12. The Full Confession
The sleek blackcar pulls to a stop before the facade of Alexander’s mansion, its gleaming black marble walls reflecting the moonlight like a dark mirror. Even after countless visits, the sheer grandeur of the place never fails to take my breath away. It’s a reminder of the world he inhabits, a world of wealth, power, and secrets.
The two guards flanking the ornate wrought iron doors stand at attention, their faces unreadable.
Copies of Mendel? Maybe a relative? A twin?
Lilies. Their perfume fills the foyer, a suffocating sweetness. I hate lilies. Funerals. Coffins. The scent is a ghost, a phantom touch of the grief I felt standing at my parent’s grave.
The vast foyer stretches before me, its high ceilings lost in shadow, theonly illuminationcomingfrom a single crystal chandelier that casts fractured rainbows across the polished marble floor. My hesitant footsteps echo in the stillness, a lonely sound that makes the mansion feel even more vast, moreempty.
The grand staircase, a sweeping curve of polished wood and wrought iron, stands before me, leadingto the upper floors,the floors thathold memories of stolen moments and whispered promises of passion.
Alexander waits at the foot of the stairs, his tall frame clad in nothing but a pair of silk pajama pants that cling to his lean, muscular form. His dark hair is tousled as if he’s been running his hands through it in frustration, and his eyes, usually cold and guarded, are heavy with sleep and a vulnerability that makes my heart ache.
“Ava,” he says, his voice a low rumble that sends warmth to my lower regions.
My gaze is drawn to the contours of his chest, to hisdefined muscles.I avert my gaze in case he can see my undeniable longing for him.
“What’s this about, Alexander?” My voice comes out sharper than I meant it to. “We’re over.”
“I know,” he replies, his voice hoarse. “But I had to warn you. There’s a man who has been following you. I need to keep you safe.”
A shiver of dread course down my spine as I recall the chilling encounters with Kovacs, his threats echoing in my ears. “You mean Kovacs?” I ask.
“Yes,” he confirms. “How did you know?”
“He’s been to my office,” I confess.
His expression hardens, his jaw clenching. “You should have told me,” he growls, his voice rising. “I could have protected you. I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
I flinch at his outburst, but my chin lifts. “I don’t need your protection, Alexander,” I say, my voice trembling slightly despite my effort to sound firm. “I can take care of myself.”
The fire in his eyes flickers, replaced by a heat thatmakes my breath catch. He steps closer, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his body. His eyes, dark and intense, hold mine, a silent plea in their depths. “I know you’re strong, Ava,” he murmurs, his thumb brushing against my cheek, a jolt of electricity shooting down my spine. “But I need to know you’re safe.” His voice is rough. “I can’t— I won’t—stand the thought of anything happening to you.”
I don’t know what to think.
His touch, hiswords,ignite the usual fire within me, a longing for the safety and comfort of his arms, a yearning for our love.Butthe knowledge ofhis connection to the mafia holds me back, a barrier I can’t seem to overcome.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, though even I don’t believe the words.
“Please,” he pleads, his eyes filled with a desperation I haven’t seen before. “Let Mendel protect you, even if you won’t let me do it. He won’t bother you. He will just stay close.”
I hesitate,mygaze flickering to Mendel, who stands silently by the door.
“Please, Ava,” Alexander begs, taking my handin his. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you again.”
“Only if you tell me the truth,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “I need you to be honest with me. Promise me you’ll answer every question I have. I need to know, Alexander. Then, and only then, will I let you protect me.”
He squeezes my hand. “I’ll try,” he whispers. “Please, come sit with me.”
He leads me to the plush sofa, its soft cushions enveloping me.
“Why are you involved with the Veles Network?” I ask him without hesitation. “Why do you have to do this? If it’s dangerous, then why?”
He sighs, a heavy sound. “My childhood—” he begins, his voice raw. “My father was in prison. The police came and dragged him away in the middle of the night. My saviors and my doom they were. There were no more beatings, but also no more food on the table once my father was gone.”
He then pauses, his jawclenching as if he’sstruggling with the memories.
“And your mother?” I ask, my heart aching for the young boy he once was.
“My mother—.” he pauses, his voice cracking as if the words are shards of glass tearing at his throat. “She was lost after my father was gone. Drugs— they took hold of her, consumed her.Michelle and I—wewere alone, just kids trying to survive on the streets, fending for ourselves in a world that didn’t care.”
I reach out, my fingers intertwining with his.
“It was Kovacs who found us one night, you know, on the streets,” he continues, his voice a low murmur, as if sharing a secret he’s kept buried for far too long.“He offered us a roof over our heads, food on the table—in exchange for favors, of course.But back then, it felt like a lifeline, a chance to escape the coldand hunger, theconstant fear.”
“So you joined them?” I tilt my head to the side. “Doing what?”
“Crime, robberies, theft. You name it, I did it,” he says as he runs his fingers through the rough stubbles on his chin.
He looks older and more worn.
His eyes meet mine. “I owe him everything, Ava. He saved our lives.”
I squeeze his hand. “Saved your lives?” I echo.
“We were just kids, Ava,” he saysand looksdown.“We had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I had to take care of Michelle and protect her. The streets—- they weren’t kind.”
“But getting involved with crime, Alexander?” I ask. “Was that a better solution? You could have been killed or imprisoned.”
He looks away, his shoulders slumping. “I had no choice,” he admits.
“Fuckin’ Kovacs.”
Alexander looks up, widening his eyes. “What?”
“Well, he’s a fucked up fucker, that’s what he is.”
“Since when do you talk like that?” He smiles for a moment, then it fades.
“Since he screwed you over.”
Alexander doesn’t speak. He just nods and stares ahead.
“Where is Michelle now?” I ask. “Are they threatening her?”
He nods, his fists clenching. “They’re threateningher, you—everyone I care about. That’s why I need you safe, Ava. That’s why I had Mendel follow you, why I—” he trails off.
“Kovacs came to see me at the office,” I confess. The memory of his cold eyes and veiled threats makes me nauseous. “He told me to stay away from you. Said I was messing things up, putting you in danger.” I hesitate, a new suspicion forming in my mind. “Do you think Volkov put him up to it?”
Alexander’s eyes meet mine, a flicker of something akin to amusement battling the shadows of his past. “You do mess things up,” he admits, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “All I can do is think about you, day and night. You consume me, Ava. You are everything.”
Warmth blooms in my chest, a spark of hope amidst the darkness. “So, Kovacs is involved with the Veles Network? Mafia? Organized crime?” I ask.
I need to be sure. Henods, confirming my worst fears.
“And you—are you involved with them, too?” I question, already knowing the answer but needing to hear him say it.
He nods again, his hand reaching out to take mine. I pull away, my mind reeling.
“Ava, I understand if you’re scared,” he says, his voice soft and soothing. “But I need you to understand that I’m doing what I have to do to protect you and Michelle. I owe Kovacs a lot, and I can’t just turn my back on him.”
“But at what cost, Alexander? What happens if you get caught?”
“I won’t,” he replies confidently, though I can see a flicker of doubt in his eyes. “I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you know that Harvey is hot on your trail?” I press. “They suspect you. This can’t last forever.”
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and I turn away, unable to bear the sight of his pain, the knowledge that he’s trapped in a life he can’t escape.
“Ava,” he says. “I know this is a lot to take in, but please— don’t leave. I need you. I care about you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”
I stand there, frozen. My breath hitches, a cold knot tightening in my stomach. The room seems to spin. One part of me, the part that craveshistouch, wants to throw my arms aroundhimand never let go. But another part screams warnings. Can I really love a man entangled in this darkness? Itake astep back, needing distance between us, to break the magnetic pull. My life, my heart, will never be the same.
He reaches for my hand again, and this time, I don’t pull away, letting our fingers intertwine, his calloused skin contrasting with myownsoftness. Just my hand, I tell myself, a silent plea to maintain some semblance of control. Not my heart. Not my soul.
His grip tightens, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand. I feel a tear escape and slide down my cheek. His confession, the knowledge of his past, threatening to crush me.When I try to pull away, his fingers cling to mine, his eyes reflecting hurt.
He finally releases me, his hand dropping to his side as he leans back against the plush cushions of the sofa, his shoulders slumping.
“Ava,” he begins, his voice a low, soothing rumble. “I know this is a lot to take in. I’ve been paying back Kovacs for a long timenow, and it’s time to end it. But I need to finish what I started. Please, just be patient with me.”
The pain in his voice is raw, a vulnerability that tears at my heart. “Alexander,” I whisper, unable to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what to say. I just—I can’t be with someonewho’sinvolved with all of this.”
This is so far from my world. Far from everything that is safe, that is good. My mom – she would have worried about me had she been alive.
“Please, I’m trying to get out, Ava,” he said, his voice raw.“I’ve been saving every penny, every dollarI can get my hands on.I want to buy us a new life, somewhere far away, where the Veles Network can’t touch us. A place where we can finally be free.”
I push myself up from the couch, feeling nauseous as I take a step back, putting distance between us. “I can’t.”
“Ava,” he says, his voice strained. “I know this is a lot. And if you want out— I get it. But please, just— just let Mendel stay close. Kovacs—he won’t hesitate. Not with you. Not with Michelle.”
Will he kill me? The thought echoes in the silence of my mind.
We sitin silencefor a long moment, both of us lost in ourownthoughts.
“I need to go,” I say, the words tasting like ashes on my tongue.
Alexander stands up, his eyes filled with sadness. “Ava, please,” he pleads, reaching out to me, his touch a ghost of the intimacy we had once shared.
I shake my head, tears streaming down my face as Itake astep back, putting an even greater distance between us. “I can’t, Alexander,” I choke out, the words tearing at my heart. “I just can’t.”
“I understand,” he says, his ice-blue eyes holding a depth of painthat threatensto pull me back into his orbit. “I’ll leave town then. Maybe that will put you out of harm’s way.”
I look down at my trembling hands, unable to meet his gaze. “Do what you have to do,” I whisper.
And with that, I turn and walk away, my heart a shattered mess as I leave behind the man who has both broken and mended it, the man who is both my tormentor and my savior.