Chapter 34
I Wear Our Sins
THE REQUIEM | Past
Itell myself I don’t care as I wrap my arms tightly around my chest, forcing an indifferent breath past my lips.
But my skin still throbs from the phantom sting of his palm, and the deep, unsatisfied ache low in my belly mocks my pathetic attempt at detachment.
By the time I make it back to the bathroom, the house is settling into that terrifying silence.
I turn the shower on, steam quickly clouding the mirror, and step under the scalding spray.
I scrub my skin. My reflection in the foggy glass is different now.
My lips are swollen as a deep crimson bruise blossoms on the column of my neck where his teeth have marked me.
A dull, throbbing headache pulses behind my temples. When I step out, wrapping myself in a simple cotton robe, the clock on the mantel chimes nine. Elena knocks softly, offering a tray of roasted chicken and broth, but the smell of the food makes my stomach turn.
“Take it away,” I murmur. “I’m skipping dinner tonight. Just bring me some water.”
“Of course, Signora.” She bows, retreating quickly.
I don’t question where he went. In his world, a leaked coordinate means blood, and a don doesn’t explain his warfare to his wife.
But as the hours crawl forward, the mattress feels too vast. The heavy silk sheets are cold.
For the past months, his massive warmth was always there to anchor me, his steady heartbeat putting my demons to rest before they could claw their way to the surface.
Now, I am alone with them.
I contemplate crossing the hallway to my Mother’s room. But the memory of her exhausted face from earlier stops me. She needs her rest; her health has been failing, and I refuse to burden her with my pathetic dependency.
By midnight, I can’t close my eyes without seeing the dark, empty void behind the blindfold, waiting for a touch that isn’t coming.
Driven by a restless, humiliating hunger, I grab my pillow and slip down the corridor to his study.
The door groans as I push it open. The space is massive, dark, and steeped in him.
The rich, intoxicating aroma of cedarwood, expensive tobacco, and his raw, masculine scent hangs thick in the air.
I slide onto the couch and pull the heavy duvet, curling into a ball, pressing my face into the cushion.
I miss him.
I hate myself for it. I hate that my survival has become so intertwined with his presence. I am supposed to want his demise, yet here I am, sniffing his scent like a starving animal just to keep the nightmares at bay.
But even his scent isn’t enough tonight. The headache behind my eyes sharpens, and the darkness outside the window seems to press against the glass.
I stare at the shadows for a long time and realize they are moving.
I know they aren’t real, but my eyes refuse to believe it. I’ve been tossing on this couch for hours; my skin is prickling with a sudden fever.
Needing an escape from my own skull, I turn to the window.
The sheer white curtains sway lazily, though the windows are tightly shut.
My breath hitches. There. Right behind the heavy velvet drape, a silhouette.
My heart hammers against my ribs like a trapped bird as I sit up, pushing the heavy duvet off my shivering legs.
“Who’s there?” I choke out.
“Selene…” A shifting, distorted sound repeats my name over and over in a voice I don’t recognize.
The silhouette moves, stepping out from behind the curtain.
It is a woman. Her face is a blurred, shifting mass of grey shadow, but her eyes…
her eyes are wide and hollow, and dripping with a dark, viscous liquid that looks like blood.
“You betrayed us,” the whisper hisses through the air, vibrating directly behind my ears. “You loved the monster.”
Panic spikes through my veins. I throw myself out of the couch, scrambling blindly toward the door. I grab the brass handle and yank with all my strength.
It doesn’t budge. The lock is turned.
Someone has locked it from the outside.
“Let me out!” I shriek as I pound my bleeding knuckles against the thick wood. “Zagreus! Mama! Please, someone let me out!”
Behind me, the whispering grows louder, voices that fill every square inch of the room. The shadowy woman is closer now, her hollow eyes staring directly into my soul, her elongated fingers reaching for my throat.
The room spins violently and the floor tilts beneath my feet as a blinding panic attack seizes my chest. I can’t breathe as I sink to my knees against the locked door, burying my face in my hands, weeping frantically as the terrors close in.
I cry until my lungs refuse to expand. “No, please!” I whimper, shaking my head.
Make her go away. Please make it stop.
I try to crawl back as her hand reaches out and crawls up my ankle and yanks me forward. I scream. “Let me go!”
“Shh… come with me, Stina…”
“Mama!” I shriek, trying to claw at the floor, but all my nails find is the rug that is pulled with my sliding body. “Someone save me!”
I hear the window open, and the curtains just sway with the wind as I realize this woman is going to throw me out the window.
“Kill yourself, and end this, Stina… it is painless.”
“No.” My voice breaks into a sob. “No, no, no…”
When I open my eyes again, I am no longer alone. There are people standing all around the room. Dozens of them.
Their necks bend at unnatural angles, and they’re burned. Their eyes are empty black sockets leaking shadows instead of tears. All of them are staring at me.
“Please…” I whisper.
A woman in a white gown who resembles Crystella steps forward from the crowd. Her dress is soaked crimson now. Her mouth opens.
“You should have died with us.”
I scream, the sound tearing from my throat as I stagger backward.
“Come,” she croons.
The window is open now. I don’t remember it opening. The curtains billow violently inward despite the still night outside.
A freezing wind lashes my face. And somehow, somehow, I am standing beside the window. I don’t remember crossing the room. My hands grip the frame, and my bare feet balance on the ledge. The drop below stretches endlessly into darkness. There’s only sea.
“Jump.”
“Come home.”
“You don’t belong here.”
“He cannot save you.”
Tears stream down my face. “Zagreus…” I choke.
Crystella appears beneath the window, her head hanging upside down. Her neck is bent completely backward, and her eyes are gone.
“Jump, Stina.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Go away.”
“Jump.”
“GO AWAY!”
BANG. BANG. BANG.
The door rattles, and the ghosts freeze.
BANG.
“Selene!”
Another thunderous crash shakes the room as the door splinters.
And light floods the room. And reality crashes back into place; my foot slips on the ledge, a scream rips from my throat, but strong arms catch me just as I fall.
The last thing I see is Zagreus’s pale face before darkness swallows everything.