6. Chapter 6
I rested my head on the window of the car, now chewing on a piece of bubble gum. I really liked sugar, and I wanted more. Father never let me have any unless it was an apple, the only sweet thing he ever gave me.
As we drove past thick woods and the river on my right, trying to figure out why a bunch of men were all rowing in one boat, I smiled again at my angel coming back for me.
Whatever made him kill Father for me also made him come back for me.
For the first time, since I got in the car from the bus stop, I was happy and unafraid.
I trusted my angel even if he was a killer because he belonged to me. My beautiful guardian.
I hated that Angel left me at first. I had been so scared and afraid to move from where he dropped me off, surrounded by so many strangers.
The city was really loud, and I wanted to cover my ears.
I had been trapped in that big house for so long, only allowed outside in the gardens or to play with the dogs if I was well-behaved.
Every good thing that was given to me was a reward.
Nothing was given freely. Not like how Angel bought me all those things for my new room, clothes, and this amazing hat. I did nothing to earn them.
Going to the big store the first time was scary. I tried to hold his hand, but he wouldn’t let me, but I stayed close to him and tried to touch him sometimes. The second time wasn’t so bad, knowing that Angel was with me now, and he wasn’t going to send me away or let anything bad happen to me.
When we arrived back at his home—our home—I helped him carry my things into my room.
“Do you need help setting up?”
I shook my head, still smiling. My dark angel was so nice, too. I could tell he was going to be good to me. Soon, he’d love me. “I can do it.”
He nodded. “I’ll toss your things in the wash and get dinner started.”
“Spaghetti?” I asked, excited about eating it again.
His mouth twitched in an almost smile but frowned again. “No, but something fun, and definitely not fucking boiled chicken.”
See, I knew he liked me and cared about me.
While my new underwear and sheets were being washed, I kept the old sheets on the bed and covered them with my new blanket.
I wanted the one with sloths and palm trees on it, but Angel wouldn’t let me, saying I needed something that wasn’t for kids.
It was for the best. I needed to learn to be the man I was and not a child.
It was just hard to break from old habits.
Instead, I picked out one that had blue, gray, orange, and white stripes with orange sheets.
The colors were bright while not childish.
I plugged in my new lamp and screwed in a light bulb, and arranged some books he bought for me that didn’t have any pictures. Maybe one day I could learn to read them. My reading was too basic.
I didn’t know how to hang up my art, so he’d have to help. After I laid out a rug in dark blue, I rested a big dog pillow next to my bed. Cleo had one in the living room, but I wanted one for her so she could protect me at night.
Standing back, I took a look around my new grown-up room. I smiled and clapped, pleased with my new life and my new master. He was so much nicer than Father.
I left Rabbit in my room since I trusted Angel, and he knew what was inside already, and headed into the kitchen. I stood next to Angel, watching him cook on the stove. “What are you making?”
“Hamburgers. Stand back. It’s hot.”
“They smell good.”
He blew out a small laugh and returned to cooking.
I sat on the kitchen floor, leaned against the cabinets, and rested my head on Cleo’s big body, watching him slice tomatoes and onions with skill.
His eyes were horribly blackened from his injury, something that I was familiar with, but he was still beautiful to me.
“Can you teach me that?”
“Yes, in time... Shit, it’s like having my own child.”
“I am a child.”
He scowled and pointed the knife at me. “You’re a fucking adult, and you’re not mine.”
“But I am yours.”
“Look… Shit, never mind. You’re not going to listen, anyway.”
He frowned as he pulled out some green things from a jar. “I’m sorry I upset you,” I said. My heart beat too hard, and I worried if I upset him too much, he’d take me back to the bus stop. “I’ll try to be good.”
Angel’s face softened and looked at me. “You’re not being bad. It’s… frustrating that you were put in this position to be someone’s fucking slave. Their sex toy. You just don’t know any better, and I’m not sure that I’m the best person to help you.”
I scratched between Cleo’s ears as she panted with her eyes half shut like she was smiling. “You are the perfect person.”
“I’m not. You need… a mother or something. I’m a killer, Luca. A loner. I’m not equipped to handle someone like you.”
I thought about what he said, and I tried to understand his worries, but I thought he was amazing.
He hadn’t hit me once, either, but I didn’t tell him that, sensing it would make him angry again.
Though I had only known him since yesterday, I understood enough if I said anything about me getting hurt, he’d get upset and all growly.
That also made me stupidly happy, like he was protective over me.
“We need to get you ready to take care of yourself quickly. I don’t know when my next job will be. Sometimes, they take me out of the city or even the state. I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“You can take me.”
“No fucking way. It’s too dangerous.”
“Okay,” I said softly, not wanting to argue and upset him again.
Once dinner was ready, I took a tentative bite of my hamburger, and it burst with all sorts of flavors I couldn’t name.
The more Angel fed me, the angrier I got with Father who gave me such bland, yucky food.
If I had just a fraction of what I was now fed, I would have been so much happier.
But Father controlled my entire life. Everything from what I watched on TV to what I ate to what I wore, or how my room was decorated.
I had no choices other than to be a good boy or a bad boy.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you like your burger?” Angel asked.
“I’m sorry, no, I love it. It’s… The more time I spend here, the more I realize I had no life at all. It’s… making me kind of angry.”
He put his burger on his plate and wiped his hands and face on his napkin. “Good. You should be angry as hell. I barely know you, and I want to go back and rip that cocksucker limb from limb, then peel his fucking flesh as he screams and begs for mercy.”
I covered my mouth and giggled. Angel was scary and cute at the same time when he was angry at someone other than me.
My protector. He made me all mushy and soft inside.
And when he gave me a small, crooked smile, my heart pounded faster in my chest and my stomach turned into these weird knots that I didn’t understand but didn’t hate, either.
I couldn’t finish my hamburger or fries, not even by half. It was really filling, and my stomach felt swollen. For a second, fear flashed through me that Father wouldn’t like it, before I remembered he was dead.
After we ate, I had Angel show me how to clean dishes. I wanted to help and not be useless after everything he had done for me.
Once the kitchen was clean, we moved into the living room where he turned on the TV, and let me scroll through the channels to pick whatever I wanted, but I had no idea what I wanted.
As I curled up on the floor, patting my full belly next to Cleo who rested her head in my lap, I flipped through the channels, unable to decide. I thought it would annoy Angel, but he was busy on his phone while he sat in his big chair, not paying attention.
I finally settled on some show about animals somewhere in the jungle, which I loved.
But I couldn’t focus on it, wanting to be closer to my angel as he sipped his drink and scrolled through his phone.
This need to touch him filled me so much, I ached with it.
I had always needed to be touched or cared for, but it was so rare in my life. Rarer than an apple.
Without asking, I stood and slowly inched my way toward him.
When I leaned against him, he looked up at me with questioning eyes.
Ever so slowly, like approaching a feral animal, I eased myself onto his lap.
My heart thundered in my chest with fears he’d shove me off, but I needed to be closer to him.
When he didn’t move and his eyes remained focused on me, I pulled myself on him, curling against him.
Still, he hadn’t thrown me off, so I breathed a little easier when I rested my head on his shoulder.
I wish I had brought Rabbit out, but Angel worked well enough.
His body was rock hard, but I didn’t care.
He made me feel safe. When he still didn’t move to make me get off him, my fingers gently played with his chin and jaw.
He held his breath for a moment and closed his eyes before he grabbed my hand.
“Stop, dammit. I’m not one of those men.”
“I just need to be close. Please don’t send me away.”
“How are you so affectionate after everything you’ve been through?”
“It’s like… how do I describe it? Like Father hadn’t fed me for two days once when he punished me.
My stomach was really tight with hunger, and I was so desperate to eat, it hurt.
That’s how I feel when I need to be close to you.
I’m hungry for some sort of touch to where I don’t feel so scared and alone. I need it to feed me.”
He closed his eyes again and breathed faster as my hand rested on his chest and felt his heartbeat pounding.
His brows furrowed as he mumbled more curses, yet still, he hadn’t tossed me aside.
Instead, he slowly wrapped an arm around my back.
That was the most I was going to get from him, and I was okay with that.
A small touch was like a big hug in comparison to what I used to receive.
He sipped his amber drink as we sat there in silence, with me snuggled into him, watching gorillas in the wild on the TV.
T he blood-red demon with a wrinkly face shredded the angel’s wings with long talons. My angel fell to the ground, dripping blood from the stumps on his back. He tried to protect me, but he wasn’t strong enough in the end.
I ran and ran and ran to him, but no matter how fast I went or how long I ran, he kept getting smaller and smaller as if I was running backward instead. I cried out to him, reaching, weeping, but it was useless. He couldn’t see me or hear me.
The demon grew three times the size of my angel, raised his massively clawed foot, and slammed it down on my broken angel.
Nooooo…
I woke up with a start, sitting up in bed and blinking for a moment to remember where I was. My heart still tried to beat out of my chest, and my face was wet. Something cold nuzzled my hand, and I looked down to see Cleo.
Nightmare.
With a few deep breaths, I finally calmed down.
I didn’t remember falling asleep on his lap, but he must have carried me to bed. Despite knowing I simply had a nightmare, I had to check on him to make sure he was okay. It all felt too real.
Slipping out of bed, I grabbed Rabbit and made my way out of my room with Cleo next to me. She rarely left my side, and I didn’t think Angel liked that very much. He kept grumbling about her being a dangerous guard dog and not a fluffy lap dog.
My hand rested on her head as we walked toward his room.
His door was shut, and part of me was too scared to open it, afraid he’d take back his promise of not hurting me.
If he were Father, I would’ve been beaten for even being in the hall when I should’ve been asleep.
But my desperation to see if he was okay won out.
It was worth his anger to know that nothing happened to him.
I put my hand on the knob and slowly turned it and pushed open the door. It was silent, but my presence had him instantly awake and drawing a gun on me.
“Fuck! Dammit, Luca! I almost killed you.”
“But you didn’t.”
He put his gun on the nightstand and rubbed his face. “What are you doing in here?”
“I had a bad dream that the demon killed you.”
He sighed, and I wanted to weep in relief that he didn’t reprimand me and tell me that my dream wasn’t real. I knew it wasn’t real, but I couldn’t shake the fear. Only seeing him fixed that.
“Can I sleep in here with you?”
“No.”
He rolled over, facing away from me, punched his pillow, and went back to sleep. I tried not to be hurt but was undeterred. Ever so slowly and quietly, I approached his bed.
“Go to bed, Luca,” he said without turning around.
My heart hurt so much from all the beating it was doing to my chest, but I pushed on.
I needed his safety and to know he wasn’t going anywhere.
While I couldn’t protect him, I could at least be by his side.
Not to mention, I was still scared from the nightmare.
Angel was the only person I ever really trusted, and to lose him would kill me.
Biting my bottom lip, I gently lifted the covers behind him and slid into his bed, which was still warm from before he rolled over.
“Luca, don’t,” he warned, but there was no bite to his words.
“Please.”
His sigh was loud and heavy from carrying the world, but he said nothing. Since there were no reprimands, and he didn’t physically kick me out, I pulled the covers over me and tucked myself in behind him, inhaling his woodsy scent. The same scent from my bath.
Suddenly, the bed jostled, and Angel bolted upright. “Cleo! Down!” He lay back down and rolled over again while grumbling about me ruining his dog.
Cleo slunk off the bed without so much as a whine, but her head hung low. After a couple of spins on the floor, she curled herself up into a ball and slept on the rug next to me.
With his scent, warmth, and aura of safety, I quickly fell into a blissful and dreamless sleep.