Chapter 14
Dani
His tail was still curled around my ankle.
“Let’s not let go,” I whispered.
Somewhere in the dark of the estate, Pip slept, and the bond between us hummed its low, familiar warmth, and I sat with Andrek’s tail curled around my ankle and his golden eyes on my face. This is the moment. This is the one you don’t get twice.
I had spent the better part of three months being careful. I had managed distances and maintained professional distance, and I was tired of waiting. I was so tired of being careful.
Now or never, Dani. “I’m in love with you,” I said.
“I’ve been,” I kept going because stopping now would mean sitting with what I didn’t want to, “I’ve been falling in love with you for weeks and I couldn’t tell you because I decided you were grieving.
And now it turns out you weren’t, and then I didn’t tell you because this whole thing scares me. You terrify me.”
Something moved across his expression. “I terrify you? Do you find me repulsive?”
“Not like that.” I pressed my hands together in my lap.
“No, I’m not afraid of you. I stopped being afraid of you so long ago I can’t remember what it felt like.
I’m afraid of how much I…” I stopped, the words feeling insufficient, every one coming up short.
“I’ve never felt like this. What I feel when I’m near you, I mean.
” I reached for his hand. “Every time you touch me,” I said, quieter now, because this part was harder, “even accidentally — in the kitchen, or when you take something from my hand, I feel it for an hour afterward. I dream about you.” I looked at his face and made myself hold eye contact.
“I dream about your hands on my body, and your voice in my ear. I love the way you look at Pip when she’s sleeping.
Night is hell because you’re in the next room and…
” I exhaled. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. ”
“Take a breath, Dani,” Andrek murmured.
“And Pip,” I said, because I loved not only Andrek but Pip as well.
“I need you to understand that whatever happens between you and me, Pip is mine. She’s mine and I’m hers, and that bond is forever.
I would do anything for her. I would stay in this house for the rest of my life for her, in any capacity, regardless of…
” I slowed. “What I’m trying to say is that my feelings for you exist separately from the bond I have with her. I…”
“I understand,” Andrek said, claiming my mouth. “You’re both mine.”
I looked at my hands.
“I’m probably inadequate,” I said. “I want to be honest about that too. I don’t know your culture, I get your protocols wrong, and.” Andrek pressed a finger to my lips.
“Dani, listen.”
I nodded.
“You have said a great deal,” he said. “May I speak now?”
I nodded again.
“You learned,” he said. “Everything I gave you to learn, you learned, and then you went further. You asked questions I hadn’t thought to explain because they’d become habitual to me.
Your questions were always the right ones, the ones that meant you understood where your knowledge lacked.
You argued with me about things that were worth arguing about, and you made Pip laugh in the first week.
Do you know how long it took me to make her laugh? ”
I shook my head.
“Three months.”
“What?”
“I had her three months before I found the approach that worked. You did it in days, and you didn’t do it by finding the right technique.
It’s obvious to anyone you care about her.
She knew you saw her and wanted the best for her and if I’m honest, I knew it too.
And you sing to her,” he continued. “When you think I'm not nearby. You don’t know that I can hear you.”
I felt heat crawl up my face. “I’m not good at it. I got kicked out of choir in school.”
“Pfft.” He waved his free hand. “Doesn’t matter.
She feels the emotion behind it. And since we’re being honest, I’ve been drawn to you since that first day, and I didn’t permit myself to think about it for quite some time, because Pip takes priority.
Do you know when I realized I fell in love with you? ”
“When?”
“One morning you stood in the kitchen, arguing with the grain tea as though it had wronged you. Pip was on your shoulder trying to steal your breakfast, and you were laughing.”
“I remember that day.”
“I didn’t act on it because most humans don’t adjust well to Torzi anatomy. My size, wings, the…”
“Andrek,” I said.
“I assumed whatever warmth you felt was.”
“Andrek.”
He stopped.
I reached up and touched his face. I didn’t plan it. My hand moved, and then my palm was against his jaw, the ridged texture of it under my fingers, the warmth of his skin made me shiver. He ran warmer than I did, and I wanted to find out what it would be like to touch him all over.
I traced the ridge that ran along his cheekbone. It was a fine structure, carved like granite or marble. Now I traced it with my fingertip and felt him breathe.
“I spent the first two weeks trying not to stare at you,” I said. “Not because you frightened me. Because I couldn’t stop finding you attractive.”
“Dani,” he said, his voice rumbling.
“Beautiful,” I said. “I find you beautiful. I have for months and I didn’t say it because it seemed like the wrong direction to go in. But you’re the most striking person I’ve ever been in a room with. Every time you looked directly at me, I had to remind myself to keep track of the conversation.”
I spread my hand against his jaw and looked at his face. “I should have told you sooner.”
“I should have told you sooner.”
“Yes,” he said. “So should I.”
His hand came up and covered mine against his jaw. It was large, warm, and careful, the way he was always careful with me, as though I were something worth being careful with. His thumb moved across my knuckles, and my heart raced.
“Dani,” he whispered.
“Yes,” I said again. “I want this.”
His forehead came down to meet mine, giving me every opportunity to move, and I didn’t move, and the space between us closed by degrees until there was no space, until there was just his mouth pressed against mine, our tongues dueling for control.
When we broke apart, I smiled. “I do have one other question.”
Andrek arched an eyebrow. “What’s that?”
“I know you have a ridged tongue.”
“I do.”
“Are any other parts of you ridged?”
He stood, took my hand, and headed down the hallway.