Chapter 8
As I stood in the kitchen, my heart pounding hard in my chest, I couldn”t take my eyes from Luna. Even with one side of her face scraped and swollen and the delicate skin beneath her eyes shadowed from worry and lack of sleep, she was utterly beautiful to me.
What disturbed me, however, was my recent revelation of the price I would pay to keep that beauty in my life.
I”d thrown myself to the wolves without a thought of what that would do to the other people in my life. I wasn”t here to give in to dramatic whims over a woman. I was here to protect my boss. And Luca”s life was so much more significant than mine. He was the head of the entire family. Me? I was nothing.
Yes, he had Enzo. And Enzo was a dangerous man. But he had a wife now. A family. Unlike me, he hadn”t been created for one purpose and one purpose only—to keep the boss of la Cosa Nostra alive.
Tearing my gaze away, I put on the teakettle and found some herbal tea in the cabinet. Is this what happened when a man allowed his cock to dictate his choices?
The appendage in question stirred in answer, despite the lingering soreness in my muscles.
The hours I”d spent with Gino today had fucked with me in all kinds of ways. The biggest one being that I”d turned myself over to that bastardo willingly, without a second thought—for her. Knowing what he would do to me and praying he would fucking kill me before I lost my mind completely, I”d traded my body for theirs. I was willing to not just give my life, but my sanity, for her.
Because of this sick obsession I had with her.
Luca and Enzo, the only two people in the world who”d ever meant anything to me, were nearly killed today because I”d risked everything…for her. I”d risked their lives, and my own…for her. Apparently, I would willingly walk into my own nightmares…
For. Her.
And yet, I was still here at Luca”s home, unable to make myself leave because of this overwhelming need I had to protect her.
Over the last few hours, I”d wondered more than once who I would save if I had to make a choice: Luca? The man whose life my entire existence revolved around? Enzo? The next closest thing I”d ever had to a friend?
Or Luna? The woman who”d saved me from my demons and whose touch made me want to weep because of how much I craved it, even as it made me want to peel my own skin off.
I”m touching you. It”s me you feel. These are my hands. My touch. You don”t belong to him. I don”t belong to him, either. Look at me! Look!
Seeing her in front of me now, I was beginning to think I knew the answer to that question.
The air squeezed from my lungs. I didn”t know who I was anymore. Bits and pieces from yesterday flew round and round in the darkest corners of my mind. Luna”s terrified blue eyes. Gino”s sick taunts. Gunshots and Luca shouting my name.
Miraculously, we”d all survived, but so had Gino.
Yet, strangely enough, instead of running home and locking myself away until the demons in my head were choked and silenced, I”d found myself here at Luca”s, looking for her.
And when she”d run out of that room, her dark blue eyes full of worry for me, I”d forgotten for a moment that she might know what a monster I truly was.
And, perhaps, so had she.
I”d walked away before she could remember. Before I saw the relief in her eyes turn to hatred. But I wasn”t able to go far. Instead of going home, I”d hung around Luca”s lake house, showering in the gym where I kept a change of clothes before Enzo and I met him in his office to discuss what had gone down with Gino.
And when we were finished, I”d offered to stay and watch the house so Enzo could go home to his new wife and I could stay near her. Disgust rolled through me. Followed almost immediately by the overpowering need to once again feel her hands on my skin and her body moving beneath me.
At first, I”d kept to the office, watching the security cameras. And when that wasn”t enough, I took to prowling around the darkened house like a ghost, keeping to the shadows so she wouldn”t notice me if she happened to look outside the makeshift hospital room where she held her vigil.
I”d watched her as she sat beside her brother, her hand resting on his arm as he slept, and something ugly had twisted inside of me. Was this what jealousy felt like, I wondered?
In the soft light of the lamp I”d turned on for her when she”d dozed off, her skin appeared paler than usual, almost luminescent. The dark waves of her hair, black as ink across the white sheets of the bed where she”d laid her head. She looked so peaceful, her long lashes fanning out against her cheeks, her full lips slightly parted as she breathed evenly in slumber.
Just like now, I”d stood there watching her for a long time, unable to tear my gaze away. Even in sleep, Luna captivated me, and I was powerless to resist her allure.
As always, my body craved to be next to her, to be inside of her. And a part of me had wanted to lift her into my arms and take her to a dark corner of the house where I could fuck her until she didn”t even remember she had a brother. Until there was no one for her but me.
But I didn”t. Partly because, if I were honest with myself, I was afraid. How would she look at me now that she”d found the photo, once her fear for me subsided and the reality of what I”d done came crashing down around us? Would those captivating cobalt eyes shine with hatred and disgust when they met mine? Would she be able to look at me at all? To see past the monster who”d ripped her away from the only parent who”d cared about her?
By murdering Luna”s mother, I”d unknowingly crossed a line that couldn”t be uncrossed. Yet the mere thought of existing without her now filled me with a suffocating dread I”d never experienced before. She”d become my obsession, my reason for breathing, and I feared that losing her would be the end of me.
But I feared that keeping her would be the end of us both.
The teakettle whistled and my hand trembled as I poured the steaming water into the cup, leaving the tea bag inside to steep before bringing it to her.
She wouldn”t look at me. ”Thank you.”
I watched her blow on her tea as I waited for her to ask why I had the photo, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have those full, wet lips on my skin.
But she didn”t ask. ”Logan has a broken arm, some cracked ribs, and some deep bruising,” she told me.
I didn”t give a fuck about her brother”s injuries. ”He”s young and healthy. He”ll heal quickly.”
She must”ve heard the disregard in my voice, for she looked at me then. ”He”s the only thing I have,” she said quietly.
My skin grew hot and my stomach clenched. The only thing she had? What the fuck was I? Nothing? Did I mean nothing to her at all? Everything I”d done these last few weeks had been for her.
”Why are you looking at me like that?”
I didn”t respond. I couldn”t. It took every ounce of willpower I had to stay where I was when what I really wanted to do was wrap my hand around her lying throat.
She looked down at her tea, and when she raised her chin again, there were tears in her eyes. ”I shouldn”t have left you there with him.” Her eyes searched mine as she waited for me to respond, to tell her she did the right thing. When I said nothing, she continued, ”I should”ve left Logan in the car and came back for you.”
I didn”t try to console her. I”d told her to leave and she had. Had she known there was a bag of weapons in the back? I hadn”t told them. My focus had been on her getting to safety.
But she was right, a part of me was…I tried to figure out what this fire was in my blood…enraged. With her, and perhaps more with myself. I wanted to see her tears. Her guilt. Wanted her to plead for my forgiveness.
”I”m really so sorry, Tristan.” Her chin trembled and the corners of her mouth turned down as she fought back more tears. ”I was so scared. And?—”
”You think I wasn”t scared?” I asked. It was more out of curiosity than anything. Ever since I”d first seen her, she”d dragged emotions from me I hadn”t even known existed. Did she not see that?
”Oh, god.” Covering her face with her hands, she began to sob quietly.
I frowned. I didn”t like seeing her like this. ”Luna.”
She sniffed and wiped at her face as she raised her head. ”What can I do?” she asked. ”Please, just tell me what to do.”
My eyes roamed over her face, wet with tears, her blue eyes luminescent in the soft lighting, then dropped to her breasts. It was strange, this anger I felt. I wanted to comfort her and punish her at the same time. ”Get on your knees.”
She stilled.
”Get on your knees,” I repeated. ”I want to feel your mouth on me.”
After a moment, she set down her cup, rose from the stool, and came to stand in front of me on the other side of the island. Her eyes rose to mine, and I cocked my head, waiting to see what she would do.
Slowly, she lowered herself to her knees, her eyes on my groin before she ran them up my body to my face.
My lips parted and my cock swelled to the point of pain as I stared down at her. I wanted to feel her mouth wrapped around me so fucking bad that I was about to cum in my pants.
Silently, she stared up at me, waiting for me to tell her what to do next. But she wasn”t with me. She was playing the whore. In her head, she was somewhere else. Despite the needs of my body, this wasn”t what I wanted from her.
I took a step back. ”Go back to your brother.”
She frowned. ”What?”
Walking around her, I left the kitchen and headed back to Luca”s office. I put my hand over my heart, trying to slow its rapid beats, but my pulse pounded in my ears and waves of hot and cold washed over me until I was drenched with sweat.
When I reached the office, I closed the door behind me and sank down onto the couch. Pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, I tried to make sense of the chaos raging inside me. For as long as I could remember, I”d been numb. Empty. A void where a soul should be. But now, with Luna, everything was different.
Emotions I couldn”t even name clawed at my insides, tearing me apart. It was as if a dam had burst within me, unleashing a torrent of feelings I was wholly unprepared for. Anger, fear, jealousy, desire—they all swirled together in a maelstrom that threatened to consume me.
I wanted her with an intensity that bordered on madness. The mere thought of her sent my heart racing and my blood burning through my veins. But it wasn”t just lust. No, it was something deeper. Something far more dangerous.
When I was with her, I felt alive for the first time in my non-existence. She made me want things I had no right to want. Made me feel things I didn”t even know I was capable of feeling.
And yet, I couldn”t stay away. Even now, with the memory of her tear-stained face still fresh in my mind, I craved her presence like a junkie craving his next fix. It was a sickness, this need I had for her. A weakness that would be my undoing.
I lifted my head, staring blankly at the wall across from me. How had it come to this? How had one woman managed to break through the walls I”d built so carefully around myself?
My first instinct was to reach for my knife and release these emotions battling inside of me, but Gino had taken it when I”d handed over my weapons.
So instead, I sat there on Luca”s couch until I was able to get up and do my job. I didn”t go to Luna again, and if she saw me wandering around the house in the darkness, she didn”t acknowledge me.
The sun was rising when I heard footsteps on the stairs and looked up from the kitchen table to see Luca and Veda coming down. As always, Veda smiled nervously in greeting as she passed by me on her way to the fridge. Luca looked tired, but he gave me a small nod of acknowledgment as he entered the kitchen behind her and made a pot of coffee.
”You should go home and get some rest,” he said, after he”d given Veda her cup and she went to go check on Luna and Logan. ”I”m sure you”ve had a long night.”
I glanced toward Luna when I heard her voice, the sweet tones flowing over me and warming me from the inside out. ”Yes,” I told him.
”Luna is welcome to stay here with her brother as long as she”d like. Veda is telling her now.”
I nodded. I was sure she would want to stay close to him.
”You”re not going to argue with me about that?”
Dragging my eyes away, I met his curious stare. ”No.”
He waited for me to say more, but I couldn”t explain something to him I didn”t understand myself. Pushing back my chair, I stood and asked, ”What time do you need me back here?”
If he was surprised, he didn”t push it. ”I”ll call you as soon as I find out what time everyone else will arrive.”
Luca was gathering the family together to determine Gino”s fate. Something that should”ve been done weeks ago, but I wasn”t the boss. I didn”t make those decisions. ”I”ll keep my phone near me.”
As I walked toward the front door, he trailed behind me. ”Aren”t you going to let Luna know you”re leaving?”
I didn”t stop or glance her way. ”No.” Then I opened the door and stepped out into the crisp morning air.