Chapter 12
Declan
“Dude, tell me what the fuck happened before I put you on my shit list.” Becca barks as soon as Penny leaves the shop.
I run a hand through my hair and sigh. “She overheard a conversation I was having with my sister.”
Becca comes to stand in front of me with her arms crossed. “And…”
“And I may have alluded to the fact that I don’t want to play daddy to her little girl… and that I don’t like kids in general.”
She pushes my shoulder, and I can’t blame her. When I say it out loud, it sounds bad. Really bad.
“I can’t believe you. This is why I don’t date men. You guys are fucking idiots. So, tell me, what are you going to do to make it up to her? Because you need to grovel, Mr.”
And don’t I know it.
“I’m working on it.”
“Well, work harder. I’m surprised Penny didn’t put a hit out on you. If you said that about my kid, I would have cut your balls off and fed them to my hairless cat.”
That visual alone has me cringing.
But I am working on it. I wasn’t expecting to see Penny today, but I have somewhat of a plan in place for her to forgive me. I just need a few days before I can execute it.
~ ~ ~
Knock, knock, knock.
It’s been a little over twenty-four hours since I’ve seen Penny, and I’m in my makeshift studio working on some drawings.
I head to the door to see who’s here, and a part of me is hoping it’s Penny on the other side. Even if I only get a glimpse of her, that would be enough. Okay, well, maybe not enough, but better than nothing.
When I swing the door wide, I’m greeted by a three-foot-nothing mini version of the woman next door.
“Hi, Dec,” Autumn says with shining, wide blue eyes that mirror her mother’s.
I look across the hall, and the door is slightly cracked with Penny nowhere in sight. I bend down on one knee to get on Autumn’s level. “Where’s your mom?”
“She fell asleep on the couch.”
“I don’t think she would like it if she knew you snuck over here.”
“I know, but I need to give you something.” She takes her hands out from behind her back and gives me an envelope.
“What’s this?” I ask, turning it over in my hand. The envelope itself is blank, but there’s a card inside it.
“Open it,” she says excitedly.
I pull the card out and read it. It’s an invitation to Autumn’s birthday party this weekend. Her birthday that’s on the same day as mine.
“It’s for my birthday party,” she says with a smile on her face.
“I see that…”
“Will you come to my party?” she asks, and all of a sudden, she goes from having a smile on her face to a quiver lip. Her eyes downturn –I don’t even know how one does that– and she stares at me expectantly.
I look towards Penny’s apartment door and then back to Autumn, pausing before giving her an answer. “Of course, I’ll come. I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I tell her, because who can say no to a quiver lip?
What she doesn’t know is that I had already planned on making an appearance on the twenty-first for our respective birthdays. I’m glad I got this invite, though, because it looks like it’s going to be at Alex and Briana’s house and not next door.
“Yay!” Autumn yelps and wraps her arms around my neck. I swallow hard against the knot that appears in my throat. Her easy affection is not something I’m used to. In fact, the only person who ever really hugs me is Kate, and I only see her a few times a year.
My brain flicks back to the memory of Christmas when Penny hugged me and how right she felt in my arms. But everything went to shit afterward, and I haven’t gotten a hug from her since.
I hold Autumn against me for a beat before pulling away. “Alright. You need to get back inside before your mom wakes up and has a heart attack. No more leaving the apartment without a grown-up.”
“Okay,” she drags out the last syllable and nods her head. “Goodnight, Dec. See you at my party.” She gives me a wide smile, and I make sure she shuts the door behind her before heading back into my apartment.
I pour two fingers of whiskey before returning to what I was working on. I have more than enough time before the weekend comes to finish my gift for Autumn, and I hope she loves it. It’s an unconventional gift, but if I were a kid her age, I would love it.
I decide I need to send Penny a message and pull up our text feed.
Me: Your daughter came over here, knocking on my door.
I continue to work while I wait for a response. I’m not trying to get Autumn in trouble, but I’m hoping that maybe I’ll get a face-to-face with Penny. Plus, she does need to know her mini-me is leaving the apartment unsupervised.
Twenty minutes pass before I get a message back, and I smile when I hear my text tone for Penny go off.
Penny: Landing. Now.
I make my way out the door and Penny is pacing. She’s wearing an oversized T-shirt and worn-out gray sweats that look a few sizes too big. They look like men’s sweats, and I can’t help but wonder if they’re an old boyfriend's, or even Autumn’s dad’s sweats.
Why does that make me feel ragey?
“What did you say to my kid?” she asks, shooting daggers in my direction.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “She just wanted to give me something, and then I sent her back into the apartment.”
Her eyes narrow. “What did she give you?”
I shouldn’t lie but I do. “A drawing.”
“A drawing? Why don’t I believe you?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Because you don’t like me anymore.”
She looks me up and down and scoffs. “Ain’t that the truth?”
“I just thought I should let you know that she left the apartment unsupervised.”
“Oh, so now you’re worried about my daughter? That’s rich coming from you.”
“Stop being a brat, Pen. I would never hurt your daughter or let her get hurt, for that matter.”
Her nostrils flare, and she steps into my space so we’re chest to chest. “Stop calling me a brat,” she grits out.
“Are you on your period?”
Her eyes widen, and I get a thrill from the look. It’s a stupid question to ask any woman, but fuck, she’s totally being a brat, and she’s never been like this before. It makes me want to wrap my hand around her throat and use her mouth for something more productive.
“The fuck did you just say?”
I take two steps forward and crowd her next to her door.
One of my hands lands next to her face while the other finds her hip, anchoring her to the wall.
She feels so small in my hand, and I involuntarily squeeze her side, loving the way she feels underneath me.
“I know I said some shit that I wish I could take back. I’m an asshole and can admit it.
But I’ve apologized. You just have to accept my apology now. ”
Her chest heaves, and she runs her tongue over her teeth.
“You hurt me, Declan. I don’t think you understand, but Autumn isn’t just a part of me…
she’s my whole world. I would die for her just to make sure she doesn’t feel pain.
And it’s my job as her parent to protect her from people who don’t value her.
So, forgive me if I’m having a hard time accepting your apology. ”
“You’re right,” I swallow hard, keeping my eyes on her. “I would take back what I said in an instant if I could. But I can’t. All I can do is say I’m sorry and try to make it up to you… please,” I beg.
She looks away for a beat and then back up at me.
I have to bite back a groan and stop myself from rubbing up against her because she smells like warm coconut and coffee.
I have half a brain to lean in and put my nose right up to her neck to get a bigger hit, but luckily, the other half of my brain tells me that’s not an appropriate thing to do, so I stay where I’m at.
“I’m just going to keep apologizing until you give in,” I tell her seriously, because I’m not giving up. If I had known immediately what I did wrong, I would have been trying to work things out weeks ago.
She purses her lips and crosses her arms. “I don’t think I can forget what you said. I never expected you to play daddy to Autumn. I never gave you that impression, so why did those words come out of your mouth?” She looks hurt and rightfully so.
I decide now is the time to drop my guard and tell her a little bit about why I’m not a kid person.
I’m still caging her against the wall, and I squeeze her hip one last time before backing up.
I grab her hand, and she flinches, but surprisingly, she lets me pull her to the first step on the landing so we can sit.
I let go of her hand and rest my forearms on my thighs.
“My parents are the most self-centered people on the planet. So much so that I don’t even know why they had kids.
My mom would cheat on my dad all the time because he was always at work, and when he would come home, all they would do was yell at each other.
I was virtually invisible to them as a child, and if it weren’t for the revolving nannies, I don’t think they would have remembered I even existed.
And then Kate came along. I tried to protect her from it all as much as I could, but I failed.
She would sneak off during one of their fights and watch them, and I would find her curled up in a ball, crying because of how bad it was.
All she wanted was the love of a mother and father, and they never gave her that.
It wasn’t enough for me to try and fill that void; she needed more than I could give her.
It got to the point that when I turned eighteen, I was determined to leave and never come back, and unfortunately, that meant leaving Kate too.
I promised myself then and there that I was never going to be responsible for another human being because if I couldn’t protect my own kid sister and give her enough love, then how was I supposed to do that for any other child?
” I let out a breath before I continue. “I shouldn’t have said what I said.
I know you never expected me to act like a father figure to Autumn.
And it’s not that I don’t necessarily like kids, but I stay away from them at all costs because I’m not equipped to emotionally take care of one. ”
I leave out the part of the story where, once I turned fourteen, my father tried to groom me to take over his business, leaving little time for me to take care of Kate the way she deserved to be taken care of.
I spent my days at school and my afternoons and nights with tutors.
My father was more worried about making sure the heir to his empire was educated than showing his kids affection.
And I swear it was always worse when my mother was around.
He was always so cold when she would come home, not that I can blame him entirely because she cheated on him at least half a dozen times that I know of, but he could have at least shown Kate and me that he cared about us.
As much of a hardass as he was, he was a far better parent than my mother, not that that’s saying much, but still.
Penny is staring at me, and I can’t tell what she’s thinking because her poker face is damn good. A few moments pass before she speaks. “You were only a kid yourself, Declan… it wasn’t on you to protect your sister or care for her.”
I nod my head. “I know. But still. I was mature for my age because of what I witnessed and how I was raised. I could have done more. The only saving grace was that my parents divorced when Kate was sixteen. But she still had to deal with their bullshit for years by herself before that happened.”
She stares at me for a beat before saying, “I appreciate you telling me because now I get where you're coming from, but I think you’re being too hard on yourself.” She goes to stand, and I follow suit. “I have a lot to think about, Declan.”
I nod my head in agreement. “It’s not an excuse for what I said, but I really do miss our friendship.”
She nods and searches my eyes. “So, it’s not going to bother you that I have a kid?” I shake my head. “Because I’m a package deal, Declan. You can’t be friends with me without being friends with her,” she continues.
I swallow and nod. “I know.” It’s something I have to get over. Being a father figure is one thing, but a friend? I think I can do that. It’s going to take some time to get used to the idea, but I’m already working on it.
When she turns to go back into her apartment without saying another word, I tell her, “I lied to you earlier.” She turns back around, and her brows furrow in confusion. “Autumn didn’t give me a drawing; she gave me a birthday invitation. So, I’ll be seeing you this weekend.”
Her eyes go wide, and I can see the gears turning in her head. Before she can tell me no, I quickly make my departure and shut myself in the apartment.
I’m not playing games, and Penny needs to know that.
If she’s still unsure about continuing our friendship, then I’ll just have to convince her.
Shouldn’t be too hard, right?