22. Katerina #3
Alina’s eyes widen dramatically.
I pick at a loose thread on the couch cushion, avoiding eye contact with her. “So I showed up at his estate under false pretenses and tried to spy on him.”
When I glance up, her hand has flown up to cover her mouth as her jaw drops. “Wow.”
I wince. “I know. Listen, at the time I honestly believed I was doing the right thing for my country. And… I mean, technically, I guess I would be if I actually turned him in. These guys are involved in a lot of shady stuff.”
Alina lowers her hand slowly. A small smile tugs at her lips. “Yes. Though, sometimes, it takes getting your hands a little dirty to keep everyone else in line.”
I run my hands through my hair, trying to shake off the heavy feeling sitting in my chest. “It’s kind of fucked up but… I feel bad about what I did. I know I had every reason to think I was justified. But it’s hard when I have feelings for him.”
Then Alina laughs, the sound soft and genuine.
“Trust me, I’ve done my share of questionable things for love.
I lied to Sasha for months when we first met.
I kept secrets that could have gotten us both killed.
I chose him even when every rational part of me screamed to run.
” She pauses, her smile turning wry. “This life isn’t for the faint of heart, Katerina.
It will break you in ways you can’t predict.
But you have the spine for it. I can see it.
If you want this—if you want him—then take it. Trust me, it’s worth it.”
A silence falls over us after that. Not uncomfortable, exactly, just thoughtful.
I find my eyes drifting down to my hands where they rest in my lap.
They’re twisted together tightly, my fingers lacing and unlacing themselves with restless unease. As much as I appreciate Alina’s encouragement and her calm confidence that this life can work if you’re strong enough, I can’t help the quiet worry gnawing at the back of my mind.
Because my situation might not be the same as hers.
My thoughts drift back unwillingly to that moment Aleksandr shut me out. The way he pushed me away and told me to mind my own business like we hadn’t just spent weeks prior learning about each other and become closer than we ever had been.
The memory twists uncomfortably in my chest.
It’s one thing if Aleksandr kept parts of the Iron Pact hidden because he didn’t want to frighten me. Because he thought seeing the full scope of what these men do might scare me off before I had the chance to decide for myself about taking the plunge to be with him. That I could forgive.
But there’s another possibility, one that sits much heavier in my stomach.
What if he kept me in the dark because he didn’t think I deserved to know?
With everything Alina has said, it would make more sense to believe the first explanation. Aleksandr has never seemed like a man afraid of honesty. If anything, he’s brutally direct most of the time. But the small, persistent voice in the back of my mind refuses to quiet down.
It whispers the same doubt over and over.
What if he never meant for you to be part of his world at all?
I lift my gaze to her again. “The other one of them, dark blond hair with really light eyes. He came to Aleks’s estate a few weeks ago. He didn’t seem too happy to see me there.”
She exhales slowly. “Nikolai.”
I nod.
Alina is silent for a long moment, her attention shifting to the fire. She watches it for a long while, the reds and golds of the flames reflecting back in her dark brown eyes. When she speaks again, her voice is softer, more careful.
“He isn’t as heartless as his reputation suggests.
He is ruthless, make no mistake about that.
But… he does care more than he lets on. Especially about the Iron Pact.
He may have a hard time showing it, but he’s not cruel for cruelty’s sake.
There are reasons he is so strict with them and by extension, you and me. ”
I stare at her, my brows pulling together.
She gives me a soft smile. “He’ll come around. I promise. He’ll fight it but he won’t take you away from Aleksandr.”
I want to believe her.
God, I want to.
But doubt is a stubborn thing.
Behind us, the sitting room doors burst open. The sudden intrusion has both Alina and me turning at the same time.
Aleksandr stands in the doorway.
He’s in black shirt that resembles the same tactical ones the men from earlier were wearing.
His hair is slightly mussed. Black soot marks streak across his face.
His eyes find me immediately, latching onto me with that familiar dark intensity I’ve come to crave.
For a single heartbeat, the room melts away until there’s only just us left.
I push up onto my feet.
He doesn’t speak. He just crosses the room in three long strides and pulls me into his arms so hard, the breath leaves me in a rush. I bury my face in his neck, my arms looping around him. He smells like smoke and gunpowder and blood but unmistakably him.
His hand fists in my hair. His other arm locks around my waist like he’s afraid I’ll vanish if he lets go.
“I’m here,” he murmurs into my ear.
I nod against his throat, and tears burn behind my eyes again.