Chapter 9
Penny
My dad and Declan are crazy. One hundred percent crazy. You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to set foot in the Pacific Ocean in December.
Kate and I are bundled up in puffer jackets and blankets, sitting on the sand, trying not to freeze our asses off while we watch the guys surf.
The sky is gray, and the wind has a bite to it that stings my eyes.
We’ve been out here for over an hour, and I can’t wait to get back inside the warm house.
I don’t know how my mom is walking down the beach with Autumn. But they’re trying to find shells in the sand to make this year's Christmas ornament, and Autumn is happier than can be.
“The earrings you got me are freaking amazing. Thank you so much,” Kate says, leaning into my shoulder.
“You’re welcome. I actually made them.”
“Seriously? Do you sell them? Because you should.”
“I do. I just haven’t had the time to make any recently because I started to manage the coffee shop.”
“Well, you have an eye for design. You should make it into a career.”
I smile and shake my head. “It’s just a hobby.”
A moment passes. “Can I ask you a question?” Kate asks wearily.
I turn my head to look at her. “Sure.”
“Is Autumn’s dad in the picture? There was no mention of him today.”
This isn’t a new question. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked this, I would be rich. But my stomach sinks anyway. It’s a topic I hate with every fiber of my being.
I give her a tight-lipped smile and tell her what I tell everyone. “I had a one-night stand my freshman year of college. I didn’t know who the guy was and couldn’t find him after I found out I was pregnant.”
Her eyebrows shoot to her forehead in shock. “Wow.” Her gaze moves to Autumn, and she smiles. “Well, she is not lacking any love, that’s for sure. She’s probably the cutest little girl I’ve ever seen. And she’s smart too.”
I laugh. “Too smart, that’s for sure. I’m extremely blessed. She keeps me on my toes and humbles me.”
I look out at the guys and catch Declan riding a small barrel to the left. Why does it make him even hotter knowing that he surfs?
“You like my brother.”
My head snaps to Kate. “Um. Of course, I do. We’re friends.”
She smirks. “Friends, my ass. No. You like him like him. I think he likes you, too.”
I shake my head. “No. Really. We’re just friends. Did uh… did he tell you how we met?”
Her brows furrow, and she shakes her head.
“We met online in September.” Her eyes widen in shock, but I continue.
“It was on a dating app. But we realized we were better off as friends and kept in contact. We didn’t know who each other was because we didn’t do profile pictures that showed our faces.
When he moved in next door, the only reason I recognized him was because of his tattoos… it’s been a little awkward ever since.”
“That’s… crazy.”
I nod my head and shrug my shoulders. “Anyways, we’ve been friends from the beginning. I actually have a date with someone just after New Year's.”
“Mmm,” she hums and looks towards the guys, where they’re heading in from their session.
Declan tosses his hair back as he gets out of the water, just like those models do in the cologne commercials.
Only he’s not trying, and it makes him look like sex on a stick.
I divert my gaze because I also notice how his bulging muscles are visible through his thick wetsuit, and it’s a little bit distracting. Especially since we’re just friends.
Everyone congregates to where Kate and I are sitting, and we finally head back to the house to finish out Christmas day.
While the guys get changed, the women gather around the Christmas tree and start back in on the mimosas. Autumn is playing with her new toys, and Home Alone is on in the background.
“This is probably the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” Kate says to us as we sip out of our champagne glasses. “Christmas with my parents was always stuffy, and Declan hasn’t been home in over a decade. It’s not the same when he isn’t there.”
He hasn’t been home in over a decade?
I want to ask questions, but the guys join us right then.
“So, Penny. Tell me about this date you have after the new year,” Kate says, and my hand freezes mid-drink.
She has a shit-eating grin on her face, and out of my peripheral, I can see Declan slowly lower himself onto the other side of the couch from me.
The heat of his stare is on the side of my face, and I can feel my cheeks getting red.
My mom looks shocked by this revelation because I haven’t told her yet, and my dad is looking from me to Declan like we’re the ones going on the date.
Luckily, Autumn has on her new sparkly pink headphones that my parents gifted her and is watching The Polar Express on her tablet.
I chug the rest of my mimosa before I speak. “Uh… he’s thirty-five, I think. And is a financial advisor.”
Kate's eyes twinkle. “What does he look like?” she asks excitedly.
Instead of describing him, I pull out my phone from my hoodie pocket and pull up the dating app to bring up the guy’s profile. I chance a glance in Declan’s direction, and he’s noticeably tense.
“You’re still on the app?” he asks quietly.
“Mhmm.” I give him a tight-lipped smile because what else am I supposed to say? I’m a romantic at heart and would like to find love at least once in my life. Using the app is the easiest way for me to do that.
I hand my phone to Kate, and she oos and ahhs over the man named Mark.
He’s objectively good-looking with short-cropped dark hair, brown eyes, and a fit body.
The thing that drew me to his profile, though, was that he has a seven-year-old son.
I didn’t tell him that I had a daughter.
I’m still wary of disclosing that part of my life, but if the date goes well, I’ll for sure tell him.
“Ahh… his son is so cute,” Kate beams at the picture of his kid that he put on his profile. I think for men, having a kid is like a chick magnet. For women, not so much. Men usually run for the hills when they find out I have a kid.
“I didn’t know you had a date. Are you excited?” my mom asks cautiously, but with a smile on her face.
I nod. “I am. I’m nervous too. You know how the last one went.”
My mom gives me a sympathetic smile, and my dad just listens, drinking his beer. If it were up to him, I wouldn’t date until I was thirty. He doesn’t think anyone is good enough for me and was super pissed when I came home pregnant, not knowing the identity of my baby daddy.
The worst part is, I do know who he is. But no one else does. It’s a secret I’ll take to the grave.
“How did the last one go?” Kate asks with curiosity.
I can’t help but glance at Declan again, and he’s staring at me with a blank expression on his face.
I turn my attention back to Kate. “Well, um… he showed up thirty minutes late and then accidentally forgot his wallet when it was time to pay. Not that I don’t mind paying, but I watched him pull his wallet out to give the waiter his ID for alcohol.
And then when he asked for a second date, his phone lit up with a message from his wife. It was a mess.”
She groans. “Men suck. Well, I hope this date is better. He seems like he’s got a lot going for him.”
“Me too.” I nod.
And I do hope it goes well. I know I’m only twenty-four, but I want a relationship like my parents have. One where the love is unconditional, and we can grow old together.
Maybe it’s wishful thinking.
But, as we finish out the evening at my parents, I feel like I’m already checked out of the date that hasn’t even happened yet.
And it has nothing to do with my objectively hot and kind, Viking neighbor.
~ ~ ~
Declan was pretty much silent the rest of the night except for when he thanked my parents as we were leaving. Autumn fell asleep as soon as we got into Declan’s truck, and the fifteen-minute car ride was silent except for the radio playing Christmas music.
When Declan parks the truck in the back of our building, I go to get Autumn, but he stops me.
“I’ve got her.”
He gently unbuckles her seatbelt and pulls her out of the car seat as gracefully as possible.
Autumn instantly wraps her arms around him and nestles her little face in the crook of his neck.
I’ve never been a jealous person, but what I wouldn’t give to be Autumn right now.
I grab all the bags my arms can carry, and so does Kate, and we make our way up to the apartment.
I unlock my door, and Declan files in after me as I show him to Autumn’s room. He gently places her on her bed, takes her shoes off, and pulls the covers over her.
My heart skips a beat as I watch him handle her with care.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that,” I tell him once we’ve successfully tiptoed out of the bedroom and reached the living room.
He shoves his hands in his pockets. “It’s fine. I’m going to go get the car seat and the rest of the stuff. I’ll be right back.”
I nod my head and make my way to the landing in between our apartments to see if Kate needs help.
I peek my head in Declan's apartment, and Kate is in the kitchen. “Do you need anything?” I ask.
She makes her way to where I’m at in the doorway. “No. But today was the best day I’ve had in a long time, and I want to thank you for that. Your family is seriously amazing, and they didn’t have to offer to take us in today. It was the highlight of my year.”
I give her an easy smile and wrap her in a hug. “I’m so glad you guys came. It was seriously fun having you over.”
Declan enters the stairway, and we break apart. He heads into my open apartment to set the rest of my things down, and then the three of us are left on the landing.
“Come get a coffee from the shop before your flight tomorrow,” I tell Kate.
She wraps me in another hug. “I will.”
I give a smile to Declan and say, “Merry Christmas.”
I head into my apartment, and as soon as the door shuts behind me, I can hear Kate on the other side. I know I shouldn’t snoop but the walls are thin.
“Seriously. You couldn’t hug her, you asshat? Knock on her door and give her a proper goodbye. And why haven’t you asked Penny out yet? You’re a fucking fool. I can tell you like her.”
“I told you. I don’t like kids. I’m not about to play daddy to some little girl. Penny and I will never happen in this lifetime.”
I rub the spot over my heart and walk away from the door because I don’t need to hear the rest of the conversation.
Is that what this has been all about since we met face-to-face? That I have a kid?
The picture is starting to make sense now. Whenever Autumn’s around him, he freezes up, like he doesn’t want to be near her. I didn’t see it before, but looking back, I do now.
I am such an idiot.
And the fact that he friend-zoned me a second time confirms it all.
My nose starts to sting, and I head into the bathroom to turn on the shower. I put the nozzle to scorching, undress, and get in to wash away the dread that coats my skin.
Once I’ve scrubbed myself raw, I get out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. When I get to my room, I see my phone lit up with a new notification. I open the message.
Declan: Can you meet me on the landing?
I close the message and toss my phone on the bed, shaking my head.
“Screw you, Declan,” I whisper to myself. Because there’s no way I’m befriending someone who doesn’t like my daughter. That girl is my whole world, and I refuse to surround myself with people who won’t accept her as a part of my life.
I thought the funny, kind man I’ve come to know over the last few months was worth getting closer to.
Despite it being weird between us over the last few weeks, I wanted us to have a friendship outside of texting, no matter how much my heart skipped a beat around him.
I know he doesn’t like me like that, which is ultimately why I have a date next month, but his brash words have instantly made me have a change of heart.
I’ve never given him the impression that I wanted him to act like a father figure towards Autumn.
But now that I look back, his actions were those of someone who was completely turned off by the fact that his previous pen pal– his friend– had a kid.
I’m a fucking idiot.
I change into oversized sweats and make sure the apartment is locked and the lights are off. I tiptoe into Autumn’s room and climb into bed next to her, pulling her against my body.
The memories of giving birth to her, her first birthday, and her first words flip through my brain as I breathe her in.
I never expected to get pregnant at nineteen, but when she entered this world screaming, I fell in love for the first time.
It was like something clicked, and I decided right then and there I would do anything and everything to protect my baby girl.
That includes keeping her away from people who don’t want her in their lives.