Chapter 19 Angelica
ANGELICA
Three days have passed since the Christmas concert and I discovered the scrapes on Dante's knuckles.
He lied to me about what happened while Sofia and I sat in that sanctuary thinking we were having a normal family outing.
I've been withdrawing from him since then.
I keep my distance when we're in the same room and avoid his eyes during meals.
I make excuses not to spend time alone with him after Sofia goes to bed.
My heart was growing attached, but he will always choose violence first and handle problems with his fists or his weapons.
The more I remind myself of these things, the better I am.
Then I won’t allow myself to get carried away again and believe him when he says that he can protect us and keep us safe.
His version of safe is very different from what I picture safety as being.
Every time Sofia asks about him, I redirect her toward the happier traditions still left this time of year, and so today, I've planned something special, which hopefully will distract her for a while.
The constant questions about why Dante isn't tucking her in at night are wearing on my soul.
This morning, I've asked Luca to take Sofia and me to the Christmas market near the city center to give Sofia a chance to see the holiday displays and pick out a few small gifts.
But part of me wonders if this could be our chance to disappear.
If we could vanish into the crowd and find our way to a train station to leave Rome before Dante realizes we're gone.
Luca agrees after seeking permission from Dante, but he insists on bringing two additional guards who follow us at a distance as we walk through the market.
The stalls are packed with people buying gifts and food.
The air smells like roasted chestnuts and mulled wine.
Christmas carols play from speakers hidden among the decorations.
It's almost enough to help me get lost in the magic of the season.
Sofia pulls me from stall to stall, picking up handmade ornaments and wooden toys.
Her excitement is genuine.
It's like she's forgotten entirely about how we were taken from the street corner and shoved into a van to be dropped at a stranger's doorstep.
She just sees the lights and the music and the magic of Christmas.
I watch her and feel my resolve weakening.
I've seen a dozen moments where Luca let his guard down and I could've taken Sofia and run.
But how can I take her away from this?
How can I drag her back to Naples where we’ll spend Christmas alone in our small apartment with no tree and no father?
And how would I ever evade Dante's reach anyway?
There's no way he'd ever let me slip away that easily. Not with a child he knows is his.
We stop at a stall selling jewelry and accessories.
Sofia examines a display of earrings with colorful enamel designs.
She picks up a pair with small Christmas trees painted on them and points them out to me.
"Look, Mama. These would be perfect for Dante."
I almost snicker at the sight. "I don't think he needs earrings, Tesoro. Women wear those." I smile at her, taking them away and placing them back on the velvet display box. The stall owner scowls at her, but I crouch to her level as she keeps talking.
"But it's Christmas. We should get him something."
"We can find something else. Something he would actually use."
She frowns and stomps her foot, but then she turns and points out some cufflinks that aren't half bad.
Then she looks at me with those big brown eyes. "Please? I want to give him a present. He's been so nice to us."
I want to argue and tell her that we shouldn't be buying gifts for a man we hardly know, but I can't tell her why Dante isn't on my list of people to buy gifts for.
And besides, I've taught her to be a generous, giving person and to love others.
Refusing a simple request like this would only teach her the wrong thing. So I nod and pull out my wallet.
"Alright. We'll get them."
The vendor wraps the cufflinks in tissue paper and places them in a small box.
Sofia holds it carefully as we continue walking through the market.
She talks about what Dante will think when he opens them.
Whether he'll like the design and wear them to important meetings.
Her childlike happiness over being the bearer of a gift warms my heart.
She's such a generous child.
So I let her talk and try to ignore the ache in my chest.
She loves him already.
She can't even see how dangerous he is or why it's scary to let him be close or trust him.
She just sees a big, strong man who takes care of her and gives her what she wants.
We pass a stall selling scarves and a man steps too close to me.
He's middle-aged with a friendly smile and gray streaks in his hair.
He asks if I'm shopping alone or if I need help finding anything.
His tone is polite but there's something in the way he looks at me that makes my skin crawl.
It's predatory, and not in the arousing way Dante's gaze is.
I shudder and back away. "No, thank you," I say quickly, taking Sofia's hand to move away from the stall.
But the man follows.
He stays a few steps behind us as we walk.
He doesn't say anything else, but his presence is enough to make my heart race.
I glance back at the guards.
They're still there, but they're far enough away that they might not notice the man following us.
And the farther we walk, the more terrified I become.
I don't know who Dante's enemies are.
I don't know what they look like or where they hide.
For all I know, this man is just a harmless stranger who was trying to be friendly.
But I can't take that risk.
I can't assume that everyone around us is safe after what happened when they shoved me in that van.
I'm finding myself feeling panicked and terrified and grateful all at once that I didn’t try to sneak away.
"Luca," I call out.
He's beside me within seconds, hand tucked on his gun under his jacket. "What's wrong?"
"There's a man following us," I say in a discreet tone. "Gray hair, blue jacket." My heart is racing and I feel like running away as fast as I can, but the two guards Luca brought along are immediately by my side, making me feel much safer.
Luca scans the crowd and spots the man immediately.
He walks over and speaks to him quietly so as not to make a fuss.
The man raises his hands and shakes his head.
Then he says something I can't hear and turns and walks away quickly.
He looks angry and flustered, and I'm just glad he's moving away from me now.
I get a strange sensation in my shoulders and at the nape of my neck.
It makes me wish Dante were here to wrap his arms around me and let me know I'm safe.
And I hate that notion.
I'm a strong woman.
I shouldn't be afraid like this, and I shouldn’t need Dante to help calm me, but God help me, that's what I need right now.
His arms, and his raspy voice calling me Tesoro, telling me I'm safe.
Luca returns to my side. "He said he was just trying to make conversation. But I told him to keep moving."
"Thank you," I tell him, realizing that even if that man just thought I was beautiful and wanted to ask me out, I was paralyzed with fear.
This whole thing has made me mistrust humanity.
"Do you want to stay at the market or go back to the villa?"
I look at Sofia.
She's clutching the box with the cufflinks and watching the interaction with wide eyes.
She looks scared now.
The magic of the market has been replaced by the reality of our situation.
"Let's go back," I tell him, and I bundle her closer to my side as we turn to walk away.
We return to the car and Luca drives us home.
The guards sit in the back seat with Sofia and me, and nobody speaks during the drive as I hold Sofia's hand and try to calm the panic rising in my chest.
I was terrified out there, convinced that the man was someone dangerous.
Something could've happened to Sofia because I wasn't paying attention.
And now I fear that I'm completely helpless without Dante's protection.
It makes me feel trapped.
I can't leave because we're not safe on our own.
But I can't stay because I don't trust the man who's keeping us safe.
I'm caught between two impossible choices and I don't know how to escape.
When we arrive at the villa, I take Sofia inside and send her upstairs to play in her room.
Then I walk toward the kitchen to find Marta.
But as I pass the den, I hear Dante's voice through the partially open door.
I can't help but walk closer to hear what he's saying.
After today, I'm feeling entirely unprepared for anything that might happen.
And he lied to me about the man at the church. If something else is going down, I deserve to know.
So I press my ear to the slightly open door and listen.
He's on the phone talking casually to someone, but I can't hear the other end of the line.
"I understand your concerns," he says. "But I have evidence that will prove I never betrayed our agreement. The missing shipment was intercepted by a third party. The ledgers showing my involvement were forged. I can show you proof if you agree to meet."
There is a pause. Then he continues.
"Tomorrow night is good and we'll meet at a neutral location. No weapons except for standard protection. I'm willing to meet your terms because I value our alliance and I want to resolve this misunderstanding before it destroys what we've built."
Another pause.
"I appreciate your willingness to listen. I'll send the details within the hour, Kemal. And I swear to you, we'll get your shipment to you past Gerard's men, and it will be intact this time."
He ends the call, and I hear him set the phone down on his desk.
As I walk away I think about what he’s saying.
Kemal is a Turkish name, probably the one he's been talking about who gave him the deadline.
He's got to get a shipment to the man and he has to sneak it past Antonelli Gerard.
That sick bastard… I hate him even to this day.
More so since this whole thing with Dante started.
When I worked at the club in Trastevere, I overheard conversations I wasn't supposed to hear.
The girls would talk about the Syndicate's operations.
About how they moved product through the city.
They spoke of tunnels beneath the club that led out past the rim of the city to the ports, long tunnels that Gerard had constructed for smuggling that he paid city officials to look the other way about.
The tunnels connected warehouses and safe houses across the city.
The authorities believed most of them had collapsed or been sealed off years ago.
But I knew they were wrong.
They were too valuable to Gerard's operations to allow them to fall apart from disrepair.
Those tunnels could be useful to Dante now.
If he needs to move product without Antonelli or the authorities tracking him, the tunnels would give him a way to do it and they would prove that Dante still has resources and connections they need.
But do I really want to tell him?
Do I really want to get involved in his world at that level?
Sharing this information means becoming complicit in his operations.
It means helping him do things that terrify me.
It means crossing a line I've been trying so hard not to cross.
I stand in the hallway and wrestle with the decision.
Part of me wants to walk away and pretend I never remembered the tunnels.
I need to keep my hands clean and my conscience clear.
But another part of me knows that if Dante fails, we're all in danger.
If the alliance with the Turks collapses, Antonelli wins.
And if Antonelli wins, Sofia and I become targets that Dante can no longer protect.
Maybe helping him is not about getting invested in his game.
Maybe it's about protecting my daughter.
Or giving him the advantage in this mess to make sure he can get rid of his enemies once for all and actually be the father he promised.
I take a breath and continue walking.
It's too big of a decision to make as a snap judgment.
I need time to think and plan.
If I can leverage that information for my freedom, maybe that's what I should do.
Or maybe giving Dante this advantage would be the turning point in his business that he needs to finally change.
Or maybe I'm just naive and I'll end up trapped here no matter what I do, with a dangerous criminal and no way to escape.