Chapter 8
Beth
I’d never heard of anyone actually dying from embarrassment but I felt like I was about to be the first. After I blurted out my virgin status, Adam kept looking at me as if I’d grown another head. I almost wished he’d laughed at me instead. At least then, I’d be furious enough to hurl a few insults. After that I'd feel a little better. I couldn’t deal with him eying me like something that just landed on Earth. What? Were virgins mythical creatures? There were plenty still out there, I’m sure.
The rest of the drive home was excruciating. I’d been forced to withstand his accusing glare as I adjusted my clothes and finger-combed my hair. I was still a bit disheveled when we got to his place and the chauffeur opened the door. I couldn’t even look the man in the eyes. I was sure he knew what we’d been up to back there, but nothing beats the humiliation of having to ride Adam’s private elevator all the way up to his apartment. The twenty floors felt like several hundred. It took forever .
I glanced at him through my periphery, wondering if he thought I was pathetic for still holding on to my v-card at twenty-six. For once, I wished he’d talk to me. No longer able to tolerate the silence, I asked, “Are you angry or freaked out? It’s hard to tell.”
His hands were in his pocket and he stared straight ahead. “Being angry with you would be ridiculous.”
So he was freaked out. I think I’d prefer his anger. Arms folded around my middle, I began, “You know, there’s nothing wrong with waiting as long as necessary for the right guy to be intimate with. Not that you’re the right guy or anything.” He was far from my ideal guy but his touch had set me on fire like no other ever had. I’d had a few boyfriends―nothing serious―and I’d fool around a bit. Yet during those few times, I never felt the way I did with Adam. I had practically burst into flames the instant he touched me.
If only I’d kept my mouth shut, we would have done the deed and he might have never known he was my first.
“It’s really none of my business and we definitely don’t need to talk about it.”
I’d never been so happy to hear the ding of an elevator. I needed out of the confined space with Adam. Stepping into the lobby of his penthouse, I let out a breath.
“If we don’t talk about it, then this huge awkward sign will hang over our heads for who knows how long.”
“Look, all you need to know is that it’s been a rule of mine to not do virgins for a long time.” He shrugged and his nonchalance made me want to throttle him. How dare he be so unbothered while I was confused and mentally freaking out? I almost had sex with Adam in the back of a limo. I despised him! Well, in recent times my feelings of disdain weren’t so strong.
“My virginity isn’t a curse.”
He turned to me then, shoving his fingers through his hair. He did that a lot when he was agitated. Oh no, I was getting to know him...like a real married couple. I had to stifle a groan and force my mind back on track.
“Beth, just drop it. I’ll probably forget about this by tomorrow anyway.”
Ouch. With major effort, I kept my expression schooled.
“I see. In that case, I suppose there really is no need to talk. Also, if you don't do virgins because of your massive ego, relax.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’d never get clingy with the likes of you if that’s what you’re worried about. The sex would have meant as much to me as it would have to you. Nothing! Just because we made out doesn’t mean I dislike you any less.”
“I’d say we did more than make out, sweetheart.”
The heat started from my neck and spread into my face. Curse my ability to blush so readily. He got me there. I had no comeback so I hissed, “Don’t call me that,” and brushed past him. As if I hadn’t suffered enough humiliation for one night, my heel caught in my dress and I pitched forward.
Ironically, I just had to be saved by the last person I wanted to touch me at that moment. The heat of Adam’s fingers around my arms felt like a brand and everything I’d let him do to me came rushing back. He had the nerve to ask, “Are you okay?”
Fuming, I stomped. “No, I’m not. I can’t even make a dignified exit.” To ensure I didn’t trip again, I gathered my dress and marched off, on the verge of tears.
“Beth, wait.”
“You were right. We have nothing to talk about.”
There was no way I’d turn around and let him see me on the brink of a breakdown. The last thing I heard was his muttered curse before I rounded the corner and locked myself in my bedroom.
“I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry.”
The chant helped to keep my tears at bay as I kicked off my shoes, threw my gold clutch on the bed, and hurled myself down beside it. Face buried in my pillow to muffle my scream, I tried convincing myself that I wasn’t hurt by Adam’s rejection. I failed. I was devastated. Who would have thought that one day I’d actually want to sleep with that cad?
Before I could think anymore about my night, my phone vibrated in my purse. I could already guess who it was. My sister was the only one who’d called me to chat. As a bonafide nerd since pre-school, I didn’t have many friends.
“Ugh, I’m a nerd and a virgin,” I groaned. It was safe to assume that Adam thought I was pathetic. More importantly, why did I even care what he thought?
“Hey, Mel.”
“Hey! I guess you’re home from that charity event.”
I wondered how she managed to always be so chipper no matter what was going on.
“Uh-huh.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. What makes you think something is wrong?”
“Your greeting wreaked of doom and gloom. Are you okay?”
“I’m the older one. I should be asking you that.”
Mel laughed and I scowled. She was a typical teenager―carefree about most things and the total opposite of me when I was her age, but she’s always been annoyingly intuitive.
“How’s life as a Thorne?” My groan made her pause. “ Oh . So that’s what’s wrong?”
“It’s none of your concern. How’s Aspen?”
Mel was on vacation with her best friend and her family. After that, she was off to college, and thankfully, she’d be boarding. Not that I was trying to get rid of my sister, I just didn’t want her around witnessing firsthand, my life as a bride of convenience.
“Fine. I’d much rather be with you. I feel like I shouldn’t be on some getaway having fun right now. I mean, Dad just died and―”
“Mel, stop right there. I want you to be a kid for as long as you need to be. I did plenty of traveling when I was your age. I want the same for you.”
“Yeah, but that was when our father was a multimillionaire. Now, we’re broke.”
“Is that why you called? Out of guilt? You should be enjoying yourself.”
“How am I supposed to feel when my sister had to marry someone so we wouldn’t starve?” she whispered. “Of course, I’m guilty. I should be home with you. I don’t have to go to school right away, you know. I could take a year off and get a job. I might have grown up rich but I’m not some spoiled brat.”
Rolling onto my back, I massaged the bridge of my nose. How long had she been beating her up about everything? We hadn’t gotten to really talk over the last few weeks. I felt even more awful than I thought I could.
“I don’t want you to worry about anything. Technically, we’re still rich. It’s just that we have to depend on someone else for a little while. We’ll have dad’s company back soon. I’ll make things right again.”
“How is it fair for all of the pressure to be on you?”
“Because I’m the adult.”
“I’m eighteen .”
“Right, and you should be doing teenage things. That doesn’t include worrying about the family’s finances. We’ll be okay. I promise.”
“If you say so.”
“So, are you finished venting? Do you feel better?”
“I guess. Hey, things could be worse for you. I mean, if I had to get hitched to someone as a business arrangement, I’d love for it to be Adam. He’s―”
“ So hot. Yeah, yeah. I know.” Her light-hearted giggle sounded like my happy sister and I couldn’t help grinning. “And there’s no way I’d ever let you get hitched for convenience, young lady.” One of us Carsons would get married for love if I had anything to do with it. “I want you to get back to enjoying yourself. Okay?”
“Fine,” she sighed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“ Mel , I’m fine. Good night. Love you.”
“Love you,” she murmured.
Maybe I hadn’t done a good job convincing her I was okay. It was just harder for me to do that when my emotions were in shambles.