Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Mark whistled as he put the fresh bacon on his plate, then spooned more onto his wife’s plate.
It was still raining, but it was a beautiful day.
He’d woken early and gazed at Ellen’s brown hair across her pillow, shifting as she breathed in her sleep.
And then he’d kissed her forehead and risen to go check the schedule in the morning paper for trains to Oxford.
There were several leaving from Paddington Station each day.
Perfect for a visit with Professor Duncap.
His mind moved on. Ellen was growing sicker. Mark worried each time she threw up the contents of her stomach, but last night she promised him the sickness usually meant a strong and healthy pregnancy. It made no sense to Mark, but he trusted her word.
As if summoned by his thoughts, the door swung open and Ellen walked in. “Good morning.”
Mark beamed, setting her plate on the table. “Eggs, bacon, and porridge. Because you begged Cook for it.” He wrinkled his nose. “Are you going to be asking for increasingly odd foods for the foreseeable future?”
She didn’t answer, which, honestly, he hadn’t expected her to, and walked to him as he sat in his chair.
Ellen ran a hand up his arm, across his shoulder, and cupped the back of his neck.
“You seem terribly happy for a man who spent the last evening receiving no pleasure of his own.” Her fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck.
A tender feeling rushed through him, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her close. “I still enjoyed myself.”
“Should I do something to make up for it?”
Mark buried his smile in the front of her dress. “If you insist.”
“After breakfast.” Ellen kissed the top of his head, then eased away to sit beside him. She took a bite of bacon, gagged, and quickly washed the bite down with milk.
Mark frowned, taking an empty bowl from the side table, and set it in front of her, trying to ignore how pale she’d gone. “Just in case.” He kissed the top of her head. “Want me to stay close to hold your hair?”
She closed her eyes, then shook her head. “No, I’m well. Please sit and eat.”
About halfway through breakfast Gaye stepped in with mail. “Your letters from yesterday, madam.” He gave an arthritic bow.
Ellen pulled two off the silver tray. One was a regular thickness, the other wide and broad with a postmark from France. She took the letter opener and sliced the first one while swallowing a bite of porridge.
Mark glanced at the next page of the newspaper. Everything was pleasantly silent between them. How could he have possibly lived this long without her? Glancing up, Mark smiled at her.
Ellen was gripping the letter with white knuckles, and her face had gone pale.
“Is there bad news?” Mark asked, reaching out to touch her hand.
She jerked out of reach and glared up at him. “Of a sort.”
Mark looked between her face and the letter still in her hands. “I don’t understand.”
Ellen read aloud. “Dearest Ellen, I am overjoyed to learn you and Mark have reconciled. My son can be obtuse and overly private, but he has a heart of gold beneath it all. I know he felt a deep concern for you, for both of you, when the family realized the duty to provide heirs to the title now fell to him. I hope, however, that joy will come to you both, and soon the Cottesloe nursery will be filled with a dozen little Glenfalls.” Ellen looked up, eyes as hard as stone.
“She goes on about what spring shall be like at Cottesloe and how your brothers are doing.”
Mark’s mouth dried. His egg-laden fork hovered mid-air, his arms frozen.
“You told me you came back to let me know you were the heir, and one day I might be a baroness.” Ellen carefully laid the letter down on the table, then folded her arms across her chest and stared. “That’s all.”
“Yes, that’s true.” Mark scrambled for an explanation. “I, uh…”
“I told you I didn’t want more children.” Her face went pale again.
“Yes, you did.” Guilt crept in.
“Mark! You lied to me.” Her lips pressed into a firm, thin line.
“I didn’t lie!”
“You didn’t tell all of the truth about one of the most important things between us. I said I didn’t want to risk having more children. And you slept with me anyway.”
“That’s why I didn’t bring it up!” Mark knew he sounded guilty, desperate, but it was true. He’d never, ever wanted to force any of this on her. That’s why he’d dropped the matter completely. “You were so against it, I put it aside.”
“Put aside your duty to a three-hundred-year-old barony? Your duty to your parents and your older brother?” Ellen gave a hard laugh. “Please. You don’t put duty aside so easily—except when it comes to leaving our marriage.”
“No, I don’t,” Mark agreed. His knee banged the underside of the table, causing him to wince. He hadn’t known he was even tapping his foot. “But I did, because of you, Ellen. You’re more important. Everything, everything I’ve done since returning has been for you.” Please believe me.
She shook her head. “And here we are, expecting a child anyway. You got your wish, Mark Glenfall.” Ellen spat his name from her mouth like it was a curse.
“I never wanted it like this.” He forced his leg to still. That’s why I never brought it up. I’d let it go.
Her face went white as chalk. “I’d had a horrible day. I was in a vulnerable state. And you had sex with me!”
Hurt flashed through Mark. “Don’t cheapen what we have,” he ground out. He reached across the table for her hand. “You told me to love you, to not leave you alone.”
She laughed mirthlessly. “I’m such a fool. I should’ve guessed this was all about getting an heir.” Ellen set her jaw, arms tightening across her chest. “I didn’t know you had a secret agenda.”
“Secret agenda?” Mark scoffed. “My whole agenda since I returned has been to scrape and grovel and apologize to get back in your good graces.” Anger made his words spill off his tongue, with little heed for what the consequences might be.
“You deny you need to grovel a little?” Ellen’s eyes grew wide, her mouth mocking.
Mark growled, shoving his chair back from the table.
“I don’t know how to convince you.” He ran a hand through his hair, starting for the door.
His study. He could think in his study. He could come up with a speech, perhaps even write it down, to explain better, to make her understand all he wanted was her.
“So whenever we have a tiff, I have to wonder if you’ll run away again?” Ellen’s words cut like a whip across his heart.
“Tiff?” Mark stared at her. “You consider this a tiff? Ellen, you just accused me of seducing you with the basest of intentions, then tucking tail and running.”
Emotion shone in her eyes, but Mark was too angry to guess what it was. “You should’ve told me.”
“I see that now.” Mark bit off the words.
“I will remind you, however, I was the one who got your herbal tea, and you were the one who forgot to take it. So really, this whole situation is your—” Fault.
He clicked his teeth shut before the last word escaped, but it was too late.
Unsaid, it filled the air around them, until it practically echoed in the silence.
Ellen’s mouth opened, but no sound came out.
Too far, Mark’s brain helpfully told him. They stared at one another in silence, anger making their cheeks bright and chests tight.
“In fact,” Mark broke the silence, “I received a probable offer of scholarship at Wadham College. My plan was to move us there in May, if all goes well.”
“You’re leaving?” Ellen looked like she’d been punched in the gut.
“No, did you not hear me? I said we will move to Oxford. You can raise the baby there while I tutor and research.” Mark ignored the warning going off in his head, warning him this was too much, he wasn’t sure about the don position, but the words forced themselves out.
“I don’t want to move to Oxford—they don’t even allow women medical students anyway. My work is here. Medical school is here. Constance is here.” Ellen curled her lip in disgust at him.
Mark shrugged, anger making him careless. “Well, then I don’t think you can call it abandonment this time, can you? You’re the one who refuses to come with me.”
“You promised.” Ellen’s voice was a whisper.
Guilt blossomed in his chest, right under the anger in full bloom. “Then maybe I’ll live there during the week and come back on the weekends.”
Ellen’s face hardened and she jerked out of her chair.
“Do whatever you want. You always do. Far be it from me to hold you back from a lifelong dream. Go ahead and move to Oxford, I shan’t care.
If this child survives, he and I shall live here and you can enjoy your life elsewhere.
I was waiting for this to happen, so it’s better it happened now, when we can still part easily. ”
“Ellen.” Mark ground his teeth, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Please, I’m sorry, let’s…can we discuss this later, when we’re calmer?”
Ellen had already stormed from the room, slamming the dining room door behind her.
Mark wanted to throw the plates and silverware across the room, but got hold of himself in time. He stabbed the last slice of bacon and shoved it in his mouth, angrily chewing.
Ellen held back her tears until she was in the cab, riding across SoHo and into St. Giles. Raindrops from her cloak’s cowl slipped inside and trailed down her back. She shivered, wishing she’d had the presence of mind to bring an umbrella.
What was I thinking? I knew he’d do something like this to hurt me. Ellen angrily wiped the scalding tears from her cheeks. She wanted to go to Amelia and spill her woes, asking for her advice: how to keep Mark from breaking her heart?
She worried it might be too late.
When she arrived at the dispensary earlier than usual, she saw Amelia smiling as she waved Jiya goodbye. Ellen exchanged greetings with Jiya at the doorstep, then entered the dispensary, dripping water everywhere. “What was she doing here?”
Amelia blushed to the roots of her hair. “We were having a professional meeting.”
“About?”