Chapter 1 #3
Ah. Well, the old gossip would need to be addressed at some point, but for some unknown reason, she didn’t mind this man knowing the truth. Perhaps because of the odd instant connection the two of them obviously shared.
Or perhaps it was the desire she saw banked in his eyes, which she knew he could see in hers as well.
Shifting around to face him more fully, she held his gaze. “I am no’ married, Cash. Never was.”
His eyes widened just slightly, before his gaze dropped to her lips. “Ah.”
And now he thought her a whore, a doxy. A strumpet, a Jezebel, a harlot, a woman willing to part her legs for the right man, coin or no coin.
She’d heard the whispers for years. After Callan’s birth—after she’d refused to hide her condition or give up her son after his birth—Society had made it perfectly clear what they thought of her.
It didn’t matter that she was the daughter of an earl and sister to a viscount.
It didn’t matter that she’d attended one of the finest finishing schools in London.
None of her skills or accomplishments had mattered at all, because she’d refused to hide such an important part of her life.
Her son.
Luckily, her family supported her in her decisions, and she’d been happy to retire to Newfincy Castle and thumb her nose at those who expected her to conform.
It was why she’d refused the few invitations to come her way in the last years.
She knew they were less out of friendship and more because they wanted to gape at The Local Scandal.
Lady Dumpkins was a dear, but Athena had only agreed to attend those few events out of support of her brothers.
For instance, she’d managed to facilitate Phineas’s introduction to Olive, and had hosted the disastrous tea which had started Lysander’s courtship of Tiffany.
But even those few visits had been too much for her. She’d found acceptance among some of the ladies, but others had murmured and pointed and whispered about her shame. Since the whole point of the house party was to make connections that would lead to marriage, Athena saw no need to participate.
She had no plans of marrying. Not when everything she needed in life called her Mama and gave her sloppy kisses.
Everything ye need, or everything ye want?
Aye, she was honest enough to admit that the lessons of five years before hadn’t quite stuck; she missed a man’s body lying next to hers at night. In the last few years, she’d considered taking another lover, just to satisfy those urges.
After all, Society already thought of her as being easy-virtued.
Well, perhaps I am.
She was surprised she didn’t entirely mind that Cash—he of the remarkable forearms and chiseled jaw and warm touch—might think of her that way.
There was something which very much looked like interest and appreciation in his eyes, when his gaze lingered on the neckline of her bathing costume, which lit a fire deep within her belly.
Nay, not her belly. Lower.
Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, Athena pressed her thighs together, secretly delighted at the spread of warmth which spiked through her. If she hadn’t been sitting down, she might’ve gone weak-kneed.
Oh my.
Och, aye.
It had been a while since a man had made her feel this way, and even longer since she’d been tempted to act upon it.
Did it matter if he thought her a harlot? If he thought her available?
The way she was feeling right now, she wouldn’t mind being available to this man. Not at all.
“Father! Look! We’re doing it!”
“Mama! Mama!”
The lads’ twin calls split the tension between Athena and Cash, and jerked their attention to the river, where Matthew was carefully feeling his way along the bottom, a proud Callan clutching at his head.
Athena was, in some regards, relieved for the diversion. It wasn’t as if she planned to attack the poor man just because she couldn’t keep her arousal under control. But being reminded of her responsibilities had a sobering effect.
“Well done, lads,” she called, knowing her voice sounded huskier than usual.
Cash was clapping and calling out, “Bravo! Bravo!”
Matthew looked surprised by his father’s praise and grinned hugely, before attempting a bow, which of course sent Callan tumbling forward with a shriek. Athena surged to her feet, peering anxiously at the water.
By the time her son’s head popped up, and she felt she could breathe again, Cash was a warm presence at her side. And if she wasn’t mistaken, his sigh of relief echoed her own.
In fact, the pair of them shared a quick grin as she lifted her arm to call Callan out of the water. The camaraderie between them sent a surprising burst of longing through her.
What would it be like to share the worry and responsibility of loving a small human with another person? A man?
Did she want that?
Nay. Nay.
She’d tried to play by Society’s rules and look where she’d landed. Better to remain thought of as a doxy, eyed in appreciation by men like Cash, than think about yoking herself to a man just so she could share some minor burdens.
And perhaps, while he was busy eying her like a delectable dish, she could do the same to him.