Chapter Eighteen
Blake hung up the phone, stuck it in his pocket, set his arms on the fence railing, and stared at the horses in the field without really seeing them. His concentration was on not freaking out, but he didn’t know what he would do if he lost her.
They’d only been together for a few months, and it was nowhere near enough time with her. Hell, infinity wasn’t long enough. He needed her like he needed his next breath.
He pressed his fingers to his eyes when they started to sting.
Fuck, the last thing he needed to do was lose it and start bawling.
He needed to be strong for this confrontation.
There was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her.
In fact, when it came right down to it, there was no fucking way he’d lose her. He’d do whatever it took.
That thought settled him down enough to think without the panic that had invaded his mind since talking to Hanna. He called up to the house.
“Dottie, why don’t you go visit your sister for a few days?”
“Why?”
“Hanna and I need some time alone.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Not yet, but it will be.”
“Dinner’s ready. I’ll stick it in the fridge. It will have to bake for about an hour.”
“I got it. Thank you.”
“Everything will be fine, honey. You two were meant to be together. There might be bumps in the road, but you’ll both get through them. I’ve never seen any two people destined to be together more than the two of you.”
Blake exhaled. “Thank you, I needed to hear that.”
“I’ll grab a bag and head out. Call me when you want me to come back.”
“I will. Drive safe.”
He stuck the phone back in his pocket and yelled for John.
“What’s up, boss?”
“I’m going to be busy for a day or two, so you’re in charge. Only call if it’s an emergency.”
The man nodded. “You got it.”
“Thank you.”
Blake made his way up to the house and sat on one of the chairs on the front porch to wait. It seemed every minute that passed was more excruciating than the last.
He exhaled when he saw her vehicle coming up the driveway. He waited until she parked on the side of the house before going to her.
She was pulling sacks out of the back seat.
“Here, baby. I’ve got them.”
They carried them into the house.
He gritted his teeth when she wouldn’t look at him. And what he saw of her was her pale skin and puffy red eyes.
He set everything down on the counter.
“Is there anything that needs to be put away right now?”
She nodded and started pulling things from the sacks.
He helped her put the things away, took her hand, led her into the office, closed and locked the door, then pulled her over to the sofa.
He ignored her stiff reaction to sitting close to him.
He tightened his grip on her hand when she tried to pull away from him.
“Just sit still, baby, and listen. It was right after graduation. I was at a party and got massively drunk. It messed me up when I couldn’t find you, and I know that was all my fault.
Shasha was there. She sounded and looked enough like you when I was drunk that I let Shasha close to me that night. We did have sex...”
She cried out and tried to pull away again.
He couldn’t take that he was hurting her again after he’d already done so much to her in high school. The fact that she had stayed with him gave him hope that she’d find it in her heart to listen and forgive him.
“No, listen to me. It was one time, and I don’t remember it.
All I remember is that I used a condom. Hell, it wasn’t her I was with.
In my mind, it was you.” He tried to laugh.
“I know, it sounds fucked up. Anyway, a month or so later, she showed up on my doorstep, saying she was pregnant. My father and I demanded a paternity test. It came back negative for being mine, which I knew it would.”
“Where’s the baby?” she asked.
“From what I was told, since she couldn’t get any money from me, she aborted it.”
Hanna gasped and pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, God.”
“I guess it’s not the first time she’s done something like that, and I’d bet it wasn’t the last.”
He waited and gave her time to absorb the information.
“She’s had more than one abortion?” Hanna asked in a ragged tone.
He could tell she was barely holding it together and wanted to bellow out his rage at the fact that the person he loved the most in his life was hurting. “Yes. I know. It makes me sick, too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He held onto her hand and was relieved when she didn’t pull away.
“I wanted our relationship to be stronger to prevent this from making you run from me. I’ll admit that I was scared that no matter how much time passed, I’d lose you, so every time I thought I should tell you, I chickened out.”
She nodded. “I can understand that.”
“I just wish I’d been the one to tell you, and I’m sorry for that. She probably told you in the worst possible way.”
“I was walking to my vehicle, and she shouted that I should ask you about the baby you had together.”
“Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, but your sister is truly fucked up.”
Hanna nodded. “She always has been.”
“What did you do, baby?”
“I smiled, at least I think I did, and said, ‘of course, he told me.’ I even waved at her as I pulled out.”
Blake laughed. “Good for you. That probably pissed her off.”
They stayed quiet for a long time. He kept her hand in his and caressed the back of it with his thumb. He had started to relax a bit when she hadn’t slapped him and tried to run, but the situation was far from over, and he still had some groveling to do.
She sighed, leaned back against the cushion, and looked his way. His stomach churned at the evidence of her tears and the sadness in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. You know I never meant to hurt you. I’m devoting my life to making you happy and keeping you healthy.”
He felt a bead of sweat roll down his back when she stayed silent.
“Are you going to be able to forgive me, baby? Because I have to warn you, I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.”
“I need a little time,” she murmured.
He shook his head almost frantically as he felt panic build inside him.
“You’re not going anywhere. I’ll try to give you space, but I’ll just follow you if you try to leave.
I meant what I said about doing anything to keep you.
You know I love you so fucking much, and you’re a part of my soul, baby. I won’t be able to deal with it.”
“Blake,” she burst out. “Let me finish.”
He exhaled. “Okay.”
“I was going to tell you I need a little time to go and shower, and if I have any more questions, we’ll discuss them. I don’t want this to come between us, either. I promise.”
The swell of emotions that hit him made his eyes sting. He picked her up, put her across his lap, and hugged her tightly against his chest. He kissed the top of her head several times.
“Thank you. I hate that you are always the one who has to forgive me.”
She tilted her head back. “Forgive you?” she asked, confused.
“About high school and now this.”
She caressed his cheek with her fingertips.
“I don’t want us to ever talk about high school again.
For one thing, it’s in the past, and for another, it shaped me into the person I am today.
Yes, I’ve overcome a lot. But I’m strong because of the things I’ve had to deal with, like my sister and her hatred, and my mom dying.
The abuse and bullying I went through growing up. Besides, we can’t change it.”
God, he hated hearing his part in her difficult life.
He smoothed the hair from her face and smiled down at her. “How’d you get so fucking smart?”
She shrugged. “I’ve always been smart. You’re just getting to know me and vice versa.”
“I want to know everything about you.”
“That will take time,” she said.
He nodded. “Yes, and that we have plenty of.”
“Yes.”
He cupped her chin, pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, and then helped her off his lap.
“You go on and shower, and I’ll put dinner in the oven.”
“All right. I won’t be long.”
“Take your time, honey.”
Blake listened to her climb the stairs. He exhaled, rested his head back, and closed his eyes. Jesus. He had to stop hurting the most important person in his life.
The sting was back in his eyes, making him press his fingers against them to hold back the tears.
If he just showed her how much he really loved her and worshipped the ground she walked on, she would never want to leave him. It was a pledge he made to himself at that moment and one he knew he’d never forget.