Chapter 17 Angelica #2
His release floods warmth inside me as his hips buck upward one final time before stilling completely beneath mine.
We hold each other through those shared peaks until exhaustion claims us both.
I collapse forward onto his chest while he wraps strong arms around my back protectively.
Our breathing syncs gradually as heart rates slow back down toward normalcy together.
I let myself absorb this feeling.
The warmth of his body against mine.
The safety of his arms around me.
The intimacy of lying here in the darkness with someone who makes me feel seen and wanted.
Maybe this could work.
Maybe I could let go of my fear and trust that he'll protect us and Sofia could have the father she deserves and I could have the partner I never thought I would find.
I see how hard he's been trying and I want so badly to believe that he could be capable of putting his life away from us to give our daughter a normal one.
But then I shift slightly and my hand brushes against his knuckle.
I feel something rough there that wasn't there before.
I lift my head and look at his hand and see that there's a fresh scab across his knuckles.
It wasn't there before the concert.
I sit up and turn on the bedside lamp.
Dante squints against the light and props himself up on one elbow as I slide off him and let his sex drain from my body.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
I take his hand and examine the scrape more closely. "Where did this come from?"
"It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. You didn't have this earlier tonight." My chest is starting to knot up, and I think I might be sick. He's been lying to me, hiding something.
He pulls his hand away. "I must've scraped it on something. I don't remember."
I don't believe him at all.
I know what I'm seeing and I know what I saw earlier.
Those scabs weren't there.
I look more carefully at his knuckles, and see another scab, and another.
"And this?" I ask. "You didn't have this the other day when we were together."
"Angelica."
"Don't lie to me. Where did these come from?"
He sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed. His back is to me now. "I got into a situation. It's handled."
"What kind of situation?"
"The kind that happens in my line of work."
My chest tightens with the familiar feeling of fear creeping back in.
His line of work is the exact reason I am terrified of just letting go and trusting him. "When did this happen?"
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter." I slip off the bed and stand, crossing my arms over my chest. "Tell me when it happened."
He's quiet for a long moment. Then he says, "Tonight. During the concert."
I stare at his back. "When you said you were using the bathroom."
"Yes."
I feel anger rising in my throat.
I wondered what the hell took so long.
I should've known better.
"You lied to me. You said you needed to use the restroom and instead you went outside and got into a fight."
"I didn't lie. I handled a threat. That's what I do."
His eyes meet mine and I see the indignation there, maybe even resentment. He's upset that I noticed.
"You lied by omission. You let me think everything was fine when you were out there doing something violent."
He turns to face me.
His expression is hard now—defensive. "What did you want me to do? Tell you in front of Sofia that one of Antonelli's men was outside? Let you panic while I dealt with it?"
"I want you to be honest with me."
"I was protecting you," he growls more loudly than he should, and I scoff and throw my hands up.
"By lying?"
"By handling the situation so you didn't have to worry about it."
I pull the sheet around myself and move away from the bed.
My hands are shaking with anger and disappointment. "This is exactly what I'm afraid of. This is why I don't know if I can stay."
"Because I protected you?"
"Because you couldn’t even tell me that there was a risk."
"You'd just have gotten pissed," he booms, and I shrink back, suddenly fearful of him.
I've never been afraid of him, but the anger in his eyes makes me feel two inches tall.
"Then what are we doing here? What's the point of any of this if you're always going to be that person?"
He stands and walks toward me. "I'm trying, Angelica."
"I need honesty," I say in a shaky voice.
"I am being honest. I told you what happened."
"After I found evidence on your body. If I hadn't noticed the scab, you never would've told me."
He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.
"What do you want from me, Angelica? You want me to tell you every time I take a shit?"
He's too angry and I'm in such shock that I can't speak.
I flounder for words but before I can respond, there's a knock on the door.
Dante walks over and opens it a crack.
I can see Rico standing in the hallway and though they're talking in whispers, I know what he's going to do before he even turns toward me.
"I'll be down in five minutes," Dante says.
He closes the door and turns back to me. "I have to go."
"Of course you do." I'm so fucking over this. I can't do it.
I can't be with a man who runs out in the middle of the night chasing demons when his family is here in his fucking bed crying.
He starts pulling on clothes while I watch him and feel the distance growing between us again.
The warmth from earlier is gone.
The intimacy has been replaced by the cold reality of who he is and what he does.
I wrap the sheet tighter around myself and walk toward the door and open it. "Don't expect me to be in your bed when you get back. That privilege is reserved for men who are honest. And I'm not sure you know what that means."
I walk out of his room down the hall toward where Sofia sleeps, and as I do, tears creep up in my eyes.
I'm a fool for ever thinking Dante could realistically change.
This is his life.
I can't be angry with him for any of this.
He has every right to be himself and make choices that are best for him.
But it doesn’t mean I have to go along with it.
And it doesn't mean I have to be okay with him either.
So my heart has gotten carried away too. Fuck that.
I’m a strong woman. I can move on and live without him.
I'll stay here until I know the coast is clear and then Sofia and I will vanish.
Because once I break this connection, there's no returning to it.