CHAPTER FIVE #2
“Got it, thanks,” I mutter, turning back around to see the sun starting to set, the blue sky now covered in lovely hues of red and orange. I dry off my hands to take a picture of it, but then frown as my phone gets snatched from me.
“Now, Bianca.” Josh holds my phone out of reach and I look at him, appalled at his behavior. I stand my ground and knock his arm slightly. His hand lands on the railing and he flinches. My eyes widen when I see a small cut on his finger, crimson-red liquid oozing out.
“Dad, Dad. Wake up,” I said frantically, but the gash on his head kept oozing blood. I whimpered and looked up at the lady, begging for her to help him. Tears welled in her eyes, but she didn’t respond.
As they carried him, the lights hit his wounds in a way that I really noticed all of the blood. I had no idea why underneath the lights, the blood on him scared me so much.
It was like I finally realized what it was, and I hated it.
I glanced down at myself and saw all the bloody wounds, which caused me to freak out. I started to move around as they tried to calm me down. I tried to get the blood off me—scratched at it, even—but all it did was smear . . .
“What is wrong with you?”
I blink rapidly, coming back to reality as Josh shakes me. Mom becomes clearer as she stands next to him with tears in her eyes.
“Bianca, breathe,” she says, and I look at her, still somewhat afloat in my own body. Josh has an unreadable look on his face. Her hands are placed on me gently, and I concentrate on the scent of her perfume, breathing in and out.
Inhale.
Exhale.
“I’m okay.” My voice is hoarse as if I had been screaming for hours, and Mom hugs me instantly.
“Kate, why was she freaking out over a small cut?” Josh asks while I look down, ashamed.
Mom turns around and looks at him exasperatedly. “There’s a reason for it, I promise.”
“A serious injury I understand, but this?” He raises his bloody finger and I stiffen.
He looks at me, almost disgusted, and I shrink back; he’s never looked at me like that.
He glances toward Mom. “You need to stop coddling her, Kate.” The goose bumps on my swimsuit-clad body become more apparent, the coldness from him incomparable to the slight breeze.
He throws down my phone on the table. It lands with a sharp clatter.
Mom looks at him, shocked. “Josh, hon.” She reaches for him, but he steps back, taking a deep breath.
He walks off without another word. Mom sighs and turns back around as she passes me a towel.
“The move has been stressful, and I haven’t told him about your phobia.
He didn’t mean it that way.” I nod—more so in embarrassment—and walk back into my room.
I take a quick shower, then slip into pajamas. Lying down, my eyes well slightly.
What is wrong with you?
She’s an adult.
Pathetic.
Pathetic.
Pathetic.
My heart stutters as the words echo, looping around in my head. Josh has never gotten that upset before. Shame comes over me at that, and I wipe away a rogue tear.
My phone buzzes next to me and I look at it. Something of a smile forms on my face.
I’m glad you got there safely, B! Call me when you get a chance. Preferably at the beach . . . on a video call . . . with your camera flipped so I can see the fineeee California men.
I turn my phone off and get up, opening my blinds, even though it’s a bit dark outside. Streetlights illuminate everything and the purple-colored Jeep is still in the driveway across the street.
I bite my lip as hundreds of thoughts run through my mind.
Should I go over there and see if it’s them?
I mean, it might not be, and instead I’ll make a fool of myself.
Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
Crashing against my sleeping bag, rubbing my temples a bit, my phone buzzes. I smile and answer the video call.
“Hello?”
“Couldn’t wait till you were at the beach.” Her silliness causes me to let out a low chuckle. “Anyway, how are you?” she asks excitedly, and I momentarily forget all the stuff I was thinking about.
“Well, the house is unnecessarily huge and high-class, but it makes sense since Josh picked it—”
She interrupts me. “No, girl, I asked how you are. Not the house.”
My heart stutters. She looks at me, waiting as emotions jumble in my throat.
“Good,” I squeak out before clearing my throat and repeating the word as she looks at me doubtfully.
Previous events gather in my thoughts and Josh’s words circle in my head.
“I had another panic attack today,” I mutter, and Jamie has concern crossing her features, the want to comfort me apparent in her eyes.
“But I’m okay, honest. Freaked over some blood, nothing new. ”
She sees right through me and shakes her head.
I over explain, I over apologize for things that aren’t my fault, I downplay my fears for the benefit of others, always.
She crosses her arms, setting the phone on top of her desk, little Whiskers climbing on his cardboard post behind her.
“B, it’s alright if you aren’t. Can I know what happened?”
I sigh, realizing my downplaying tactic didn’t work. It never does, yet I never stop.
Everything spills out of me even though I don’t want to burden her with it. The plane ride, the move, the incident with Josh. Her cheeks turn red and her eyebrows scrunch, causing me to look at her in confusion.
“Bianca, that wasn’t right for him to say. It was an accident.” She runs her hand through her hair.
“He doesn’t know. Besides, it’s not like he was yelling or something.”
She shakes her head again. “Doesn’t matter. And you better not feel ashamed about it. It wasn’t your fault, okay?”
I nod, not wanting to confess that I was feeling just that. Silence fills the room and I can’t even bear to look at her face.
“I love Mama Kate, but if he’s saying these things—”
I wave her off. “It was this one time. I get it. It must’ve freaked him out.”
She sighs and looks as if she wants to argue. “Fine, but if that becomes the new norm . . .” She trails off and I nod.
I run my hands through my hair, my scalp feeling my emotions as I tug and pull with my fingers. She looks at me, running her hands down her face, the helplessness transmitting through the phone.
“Talk about something else?” I ask.
Jamie looks as if she wants to keep talking about the situation, but switches topics for my sake.