Chapter 18 - Janella
I chew on the tip of the pen as I stare at the notes in my notebook. I had mapped out the entire pack and was marking off the areas that we’d looked at and found nothing. There were so many x's on the paper that I was starting to run out of room.
“What ’cha doing?”
I jumped, finding Kyla standing on the other end of the bench. She gave me a soft smile as she tilted her head, staring at me.
“You scared the shit out of me.” I placed my hand over my heart and sighed. “Lord, you damn near gave me a heart attack.”
She laughed as she sat down. “I said your name three times, but I’m going to suspect you were deep in whatever that is.” She waved a hand at my notebook.
I shook my head. “Sorry, I didn't hear you. I’m just deep in thought here, trying to figure this out.”
“Is that your map for the cauldron?”
I had told Kyla about it, hoping she might have a clue where it could be, but she came up empty. She had no idea where I could even look or who she'd thought would have one.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“That’s a lot of marks.”
I groaned. “I know. I’m starting to think I’m insane. But I swear it’s real and I know it's here.”
“I believe you.”
I gave her a smile before I shut the notebook and turned to her. “Are you supposed to be at work?”
“Lunch break, I was running out to grab something. But saw you here, so I figured I would stop.”
“God, I miss working. The rush of having something to do and being busy.”
“Well, you have been in town a while now. Have you looked for a job?”
I hadn’t, mostly because I had been hanging onto the thought of going back home.
But now I felt like I was in limbo. I gave up my job, so I had no income.
It was only a matter of time before I needed to figure out what I was going to do with my apartment.
The idea of getting a job here made it seem like I was going to stay.
But wasn't I? Riley asked me to say, and I'd agreed. So, obviously, I was going to stick around.
“I wanted to adjust to being back here. There is still a lot I'm learning, and with having magic and being a witch, I want to learn that first before I start working again.”
Kyla nodded. “I can understand that. Oh, do you want to join me for lunch? I was going to run to the burger joint around the corner.”
I scrunched up my nose and shook my head. The smell and sound of greasy food made me want to vomit.
“No thanks. I actually should head home. We will catch up and have lunch another time.”
She nodded, pulling herself up. She waved as she headed across the park. I packed my stuff up and headed to my car. I knew that I needed to figure out lunch myself. I tried to think of something that would sound good, but the thought of anything made my stomach churn.
Anything that sounded good, I didn't want to cook. I wanted something quick so I could get back to studying and focusing on finding the cauldron.
I arrived home and threw the fridge open, deciding I’d just eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I pulled the peanut butter out and yanked some bread free. I unscrewed the top of the peanut butter.
The smell hit me, and I choked on it. I quickly pinched my nose and slapped the lid back on. “Oh, my god.” I covered my mouth and quickly searched for the expiration date. But the peanut butter was new. Riley just opened the container a couple of days ago.
I shoved it back into the cabinet and yanked the jelly free. I sniffed the lid, my stomach remaining calm.
I spread some of the jam onto the bread and tossed the container back into the fridge. I took a bite of the sandwich and chewed slowly as I headed up the stairs.
But as soon as I swallowed, my stomach clenched up. I covered my mouth, begging it to stay down. I moved quickly, rushing towards the bathroom and throwing up into the sink.
I pressed my forehead against the faucet and flipped it on. I scowled as I leaned back, looking at myself in the mirror. My face was pale, and now the room smelled like vomit.
My eyes went past me towards the tampon box that was shoved behind my makeup bag on the shelf behind me. My eyes widened.
I was late. I had been so focused on finding the damn cauldron that I didn’t realize my period was two weeks late. I always got it around the middle of the month, and it was well past that time.
I covered my mouth as I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn’t say it wasn’t possible because I was. We never used protection. We never even spoke about it. I never thought about plan B or getting on anything. It never even came to mind. We had sex and just went on about our day.
“Oh god...” I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t possibly be pregnant.
I hurried out of the bathroom and grabbed my purse. I slipped my shoes off and hurried out of the house. I drive to the drug store, my mind a blur.
Why didn’t I think about this? Why hadn’t I been careful, or at least thought about getting on birth control?
I hurried inside and headed for the pregnancy test. I stared at them, my hands shaking. This couldn't be real. I couldn't actually be pregnant. I must have caught a stomach bug or eaten something.
I grabbed a package and paid for it. I hurried into the bathroom, practically running. I sat on the toilet and stared at the box. I swallowed as I ripped it open, yanking the stick out.
I peed on it and cleaned my hands as I stared at it. I chewed on my cheek, already knowing what it was going to say. I was late, and we’d done it without protection. All signs pointed to me being pregnant.
I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been, how we hadn’t thought about this. Jesus, this was terrible timing. We couldn't have a baby right now. Riley and I were dealing with the pack issue, and throwing a baby into this equation was not smart.
I opened my eyes and looked down at the test. There was a little plus sign. My stomach sank, and my heart stopped beating. I was pregnant.
I went home with my mind blank. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t form words. Just clung to that stick.
I unlocked the front door and found Riley cooking at the stove. I could smell French toast and cinnamon. I held my breath, trying not to unsettle my stomach anymore.
“Hey, I’m making French toast for dinner. I figured breakfast sounded good.” He wiped his hands on a rag as he rounded the island
I nodded, still feeling my hand tighten around the test in my pocket. I should tell him. I needed to tell him. But how could I when we had so much going on?
He moved closer and reached up, cupping my face. “How was your day? I missed you at the infirmary. The girls were asking about you.”
I stared into his eyes, taking in the softness. He looked so happy, and I melted against his hands.
“I was out looking. I still didn't find anything.”
He leaned closer, kissing my nose before he pulled me in a hug. “You’ll find it. I feel it. Things are going to start looking up.”
I tightened my hold around the test and swallowed. This was the moment to tell him. I just needed to take it out of my pocket and show him. It would click in his mind.
I had several thoughts of how this would go down. He would remain calm and accept it. Or he would get angry. He might panic as I did and question why we didn't think about this possibility. He might have thought I was on birth control.
But I couldn’t. I couldn't tell him. I was so scared of how this was all going to play out.
“I missed you.”
My heart skipped a beat at his words.
He leaned down, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. I found myself leaning against him, suddenly wanting more. He cupped the back of my head, his tongue sliding over mine, and I moaned.
My mind seemed to glitch as I leaned against him, deepening the kiss. He pulled me tighter against him, his lips harsh against mine. It was hot, and I grabbed at his shirt.
We both leaned back and were panting for air. He chuckled as he rubbed his nose against mine. “God, you know how to wind a man up.”
I stared into his brown eyes, seeing that spark of happiness. I didn’t want to ruin this closeness. I couldn’t put more weight on him than he was already carrying.
But how could I keep this from him? We had no idea how long this was all going to take. The pack was crumbling, and I would start to show in a few months. I needed to tell him. He deserved to know.
I swallowed and tried to form the words. “Riley…”
He cupped my face. “So, I was thinking. In the effort of us moving forward and getting along. How would you like it if we redecorated?”
“What?”
He leaned back and nodded his head towards the living room. “Well, I was thinking about how I decorated this place for myself. And honestly, it doesn’t feel like home. I don’t even think I was paying attention when I bought half of this stuff.”
“You want to redecorate?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I mean…I want this to feel like home. I want it to feel like it’s our space.
We can paint and hang up artwork. Buy new furniture, and I’ll even remodel if you want.
I have the money to do whatever we want in this house.
We could extend, and I could build you an actual office. Or we redo the basement.”
I just stared at him in shock. He was serious. He was actually thinking about our future here. I let go of the test and smiled at him. “I think I could get on board with that idea.”
“Great. How does tomorrow sound? I heard they have a big sale at Mel’s Furniture. We could snag some stuff there. We could stop and pick out paint samples if you want. I can take the entire day off tomorrow.”
He pulled free, stepping back into the kitchen, and I rubbed my hands together. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I wanted this.
I couldn’t tell him now, but in a couple of days I could. I just needed to figure out how.