yeah. Technically, he doesn’t know. The whole reason I’m taking this job is because I’m scared.
If I tell him right now, while my pockets are basically on E, I feel like he could look at me and say, ‘Well, you don’t have nothing going for yourself.
No job, no savings. Let me just take her.
’” I paused, just thinking about it. “I don’t want him trying to go to court, trying to take full custody and only give me a visitation schedule like I’m nothing to her. That would break my whole heart.”
Mama got quiet. She wiped her hands on her apron, came around the island, and wrapped her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on top of my head.
“I completely understand,” she said softly.
“So, when are you planning on telling him?” she asked after a minute, pulling back.
“I’m not sure exactly. I just want a couple checks from this job first. Get a little cushion under me.
My goal is to get a smaller place, just something more affordable than where I’m at now.
Once I feel like I got my savings back up and I get a feel for who he really is again, I think I’ll know when the time is right. ”
“Okay, understood. I take it you’re gonna do the right thing.”
“Yes, ma’am. My intention was never to keep her away from him.
Like I said, I tried to reach him. I tried calling, I tried reaching out through his people, through Instagram, everything.
Nobody on his team ever hit me back. It’s not like I was trying to be malicious.
I genuinely want him to know his daughter.
I’m just scared of what happens after I tell him. ”
Mama leaned down and kissed my cheek. “You got this.”
She went back over and fixed her own plate, and the three of us sat there in that kitchen a good while longer, eating and talking and laughing.