Chapter 12 - Hazel
To say I was embarrassed was putting it lightly after what happened last night. I was still lying in bed, unable to get myself up. I kept replaying last night over and over in my head. I couldn’t believe how hard I came and how he seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
He was so comforting when he came into my room. But the moment he looked into my eyes, I found myself wanting more. I just wanted to forget.
Jesus, his hands. He knew what he was doing with them. He ran them all over my body. I’d never come that hard or that fast with a man before. They never seemed to know what they were doing, or cared long enough to want to get me off. But with Asher, he knew exactly what he was doing.
I could still smell him; his aftershave lingered in my sheets, and I knew it was wrong to bask in it. He came into my room to comfort me, and that might have been a part of it. A way to get me to calm down.
I knew that it wouldn’t happen again. I had no idea how I was even going to look at him, knowing what we did. It’s why I was still in bed at almost noon.
I groaned as I rolled over, pulling my pillow over my head. I didn’t know what to do. How the hell would I look at him after what we did last night? It changed everything.
He gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before leaving. I didn’t even get to ask him anything, let alone say anything. I had thought maybe he’d been turned on himself, but maybe that wasn’t lust I saw in his eyes during it all.
Because if he had been turned on, why hadn’t we gone further? Why hadn’t he asked if I wanted more?
I needed to shower, and maybe that would make me feel better. I threw my sheets off and headed into the bathroom across the hallway. I stripped down and froze when I noticed a bite mark on the side of my neck.
My stomach twisted up.
I looked down at my legs, seeing a few more on my inner thigh. Proof that I hadn’t made it up last night.
I stared at myself in the mirror, taking in my shape. I had come to know this was my body, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. I was just big boned, as our mother used to say. No amount of diet or exercise was going to change that.
Gabriella was the petite one with that perfect smile, while I was the big sister, even though I was younger. I had tried for years to look like her, wishing I were her size.
I tried everything you could think of, but the weight stayed. As I got older, my boobs grew in, and my ass only got bigger. I tried hard to love myself. It was difficult when everyone else around you stared like you were a freak.
I stared at my wide hips and the way my breasts hung low. I could still feel his hands on me, skating over my skin. I chewed on my lower lip as I remembered how he tugged on my nipples, how his fingers grazed over my stomach.
I shook my head. “Enough, Hazel. It was a one-time thing.”
I turned and flipped the shower on. I knew better than to make something up in my head. Asher didn’t have any feelings for me. He was only being nice, and if he actually saw me naked, he would think twice.
I showered, trying to scrub last night’s events off of me. I got dressed wearing a baggy pair of pants and a sweater, not feeling like dressing up.
I went downstairs quietly, not wanting to run into Asher. But I quickly found out that his car was gone.
I turned my attention to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal. I walked around the house as I ate the bowl, looking through all the photos that Asher hung up. I found myself starting to enjoy them, even asking him about where he took them.
He had an entirely different life from what I’d had. He’d been out on adventures and seen the world. I was a little jealous of it. He had been to places I dreamed of going.
I paused at a picture of the woods, my heart suddenly beating too quickly. My fingers shook on the bowl, and all of last night seemed to slam into me again.
I was in the middle of the woods. I looked around, taking in the trees and hills surrounding me. There was no one else around, or at least I didn’t think there was. It was a sunny day just like any other.
The wind felt nice, and it was like I was truly there. Out in the woods, away from the pack and the safety it offered. But I didn’t feel fear. I felt like I was free.
I moved, slowly walking forward, but I got nowhere. I was going in circles, never to leave. I didn’t even know where I was walking. I just passed through trees and different flowers in bloom.
But then I heard someone screaming. It was a blood-curdling scream like they were being ripped apart. The sound of a hybrid and all the hair on my body rose. That bubble I had been walking in suddenly burst.
I moved forward, running, but the sound only continued. Someone begging for their life, the screaming growing louder like they were close to me. Yet, I didn’t get any closer to them. No matter how hard I ran, I wouldn’t make it in time.
I felt like someone was watching me as I ran. I stumbled over a rock and quickly pulled myself up. I did a circle, not even sure where I was going. My heart was racing, and I could feel panic taking over.
But I stop dead in my tracks. Just ahead of me was a bloody patch, but there was no body. No hybrid. Nothing but blood in the snow. It was large, like a body had been dropped there, and droplets trailed forward.
I can’t breathe. I was slowly suffocating, and I don’t know how to stop it.
I turned around and froze. Just ahead of me was a man.
I jerk back, stumbling backward, smacking into the shelving unit behind me, and I heard something shatter on the ground. My hands on my bowl have gone white, and I am shaking.
Breath! Breath, Hazel!
I gasp for air, crawl backward until my back hits the wall.
What the hell did I watch? What did I see? What had I witnessed? Who was that man?
I looked around, taking in the house, and knowing I was safe. I could hear Asher’s words from last night. No one will hurt you. You’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen.
I closed my eyes and listened to my heartbeat. I grounded myself by repeating that I was okay. I tried to relax, but I couldn’t. My mind couldn’t connect that I was safe.
I pulled myself up and tossed the bowl into the sink. I grabbed my jacket, pulling it on, and slid my shoes on. I hurried outside to my car and drove. I had been avoiding Asher, but now I needed him. I needed to at least be near him. A part of me felt safest around him.
I found his car at the training ground. He was in the middle of teaching a class. I watched as they all moved, seeming to know how to protect themselves accordingly.
I got out of the car and headed toward them. I took a seat on a bench while he spoke.
“I want everyone to keep working on their punches and kicks. You want strong, quick movements. Don’t half-ass anything. Because when you’re defending yourself, you need power.”
He rounded the group and froze when he spotted me. I swallowed, my mind going back to last night. But there was no sign of that moment in his eyes. He was clearly in training mode with them.
He walked over toward me and raised an eyebrow. “You okay? You look a little flustered.”
I looked at the group, taking in everyone. They all knew how to protect themselves. I realized that I didn’t. If I had actually been out in the woods, I would have died. I had no idea how to fight. I suddenly wanted to be able to do that. I wanted to be able to protect myself.
“Would you teach me that?” I asked as I nodded my head toward the group.
His eyebrows went up. “You mean train you?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
His eyebrows pressed together. “Yeah, I can do that? Is there a reason you want to train suddenly?”
I shook my head. I had thought about telling him about my vision, but decided against it. I needed to figure out what it all meant first before I shared it with others. “No, I just think I should know how.”
“Well, if you want to stretch while I finish up with the group, we can start right after.”
I nodded, knowing that moving around would help calm my nerves. Asher turned back to the ground, and I rubbed my hands together as I sat back down.
I felt a shiver run through me, and I tried to shake it off. I was safe.