Chapter 60 Dimitri
DIMITRI
My surroundings vanished as I was transported back to the warehouse. It loomed before me, the image so visceral I could almost feel the bitter wind on my skin and hear the crunch of snow under my feet. Would I ever truly be free, or would the ghosts of the past forever drag me back to hell?
Sienna squeezed my hand, and I sucked in a breath like I was coming up for air after drowning. Her touch dragged me back to my body. Back to the present.
“It was snowing so hard we could barely stay on the road, but we finally arrived at a dilapidated warehouse.” I saw my younger self stumbling through the snow like I was watching a horror movie.
Guards surrounded him in case he decided to run.
Not that his ten-year-old legs would have taken him far.
“I didn’t know why Rustik brought me there, but even then I knew it would be better to freeze to death outside in the snow than follow him inside. But I had no choice.” Unshed tears burned inside me, but they would never come. My ability to cry had long been beaten out of me.
Sienna curled up against my side, hugging my arm to her chest. Giving me the silent strength to go on.
“In the center of the main room was my mama, tied up and gagged. She didn’t even have a jacket.
” Fuck. I didn’t want to say this next part, not just because it forced me to remember, but because I wanted to shield Sienna from all of it.
From the cruelty of the world. “It turns out, mama was making plans for the two of us to escape. She wanted to save me from Rustik, but he found out.”
Sienna inhaled sharply and her grip on my arm tightened.
“He said the punishment for treason was death, and since I was the reason she had betrayed him, I should be the one to carry out the sentence.”
My entire body was numb.
“He put a gun in my hand and told me to shoot. I couldn’t do it, but I should have.”
“What do you mean?” Sienna whispered.
I stared at the wall with unseeing eyes, letting my mind carry me away to that cold place where nothing mattered.
“When I refused, he took the gun from me and his guards tied me up. He made me watch as he took his knife to her skin. It took hours for him to kill her. After, he cut my side in punishment for being weak.”
I felt nothing. I was nothing.
“I learned that day that love isn’t enough. It doesn’t protect. It just brings suffering.”
“Dimi.”
Fingers ran through my hair.
Lips brushed against my cheek.
She shifted, and a flash of fear seized me that she was moving away. I needed her hands on me. It was the only thing holding me together.
But she just murmured sweet words and straddled my lap. She didn’t offer platitudes or shy away from my pain. She just sat with me, massaging my scalp and neck with a firm but gentle touch. My eyes drifted shut as she lulled me into a trance where all that existed was her.
I didn’t know how much time had passed when she finally spoke.
“Life probably would be less painful if we didn’t love,” she said, lips skimming my cheek. “But it might not be a life worth living at all. Maybe love is worth the risk.”
My breath hitched. “I want that to be true.”
“Then let it be true.”
I wanted to pull her closer, but her baby bump stubbornly kept the distance between us.
I frowned. Not acceptable. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and our baby at the same time.
I rearranged her so she sat sideways on my lap, letting out a grunt of approval when she finally rested her head on my chest.
“Is that better?” she asked, voice dancing with amusement.
“Yes.”
She hummed, her fingers dancing over my brutalized skin. “Did Rustik send you to Russia after that?”
I shook my head. “Not until I was sixteen. He shipped me off so I could be trained as his soldier. He started sending me on jobs at eighteen. Small ones at first, but by the time I was twenty-four, I had become an indispensable part of his army, and he named me his enforcer in Europe. From the outside, it looked like the Pakhan promoting his son, but it was his way of keeping me as far away from him as possible. He despised me. Blamed me for mama’s death. ”
She jolted. “What? Blamed you?”
“I was the reason she wanted to run away. Without me, she would have stayed and he wouldn’t have been forced to kill her.”
Sienna’s jaw dropped. “Did he say that to you?” When I nodded, her eyes blazed with fire. “It’s too bad he’s already dead. I’d like to kill him again.”
“What a vicious little kitten.” I kissed her cheek and the tip of her nose.
“But I’m not innocent in all of this either.
He might have despised me, but it was nothing compared to how much I despised myself for helping him.
I trained soldiers for his army and traveled the world for black market trade to put money in his pocket. ”
“You didn’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice, malyshka. But I wasn’t willing to let my sisters pay the cost of my disobedience.”
“And the Souleater? How does he fit into all of this?”
Nausea roiled in my stomach and my skin flashed hot and cold at the mere mention of his name. How much should I tell her? How much was I brave enough to share?
“He and Rustik had a secret alliance, but when the Souleater grew too power-hungry, I was sent to kill him. That was a job I was happy to take. I hunted him through Albania and Serbia, but by the time I found him, he was already dead.”
My jaw ticked, remembering how I’d opened the door to the small farmhouse to find him collapsed on the floor. Fucker couldn’t even give me the satisfaction of killing him.
“I buried him,” I bit out. “With my own fucking hands. How is it possible he’s alive?”
“Could he have a twin?” Sienna asked.
“I’ve been wondering the same thing ever since the whispers started that he’d resurfaced.
A twin or a copycat.” My fingers played with her hair.
I’d been so close to confronting him last night.
So close to finding the truth before it slipped through my fingers.
“He’s the reason I left Paris. You were asleep and I was holding you in my arms, wondering how the fuck I got so lucky, when I got a text from Maxim with the first whispers that the Souleater was alive.
If I could go back in time, I would take you with me that night. ”
“That’s called kidnapping.”
“Yes,” I said simply. “And it would have been worth it.”
She shook her head but couldn’t hide her smile.
“I’m sorry I kept all of this from you,” I said. The apology was unfamiliar on my tongue, but it felt right. Like rewriting old patterns.
She tipped her head back. “Thank you. Matteo has always tried to shield me, but it just made me feel more alone. I decided I never wanted to marry a Mafia man. I wanted someone who saw me as his equal. Someone who didn’t elevate the Mafia over his wife.”
I grinned. “Good thing you married a Bratva man instead.”
She snorted. “Yeah, that wasn’t quite the plan, Mr. Declan Businessman.”
“I can’t believe how lucky I was to have met Emma. And I’m even luckier to be married to you.”
“That was embarrassingly sappy.”
I shrugged. “It’s true.”
She rested back against my chest and fidgeted with the cuff of her sweatshirt. “I signed the custody paperwork.”
My throat went dry. “Good.”
Sending her that paperwork had been the only way I could think of to truly apologize for what I’d said and the threats I’d made.
“You won’t take my baby away?” Her brown eyes shimmered with tears.
It felt like my chest was about to cave in.
“No. I never should have said that. I didn’t mean what I said, not for a second.
The only way I’ve survived all these years has been through maintaining control over everyone around me.
But I don’t want to control you. I just want the honor of standing by your side.
” The words scraped against my throat and warning bells blared in my mind.
Too vulnerable. Too honest. Retreat. Retreat.
But was I really in control if I was too scared to be honest with my wife?
“I would never separate our baby from their mama. Never. The paperwork gives you primary custody, but I hope…” I cleared my throat, forcing myself to look her in the eye.
“I want to be a part of our child’s life. If you’ll allow me.”
“I want that,” she whispered, voice hitching. “I want our baby to grow up knowing how loved she is by both her parents. I never want her to question that she’s our priority.”
My heart started racing, and I couldn’t stop myself from cupping her jaw. “Did you say she?”
Sienna froze, palm hovering above my skin. I frowned and pressed her hand back to my chest. She should be touching me as much as possible at all times.
“Umm, it’s just a figure of speech.”
I snorted, leaning in close so our noses brushed. “Is that so?”
She nodded, but her eyes flitted around the room, nervous and shifty.
I pressed my smile to the crook of her neck. “How the fuck did you hide your secret hacker identity from me? You’re a shit liar.”
“Probably because you weren’t paying attention to me.” She sniffed haughtily, but the hurt on her face was clear.
“A mistake I won’t repeat,” I murmured. “You can be sure I’ll be watching you very closely from now on.” I kissed a line from her neck to her collarbone, continuing down her body until I pressed a kiss to her stomach. “Are we having a daughter?”
I waited for her answer, but she just chewed her lip, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
My heart pounded, each beat pumping panic through my bloodstream. “What’s wrong?”
“Would you be upset to know it’s a girl?”
My brow knitted together. Sienna stiffened, like she was bracing for bad news. My hand snuck under her shirt, running up the soft skin of her belly. “Why would I be upset?”
Her eyes finally flashed to mine. “You wouldn’t prefer a son for an heir?”
My cheeks heated with shame at how I’d spoken about our baby before. Like an object I possessed. Like a means to an end.
And how I’d made Sienna feel the same.