Chapter 2 - Hazel
I stared at my bedroom, taking in the space that I had grown to call home.
I could hear Gabriella still pissed as she argued with Westley down the hall.
My mind was still spinning about the meeting and Brandon’s proposal for Asher to marry me.
That was just the other day, but it’s still fresh in my head like it had happened just a few hours ago.
“You can’t seriously think that this is a good idea,” Gabriella angrily whispered to Westley. “She needs stability. She needs me. You are going to tell Brandon that this is not happening.”
I heard their door shut, and I sighed. I leaned against my door, feeling that numbness settling over me again.
I had always felt like I was a burden to Gabriella.
My entire life, she had done everything she could to help me.
She was always there when I needed a shoulder, always offered me an ear when I needed to talk.
Growing up, I always had a harder time making friends and feeling like I fit in. It didn’t help that I was a little bigger and the target of bullying. Gabriella always stood by me. My size was never an issue with her.
When we moved into this pack, it only got worse. I tried to stand my ground. I didn’t want her to know just how much it bothered me. And after she married Westley, things started looking up. I thought for once in my life, I deserved to be here.
But even that feeling was starting to dissolve away. Since my kidnapping and return, I felt like all eyes were on me. I knew that I was going down a hole, but it was hard to care when you didn’t feel like yourself. A part of me stayed behind in that cave, and a darkness filled its space.
I pulled my legs close and rested my head against my knees. I replayed it all over in my head—Brandon’s proposal, all of us gasping in shock, and Asher’s calm expression. I felt like someone had sucker punched me in the stomach.
I thought Brandon was crazy to mention the idea. Asher and I hardly knew each other, having spoken only a couple of times. He was a nice guy, charming but reserved. He wasn’t the type of guy I went for.
I couldn’t marry him. It was wrong. Sure, Gabriella and Westley were married under similar circumstances. But they loved each other. And Gabriella had a crush on Westley prior.
But I also couldn’t stay here. I could see the pity in Gabriella’s eyes, the look that she wanted to fix me. She was constantly hovering, always asking me how I felt. I felt broken and numb.
I knew it was damaging their relationship.
I could see the tension between them. I had heard them fighting about me on more than one occasion.
Westley asked if I needed counseling, and Gabriella stated I was fine.
Westley asked if I was going to work, and Gabriella yelled that he needed to give me space.
I walked over to bed and pulled myself under the sheets. I stared at the wall, hating this feeling.
“She is my sister!” Gabriella yelled, her voice echoing around the house. “You have no idea what she and I have had to fight through!”
“I understand that, Gabriella. But she clearly needs help. Why can’t you admit that?”
I closed my eyes, wishing I could disappear.
The next morning, I went out into the kitchen for some coffee. Westley was sitting at the dining table, flipping through his phone. His eyes snapped up at me. “Morning.”
“Morning.”
He didn’t ask how I was feeling or if I wanted to talk. Westley just smiled at me before looking back at his phone.
“Is Gabriella up?”
He shook his head. “No, she’s still sleeping. We didn’t get to bed until late.”
I chewed on my lower lip as I grabbed myself a mug from the cabinet. “I know, I heard you two arguing.”
I sat down across from him, clutching my coffee close. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It wasn’t all about you.”
“Most of it was.” I looked down at my mug. I could still hear them fighting. Gabriella called him an ass for even thinking it was a good idea. He told her she was being a mother to me and needed to let me decide for myself.
“I know that you guys had a fake arrangement, but you guys were talking. She had a crush on you, so it’s not the same.” I chewed on my cheek as I stared into my mug. “And I don’t like being a burden.”
“You’re not. You are always welcome here, Hazel.”
“I am.” I countered, feeling, deep down, that it was true. They would always have their door open, but I needed to start being a grown-up. I needed to spread my wings and figure out my life. “The only one that won’t admit to it is her.”
He frowned. “Hazel, you will always have a home here. No matter what is going on.”
I had thought I could call this home. After the apartment Gabriella and I were living in, this was a hundred times nicer.
I slept feeling warm, and there was food in the fridge.
But I had been wrong. I felt like I was slowly suffocating in here, and out there, I could feel everyone had their eyes on me.
I’d thought of getting my own place, but I didn’t make a lot of money.
The center was only part-time, and I agreed because I felt like I belonged.
I had only worked a few shifts at the bar when I felt like it.
So, I couldn’t exactly afford my own place.
And I doubted I would find a nice one since everyone was watching me.
That and I didn’t want to be completely alone.
“Can I tell you something without you telling her?”
He paused for a split second. “That depends on what you say.”
“I love my sister, but I think I’m ready to move out from under her wing.”
He leaned forward a little, resting on his elbows. “There is nothing wrong with that.”
“She’s been protecting my entire life. Always pushing herself to better our lives together.
Even this. She made us a package deal for your wedding.
” I tapped my fingers lightly on the table.
“I think I need to find my own way. I’ve been letting her take care of everything, but she can’t fix this. She can’t help me figure out who I am.”
He gave me a nod, and I swallowed, feeling like a hand went over my body. It was a relief to admit that I needed space to figure out my life. “Do you think she’s going to understand?”
He cringed. “It might take her time.”
I chewed on my cheek, staring blankly into my coffee. I didn’t know how, but I knew this was the right direction to go. And as Brandon said, it was just for now. Asher and I didn’t have to stay together forever.
Westley squeezed my shoulder after he finished his coffee, leaving me alone.
I sat and stewed over my decision, relaxing in the chair.
I hadn’t even heard Gabriella coming into the room until she sat where Westley had been with a cup of orange juice.
“Morning,” she chirped, giving me her bright smile.
“Morning.”
“How did you sleep?” she asked, setting her glass down. I could see that worry in her eyes. I knew she was waiting for me to tell her I was fine and doing a little better. But I couldn’t say those words today. They were far from the truth.
“I’m considering Brandon’s proposal.”
Her hand froze, and her eyebrows went up. I could see so many emotions flicker across her face before she landed on sadness. “Hazel, you don’t have to do that. Brandon was overstepping, even saying that. You are….”
“I need to move out.” It was honestly that simple. I needed space away from this.
Gabriella looked at me, hurt, and she shook her head slightly. “I…Hazel...you really don’t have to.”
“I do. I need to be me. I need to figure out my life and not figure out how I fit into yours.”
Her frown deepened. “I didn’t realize I made your life so hard.”
“That’s not what I’m saying…” I sighed and leaned forward. “You have handled everything for me. My entire life, you’ve handled any issues that have come up. But you can’t handle this. This mess….is mine. I have to figure this out.”
“But I want to help.”
“You can’t. I honestly just need space to let my mind figure out how it feels. Because I feel so many things. I feel angry still. I feel heartbroken. I feel like my mind is the destruction that is left after a tornado, and I can’t see through it all.”
“Is this all because of you being taken? We can get you a therapist.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It just made everything clearer. How do I know who I am without you? I don’t know what I want, what future I would like. Don’t you think about that? What do you and Westley want next?”
She licked her lips. I knew they had possibly talked about it, but they weren’t planning anything. She was so focused on me that she was putting her life on pause. I didn’t want that.
“So, I’m going to accept the offer.”
“Are you sure?” she whispered. “You don’t have to. We could just figure out something else. I can give you space here if you want.”
The thought of being alone scared me. I wanted time to myself to de-jumble my mind, but I also didn’t want to come home to an empty house.
“Yeah,” I said, nodding my head. “I am. I need this.”
I took a quick shower and headed to the healing center. It was the only space that I felt like I belonged in a way. The atmosphere was calming, and all of the witches were nothing but caring.
I pushed the door open and entered the back space.
I could hear Chelsey and Marie talking in the storage room just around the corner.
I popped open my locker, taking in the few pictures I had hung.
There was one of Gabriella and me when we were little.
A group picture of all of us witches out for drinks and some individual ones.
I stuffed my jacket into the locker and pulled out my sneakers.
I slid my boots off and heard footsteps coming down the hallway.
I glanced over my shoulder as Chelsey and Marie came down.
Chelsey had recently colored her hair a deep red and was wearing scrubs.
She gave me a big grin. “Morning, Hazel!”
Marie had her blond hair pulled back in a tight bun and was also wearing scrubs. “We didn’t even hear you come in.”
“I was quiet. What does the day look like?”
“Actually, it looks nice. We just have a few people in right now. Marie and I were looking at the storage, and we’re going to need an order placed. Would you mind doing that?”
“Of course.” I slipped my shoes on and made my way to the storage room.
I spent the morning in the storage room, and in the afternoon, when we had a wave of patients, I gave a hand where I was needed. I helped Chelsey put a bone back in place and helped Marie stitch up a kid’s thumb after he fell off his bike.
I cleaned the rooms and swept the floors. I organized the medications and restocked each tray with everyone’s tools. I was sweating and hadn’t thought about my issues all day.
That was what I liked best about the center, I didn’t have time to think about my problems. I was busy, even when I wasn’t. I had things to occupy my mind. I was counting items and running around, trying to help whoever needed a hand. I left my problems at the door and did nothing but work.
“I’m starving,” Jill, a younger witch, chimed from her chair, which was next to one of the empty beds. We just cleared out the beds and were all taking a breath.
“We could put an order in for lunch,” Chelsey added. “I’ll buy.”
“You bought last week, I’ll buy,” Marie said. “And we can just get something at the bakery across the street. Hazel, do you want to run with Jill to grab food?”
I nodded as I set my stuff aside. Jill pulled herself up eagerly. She hummed as she walked, and I followed.
“Does everyone want their usual?” Jill asked as she pushed the front door open. Everyone nodded.
We walked down the street and crossed the road. The bakery looked busy as we stepped inside. You could see the gals working, running around, trying to keep up with the orders.
We headed inside, and I noticed that eyes went on me right away. Jill didn’t seem to notice as she headed for the counter, making the order for everyone. I followed behind her and swallowed. I felt that weight fall on me once more. I glanced at my watch, counting the hours left in the day.
I left work a couple of hours after lunch and headed over to the town hall. I knew Brandon would be there, and I wanted to talk with him before speaking with Asher.
I headed down the hallway toward Brandon’s office. I knocked on the door, leaning back on my heels.
“Come in.”
I pushed the door open and froze when I realized that Brandon wasn’t alone. Westley and Asher were sitting with him. They had a map spread out on his desk, clearly deep in a conversation. “Sorry, I thought you were alone.”
“It’s fine, Hazel. Did you need something?”
I swallowed, trying to find my voice. I glanced at Asher, who was still looking at the map. “Yeah, I came to say I accept the proposal you brought up the other day.”
Brandon leaned back in his chair, and Asher’s head snapped up. Brandon placed his hands together. “You do?”
I nodded. “Yes.” I glanced at Asher for a split second before looking back at Brandon. “I accept.”
Brandon turned to Asher. “Asher? You agree as well?”
Asher nodded. “Sure, I agree.”
I suddenly felt angry at how easily he agreed. There was no demand, not irritated in his face. It was like he was being asked to pick up dry cleaning. And I realized, this was just part of his job.