CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LIAM
Unease rolls off me in waves as I constantly decrease my speed.
Using one hand, I undo the buttons near my neck, feeling instant relief.
The deal with Mom was that I was supposed to stay the whole event, and I did.
But I didn’t exactly go back home when I left.
I take deep breaths as my emotions course through me, given my interaction with her. I feel everything, yet nothing at all.
On one hand, I’m so mad at myself, considering how my brain seems to malfunction when she’s nearby. After coming up with ways to avoid her this summer and all of the fall semester, I even asked Chase for advice, for God’s sake. But no—my heart refuses to understand she’s not good for me anymore.
She wants me to stay out of her way, so why can’t I listen?
I’m not the same kid I was all those years ago, but when I see those eyes—the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever had the privilege of looking into—every single thought I have about protecting myself goes out the damn window.
How can she still have so much power over me?
I have a promising career, I’m studying one of the hardest majors out there, and yet, she still occupies space in my brain, though I’m not putting up much of a fight.
So, without even thinking, I call probably the only person I can talk to about this.
“Second time in one day, Parker. I’m honored.
” I say nothing. How is it that I spent semesters hating this guy, and now I’m calling him out of my own free will?
“Sooo, how did it go? You making out with Harrison yet?” His suggestive tone lights a fire in me, and I merge in front of some idiot who has no concept of what a blinker means.
“First off, the nickname is not cute. Secondly, I wouldn’t tell you that anyway.”
A chuckle sounds through the phone. “I’ll take that as a no.” Exit signs light up and fade away as I drive by them, silence enveloping my car, even though Chase is still on the line. “Dude, I know you’re new to the concept of phone calls, but when you call someone, talking is involved.”
“You think we should take orbital mechanics in the fall?”
“I’d love to, but my father’s wanting me to start getting some finance courses under my belt. Though, I heard Dr. Anders is the best.”
I thank goodness he goes along with the stupid small talk. “Is he grooming you to be the next millionaire?”
He snorts. “Since birth, but yeah, this is another way to make sure I know who’s paying my tuition every semester.”
A sad smile starts on my face. “Brutal, man.”
“Story of my life, unfortunately.” He huffs before redirecting the conversation. “So, was she flirting with someone else, or . . .”
A frustrated sigh leaves me, my thumbs drumming on the wheel as my pent-up emotions stir up something. “It didn’t go the best. Look, I called to say thanks for the advice. That’s it.”
He mumbles “No problem,” but it doesn’t feel like the end of what he has to say. “You’re such an idiot.”
My hand clenches the steering wheel as disbelief fills me. “Excuse me?”
“I know you did something moronic.”
“I followed your advice.”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “Again, moronic. You should never follow my advice.”
My heart drops at the admission. “Chase, what the hell?”
He chuckles. “It’s good advice if you were in a situation where the other person also hates you. That’s why it doesn’t work in this case.”
I shake my head as I start to inch right, the exit I want coming up. “Why would you . . .? Never mind.” The jerk dares to laugh at me. When I head back to campus, I’m strangling the life out of him.
“I knew you were still in love with her,” he says, and my lips purse at the true statement. I almost miss my exit, and I think long and hard as to why I called him, of all people.
“Shut up.” My heart clenches at the words, the stupid organ not knowing when to keep itself in check.
Another chuckle ensues. “Look, here’s some real advice, since your head is so far up in the clouds.
Either man up and tell her everything you’re feeling or suck it up and forget about it.
” My heart beats that much faster at the idea.
He hangs up before I can reply, and my music picks up from where it left off.
I scoff at the guy I’ve started to become sort of friends with, and I regret everything thus far.
I see the familiar street names.
Left.
Right.
Left again, till you hit a fence.
I park in my usual spot as the night sky shines above me, my mind already mapping all the constellations.
I take out my portable telescope and slam the trunk.
I walk into the field I’ve visited hundreds of times over the years.
Finding the old willow tree, I set up the telescope, my hands flowing with ease as I adjust everything so I can have a direct view of the cluster of stars near and dear to my heart.
As I peek through the lens, a flash lights up the night sky, and with it, a flashback.
“Freckles, I’m gonna catch you!” I exclaimed, trying to keep up with her as I surged ahead in our race.
She stuck her tongue out playfully, urging me on.
In the end, she won, but before she could boast about her win, I gently tackled her to the ground, and we both dissolved into laughter.
As we laid side by side, our eyes met and our hands naturally found each other.
Locking our fingers together, I brought them to my lips, planting a delicate kiss on her soft skin, causing a slight blush to creep across her cheeks.
I adored how I could make her blush so easily.
“I beat you,” she teased, but I wasn’t listening, I was getting lost in her eyes, not caring about the outcome of the race whatsoever. “The sun’s setting,” she said nervously, looking over to Ms. Kate, but I got up, wrapping my hands around her.
“Hey, I’m here. I won’t let anything happen, okay?” I reassured, hoping my words and gentle touch eased her nerves. When I asked if she wanted to stay, she hesitated briefly before nodding.
“I feel safe when you’re with me,” she admitted, and my heart burst with happiness.
Taking a deep breath, we laid back down, looking up at the night sky, and then we started naming the constellations and the stars we learned about in school.
Suddenly, a bright streak lit up the sky—a shooting star. Her gasp drew my attention. “Liam, did you see that?” she exclaimed. “It was a shooting star!” I nodded. “Well, we have to wish for something. Dad told me that when you see a shooting star, you always make a wish.”
“One, two, three,” we counted in unison, closing our eyes. In that moment, my heart wished for something I’d longed for.
I wish you would love me back someday in the future, I thought, silently sharing my deepest desire, speaking the words with my heart.
“Done,” she said, opening her eyes while I was already looking at her.
Intertwining our fingers again, I leaned in to kiss her temple, whispering, “Me too, Freckles.”
I pull at the strands at the base of my neck in frustration, bringing me back to the present.
I scoff at how much I cared about her, loved her, even.
Then for her to end our friendship without even giving me a chance to prove her wrong.
She left like we were nothing, and even came back like it’s nothing.
A ding comes from my phone and I grab it; it’s probably Mom wondering where I went off to.
Seeing the social media logo, I hold down, thinking it’s another batch of likes on the official page for InkedAcademia.
I hesitate a bit, seeing Mom’s handle instead, a new photo of her and the bane of my existence.
Bianca’s smiling so hard you can’t even see her blue eyes, and for some reason, my heart starts beating so fast. I force my smile to drop and chuck my phone down on the ground, wanting to calm myself, trying not to rile myself up again at the reaction of my treacherous heart.
God, what’s wrong with me? How could she do that? Be there like nothing’s wrong. Go along with it all when I’m broken over everything.
We’re broken.
I sigh at that, and my conversation with Chase comes back to my head.
Either man up and tell her everything you’re feeling or suck it up and forget about it.
I know this. My brain knows this.
I can pass astronomical science principles in my sleep.
I’ve passed every mathematical theory class in the aerospace curriculum and then some.
But when it comes to Bianca—basic philosophical truths have different answers, and everything I know to be true blurs together.
It’s like I can’t stop myself from throwing out my brain and letting my heart guide all my actions.
Mom once told me that I had the biggest heart she had ever seen in someone, and that it would be both a blessing and a curse. She told me to protect it, but how can I do that when all I want to do is give it to someone who doesn’t want it?
Someone whom I, unfortunately, still love with everything I’ve got.