Allowed To Want Her
Country: Aurivelle
City: Auremont
Grayson
Sebastian had arrived at six.
Unannounced.
Which was the only way he ever arrived anywhere.
He had walked in, handed his coat to Thomas without looking, dropped onto the sofa in the sitting room .
"You look tired."
"I'm not tired," I said.
"You look like a man carrying something," he said.
"I'm fine," I said.
He looked at me.
"You're lying," he said.
"Sebastian..."
"I'm staying for dinner," he said.
I looked at him.
"I didn't invite you," I said.
"You never invite me," he said. "I come anyway. That's how this works. It has always been how this works." He picked up the remote from the side table. "Tell the chef there are two of us."
I looked at him for a moment.
Something about him actually had changed.
Sebastian was still Sebastian.
Still expensive.
Still irritatingly charismatic.
Still carrying the particular confidence of a man who had never once doubted his own ability to survive a situation.
But there was something steadier about him now.
Something less restless.
"You've become scarce," I said.
He looked offended immediately.
"I've been busy."
"Doing what?"
"My girlfriend."
I stared at him.
He leaned back comfortably.
"Wow"
" I'm in love man"
"And now," he continued dramatically, "I understand. Life was colourless before this. She is the most infuriating, brilliant, entirely unexpected person I have ever met in my life ."
" I'm happy for you "
He looked at me.
" She makes me serious," he said quietly. "For the first time in my life I am completely serious about something." He paused. "It's terrifying."
Yes," I said.
"You would know," he said.
"Yes," I said again.
He looked at the window.
"How do you do it?" he said. "Carry something that large without... " he paused. "Without losing the rest of yourself."
I thought about it honestly.
You don't lose yourself," I said. "You discover which parts of yourself were always supposed to be there and just hadn't been reached yet."
He nodded.
" You know... Alvara actually made you human"
" I was already human."
"You were a quarterly projection in a suit."
"I continue to run multinational companies successfully."
"Yes," he said. "But now you stare into the distance smiling at nothing."
"I do not."
"You absolutely do."
I ignored him.
He looked around the apartment.
Then narrowed his eyes slightly.
"Where is she?"
"At home."
"You sound disappointed by that."
I looked at him.
He grinned slowly.
"Oh my God," he said. "You miss her constantly now."
"That isn't..."
"You are down catastrophically."
"I am not using the phrase 'down catastrophic' in any serious conversation."
"You don't have to use it," he said. "You're living it."
I shook my head once.
Sebastian laughed softly.
Then after a moment his expression shifted slightly.
More observant.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked.
"Nothing."
" You've said that twice tonight," he said. "Which means something is sitting in you that you haven't decided to say yet." He leaned back. "So say it."
I said nothing.
Dinner arrived shortly after.
We ate in the dining area overlooking Auremont's evening skyline.
Conversation moved easily after that.
Business.
Sebastian's newest acquisition.
Isabella.
Mostly Isabella.
"She's ruined my life," he said calmly while cutting into his steak.
I looked at him.
"I used to enjoy my life," he continued. "Now I actively seek updates about fabrics."
I smiled.
"I spent forty minutes yesterday listening to her explain why one shade of cream is emotionally dishonest."
"And?"
"And she was correct."
I looked at him for a long moment.
"You are very far gone."
"I know," he said peacefully.
He leaned back in his chair afterward.
Completely relaxed.
"I get it now," he said quietly.
"What?"
He looked toward the city lights briefly.
"The whole thing," he said. "Why people become unreasonable when they're in love"
I looked at him.
He looked back at me knowingly.
"You understand it too."
The thing about Sebastian ...
He joked constantly.
But he noticed things.
Too many things.
I set my glass down slowly.
"My birthday is tomorrow," I said.
He blinked.
Then looked horrified.
"Grayson."
"What?"
"You just referred to Alvara's birthday as your birthday."
I stared at him.
He pointed at me immediately.
"You are obsessed."
"That isn't the point."
"It absolutely is the point."
I ignored him.
Mostly because he was correct.
Sebastian leaned forward slightly.
"So," he said. "What are you thinking about?"
For a moment I said nothing.
"I don't want to stay apart from her anymore."
His expression changed immediately.
"I leave meetings and think about getting back to her," I said quietly. "I wake up wanting to hear her voice. I finish work and automatically calculate where she is in the city." I paused briefly. "I don't like sleeping without her anymore."
Sebastian said nothing.
Which was unusual for him.
"I spent most of my life building things," I continued calmly. "Companies. Structures. Systems." I looked down briefly at the glass in my hand. "And now somehow the most important part of my day is whether she's beside me."
"I want to wake up beside her every morning," I said. "I want a home with her in it permanently." A quieter pause. "And to be honest..."
I looked at him.
"I'm obsessed with her."
Sebastian did not laugh.
Because he understood.
Instead he leaned back slowly.
Then go get her, I've never seen you sound this happy man, " he said.
"It's not that simple," I said.
"It is," he said.
"Sebastian..."
"Grayson," he said. "You have spent your entire life running an empire at an age when most men were still figuring out who they were. You have never once not once asked for anything for yourself." He held my gaze.
"You are allowed to want this. You are allowed to go after it. You are allowed to wake up every morning next to a woman who makes the house mean something." He paused. "You have earned that. Ten times over."
I stayed quiet.
"And somehow you still act surprised that you're allowed to want something for yourself."
Something in my chest tightened slightly.
Sebastian continued more quietly now.
"You earned this, Grayson."
I looked at him.
"You are allowed to love someone completely," he said.
"You are allowed to build a life outside boardrooms and acquisitions and responsibilities." He paused briefly. "You don't have to treat happiness like it's some temporary distraction from work."
The room was quiet after that.
"What if..."
"No," he said.
I looked at him.
"No what ifs," he said. "What if she says no? She won't. What if it's too soon? It isn't. What if you're not ready?" He looked at me. "Are you ready?"
I thought about the ring.
Which had been in my desk drawer for three weeks.
Which I had looked at on fourteen separate occasions and not touched.
Yes," I said.
"Then that's the only answer that matters," he said.
I held his gaze
"I'm proposing tomorrow."
Sebastian froze.
Then very slowly ...
"Oh."
I looked at him.
He stared at me for two full seconds.
Then stood abruptly.
"No. Wait. Actually proposing?"
"Yes."
"Marriage?"
"That is generally what proposals lead to."
"We have dinner," I said. "Just the two of us. She thinks it's just a birthday dinner, she has no idea".
You're scared," Sabestine said.
I said nothing.
"Grayson Hawthorne," he said. "Is scared."
"I didn't say that," I said.
"You didn't have to," he said.
I held the glass.
"What if she needs more time," I said.
"She won't," he said.
"You don't know..."
"I know Isabella," he said. "And Isabella knows Alvara better than most people know themselves. And I have listened to Isabella talk about Alvara and Grayson for months." He held my gaze. "She is ready. She has been ready. She was ready before you were."
I looked at him briefly.
Then after a moment ...
"I'm nervous."
Sebastian blinked once.
Then smiled slowly.
"You know," he said, "this may actually be the first human thing you've ever said to me."
"I am serious."
"I know."
He leaned forward slightly.
And for once his voice held no humor at all.
"She loves you," he said simply. "That woman looks at you like you personally hung the moon over Auremont." He paused. "The answer is going to be yes."
I looked down briefly.
Then nodded once.
Still ...
The idea of asking her somehow felt bigger than every negotiation I had ever walked into.
Sebastian noticed immediately.
"You're scared because it matters," he said quietly.
I looked at him.
"That's normal."
The room went quiet again.
"You realise this means we're becoming the kind of men who discuss emotional commitment over expensive whiskey."
"We already are those men."
He looked personally offended.
"I blame the women."
"Obviously."
Sebastian sighed dramatically.
"Isabella asked me yesterday if I was eating properly."
"And?"
"I almost proposed on the spot."
I looked at him.
"You mocked me for months," I said.
"Because I wasn't there yet," he replied calmly. "Now unfortunately I understand everything."
I laughed quietly.
Sebastian pointed at me immediately.
"There," he said triumphantly. "You keep doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Looking happy."
I shook my head once.
He raised his glass.
"To terrifying emotional vulnerability."
I picked mine up.
"To the women responsible for it."
We clinked glasses.
Thank you," I said.
He looked at me.
"Don't thank me yet," he said. "Thank me when she says yes."
"She'll say yes," I said.
He raised an eyebrow.
"Now you're certain," he said.
"I've always been certain," I said.
"Then what were the last twenty minutes?" he said.
"A conversation," I said.
He stared at me.
"You made me sit through all of that," he said, "when you already knew..."
"I needed to say it out loud," I said.
He looked at me.
Then shook his head.
Fifteen years," he said.
"Yes," I said.
"Fifteen years of friendship," he said. "And you use me as a practice audience."
"You were very helpful," I said.
"I was an audience," he said.
"A helpful one," I said.
"Grayson..."
"The most helpful person in the room," I said.
"I was the only person in the room," he said.
"Which made you automatically the most helpful," I said.
He looked at me.
"She's good for you," he said.
"Yes," I said.
"You're different," he said.
Better?" I said.
"Better," he confirmed. "Significantly."
"So is she," I said. "Different. From before."
He nodded.
"Both of you," he said. "Better versions."
We sat with that.
"You know what this means," he said.
What?" I asked.
"If you propose tomorrow and she says yes... "
"She will," I said.
"When she says yes," he corrected, "then Isabella is going to know within the hour."
I looked at him.
"Isabella tells me everything," he said.
"I know," I said.
"Which means I will know everything," he said.
"Also fine," I said.
" Which means," he said, sitting up slightly, "that we will have to have a conversation about timing."
"Timing of what?" I said.
He looked at me.
"I'm thinking of proposing to Isabella," he said.
The sitting room went completely still.
I stared at him.
He held my gaze.
Completely composed.
"When?" I said.
"Not tomorrow," he said. "Obviously. Your moment is your moment." He paused. "But soon."
I held his gaze for a long moment.
"You came here tonight," I said.
"Yes," he said.
"To give me advice," I said.
"Yes," he said.
"But you were also... "
"Also thinking about my own situation," he said. "Yes."
I looked at him and laughed.
" We're two idiots in love" I said.
He laughed loudly.