Chapter Twenty-Three #2
My mother wiped a tear from her eye. I hadn’t seen her cry since I was a boy and would sometimes catch her when she had thought I was asleep or outside playing.
“Your friends love you, too,” she said.
I scrunched my face. “Not the way I mean, Mom.”
We were quiet for a couple of minutes before she cleared her throat. I looked her way, and she no longer appeared sad. She seemed determined instead. “So, you like Brighton. I mean, you think there’s a chance he could be the one?”
“Not if it’s long distance,” I admitted. “Those don’t work, Mom. We’re talking different countries… continents.”
“Then you move to England,” she stated matter-of-factly.
I was surprised she’d be willing to see me leave. “But that would mean leaving everyone I care about behind.”
“Yes,” she said. “Cliff, you can’t stay here and die every day inside, wishing you had a man who loves you. I won’t stand for it.”
“There’s no guarantee he’s the one,” I pointed out. “It’s a big risk.”
My mother nodded. “Just like every sport you thought you’d fail at.
Just like the college selection you made.
Just like quitting your secure job as a teacher to become a club owner.
If you hadn’t taken those chances, Cliff, you wouldn’t have had the successes you had in school and later in your career.
Maybe now it’s time to bet on love. What’s the worst that can happen —that it doesn’t work out? Then you move back here.”
“With my tail between my legs,” I muttered.
“You said that about every other risk, and it never happened. And if it does, do you think for one minute I or your friends would take joy in your disappointment? We’d be here to support you, just like we always have been.
Then we’d figure out another way for you to find the man who’ll change your life for the better. ”
“Mom, I’d be leaving…you,” I said. I choked up after the words escaped me.
She was the woman who irritated me to no end but was always the first I turned to when I was troubled and who found a way to make me feel better.
The person who pushed me every time I was scared…
but seemed to know each time I’d be better for it. Now, she was doing it again.
Her eyes welled up with tears again. This time, she got out of the chair and knelt before me, pulling me into a hug.
“I know, darling. But maybe it’s time I learn to stand on my own two feet, huh?”
I appreciated how she tried to spare my dignity to make it about her loss instead of mine. Maybe she always had when I was vulnerable, and I was too selfish to have realized it. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“Mom, you’d be just fine. You’re much stronger than I’ve ever been. What will I do without you?”
She held my cheek. “Explore this thing with Brighton. That’s what. See if he can be the one who supports you when you need it—when you have doubts. I already know you’ll do that for him, just like you’ve always done for me and for your friends. And if he treats you well, then love him back…hard.”
I embraced her again. “I love you, Mom. So much. You do know that—don’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes, Cliff. I know everything.” I snorted a laugh. “Maybe with Brighton, you won’t feel compelled to get off reading those smutty gay romance books you hide on the bottom shelf.”
I pulled back in surprise. She smiled playfully. “I’m not hiding them! I just…”
My mother stood, ignoring me. “Of course, you won’t be rid of me that easily.
I fully expect you to buy a residence in London that has a lovely room for my extended stays.
See if you can find something in Kensington where Brighton resides…
or some place in the old city. I don’t want to be in one of those hideous, gauche high-rises they seem fond of propagating all over their landscape. ”
I chuckled. “I’ll do my best. Providing Brighton says yes, of course.”
“He will,” she assured me. “I know a stupid man when I see one. He’s not one of them. That Daryl, on the other hand. Kind of. With his looks, he could get someone nice if he’d just grow up.”
“He had a rough upbringing,” I explained. “Not all of us were lucky enough to have a mother like you.”
She smirked. “I must have really shamed you with that Reverend Jones comment. I don’t think you’ve complimented me this much since you tried convincing me to pay for you to get braces on your teeth.”
It reminded me of another sacrifice she had made. “Yeah. I’m trying to make up for lost time, Mom. And thank you for never beating me.”
My mother’s smile dropped. “As if I was serious. No child ever deserved that—especially you, darling. You’re not perfect, but you’re as close as anyone I’ve ever known. I’ll always be proud of you—my precious, sweet boy.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
She might have become uncomfortable with how mushy things had become. She crossed her arms and looked at me good-humoredly. “Of course, once you became an adult and mouthed off, I should have walloped your ass many, many times.”
Before I could respond, she cat-walked from the room like the queen she wa.
* * * *
It was time for the live finale, and the contestants stood before me—each dressed in the suit they had worn when I first met them.
The only difference was Mikey had his arm in a sling.
Aaron was next to him, as usual. Emilio hovered by my side, holding the envelope that had the name of the man I had chosen.
“It’s time for the decision we’ve all been waiting for,” Emilio said before the camera.
“We’ve spent the last week following Cliff…
on his journey to love.” I imagined giving Emilio a journey to the moon courtesy of my fist. “But who will he choose? So many hot men, so many incredible moments. Cliff, start off by speaking to each man who will not be lucky enough to date you going forward. Please hold off on the runner-up until he’s one of the final two standing. ”
I hated this part. Although I didn’t think any of the men liked me enough to date me for who I am, other than Mikey and Brighton, it still felt hurtful to tell each person on television why I felt the same about them.
“Okay,” I replied, sweat beginning to bead on my forehead.
I had just been powdered up, so I deduced I appeared as anxious as I felt.
“Dani… I think you’re cute, playful, colorful and joyful.
You’ll make someone a wonderful boyfriend one day.
It’s just not me.” Dani’s face fell, and I almost wanted to change my mind on the spot just to make him smile.
“It isn’t anything you’ve done wrong. Honestly, I think I’d be too dull and rigid to keep you happy. ”
“The rigid part would make me happy,” he protested.
The other contestants snickered.
“Dani, I think you’d be a great asset working in one of my clubs—if you’re interested.
Besides having a great boss, if I say so myself”—more chuckles—“there would be lots of men to meet. If you can see yourself living in New York or Boston, or even moving on my dime to LA, I will make room for you on my team. You don’t have to answer now… ”
“Yes,” he blurted eagerly. There were more laughs.
Now that the show was ending, my mother could watch.
I pictured her sighing as she observed me once again trying to please people and make them like me.
But my offer wasn’t purely charitable. I could envision Dani being quite popular with some of the clientele.
He had a much younger and different energy than my other employees, and diversity was a good thing.
“Great,” I said with a smile. “Um, Daryl… I’ll make the same offer to you. While we didn’t connect in a romantic way, there’s no question you’re an amazing-looking man. I know your presence could draw patrons. If you promise to be nice to other staff and customers…”
“I don’t need a consolation prize,” Daryl cut in. “And I have a successful OnlyFans account.”
I nodded. “I know. And if you really are interested in dating someone, I’m sure there are tons of viewers of this show, as well as your account, who’d love for you to give them a shot.
I was thinking about a long-term career, though.
I wouldn’t offer you an opportunity if I didn’t believe you’d be an asset.
I pay well and the benefits are good, but as you said, you might not need or desire that.
I’m just putting this out there in case you’d like to join my team.
We provide all the training you’d need for bartending, security and other jobs, and the people who prove themselves get promoted into management positions as they open. ”
His stoney expression softened a bit. “I’ll think about it. Thanks.”
I nodded, then turned to Ted and Alex.
“Um, this is awkward but…one night, I saw through my window Alex and Ted kissing by the pool.” It was a lie, and Ted and Alex would know it was, unless they had made out in my backyard without my knowledge.
However, I wanted to provide rationale to the viewers for why I wasn’t choosing either of them without outing Ted’s confession to me, which had been in violation of his contract.
Ted coughed. “Oh.”
“I’m happy that both of you made a connection,” I added. “Truly. No hard feelings at all. You’re both great, hot as hell, and I wish you much happiness.”
Alex appeared perplexed. Perhaps Ted hadn’t told him of his admission, so Alex might be wondering what I had been smoking that I had hallucinated seeing them make out by the pool.
His expression changed to one of relief, though, when he realized he’d avoid the awkwardness of letting me down if I had selected him or Ted to date.
“Same to you,” Alex said before glancing at Ted with what seemed like genuine affection.
I nodded a thanks Alex’s way before turning to Aaron. “Aaron…”
“No, wait,” Aaron cut in. “Please don’t say anything yet.”
Daryl scowled at him. “Oh, grow up. Can’t stand to lose?”
Aaron ignored him. “Cliff, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to do this. It’s just that your mom ran into me before we all gathered, and…well, she gave me advice to speak now or forever hold my tongue.”