Chapter Thirty-Nine
“What do you want to watch?” Everette asks me while we sit down on the sofa.
After the talk we had in the pool and the passionate sex that made my body surrounded to my husband’s, we came in the house to ‘spend time together’ as he said.
I said that spending time together counts also as fucking.
Everette didn’t even want to hear it.
I know he’s tired after all the talk with the Famiglia and the nights in which we slept in different beds, and I appreciate that he wants to stay up with me. I don’t think it’s labeled as a ‘tradition’ but since I was raped, I can’t find myself to sleep on my birthday.
It doesn’t matter that they died. Sometimes, I can still feel their dirty hands on me and the rough way they managed my body. They are everywhere and I hate the power they still have over me.
Sometimes, I feel Hanibal too. In the same room as me, watching me sleep, eat, breathe. Sometimes, I feel his breathe down my neck and all I want to cut myself until I feel just pain. And I know he’s laughing like a
madman when I go crazy at the thought of being haunted.
Everything I do feels like a play in which Hanibal and the three nightmares of mine are the directors. Like they allow me to be happy, not because I deserve.
A hand on my thigh makes me flinch and I look at Everette’s soft face looking at me with worry. Will it ever be a time where I would be happy and Everette wouldn’t have to worry about the demons in my head?
Because if not, I just want to die and let him and Vince live their life.
Not even my own mother wants me.
It’s all a curse.
“Corpse Bride please.” I say with a smile and kiss his cheek. I feel like kissing him all the time. His skin is so soft but my favorite part is his beard.
“Is it sexy?”
“Ew, no,” I laugh and steal the remoter from his hand.
I lean down until my back stays on the couch and feel Everette’s hand on my shoulder. I hold back my smile and put the blanket over us, preparing to watch my favorite movie.
It feels like one of those dates teenagers usually do. The dark room in which the only source of light is the TV, us two on the couch with the blanket and cuddling.
It's peaceful.
The movie starts and excitement settles in my body. It doesn't matter how many times I watch Corpse Bride because each time, I'm as happy as the first time.
Before I married Everette, the only reason I watched this movie was because I was so much like Emily. Victor married her by mistake and kept loving another woman despite Emily's tries to make him love her.
Victor chose the other woman repeatedly.
That's what I thought was happening in my life. Everette chose Keres and decided to marry her, even though I was the one he looked for.
I always looked at Emily and saw me. The way we both suffered after men who didn't even want us.
But right now, in this moment, my story has another ending than Emily's. I have my Victor. I have the truth and that makes me different than her.
Throughout the movie, I feel Everette's body stiffen at different scenes. One of them being my favorite.
I love you, Victor. But you're not mine.
I know he wants to ask me questions about the past but another thing that I love about him is the way he can read my body. Everette can figure it out by just one glance at me if I'm tired, or annoyed. Now, I don't want to talk about my past.
It feels like everything around me has a connection to it and just one moment, I want to live the present.
I feel his hand making circles on my thigh and I don't know what his intentions are. We are like a couple of horny teenagers that just discovered how a pussy and penis work.
I don't mind it though.
I try to keep my eyes on the screen, but two shadows are looking at me. Their eyes are red, piercing a whole in my body.
I look away and focus on Everette. Desperate to know that he's real, I take his lips in mine in a hard kiss. Everette chuckles and kisses me back with the same desperation, but deep in my black heart I know something is wrong.
The shadows are now moving around us, caging us in their presence. I kiss Everette harder, but he
separates from me suddenly. His eyes are worried and his body trembles.
"Why can't I feel you?" His voice is rough, full of fear.
I frown and I take his face in my hands, but his skin is ice cold.
"I can't feel your touch," He desperately yells. Everette tries to touch my hand, but his hand goes straight into mine, landing on the sofa.
Panic settles in my body. What the fuck is happening? I was kissing him a second ago.
I look around and hear the two shadows laugh. My blood boils when I recognize Hanibal and Ivan's laughs.
They are dead.
Ivan is dead.
Suddenly, my brain fills with memories of bombs, Everette's begs for me to not leave him, my sister and her baby.
Fuck, I-I'm dead.
"Althea don't leave me." Everette begs and his eyes are searching for me. "Don't fucking do this, Althea. In what universe do you think you'll escape me, baby?"
I don't want to leave you, Everette.
Three other shadows are joining the circle and my body is terrified.
In what kind of hell am I?
"The one you created in your head." I hear Ivan's whisper in my ear, like he just read my mind.
"Just hang on, baby." His voice calms me, but not enough to banish the fear that possessed me.
"Ah, the knight in shining armor." Enrique's sarcastic voice paralyzes me.
No please, no.
I try to run but my feet are stuck on the carpet. The demon’s eyes look at me and the shadows are turning
into human bodies.
I cry when I see Hanibal, Enrique, Teddy and Pablo. All of them looking at me with pure evil.
No, no. Today was supposed to be a good day. My birthday with him was supposed to be quiet and normal.
"It was quiet and normal," Pablo whispers and goes straight to Everette, snapping his neck, killing him on the spot.
NO.
I beg my feet to move to his body, but I'm frozen. This can't be happening. He didn't die.
Everette isn't fucking dead.
"Yet he is." Teddy touches my face.
"And so are you." Hanibal smirks.
"We waited for this since your little husband killed us." Enrique comes in front of me.
I feel his fingers in my face and I scream until my lungs hurt.
Just move, Althea.
I cry when I feel their hands on me, a living nightmare that I thought I escaped from.
My breathing stops when a hand wraps around my neck, squeezing until my throat cracks. Blood comes out of my mouth and I choke on it until it gets stuck.
"You killed Keres," Ivan brings my face closer to him. "You ruined her."
"You shot her in the head while she was pregnant with your child. You killed them." I say between the blood that invades my mouth.
All five men are caging me in the middle. Ivan lets go of my neck, letting me fall on the ground.
"You are the living betrayal of what your mother did to me." Hanibal growls and slams my face with his foot.
I can't breathe and my face feels on fire. Swealing
makes my body tremble, and I still can't move from my position.
I always deserved pain. It was my mistake to believe a life full of happiness will happen.
"Good girl." Teddy whispers and takes my hair in his fist. His other hand goes to my breasts and I sob when the disgusted touch makes me want to throw up.
I knew my place is in hell, but this doesn't seem like it. It's the most tortured part of my life in one room.
And this is the way I'll live.
"That month with you was the best one of my life." Teddy moans and I sob harder, blood coming again out of my mouth. "As yes, and the blood you always covered us in, mhm,"
I hate it here.
I want to wake up from this nightmare.
Get them away from me.
Save me.
Someone save me.
I hate it here.
I want to wake up from this nightmare.
GET THEM AWAY FROM ME.
Save me.
Someone save me.
SOMEONE SAVE ME.
I WANT TO WAKE UP FROM THIS NIGHTMARE.
"Just hang in there, baby." I hear Everette's voice and I sigh in relief.
Please don't see me like this.
Please save me.
I love you, Everette. I love you so much that if I know I'll see you after this torment, I'll take the pain with pleasure.
I love you, Everest.
"She's breaking." I hear Enrique laugh.
Yes, I am.
A cough makes us look at Ivan who chokes on something. Water comes out from his mouth, blood also making its appearance.
"What the fuck is going on?" I hear Hanibal yell.
Teddy leaves me alone as he focuses on Ivan.
"He's waking me up." Ivan tries to say, but water keeps flooding out of him. "That bastard Moretti is waking me just to kill me."
My heart beats again at his name.
Everette is waking him. That means Ivan isn't dead, so neither am I.
Tears are falling down my cheeks when I realize that once again, my Everest is saving me from this torture.
Ivan falls on his knees, chocking harder and then a light blinds me.
I open my eyes, trying to accommodate to the sun outside.
Outside?
I look around and see Mamma's purple orchids. The same swing that she always used to stay in is in the same spot in her garden.
I am in her garden back in Italy. But how did I end up here?
"Sorella, can you give me a hand?" I stiff when I hear my sister's Italian voice.
I turn around and sob when I see Keres on her knees, trying to save a rose. Her blonde hair is pulled in a high ponytail and she wears her favorite yellow summer dress.
"Keres?" I need to make sure that she is real.
"Yes, Althea?" She finally takes her eyes off the rose and her blue eyes are the ones that make me run to her.
As fast as I can.
She stands up quickly and lets me throw myself in her arms. I cry harder when I feel her arms embrace me in a tight hug. I take in her strawberry smell, trying to imprint her in my brain.
"I missed you so much, il mio spirito." I squeeze her in my arms.
"Not more than me." She pets my hair and kisses my cheek.
I have so many questions but I'm afraid my time with her is limited.
"Help me with this rose." She smiles and takes my hand, lowering on the ground.
She takes a wood branch and wraps it around the dead rose. Her hands are so delicate that I forgot how she feels like.
"Where are we?" I ask her and I look around us. We are in Mamma's garden, but I don't see our mansion.
I don't see anything past the gates.
I feel the wind breeze past my skin, and I look at my own summer dress. My hair is let loose on my back and my skin isn't stained by blood.
In what universe am I?
"We are in the purgatory." Keres says and wets the grass.
"Purgatory?" I ask perplexed. She said so casual that it makes me the crazy one.
"We are between life and death, piccolo artista."
"But you died." I say brokenly.
"I did and I can't thank you enough, Althea. Thank you for helping me find peace." I look at her and she smiles so brightly and it makes my numb heart ache.
"So that means I'm dead too?" My whisper is barely there.
"Do you want to be dead too?" Keres eyes me.
I shake my head before I have time to think, but I know it's true. I can't let Vincent alone in a world full of dangers. I can't let Everette bring his beast out again.
"You need to live for yourself, Althea." Keres begs me. How the fuck does everyone read my mind?
"You talk aloud." I look at her and she laughs. "We don't have personal thoughts here."
Now, that's a crime.
Keres laughs again and I want to listen to that sound forever. Her smile dies and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
"Will you ever forgive me for what I've done to you?" I frown at her words. "I never knew he was yours. I never knew what happened with you the day you called, begging for my help. I never knew those things."
"I never blamed you." And it's true. Keres was never in the wrong here. She was the pawn in the middle.
"Althea-"
"It was never your fault, Keres. I don't blame for one bit."
I'm sorry for putting distance between us.
I think and she laughs again at my trick. She leans over and hugs me tight.
"I don't blame for one bit." Keres murmurs my words back at me.
I sigh and hug her back, staying like this for some minutes. It's quiet and peaceful here. There is no sound besides Keres's breathing. No birds, insects or normal things.
"Am I dead?" I ask again.
"Are you living for yourself?" She asks again.
"They make me live for them. They are the ones that are making me wake every day and be there with them."
"Everette and Vince." She smiles softly.
"My boys." I smile at the thought of them.
My poor bug is probably terrified and alone while Everette is blind with revenge.
"It's up to you if you're dead or alive." Which means I'm in a coma.
I feel trapped between love and freedom. I don't want to leave my boys alone. I don't want to look at them from above without touching them or feeling their warmth. But I don't want to live in that nightmare either.
"That nightmare as you call it it's the other side of the purgatory. You have to choose in which one you want to live. Either you are strong enough to find peace on earth, either you let them take you away."
I close my eyes in frustration. There's always choosing. I can't just be where I want.
Where do you want to be, Althea?
Of course I want to find peace, but what if it's too much for me? I've been shown that I don't deserve that kind of happiness. And I don’t want to make Everette and Vincent miserable when the demons will come back.
But what if they won’t come back? I hear Keres’s voice in my head.
"Can I stay here a bit longer?" I ask her and she smiles kindly.
"As long as you choose the right world."