The Life I Thought Id Lost
Country: Aurivelle
City: Auremont
( A Month After The Honeymoon)
Alvara
For two days, I had been pretending I was fine.
Which was impressive considering I had thrown up three times yesterday and nearly cried this morning because the coffee smelled "too loud."
Isabella had stared at me sitting across me in my office yesterday afternoon and said very calmly:
"You're pregnant."
And I had immediately replied:
"I'm literally not."
"You're glowing."
" That was the exact thing you said before."
" It's different this time around"
"I'm exhausted."
"You cried because Seren stapled papers aggressively."
"She stapled them with hostility."
Isabella had looked at me for a very long moment.
"Alvara."
"What?"
"You're pregnant."
"I'm not."
"You're married."
"That is how marriage works, yes."
"You disappeared on your honeymoon for a month."
"I was busy."
"With what?"
I had narrowed my eyes on her
" You were having sex."
I had thrown a fabric sample at her head.
Now unfortunately...she might have been right.
Which was why I was currently sitting in the passenger seat of Grayson's car trying not to panic while he drove us to the hospital.
"I'm fine," I said for the fifth time.
"You're pale," he said calmly.
"I'm always pale."
"You nearly fainted brushing your teeth."
" You're exaggerating it."
"You sat on the bathroom floor for ten minutes."
I crossed my arms.
"The tiles were cold."
He glanced at me briefly.
There was concern all over his face now.
"I don't like hospitals," I admitted quietly.
His hand immediately moved from the steering wheel to my knee.
"I know."
I looked out the window.
"You don't have to stay for the tests," I said.
He looked offended.
"Starling."
"I just mean... "
"I am not leaving you alone in a hospital."
My chest tightened slightly.
The car pulled into the private hospital entrance.
And suddenly...
I couldn't breathe properly.
Because memory was cruel.
White walls.
Hospital corridors.
Loss.
Fear.
The terrible silence after hope disappears.
Grayson turned off the engine.
Then looked at me fully.
"Hey."
I looked at him.
"You are not walking into this place alone," he said quietly.
He got out first.
Came around the car.
Opened my door himself.
Held my hand all the way inside.
The tests felt endless.
Blood work.
Questions.
Vitals.
A scan.
I sat beside Grayson afterward in the private waiting room twisting my wedding ring around my finger while anxiety crawled slowly through my body.
He noticed immediately.
His hand covered mine.
"Talk to me."
"I'm trying not to think."
"That has literally never worked for you."
I looked at him.
"That's rude."
"It's accurate."
I laughed softly before I could stop myself.
His thumb brushed my knuckles once.
Then the doctor entered.
And everything inside me stopped.
She smiled gently.
"Well," she said.
My heart was beating so hard it hurt.
"You are approximately one month pregnant."
My brain didn't process it immediately.
One month.
Pregnant.
I stared at her.
Then at Grayson.
And suddenly tears filled my eyes.
I covered my mouth as the sob left me.
"Oh God..."
The doctor smiled softly and quietly excused herself.
Leaving us alone.
I couldn't stop crying.
Because something inside me had just healed and shattered at the same time.
Grayson was in front of me immediately.
Both hands on my face.
"Hey... Starling."
I shook my head crying harder.
"We're having a baby," I whispered brokenly.
Our baby.
His forehead rested against mine.
And for the first time since I had met him...
Grayson Hawthorne looked completely overwhelmed.
I cried harder.
He pulled me into him immediately.
One hand at the back of my head.
The other around my waist.
Holding me carefully.
"It's okay," he whispered against my hair.
I nodded while crying anyway.
"I was so scared," I admitted shakily.
"I know."
"I didn't want..."
My voice broke completely.
Because he knew what I meant.
His hand tightened around me.
"You're okay," he said softly.
"You and our baby are okay."
Our baby.
I cried into his shirt.
Eventually I pulled back enough to look at him.
His eyes were slightly red now too.
I touched his face immediately.
"Grayson..."
He laughed softly through the emotion.
"You're crying enough for both of us."
I smiled shakily.
Then suddenly I laughed through tears.
"Oh my God."
"What?"
"Isabella is going to kill me ."
He actually smiled.
"Yes."
"She's never letting me live this down."
"No."
I laughed again.
And this time he kissed me.
Slowly.
The doctor gave us everything we needed.
Timeline.
Vitamins.
A follow-up appointment.
Information delivered clearly and warmly.
We sat in her office for twenty minutes.
Grayson asked questions.
I held the information booklet she gave me.
I looked at the words on the cover.
Your Pregnancy Journey.
I held it carefully.
The doctor looked at the both of us.
"Do you have questions?" she said.
"Not yet," I said.
"You will," she said. "That's what I'm here for."
She held my gaze.
"I know your history," she said gently. "I have your records from the transfer." She paused. "This is a new pregnancy. A healthy start. We will monitor everything carefully." She held my gaze. "You are allowed to be happy about this."
"Yes," I said.
"You are allowed to hope," she said.
I held her gaze.
"Thank you," I said.
We decided not to tell anyone immediately.
In the car I called Isabella.
She answered before the first ring finished.
"Well?" she asked.
I said nothing.
"Alvara," she said.
"You were right," I said.
There was a pause.
The longest pause Isabella had ever given me.
"Oh my God," she said.
I could hear her voice break.
"Yes," I said.
"Oh my GOD," she said.
"Isabella..."
"How far?"
"Four weeks,"
"I KNEW IT,"
"Isabella,"
"Yes,"
"I need you to not tell anyone, we will tell everyone together"
"When?"
"This weekend,"
"I can do this weekend,"
"I know you can,"
"Al,"
"Yes,"
"I'm so happy for you."
We told no one else until Saturday evening.
Which according to Grayson was the longest he has ever kept news.
Saturday evening.
The house had been prepared.
Set for the people we loved.
The dining table extended.
The kitchen is warm.
The July evening coming through the windows.
They arrived in the order they always arrived.
Mom first - with Mr. Soren.
She came in and immediately went to the kitchen because that was Ingrid Dane's response to every significant occasion.
Leo next - in his good jacket which meant he had been told to dress properly which meant Isabella had texted him.
Isabella and Sabestine together.
Isabella who looked at me the moment she walked in with the expression of someone holding information that was physically painful to contain.
I held her gaze.
Not yet, I said with my eyes.
She pressed her lips together.
Fine, her eyes said back.
Dominic and Marceline arrived last.
Marceline who held my face in her hands at the door and looked at me the way she always looked at me.
"You look well," she said.
"Thank you," I said.
She held my face one moment longer.
Then she released me.
And went to find my mom.
The dinner was everything a dinner in this house was.
Warm.
Full.
The particular noise of people who genuinely liked each other filling the space.
Dominic and Grayson at one end talking about something I chose not to track.
Leo and Sabestine at the other end which had become a combination that never failed to produce something worth listening to.
Mr. Soren and Julian - which should not have worked but worked completely.
Mom and Marceline - who had become the kind of women who spoke to each other with the ease of people who had always known each other.
And Isabella beside me.
Who kept looking at me.
Every few minutes.
"Stop," I said quietly.
"I'm not doing anything,"
"You keep looking at me,"
"I look at you all the time,"
"Not like that,"
"Like what?"
"Like you're about to explode,"
"I'm composed,"
"Isabella,"
"I am completely..." she stopped. "When are you telling them?"
"After dessert,"
She looked around for the dessert which had not arrived.
"How long does dessert take,"
"Can you please behave like a normal person for one minute?,"
" I'm not normal, that's a fact."
I smiled and kept quiet.
Dessert arrived.
And was eaten.
Which took considerably longer than Isabella felt was necessary.
I could feel her beside me.
Holding everything.
When the last plate was cleared I looked at Grayson.
He looked at me then nodded.
"We asked you all here tonight," I said.
The table settled and the conversations stopped.
Everyone turned to me.
"Not for any particular occasion," I said.
"Just to have everyone together."
"And because we have something to tell you."
The room was very still.
Grayson reached under the table and held my hand.
"We're having a baby," I said softly.
Then emotion exploded everywhere at once.
Mom burst into tears immediately.
Mrs. Hawthorne hugged her before even realizing she was doing it.
Dominic stood up instantly to hug me and then Grayson.
" I'm going to be the fun uncle." Julian said.
" That would be me, " Leo said.
"You both are already irresponsible uncles," Grayson said.
" Exactly." Sabestine said.
" It seems you're forgetting you need my permission to marry Bella." Leo told him.
" Well... when we get to that bridge,we will cross it."
Sebastine hugged me so hard I nearly lost oxygen.
Then Isabella got to me.
Which was worse.
Because she was sobbing dramatically into my shoulder.
Mrs Hawthorne walked to me, her arms around me.
"My darling," she said against my hair.
Her voice was not as steady as always.
I held her.
"My darling," she said again.
Then she pulled back.
Held my face and kissed my forehead.
Mom finally reached me.
Her hands were shaking slightly as she held my face.
Her eyes were full.
"My baby," she whispered.
I started crying again immediately.
"Oh no," Leo said from somewhere behind us. "Please don't start another crying cycle. We just stabilized emotionally."
Everyone laughed.
Even Mom through tears.
Leo pointed at me.
"For the record, if this child inherits your emotional instability and Grayson's terrifying stare, society is finished."
"Leo," Mom said.
"I'm serious. Imagine a tiny billionaire crying because toast feels disrespectful."
Grayson laughed out loud.
Which made everyone stare at him briefly because Grayson laughing loudly still felt rare enough to qualify as an event.
The mood softened after that.
Warmer.
Lighter.
Conversation everywhere.
Joy everywhere.
I sat beside Grayson while his thumb moved slowly across my hand beneath the table.
Every few minutes one of us would look at the other and smile again like we still couldn't believe it.
Sebastine cleared his throat dramatically.
"Oh no," Julian said immediately. "That tone means nonsense."
Sebastine ignored him.
Then looked at Isabella.
She looked back at him.
Smiling.
And suddenly I knew.
Even before he spoke.
"We also have an announcement," he said.
Julian dropped his fork.
"Absolutely not."
Sebastine grinned.
Then reached for Isabella's hand.
"We're getting married."
Chaos.
Immediate chaos.
" You will have to work hard for it, you're not qualified yet." Leo said.
" I will gladly do anything." Sebastian replied.
And Leo smiled softly.
My sweet boy.
Julian yelled.
Mrs. Hawthorne and mom became emotional again.
Leo looked exhausted.
"This dinner has had too many plot twists."
Isabella laughed so hard she nearly cried again.
Then looked at me across the table.
And I looked back at her.
My best friend.
My sister in every way that mattered.
Happy.
Loved.
Chosen.
Just like me.
Grayson leaned closer beside me.
"You okay?"
I looked around the table.
All the people gathered here.
All this love.
All this life.
Then at him.
The man who had changed everything.
And I realized something quietly.
After all the loss.
After all the grief.
After every version of myself that had survived things she thought would destroy her...
I had still found my way here.
To this table.
To this family.
To this life.
To him.
I smiled softly.
"Yeah," I whispered.
"I really am."
THE END