Chapter 11
Penis necklace. Penis drink. Penis ice cubes in the drink. Penis snacks, penis pizzas, penis cake. I was married for a decade and hadn’t ever been around so much penis in my life.
It was kind of fun.
“I was really disappointed we couldn’t throw penis confetti everywhere, but Xavier was afraid some would be left behind,” Melody said as we sat down with our slices of penis pizza.
“Yeah, that would be bad,” I agreed. “It would have been pretty great, though. I didn’t know this many penis things existed.”
Melody snorted. “Right? It’s wild the stuff that’s available for bachelorette parties. Daisy and I had way too much fun. The penis curtain was my favorite.”
I shook my head. The doorway to the movie theater was covered with a curtain of penises that hung like streamers from the doorway.
Upright penises, of course. White and navy, like their wedding colors.
All the tables had matching penis decorations strung around the edge.
And more penises on coasters and centerpieces.
“I have to say, walking through a curtain of penises was a first for me.”
“The penis drinks are pretty good. I was so happy we found these glasses and the stir sticks.”
I couldn’t help laughing. Everything for the party had a penis on it.
“More drinks!” Willow said, returning to our table with Elise right behind her.
Willow was Melody’s sister and closest friend. They had a falling out a few years ago, but things improved and they were close again. Elise and Willow hit it off when they realized they shared the same dirty sense of humor.
“So, who’s getting laid tonight?” Elise asked not at all quietly.
Cheers went up from half the guests. A whistle followed, punctuated by the steady bass pounding from the speakers as Magic Mike played on the theater screen.
“If I wasn’t planning on it before, watching this movie is making me ready to run home now,” Willow said with a saucy wink.
“Right?” Elise stared at the screen as the main characters executed body rolls that did not seem like any real human could perform. “This is the next best thing to a strip club. I think Daisy is a genius. And you for helping put all this together.” Elise hugged Melody.
“It was fun. The movie is a great option. Natalie said she wanted something low-key and relaxed. Daisy had all the ideas. I just helped her pull it off.” Melody took a sip of the drinks Willow and Elise brought us.
I followed suit, letting the sweetness of the liquor settle in my stomach. I was more than a little tipsy. I was supposed to be working, but I was having fun. The party was a huge celebration of friendship and love, and I was honored Natalie invited me.
The party continued as the men on the screen practiced all their gravity-defying moves, and I enjoyed all the penis perfection and cock concoctions.
“Oh, shit,” I breathed as I stood to go to the bathroom.
“You’re trashed.” Melody caught my arm and laughed. “How many of those did you have?” She nodded at my empty drink.
I shrugged. “A few, I guess. I just haven’t stood up in a while.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
I waved her off and headed for the penis curtain to find the bathroom. A giant blue penis was on the men’s bathroom door, and a giant pink penis with an engagement ring was on the women’s bathroom door. I chuckled as I pushed the door open.
“Casey! I’m so happy you’re here. Are you having fun? I’m having fun.” Natalie was even drunker than I was. She threw her arms around me and nearly sent us both to the floor.
“Whoa,” I said, laughing with her as I caught us with a hand against the counter.
“Whoops. I’m sorry. I think I had a little too much to drink.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yep. I am having a lot of fun. I like seeing everyone and having us all together, you know? This is how life should be. Happy and fun and full of dicks.” She slapped a hand over her mouth.
“One dick. I don’t want other dicks. Just Omar’s.
Did I tell you about the time I fell and grabbed his dick?
I was so embarrassed, but even soft, it was a nice dick. ” She grinned at me. “I like his dick.”
I snorted. “That’s good since you’re going to be enjoying it for the rest of your life.”
“Oh, I will. I never liked dick that much. I mean, I never tried anything else, but I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends before Omar. He’s the best one ever. He likes me and all my crazy. He says I make him happy.”
“That’s a really important part of a marriage.”
“It is. Is that why your marriage didn’t last? I don’t want that to happen to me. Can you tell me what I should avoid?” Her eyes went wide like she was waiting for me to distill the greatest secret of all time.
I leaned in, the alcohol in my system making me giggle. “Avoid bad dicks.”
Natalie nodded, all serious. “Okay. I will. What else?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. My marriage didn’t last because we didn’t like each other that much.
He never made me laugh. Landon makes me laugh.
I want that in my next relationship. If I ever have another one.
I tried flirting with my match, but he shut me down.
I don’t think I’m ever going to have sex again. ”
“You should take a giant penis home. Not to have sex with, but just so you have a penis with you. Ooh, maybe you should take some of the small ones, too. Then you can keep one in your bag and one in your bathroom. You can be surrounded by penises!”
“Um, what is going on in here?” Daisy asked, sounding far too sober for my drunk sensibilities.
“We’re talking about bad dicks and no sex,” Natalie said, like that explained everything.
“What does that mean?” Daisy asked.
“It means Casey is never having sex again because her husband had a bad dick.” Natalie looked at me and nodded.
Daisy slid me a look. “The movie is almost over. Do you want to finish watching it?”
“Yes! I love Magic Mike. Do you think I can get Omar to dance like that for me? He can be my stripper. I don’t want the waxed and greased guys rubbing all over me, but Omar would be nice to rub all over me. I think we should ask him…”
Natalie’s voice faded as Daisy led her out of the bathroom. The door slid closed behind them, and I remembered why I was in there.
I rushed to a stall and closed the door. I sat down and relaxed, letting my spinning brain settle again. When I stood, the bathroom door opened again. I flushed and opened the stall door to find Valentina and Goldie walking in.
“Hi!” I said to them.
“Hey. Are you drunk?” Goldie asked.
I nodded. “I am. I don’t have a lot of chances to drink anymore, and it hit me harder than I thought. Is it obvious?”
“Everyone is drunk. Except Haley, who’s nursing, and Daisy, who’s making sure everyone is okay. You have a ride home, right?” Valentina asked.
I nodded again, my head getting wobbly with the move. “Sofia and Daniel drove me here. I live in their building.”
“Good. I’m glad you were able to come. We both know how hard divorce can be, and life as a single mom. Are you okay?” Goldie asked.
“Why are you nice to me? After that article came out?” I asked her.
“Natalie told everyone what happened. I’ve been there with bosses who do everything possible to ruin your career. It sucks. And you don’t deserve to be blamed for it,” Goldie said.
“We don’t judge people based on one thing either. We know you’re a friend to Natalie. She really wanted you here,” Valentina added.
“I am a friend to her. I like both Natalie and Omar. A lot. I want their love to inspire others. It inspires me.”
“They are pretty great,” Goldie agreed.
I washed my hands and left while the two of them locked stall doors. I went back to the theater and resumed my seat, finding a fresh pair of drinks in front of my seat.
“Last round, so I got us both two. We’re not driving,” Melody held up one glass for us to toast. “Cheers.”
“Thanks for hanging with me this whole time. I’m sure you had other people you wanted to talk to,” I told her, taking a healthy sip of my drink.
“We’re friends, Casey. You didn’t hold me back from anyone else. I had fun. And I heard you told Natalie to avoid bad dicks. What was that all about?”
I snorted and relayed my conversation with Natalie in the bathroom. Melody laughed and toasted with me again. “To good dicks only.”
“To good dicks!”
“Hurray!” everyone else said, hearing our toast.
Melody and I finished our drinks as the movie finished playing. Daisy asked for help getting Natalie to the door, then poured her into Omar’s SUV with a laugh.
“Did you guys leave any liquor in town for us?” Omar teased Daisy.
Daisy shook her head. “Nope. We drank it all!” Daisy laughed and waved as they left.
Melody asked Daisy if she needed help cleaning up, and all of us pitched in to de-dick the movie theater. Daisy brought out bins to store most of the supplies, telling people to keep anything they wanted.
She handed me a dick centerpiece and a penis shot glass. “Natalie wanted you to have these. I’m not asking questions.”
I snorted and accepted the gifts. “Thank you. It’s the only dick I’m going to get anytime soon, so I’ll enjoy.”
Daisy threw her head back and laughed. “Then you need more dicks. You have your necklace.” She nodded to the light-up necklaces we all wore.
“And your glass, straw, and ice cube.” Everyone had their own for the night, and we were all taking them home.
“Ooh! Coaster?” Daisy handed one over, then grabbed an inflatable. “This too. And the string of dicks.”
“Sounds like my dating life,” I muttered.
Daisy snorted. “That’s… Sorry. That was funny.”
“Unfortunately true.”
“What’s true?” a voice asked from right behind me. A voice I was beginning to know well. Landon.
“Casey is taking home a string of dicks. She said it’s like her dating life.”
“Ouch,” he said, a smirk teasing the corners of his lips.
“I don’t mean you,” I assured him.
“Well, that’s good to know.” He held my gaze for a long moment. “Are you ready to go?”
“Go where?”