Chapter 20
O nce I’m dressed again, and feel more like myself, I look at the pile of schoolwork that’s been completed for me. I hate that Connor did that. I hate that he knows I can’t do it myself.
“You really shouldn’t have done that,” I tell him.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t need your help.” I don’t want to appear weak or stupid to him. I don’t want him to think less of me because I’m not smart.
“What were you going to do, princess? Call Dante?” Connor asks, his lips twisting in disgust.
That’s exactly what I was planning on doing. Calling my cousin and having him tell me what to write down. I just wasn’t going to do it in front of anyone.
“Yes, I was,” I admit.
“Why?” Connor asks me.
“What do you mean why ?”
“Why would you go to someone else for help when I’m right here? When I can help you?”
“Because I don’t want your help with this. I don’t want you doing my schoolwork for me.” I look away, not able to hide my shame. There’s not a lot I’m self-conscious about. But my academic ability—or lack of—is one of the things I just can’t get over.
“I thought I was your person, Aurora. I thought you felt the same way about me as I do about you. Guess I thought wrong.” Connor sounds… hurt? Surely not.
“You are my person. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” I assure him.
“Then I’m the person you should be able to turn to for help.
With anything,” he says. “I’m the person you should rely on because I’m the one fucking person in this world who is never going to turn you away, who will never not help you.
Fuck, Aurora. Even when we were broken up, I didn’t hesitate to come and help you when you asked.
Why the fuck would I not help you with something as mundane as schoolwork? ”
When he puts it like that, it makes me sound unappreciative. I’m not.
“I don’t want to be less-than.” I keep my voice low. “I don’t want you to think I’m stupid.” It’s okay for my cousin to know just how dumb I am. It’s not okay for Connor, though. “I don’t want you to realize that I’m not good enough for you.”
Because that’s where my issue lies. If he realizes that I’m not at his level, that I’m only going to hold him back in life, why the hell would he choose to stay with me?
Connor sits on the bed, his eyes boring into mine. “Do you wanna know what I thought the morning after we met? You know, when I woke up alone?”
“What?”
“My first thought was that I dreamed you up. That I got wasted and imagined I had the most perfect girl in the world literally fall into my hands. When I realized you weren’t a dream, because I could still taste you, smell you…
I thought: There is nothing that’s going to stop me from finding her and keeping her.
All I had was your first name and a possible school.
And, then, when I saw you in the administration office, I thought that finally something was going my way.
Finally, I found something to call mine,” Connor says.
“That feeling, that all-consuming sense that you belong to me, that you are mine, hasn’t changed.
If anything, it’s grown deeper. Become more intense.
” He pauses and takes a breath. “It’s never going to go away, Aurora.
I tried to make it go away and it wouldn’t. ”
“I was a bitch to you that first day at school,” I remind him.
“That first week actually.” He smirks. “But I still wanted you, needed you. Even after you stabbed me with a pen for touching what was mine.”
It probably goes against everything I’ve strived to achieve so far, and the independent woman inside me is screaming no, but my heart—my soul—wants nothing more than to belong to Connor.
“I wasn’t yours then,” I tell him.
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’ve always been mine.
The moment you stepped into that bedroom the night we met, you became mine.
” Connor stands. “You will always be mine,” he says, stepping towards me.
“You and me, we need to rely on each other, Aurora. If we can’t turn to each other for help, then they’re going to win. ”
My brows draw down. “Who is going to win?”
“Every fucker who wants to tear us apart,” he explains. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s strength. I don’t want you going to someone else for help when I can help you myself.”
“I don’t want you to see all of my insecurities, all of my weaknesses,” I tell him. “But you’re right. We are not letting them win. We are going to come out of this together.”
Connor’s arms circle around me, and my head leans against his shoulder. “I love you, all of you. There isn’t a part of you I don’t love, Aurora.”
“Even when I stab you?” I chuckle.
“Even then,” he says.
“I don’t think I’ve told you enough, Connor, but I love you and I appreciate you. I hate that you’ve had to give up everything for me. I hate that we have to fight to be together. But I promise if you go down, I’m going down right by your side. I will fight until the end. For us.”
“We’re not going down,” he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head.
I waited for Connor to fall asleep. Then I slid out of bed. He’s right. We are not going down. We are going to beat the odds. But I’m also not going to sit around and wait for my family to get me out of trouble. I want to know what’s happening. I need to know what I can do to help.
It’s late, and apart from the guards on duty, I don’t see anyone as I make my way through the house. I need a phone so I can contact Dante or Mabilia. They’re the ones most likely to tell me what’s going on.
Walking into my brother’s office, I’m shocked that he’s in here. I expected the place to be empty. But there he is, sitting at his desk, appearing more stressed than I’ve ever seen him before.
“What are you doing up?” he asks me.
“I… I was looking for a phone. I need to call Dante. Or Mabilia,” I tell him the truth, because I don’t think lying to him is the smartest move at the moment.
“You can’t do that,” he says.
“I can’t call them, but you could.” I walk over and sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. “I need to know what’s going on, Lorenzo. I can’t just sit around and wait. I need to help.”
“You can help by keeping a low profile and staying out of trouble,” he says.
“You look like shit, Lorenzo,” I comment. “Why?”
“I have a psychotic crime family hunting down my little sister. Times are a little stressful.” He shrugs.
“I’m sorry.”
“I wish you had thought about the fallout before you fell into bed with an Irishman,” he says, shaking his head.
“It’s not like I had a choice,” I counter.
Lorenzo’s eyes snap to mine. “What the fuck does that mean?” He looks murderous. My choice of words were definitely taken the wrong way.
“Not like that. Calm down.” Bringing my knees up to my chest, I fold my arms around them.
“Before I met Connor, I never felt anything. For anyone. To the point I thought I was broken,” I confess.
“I have all these people around me who’ve fallen head over heels in love with someone, their someone.
I never even felt attracted to anyone, and I tried to.
I’ve kissed boys and girls , trying to figure out who I was attracted to, and nothing worked. I just always felt numb. Indifferent.”
“You’re not broken,” Lorenzo tells me.
“When I saw Connor for the first time, something clicked. It’s like something that was lying dormant inside me woke up, and suddenly I had all these feelings I never thought I’d have. For him. He is my person, Lorenzo. I can’t control it or stop it.”
“I know.” My brother nods his head. “I don’t like it, but I know.”