22. Rowan
TWENTY-TWO
ROWAN
After another long day, retreating to the casino for poker night gave Rowan a much-needed dose of normality.
It remained closed to the public while Emile recovered, with a few employees holding down the fort for any Valeros or approved allies who wanted to stop by.
Still, the weekly ritual grounded Rowan.
Poker night was strictly for fun and strictly with close friends. Rowan was the first to arrive in their usual private room and poured a drink as he waited. Hopefully, Lane would join one day. If he played poker. Rowan would have to ask.
It was odd not having Lane at his side.
Rowan almost laughed. He’d gone from cursing Lane’s existence to missing his constant presence.
It would be absurd if it weren’t so wonderful.
But there was no need to be completely codependent.
Lane would likely encourage him to spend more time on his own with friends, not less.
It was sound advice, even if most of Rowan’s friends were in his coven and he saw them all the time.
Nico was next to arrive, and Rowan’s pulse kicked up a notch.
“How are you?” he asked as Nico grabbed himself a drink.
“Good as ever.” He grinned like a sly devil. “Onyx tagged along tonight, but I’ll try not to let him pull me away too early.”
“Onyx is here? I was hoping to speak with him.”
Nico’s brows rose. “Voluntarily?”
“I don’t hate him,” Rowan grumbled.
“He doesn’t hate you either.” Nico settled at the table. After a pause, he said carefully, “He’s only ever seen one side of you.”
Yes, the cool, collected, coven-leader-who-takes-no-shit side. Onyx had not been impressed. “If Onyx can manage to be civil, rather than rude every chance he gets, maybe I’ll let him in on my fun side.”
Nico laughed. “He’s working on it. You’ll win him over next time you dance at the club, guaranteed. If we’re invited.”
“Hmph.” Rowan pretended to be unimpressed knowing Nico would see right through it. He would always be invited. “Mind if I duck out and talk to Onyx before we begin?”
“Not at all. Leo is on his way over, and I’ve been waiting all day to hear how he likes the new World’s End update.”
“In that case, I better run.” Rowan didn’t play the popular video game and had no desire to hear Nico and Leo’s extensive opinions.
“Good luck,” Nico called as he left.
Sure enough, Rowan passed Leo, one of the casino bartenders, on his way down the hall. “Nico’s waiting.”
Leo cackled. “Good to see you’re escaping while you can.”
Rowan found Onyx poking at a slot machine, drinking a glass of blood. “Oh, goodie, Rowan’s here.”
“Yes, I’m here in my own casino, how strange.”
Onyx smirked. “You think you’re so clever.” He pointed to the coaster beneath his glass. “I cannot believe you named this place Eden. How did I miss that before?”
“You were probably too busy complaining about how much you hate being here.”
“True. I can’t decide if it’s worse when the place is dead or better. It’s only a matter of time before I leave. My money is better spent on dancers than this drivel.” He glared at the slot machine.
Rowan bit back a snarky comment. “Before you go, I was hoping to have a word.”
Onyx’s sharp eyes narrowed. “Why?”
Nerves skittered down Rowan’s spine. “It’s about your mating bond.”
Onyx’s eyes became slits, his tone lethal. “What about it?”
“Nothing bad. Dammit, Onyx. I’m not criticizing you. I’d like your help. Please.”
Onyx looked like he’d been slapped silly. Then he smiled. “All right. Let’s go somewhere less obnoxious, if possible. I can’t stand the sound of these machines even when no one’s playing them.”
Rowan let the dig go. What Nico said earlier gave him an idea. “The men’s club is empty. We can chat there, and you can head on downstairs when we’re done.” This way, they could avoid his office and unnecessary reminders of everything Onyx disliked about him.
Onyx agreed, so Rowan led him to the second floor and flicked on the overhead lights.
“It’s like seeing behind the curtain.” Onyx sauntered through the deserted club and hopped onto the stage, sitting with his legs dangling over the side. “So what’s up?”
Rowan crossed and uncrossed his arms. “I’m curious about demons’ fated mates. How exactly do they work? What’s the magic behind it? And before you snap at me, can you please give me the benefit of the doubt? You and Nico are perfect together, and I’m not attacking you or your relationship.”
Onyx’s stunned expression returned. “Yeah. Okay. I won’t bite.”
Rowan allowed his posture to relax. “I know you’re not Nico’s sire. Demons’ mates don’t have sires as such, but is your bond similar to a vampire’s sire-bond?”
“In what way?”
“The power dynamic created by the connection. Do you hold power over Nico?”
Onyx’s eyes flared with blue fire, his jaw ticking as if he was holding something in. After a moment, he said, “Why are you asking? Do you think you’re a demon’s mate?”
“No.” Rowan almost laughed. “I’m in love with Lane.”
Onyx brightened. “I knew it!”
Rowan ignored him. “I want Lane forever, but I don’t want to be his sire.
I’d hate having power over him, even if I never use it.
I hate the nature of the sire-bond. The potential for abuse.
The need for one-sided, blind trust. Part of me doesn’t want that for Lane with anyone, even my most trusted friends. ”
Onyx seemed overwhelmed by Rowan’s outburst and took a moment to think.
“I don’t have any sway over Nico. Our mating bond is equal.
The magic is created between our souls. I feel his emotions, but he feels mine, too.
It’s a link we share, and not about influence.
I doubt I could force Nico to feel something he didn’t want to, like if he’s happy and I’m sad, the bond can’t force him to feel as I do. He’s aware of my state of mind.”
How utterly perfect. Rowan’s heart ached with longing to have such a connection with Lane. “I wish other beings could have mates.”
Onyx’s expression softened. “Me too. Couldn’t you treat a sire-bond the same way? Open yourself up rather than project. Granted, it will only go one direction.”
“And therefore remain unequal.”
“I assume Lane trusts you enough for it not to be an issue. And I know, you don’t like blind trust, but is it really blind? Doesn’t Lane know you? I doubt his trust is one-sided either. You must trust him.”
“Of course I trust him. It isn’t about reciprocation.”
“Then don’t you think you’d get used to sharing a sire-bond? You’re already used to being in charge. It’s like your safe space, right? This would be completely in your control, not a risk, unless you don’t trust yourself.”
“It’s not about that either. I’m in charge of my coven, yes. I can handle responsibility, but leading isn’t my only safe space. My relationship with Lane is different.” His face heated. “I’m not the domineering vampire you know in my private life, and don’t want to be.”
A sire-bond wouldn’t stop Lane from taking charge of Rowan when he needed it. Nothing would stop Lane from supporting him and taking care. But it felt wrong for them.
As Rowan’s admission sank in, Onyx’s lips formed a little O, and delight bloomed across his face. Curse him. Rowan tried not to be pleased by his reaction. Seemed he’d found the one thing Onyx wouldn’t sneer at.
“So you’re a submissive?” Onyx cocked his head. “Wait, if that’s the case, why have you never been with Nico?” His usual irritation returned, outrage erasing his momentary pleasure.
Rowan could hardly keep up. “Are you seriously upset I’ve never had sex with your mate?”
Onyx’s nose lifted into the air. “You should be so lucky. Is Nico not good enough for you or something?”
“No, I’m not enough of a brat for him.”
Onyx laughed. “Damn it. I might have to start liking you.”
He was impossible, but Rowan couldn’t contain his own laugh. He came over and sat beside the little beast. “Then can you help me work out what to do about Lane?”
“Sure.” His brow furrowed. “Why not ask one of your coven members to turn him for you? I know it’s not ideal, but it’d keep the two of you on even footing, no blind trust on either side.
And if you don’t like involving a third party, do you think you could work through those reservations? How does Lane feel?”
“Lane would rather remain a witch than become a vampire. He’s never wanted immortal life. Don’t get me wrong, he’s open to it, but the opportunity was unexpected, and I don’t want him to lose his magic if it’s important to him.”
A surprisingly tender look crossed Onyx’s face. “You want to give him everything he desires, not settle for what works.”
“Damn right I do. I’d be happy to stay with him for his mortal life, but I imagine he’ll ask to turn eventually, and I’ll do it for him.
I’m sure I can work through my misgivings about involving a third party, but I wish there was a way he could keep his magic.
Have it all. A way for us to have a bond like yours and Nico’s.
I want our connection to be about us first, and immortal life second. ”
Maybe it was a fantasy, but Rowan wanted more than a sire-bond with Lane.
“It’s unfair that other beings don’t have mates.” Onyx grabbed Rowan’s arm, the touch surprisingly firm. “Wait. How do we know other beings can’t have mates?”
“Because you said they can’t.”
Onyx had introduced Rowan to the concept of demons’ mates when he’d appeared in Rowan’s life bearing news about demons returning to Earth after a thousand years trapped in Hell.
He’d said demons had originally fallen to Earth to find their mates, but mates were rare, and only existed for Eternal beings.
“Yes, I said that because it’s what I’d always been told.” Onyx’s grip tightened. “How did believing what we’ve always been told work out last time, with the Eternal Realm and magic on Earth, and blah, blah? It was all bullshit. What’s to say other beings can’t have mates?”
Something sparked deep within Rowan. “You think?”
“I’d say the fated aspect may only happen for Eternal beings.
I’ve never heard of anyone else discovering a bond that forms on its own, and an Eternal being can’t mate with anyone they aren’t fated to.
A few demons tried back in the day. But who knows where the boundaries lie.
Maybe being destined for someone can happen in degrees, the same way magic and mortality can mix and mingle, creating variations of existence.
Damnation, I wouldn’t be surprised if every single rule they taught us in the Eternal Realm was a lie. ”
The spark inside Rowan ignited, crackling down his spine. “Do you think the mating spell could work for Lane and me? Vampires can’t cast spells, and Lane can’t cast it since he has no immortal magic.”
Onyx chewed his lower lip, thinking a moment.
“The one active power vampires inherited from demons is our hypnosis. The mating bond isn’t an illusion, but it is mind magic.
Spirit magic. The linking and altering of souls and essence.
It’s not like the other spells demons cast, and we already know vampires can alter souls.
It’s how they turn other vampires. The two processes aren’t so different.
Why not turn a mate rather than sire a new vampire? ”
It was frighteningly logical. Not a wild impossibility, or a pipe dream. “You think this could work?”
“Yes.” Onyx’s sparkling eyes reflected Rowan’s own excitement.
“Turning a vampire already shares similarities with the mating ritual. The blood exchange. The intent to form a link and give eternal life. But instead of draining all of Lane’s blood, take as much as you would in feeding.
Have him do the same, and recite the spell with all the power in your soul.
Make sure he accepts your offer with equal sincerity, and see what happens. ”
“Could it backfire and hurt him?”
“This is new ground. I can’t say for sure, but it’s unlikely.
You aren’t draining him, so there’s no risk of death, like there is in a vampire transformation.
I’d say there’s no risk of madness—or feral-ness—since no domination is asserted.
No influence. Mating can’t be completed against anyone’s will, the way vampire transformation can.
Lane’s participation is as important as yours. Here, I’ll teach you the spell.”
“You will? You don’t mind?” His generosity was so out of character. Though perhaps that wasn’t fair. Until now, Rowan had known one side of Onyx, just as he’d known one side of Rowan.
Onyx gave him a small, genuine smile. “I don’t mind at all. I’m…happy for you, Rowan. I know I’m a dick about it, but I’m glad you’re Nico’s friend.”
“Wow, thanks.”
Onyx huffed. “Not gonna lie, I like you a whole lot more seeing you twisted up over Lane. Maybe he’s not the only one you should show your vulnerable side to.”
Rowan’s mouth fell open. “You’re one to talk.”
Onyx rolled his eyes so epically, they should have gotten stuck. “Ugh. Fine. I’ll be vulnerable if you will.”
Rowan’s insides squirmed. “Deal. But it’s going to take me time.”
“Oh, me too. I’ve got thousands of years on you. No one pushes people away like I do. Which is why we should start opening up to each other now. Ride this wave.” He leapt to his feet and wrapped an arm around the pole at center stage. “Will you teach me to dance, friend?”
Rowan stood and primly adjusted his suit jacket. “Take a class.”
“Spoil sport. I suppose our double act can wait. But I want an invite the next time you’re up here flaunting it. Oh! Do your infamous sex parties have a pole? Ever gotten fucked while you were twisted around one?”
“You’re doing your best to make me regret this friendship, aren’t you?”
Onyx clutched his heart. “You know me so well.”