Chapter 40 #2
Then he settled back onto the ground, laying flat on his back and looking up into the dusky sky, the way he’d been doing before the hoofbeats had alerted him of her presence.
He heard her slide out of the saddle, murmur something to Wiggins, or maybe Party Girl and Skunk, and then the grass rustling as Briar walked through it.
She made no noise as she sat only a few feet from him, and Tarr actually closed his eyes. “I was coming back to the house,” he said.
“I know,” she said. “You left your keys and took my dog, so I knew you’d be back at some point.”
“Your dog came with me of his own volition,” Tarr said, just because he didn’t feel like bending to Briar in anything. “I didn’t ask him to come, and I certainly didn’t take him.”
“My mistake,” she whispered, and she sounded so broken that Tarr’s heart squeezed and instant guilt swept through him. “Tarr, I’m really sorry.”
“Me too,” he said. “It’s okay, Briar. Not everything works out the way we want it to, and it’s okay.”
She sniffled, but Tarr remained steadfastly on his back, his eyes now squinched closed. It wasn’t his job to make her feel better. Heck, she’d caused this rift between them, and while Tarr hadn’t broken up with her, he didn’t see how they could stay together either.
“Just say it,” he said. “You like me, but. We could be so good together, but. It’s fine, Briar. I can handle it.”
“I’m not going to say that,” she said.
Tarr pushed himself up onto his elbow and found Briar sitting with her legs crossed, plucking at the grass in front of her. “Why’d you come out here then?”
“Your front steps are hard,” she said, lifting those gorgeous blue eyes to meet his gaze. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you out here by yourself, thinking…whatever you’re thinking about me.”
“I get to think what I want.”
“Yeah, I know.” She gave him a glare, then softened as she sighed. “I came out here to tell you I trust you implicitly.”
Tarr blinked, his mouth falling open for a moment as if he might say something, then realized he didn’t have a response to that.
“You’re the first person I’ve trusted in years,” she said. “And I know it’s not the same as ‘I love you,’ but for me, it’s pretty dang close.”
Tarr sat all the way up, his pulse now bobbing in the back of his throat, that stupid hope cascading through him like water rushing over cliffs. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t want to break up with you,” she said, back to plucking at the grass again. Wiggins lay over by the horses, who had really struck the jackpot in the snack department this evening.
“When I imagine my life in a year, or five years, or a decade, you’re there.” She lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug, almost like she couldn’t get it to go any higher. “You’re with me, and I’m with you, and we’re—” She swallowed. “We’re family, Tarr. Me and you.”
Tarr wanted that more than anything.
“I don’t know if there are children or not,” she said. “And I don’t know if we’re in that house you’re finishing up, or on this farm, but when I close my eyes, and I think about it, there’s you. And there’s me, and my mind stops there, because that’s all I need.”
She looked at him again, and Tarr saw the love shining in her eyes, whether she said it out loud or not. “You’re all I need, Tarr.”
He wanted her to go on, but his mouth couldn’t stay straight. He grinned, bellowed a noise filled with joy, and catapulted himself at her.
“Hey,” she protested as he wrapped her up in his arms, both of them falling back to the grass behind her. “Tarr, you animal.”
He laughed, shifting to cradle her against his chest. “You trust me,” he whispered, his lips skating dangerously close to the soft skin along her neck.
“Yes,” she gasped.
“You want a future with me.”
“I do.”
A question he’d asked her before came into his mind. “So can you see yourself living with me in that house I’m finishing up?”
“Yes.” Her voice came out like a ghost wafting through the air, unanchored to anything.
Tarr touched his mouth to her neck then, stealing a kiss in his favorite spot. “Sounds like love, sweetheart.”
She didn’t say anything, and Tarr kissed his way up to her ear, then across her cheekbone. He pulled back and found her eyes closed lazily as she accepted his kisses. When he didn’t go on, her eyelids fluttered, and she opened her eyes and looked directly into his.
“I can’t say it yet,” she murmured. “Because I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone, Tarr, and I need—I need a minute to figure out how it feels, so I can name it.”
“You love Wiggins,” he said.
“He’s a dog.” She gave him a smile. “You’re a cowboy.”
Tarr grinned down at her. “So we’re not breaking up.”
“No.”
“And I’m not a fool.”
“Well….” She laughed as he blinked and then sobered quickly. “No, Tarr. You’re sweet, and amazing, and far too good for me.”
“That’s just not true,” he said. “But I meant what I said in my cabin, though I maybe said it a little roughly.”
“Yeah?” Briar’s eyebrows went up. “What did you say back in the cabin?”
“I said I was in love with you.” Tarr said it strongly, because he did feel it, and he did know it, and he wanted her to feel and know it too. “You are lovable, because I love you.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she managed to give him a faint nod.
“And I don’t care if you don’t want to text your parents.
I just want you to be happy,” he said. “I don’t want you to regret not having them at our wedding, and I would move any mountain and lasso any moon to get you what you wanted.
So if you want me to text them, I will. If you want me to take you home to Calgary to get married, then that’s what we’ll do. ”
“I don’t want either of those things.”
“I just don’t want us to not talk about things,” Tarr said, running the tip of his nose down the side of her face. “I have to know what you’re thinking, and I have to be able to ask you questions without you getting too frustrated with me.”
“I didn’t mean to do that,” she said.
“I didn’t mean to get so irritated and hurt either,” he said. “I don’t want to walk away from you.”
“Taking a moment to clear your head isn’t the same thing as walking away,” Briar whispered. “Can I ask you a question now?”
“Sure,” he said.
“If we’re not breaking up, when are you going to kiss me?”
Tarr grinned at her again, chuckled, and then lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her with all the passion and love he possessed for her.