Chapter 13
Seeing the aftermath of the bachelorette party left me thinking the bachelor party was tame.
Not that I was complaining. I wasn’t looking to stare at strippers with a bunch of married or involved men and have to take one for the team.
I’d been the non-single guy enough times to know that was what ended up happening. It was not for me.
Most of the conversation revolved around marriage, with the men who’d taken the plunge dishing out their advice.
“Communication is the most important thing. As someone who almost screwed everything up and lost Blake, make sure you talk to each other,” Ian said.
“I agree with that one,” Ramsey said, nodding along.
“Make sure you tell her how much you want her,” James said, earning a laugh.
“No, he’s right,” Rowan defended his fellow police officer.
“It’s not just about sex or getting her into bed.
When I tell Willow she’s the only one for me and I don’t know how I got so lucky to spend my life with her, she knows there’s no one else.
She knows she’s loved completely, no matter how crazy she gets or what she comes up with. We all need that sometimes.”
James nodded, clapping Rowan on the back in agreement.
“Treat her like a queen,” Knox said. “And do your part at home. Especially if you have kids. Haley has been killing herself at work and at home. She doesn’t like to walk away, but when I take the baby and force her to take a bath or sleep or something that gives her a break, she feels more like herself afterward. ”
“I second that one,” Sebastian said.
“Enjoy every moment,” Hudson said quietly, capturing the attention of everyone.
He shook his head and pressed his lips together before continuing.
“There will be times when she makes you crazy, and not in a good way. When she frustrates the shit out of you. Enjoy the good and the bad. Not just because you don’t know when you’re going to run out of moments, but because those arguments, fights, disagreements…
those are going to lead to a new depth in your relationship.
They’ll make it better because you both know you can say anything you need to say and it won’t destroy what you have. ”
I swallowed the thickness in my throat, fighting my emotions with his declaration. Judging by the silence around me, I wasn’t the only one feeling the impact of his words.
“Thanks, man,” Omar said, hugging Hudson and slapping his back. “You’re right.”
Hudson nodded, hugging Omar back. They shared a smile as they pulled back, all of us echoing the same thoughts with quiet nods and smiles of our own.
I didn’t share any advice since I wasn’t in a relationship and no one wants to hear from the single guy at a bachelor party, but I took in all their words. One day I’d need them.
The drinking resumed, and the mood lightened after the advice was shared. James talked Ramsey into a game of darts, then complained when Ramsey won. Andre asked Knox about his new baby, which brought out the phone.
I looked over Andre’s shoulder at Knox and Haley’s baby girl, Amanda. The pink bundle was small and squishy and made me jealous as fuck.
I wanted that. Not Knox’s baby, but a family of my own. Someone to share my life with. Kids and a future and a life that wasn’t on hold until I found someone who wanted the same thing.
I excused myself as the two of them talked and left the party area, needing a break from all the happiness and joy I was on the outside of. I was happy for all of them. They all deserved the happiness they’d found, but where the hell was my happiness? Where was my joy? Where was my happy ending?
I asked the bartender for a beer and sat on a stool on the far side of the bar. Two women sat next to me. One of them smiled at me. They weren’t familiar, but the other one whispered something to her friend. Something that sounded suspiciously like Reegan’s name.
I wanted to yell at them that I was single. That Reegan was old news. That we weren’t getting back together. Now or ever. But I didn’t have the energy.
The women were both beautiful, but neither of them stirred any desire in me. They weren’t curvy single moms with too many jobs and no desire to get involved with me, or anyone.
I laughed to myself without any humor in it. I spent three years with a woman who didn’t want the same things I did and ended my relationship with her because of it, and a year later, I was in the same situation, wanting a woman who had no interest in the things I wanted.
What was wrong with me?
“What are you doing over here?” Andre asked, taking the vacated seat next to me.
“Getting a beer.”
“There’s beer back there with everyone else.”
I nodded and sipped my drink.
“What’s going on?”
I leveled him with a look.
“Reegan?”
“Fucking hell. No. I thought I made it clear things are over with Reegan. I swear to fuck if you blame my mood on Reegan again, I’m not talking to you.”
“Promise?” Andre smirked.
“Fuck you.”
“Casey?”
I shrugged. “She doesn’t want to get married again. Or have more kids.”
“Whoa, seriously? You’re moving fast if you’ve already proposed to her.”
“I haven’t proposed. Fucking hell. We talk.”
Andre narrowed his eyes. “You talk? Like on dates or online?”
I avoided his knowing gaze. “Both?”
“Fuck. You matched with her? How do you know it’s her?”
“I figured it out.”
“And she knows it’s you?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“You have to tell her.”
“No. Not yet.”
“You know it’s going to go badly if you keep it from her.”
“I’m willing to take that risk.”
“Are you? Because if she finds out you knew and lied to her about it for weeks, she might not forgive you for it.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“So you’re using that connection to find out more about her? Is that how you know she doesn’t want to get married?”
“No, she told me that in person.”
Andre snorted. “Sounds like you’re off to a great start with her.”
I chuckled. “Something like that.”
After a minute, Andre asked, “Why are you getting involved with Casey if you want different things?”
I exhaled a laugh. “Fuck if I know.”
Andre studied me carefully. “You ended things with Reegan because she didn’t want kids, right?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s different about Casey?”
“What do you mean?”
“I assume you and Reegan talked about kids or no kids long before she refused to move in with you. I know that was the final thing and made you realize you weren’t on the same page.”
“Yeah?”
“There was something that kept you together as long as you were.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “A lot of things, yeah.” I loved her was a big one, but at the end, that wasn’t enough.
By the end, I was holding my breath. I told myself at the time it was hope, but what I was hoping for wasn’t what I thought I was hoping for.
When Reegan refused to move in with me, I was relieved.
And I was an asshole for it.
“You are going to end up in the same place with Casey,” Andre said. “She doesn’t want more kids or to get married, so what’s different?”
I opened my mouth to tell him everything was different, but he was right. Nothing was different.
“I’m not trying to piss you off. If you like her, go for it, but I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will be, but I love you, man. You’re like a brother to me.”
“A younger brother,” I quipped.
Andre snorted. “A brother I would have beat up a lot when we were kids.”
“You could try,” I said with a smirk.
“Fucking hell, I’m trying to be serious here.” He chuckled.
“I know. And thanks. I don’t know what it is about Casey.
She makes me smile. She has this strength in her that she doesn’t seem to see but is so obvious when I look at her.
She has no idea how sexy she is, and it makes me fucking crazy.
I mean, she told me—” I cut myself off before I told him she said I had her favorite dick.
“You already have secrets and inside jokes. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you look like that when talking about a woman.” Andre clapped me on the back. “I get it. I don’t want you to get hurt, but I get it.”
“You get what?” I asked, wondering what the hell he was talking about.
He chuckled and stood. “You’ll figure it out, eventually. I’m going back to the party. You coming?”
“Figure what out?” I asked, trailing behind him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Andre just laughed and led the way back to the others, knowing I would drop it once we were surrounded.
I was not in love with Casey. It took me far longer to figure it out than I wanted to admit, but it finally hit me that was what Andre assumed.
I barely knew her. Love wasn’t… It wasn’t possible. Maybe one day, but not yet. Not when we were pretending.
But if she was going to continue ignoring me and avoiding me, I wasn’t sure I still had a date to Omar and Natalie’s wedding. And I needed that answer before I said anything to anyone about it.
Five days of silence told me I had no choice but to show up at her apartment, which was why on Monday morning, before I opened the store, I was standing in front of Casey’s building.
Lucky for me, it was also Andre’s building, and I wasn’t above using my connections to get access to the woman I was not in love with.
I texted Andre to buzz me in but not to expect me at his door. He sent back a thumbs up and the door in front of me buzzed. I smiled as I yanked it open and let myself into the building.
Taking Casey home from the bachelorette party gave me the advantage of knowing which apartment was hers. The building was almost as quiet as that night, but the stirrings of people getting ready to leave for the day told me it was not the same.
I stood outside her door and raised my hand to knock, stopping when I heard her voice inside. Shit. I forgot she had a kid. A young kid who was still at home. Unless Casey was talking to herself.
Nope. There was a second voice. And both voices were getting closer to the door.